Six
The realization while taking her in is shocking. She looks just like her mother. She has the same round cheeks and the same big, beautiful, expressive, but guarded eyes. Lips and nose that highlight her family's heritage. I used to tell Savvy she looked like a doll because of her gorgeous round face, big eyes, button nose, and flawless skin. I chuckle lightly at the memory of Savvy, telling me with a smile on her face that I should get used to her looking so good because, “Black don’t crack.”
Well, damn.
As much of a motherfucker as it makes me, I tried to put her out of my mind. I thought I was doing the right thing. There was so much at play back then. The decisions I made is my greatest shame and biggest regret. I loved the fuck out of Savvy. And she was the one I wanted and couldn’t have, the one that got away. I sigh, shaking my head. Because Savvy didn’t get away, I shoved her out of my life.
Back then, I had no choice but to make hard and fast decisions that would affect my life in the long term, and I’m not sure if that is a good or bad thing. It’s good because this is an opportunity to get to know my kid, and bad because it’s obvious they aren’t receptive, which begs the question. Why is she here? And why now? My expression must show my warring emotions, because the look on Bellamy’s face is filled with amusement.
“Real quick, real fast, listen…” she chuckles, amusement shining in her eyes. “... the thing is, this isn't how this was supposed to go down. Junior here got a little too grabby, which made me a little gunny and stabby. So technically, it’s his fault, not mine.” She shrugs and waves her hand.
The action causes some brothers to react. They’ve seen she can handle herself, so they’re on edge. Any quick movement has them ready to pounce. I raise my hand to stop them from making moves. She looks around and chuckles.
The smile that graces her face is bright, not at all reflective of the situation. She’s my daughter, and it is hitting me hard. I try to keep my emotions in check. Trying to stop showing my turmoil, grief, and regret isn’t easy. Shit, it hits me even harder the longer I watch her and take her in. Savvy and I had twins. She had my babies and raised them on her fucking own. The emotion that consumes me threatens to bring me to my knees. But the overwhelming feelings of my new reality are interrupted when I hear.
“This bitch is fucking nuts.”
“She’s off her fucking rocker.”
“Aww, hell, another damn club princess. Fucking A. We can barely deal with the ones we got.”
“There goes the fucking neighborhood.”
A cacophony of other comments ripples through the lot. An angry rumble comes from my chest. I don’t look at anyone, but they can feel my displeasure, and that has them shutting their damn mouths as this little family secret is unveiled in the parking lot of my clubhouse.
The memories of that time play in my head. I was a newly patched member. My father, Mad Dog, the former LSMC chapter president, was grooming me to take over the club. I wasn’t looking for love or an ol’ lady, but all that changed when Savvy came into my life. It was Savvy who had me looking at claiming a woman differently. But then came Beverly.
Because of my fuck up, which to this day I don’t know how it happened. Beverly, who was a one-off, and my Savvy, the woman I thought would be my forever, ended up pregnant at the same time. I was forced to choose between love and family, which was bullshit, because it wasn’t a choice. It was marrying Beverly or starting a war. My family and our club weren't prepared or in a position for war, not back then. And Beverly and her family knew it. I often think that's why she chose me. Beverly chose me, there is no doubt in my mind. She knew who my father was and knew he wouldn’t allow me to walk away from her, especially when he discovered her connections to the Mafia. He was a club man. Club before love. Club before happiness. Hell, club before his damn kid. And for a while, I hated him for it.
I loved Savvy wholeheartedly, but had to choose my club over my happiness. I made excuses, knowing that sending my love and child away without a backward glance would leave a hole inside me that would never be filled or repaired. It's been over twenty years. I never saw this moment coming, at least not like this.
Run my hand over my face with a sigh.
A hand comes down on my shoulder, causing me to stiffen. My body relaxes when I realize it is my VP, who gives me a pat and squeeze. He releases my shoulder and turns away to speak to the crowd.
“All right, all right, show’s over. Get back to drinking and fuckin' you nosey motherfuckers.” Taz shouts, waving his arms and dispersing the crowd.
A chuckle leaves me, knowing that my girl is crazy as shit, and I shouldn’t be surprised that she has a little of me in her. On the outside, she's a true beauty like her momma.
Looking over to Bull, he's staring daggers at Bellamy. He, of all my kids, is the one that might take this the hardest. Well… Princess comes in at a close second. Fuck. My gut churns at the thought of dealing with my baby girl. Knowing Taz or I will have to put out fires from the hurricane, that is my youngest daughter. Because when she finds out that I have another daughter, she will lose her shit. I love my youngest, but she is her mother's daughter. And as much as I hate to say it, she’s a little full of herself.
Fucking hell.
My regret for pushing Savvy away ate me alive for a long time. And that's why when I took the gavel, I ensured that what happened to me would never happen again. Too little too late? Maybe. But I took it to a vote to put in our by-laws that if a brother fathers a child, that child will always and forever be a part of the LSMC family. No matter the circumstances, a child or pregnancy would never force our hand as a club again, not while I hold my patch.
My regret consumes me as I stand here wishing I’d fought harder. But what’s done is done. And I buried that pain deep. Even though it may seem I have, I never forgot about Savvy or our kid. But I refused to put her in danger by looking for her or them. There was far more to my decision, and Beverly, my ex, played a huge role in that. Beverly was and still is a vindictive bitch.
A soul-deep sigh leaves me as I look at my son. Of course, he will have difficulty hearing the truth about his sibling's origins. There aren’t usually secrets between Bull and me. He knows how his mother and my relationship started, why I married her and stayed married to her for so long, even though we were both miserable. But this… This secret, I honestly don't know why I kept after Beverly and I divorced. I don't know if it was for him, his siblings, or the kids I share with Savvy.
“Son?”
Bull’s head whips around, and his angry eyes meet mine. “Let's go to my office and talk.” I give him a look that says, “Now is not the time to be defiant.”
“Really, Pop?” He lets out a humorless chuckle. “You want to talk now? Now you wanna talk?” he says.
Bull stares at me, and I can see that this revelation has him reeling. His arms are crossed over his chest, and his face reddens with every word he speaks. I know he wants to say more, but he knows better.
“Yes, son... just... fuck.” I run my hands through my graying hair, looking up to the sky, asking for patience, guidance, and strength. Because this situation is beyond fucked. But I only have myself to blame.
“Well, looks like we ain't needed. Come on, you two. Let's head out. We got work to do and people to...” the girl standing by the SUV speaks, eyeing my son. She then looks at Bellamy and the two men who came with her. When she gets no response, she shrugs, opens the back door, and enters the vehicle without another word.
Pain and Rocket eye my girl, who is still watching me. She doesn't turn her head away from me when she speaks to them.
“Go on, boys. I'm good here. Just a dysfunctional family reunion.” A small, mischievous smile caresses her lips. “I'll be alright. Blaze, I know your nosey ass is listening. I'm fine. I know how you get, but I’m good, bro.” She looks over at the guy called Pain. “Pain, pick his overprotective ass up and take him back with you. If you don’t, his ass won’t leave. Also, tell him his nosey ass will get him an ass whipping. Do you hear that, little brother? Ass. whippin’.”
She smiles up at me. “Right, Daddio, I'll be fine?” With laughter in her voice, she winks as her smile gets wider. “Just say yes, so they can calm their asses down and kick rocks.”
“Family, right?” She shrugs, as if this situation is normal.
Fucking crazy.
Shake my head at her antics. I turn to the guys and tell them she is safe and they can stick around, sit at the bar, have a few drinks, and wait for Bellamy to finish our talk. Rocket knocks on the window, getting the girl’s attention. He says something to her, and she steps out of the vehicle. And I watch them as they make their way toward the clubhouse.
Take a breath because I know this will be one complicated and emotionally charged conversation that’s about to go down.
“Come on, kiddos,” I say to my kids.
My VP, still at my side, asks me if I want him to send Princess and Vex to my office. For a second, I debated on not asking for them. I can see the worry in Taz’s eyes because he knows how Princess is as well as I do. As much as I tried to pry her from Beverly’s influence, she's as mean and ornery as a Maine Coon. For a second, I stare at nothing before deciding.
“Yeah, have them meet us in my office, and I want you and Turbo nearby. Shit might get ugly.”
My VP pats me on the back, sympathetically shaking his head, and he mumbles something about the little tornado making him rock hard. I growl at him. Instead of fear or an apology, he lets out a bark of laughter and walks back into the clubhouse, shaking his head at me and my obvious distress from the reality of this situation.
Shit.
IN CHAPTER SEPERATOR
Entering the main room, I don’t acknowledge the curious stares. My destination is my office, and nothing will pull my focus from that. But I notice that the trio that came to my girl’s rescue now sit comfortably at the bar. They seem relaxed, chatting with a few brothers and hang-arounds.
A smile plays on my lips at the realization that she's got people on her side and at her back. They ride hard for her, and I appreciate that. Respect, dedication, and devotion are scarce in our world. I’m glad she at least has that. Knowing that gives me a sense of comfort. Shake my head. The way they came barreling in here, armed and ready, makes it clear this isn’t the first time they’ve had to do something like this. I wonder who they all are and why they’re so heavily armed if this was supposed to be about my girl coming to meet me and our family. It sure as shit feels like it’s a little more than that.
Entering my office, I sit at my desk facing the window overlooking the back of the compound. Watch as Bull rounds my desk, taking his place beside me. He faces the window and is on alert, arms crossed, and his face is set in a scowl. I can see the annoyance and unsureness in his eyes as he watches his sister through the window's reflection. Looking up at my son, clearing my throat. His eyes meet mine, and while mine soften his narrow.
“Sit down, son. She's family.” I say, the emotion still evident in my voice. Causing me to clear my throat.
He stares at me, and anger crosses his face, which morphs into hurt. I sigh, staring at him, trying to convey that everything will work out. I take a few more deep breaths, trying to calm myself for the conversation that’s about to happen. It’s going to be hard for my kids to hear, but I want, I need, this to be out in the open. To finally have the chance to explain things and get to know the children Savvy and I share. They deserved better than the hand they were dealt and an explanation of why they had to live their lives without me. All I can do is explain my side and go from there.
As I look at my girl, she seems relaxed, sitting in the chair directly across from me. The corner of my mouth twitches, noting she's more like me than she may think. As I'm about to speak, the door to my office flies open. Princess, Vex, and Taz make their way into the office. Princess, her usual unaware self, comes in, not taking in the room at first. On the other hand, Vex's eyes narrow on Bellamy, and brows furrow when he sees the look on his brother's face.
Taz silently closes the door behind him. I turn in my chair and face them. Taz looks at me, trying to gauge where my head is. He stares a little longer. I nod, letting him know it's cool for him to stay and that I’m as good as possible in this situation. He nods in understanding.
“Turbo is outside the door, Prez, just making sure no one brings their nosey asses in here,” Taz says, and I nod.
I look over at my youngest. I see the confusion in their eyes and the suspicion in Princess's eyes when she looks at who is in the seat in front of me. Then, before she can open her mouth, I speak.
“Princess... Vex. Take a seat.” My tone leaves no room for interpretation or defiance from either of them. I can see Princess struggling to follow the order to sit her ass down. But she does.