Thirty-Nine
The night before.
Savvy was coming back. She was coming here. I was going to face the mother of my children, the woman I love with everything in me. I know I’ll have a fight on my hands–of that, I have no doubt. I also know that I will have to face the consequences of my actions. My apology to her is long overdue. My gut churns thinking back to when my life changed because of my decisions. I thought I was doing the right thing, saying and doing what I did. I loved Savvy so fucking much that I was willing to break her to save her. Ultimately, the disrespect and disregard changed her; my children told me as much.
Turning over on my back, I stare up at my ceiling. From what I know of her, Savvy is someone else, not the sweet, kindhearted woman I fell in love with. Living our life, there isn’t much room for sweet and kindheartedness; being a part of the underworld can change you if you let it. Seeing my children's love for their mother, I have to believe she isn’t as tainted and hard as she wants the outside world to believe she is. I find it impossible to think she’s changed so much that she would be unrecognizable. No matter how much she has changed, she will always be my Savvy. I believe that down to my bones.
My woman may be a killer, but she is still mine, the love of my life, and I will do everything in my power to remind her of that. I hope like hell she’ll let me in.
in chapter seperaor
Church
Watching Savvy walk through the doors had all the air leaving my lungs, my heart rate skyrocketed, and my mind was going a thousand miles a minute. She’s fucking here, in my club, within reach, and fuck if she isn’t a goddamned sight to see. The woman was gorgeous when she and I were together, but she was a young beauty. That kind of beauty she was still learning about. It was an innocent beauty. Now, my Savvy is a sexy as fuck siren. And my dick immediately takes notice.
I sit watching her. A fear like nothing I have ever felt consumes me, and the thought that the woman I love will never forgive me for what I put her through. Bellamy said she understood and had forgiven me. I don’t know how she could because I haven’t forgiven myself.
I can’t forgive myself. I should have fought harder for her. I honestly thought that I was making the right choice. Fuck, no matter how you looked at it, someone was going to lose, and no matter how you looked at it, one of my kids would be affected.
Savvy greets all the children and has a few words for my VP. What I want to know is when the fuck did they speak because he said fuck all to me last night when he informed me she was coming? When my brain registers that she speaks in her cool but melodic voice, I key into what she is saying.
“… I’m a cold, badass bitch, and Beverly is a cold, conniving bitch. Prez’s other daughter is a silly, self-righteous, yet spoiled bitch, and my daughter is a bitch in love. Did I miss anything?” I try to hold in my snort because this Savvy is new, but the twinkle in her eyes is still familiar. I can't say I don’t like it, but it gives me hope.
For a few moments, no one says a word. Everyone stares between Savvy and me, and then either Sin or Sarafina bursts into laughter, with the rest of the room following suit.