Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
The rocking chair creaked softly beneath them as he gave her time to think. At least she was taking it seriously. Her thigh tightened under his hand, and her breath hitched. Was she searching for her safe word? Damn it, he was handling this all wrong. But they only had one more day.
If only he could take away her nervousness. He did his best to keep his body relaxed, wishing he could shield her from the memories whispering that wanting something good led to losing parts of herself.
Trying to reassure her, he brushed his thumb along her leg. “You don’t owe me the answer I want,” he said. “You owe both of us the truth.”
Her voice came out small at first, then she met his eyes. “You want… I mean, you’re asking if I want this to keep going?”
The disbelief in her voice broke his heart. “I am.”
Turning her gaze to his hand on her thigh, she asked, “What if I say no?”
Still stroking her thigh, he answered her honestly.
“If you say no, I’ll still walk you to breakfast tomorrow.
I’ll still be your Daddy all day tomorrow.
” His jaw tightened slightly, but his voice stayed steady.
“I’ll still make sure you get home safe.
I don’t punish people for bein’ honest, little one. ”
Her eyes searched his again. If she was looking for lies, she wouldn’t find any. He didn’t lie, especially about what mattered.
Her heartbeat pulsed against his side, and he wanted to reassure her. Hell, he plain wanted her. But more than that, he wanted her to choose him.
He rested his forehead lightly against hers. “Talk to me, firefly,” he murmured, then braced himself for whatever she would say.
Her fingers tightened in his shirt, then loosened, then tightened again.
“I just—” She huffed out a breath and shook her head. “You can’t just drop that on a girl while she’s sitting on your lap.”
A faint smile tugged at his lips, but he didn’t let it take over. This wasn’t a moment for teasing her out of it. “Would you rather stand?” he asked evenly.
Her eyes widened. “No, Daddy.”
“Then talk to me, babygirl.”
She glanced away, staring at the western picture framed on the wall like the answer might be written in the brushstrokes. “It’s not that I don’t…” She trailed off again, frustration flashing across her face. “I’m not very good at this.”
“Not very good at what?” If he could speak the words for her, he would.
She sighed. “Not good at talking about bad things. Or hard things. Or anything, really. I never know how to get the words out. The only thing racing harder than my heart is my brain. And my brain races so hard that my mouth can’t keep up.
And then I wind up saying everything all wrong, and that makes the people I’m talking to feel sad.
And now I’m babbling again.” She stopped talking and ran a trembling hand through her hair.
“The last thing I want to do is make you sad, Daddy.”
And if those words didn’t grip his heart and squeeze, he didn’t have one.
He tilted her chin up so she would look at him.
“Telling people how you honestly feel can be hard, but it always works out for the best.” She blinked at him, listening, so he kept going.
“I already told you there’s no punishment for bein’ honest, firefly.
There’s no retaliation or rejection either,” he added quietly.
“If you don’t want this, all you have to do is simply tell me. ”
Her brow furrowed. “You say that like it’s easy.”
“I said it was simple. That isn’t always the same thing as easy.” His jaw flexed once. “But it is necessary.”
The rocking chair creaked beneath them, the steady rhythm almost too loud in the silence that followed.
His little firefly overthought everything.
He could see it in the way her gaze darted around the room and in the way her arms tightened around Sniffles.
The rain outside was nothing compared to the storm he could imagine raging in her head.
Given her past relationship, this might be too hard for her. But if it was disappointing news, he needed her to give it to him so he could show her how a real Daddy handled it.
“Fiera.” He gentled his voice just a fraction. “Look at me.”
She did as she was told. And there it was. Her eyes told him what her words couldn’t. Her eyes shone with want, fear, and a hope so bright it nearly hurt to see.
“I want it! I do,” she blurted. “Okay? I want… this.” Her hand gestured vaguely between them. “I’ve never wanted anything more than you as my Daddy. But,” she rushed on, because of course she did, “I don’t know how it would work.”
“Well, let’s talk about that, because I want this, too. What is it you’re not sure about?”
“Wilder,” she said, the word heavy. “When camp is over, you’ll go wherever you’re planning to go next. I’ll go back home. Back to… everything. You can’t go there, and I can’t go anywhere else. So, I don’t know how it would work.”
She was wrong, but only because she didn’t have all the facts. Maybe he should have told her he was going to Wilder, too, from the start. He and Derek had discussed it. Mace hadn’t wanted her to feel pressured by knowing she’d be running into him in the future.
If he’d realized how fast he’d be drawn to her, how deeply he’d care for her… he might have handled things differently. But he hadn’t. Now he needed to give her the same honesty he’d asked of her.
His hold on her tightened at the thought of her slipping away. “You want me,” he said, needing to hear the words again.
“Yes, Daddy. But there are costs you don’t understand. I’m not sure you’ll think being my Daddy is such a good thing once you do.”
“You’re just afraid of the costs?”
She was still perched sideways on his lap, still warm and solid in his arms, but the air between them had changed. This wasn’t about whether she wanted him anymore. It was about whether she could trust what came next.
She didn’t even know what came next, not really. He had to fix that right now. He tightened his hold again before speaking. His palm pressed firmer against her waist. He needed her to feel as secure as possible.
“Firefly,” he said quietly, “there’s somethin’ you need to know.”
Her lashes lifted, curiosity shining from her eyes. Her smile was bright. Hopefully, that wouldn’t change. “What is it, Daddy?”
He didn’t look away, couldn’t have if he’d wanted to. Her reaction to what he had to tell her was too important.
“I used to own my own ranch, but I had to sell it. After that, I accepted the foreman position at Three Eagles Ranch.”
She blinked in surprise, then grinned. “That’s so funny! We have a Three Eagles Ranch in Wilder, too.”
He nodded. “I know, sweet girl. I’m talking about the Three Eagles Ranch in Wilder.”
The word landed like a dropped horseshoe.
For a split second, she didn’t react. Then her spine went rigid in his arms. Shock flickered across her face, clean and unmistakable.
He could practically see the wall she began to build between them.
Damn it. It was a subtle retreat, like she’d just realized the ground beneath her feet might not be as steady as she thought it was.
Fuck! He forced himself not to rush his explanation. “I start after camp,” he continued, keeping his voice even. “I’ve already signed the contracts.”
The tip of her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. “You’re—” She swallowed. “You’re moving to Wilder.”
“Yes.”
“M-my Wilder?”
“Yes.” The rocking chair creaked softly as it swayed. Thunder rolled again outside, getting closer now. He watched her, reading every flicker of surprise. And something sharper he couldn’t catch. What was that?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, her voice smaller than he liked.
“Master Derek and I talked about it. We agreed it’d be better if you didn’t know while you were settlin’ in here,” he answered immediately. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured.”
Confusion and hurt furrowed her brow. “Pressured how?”
At least she was still asking questions rather than demanding he take her back to the lodge. He tried to take that as a good sign.
“We didn’t want you to think you had to say yes to me being your Daddy at camp because I’d be in your backyard when it was over.” His jaw tightened. “It was my decision. I wanted your answer to be yours and not one influenced by me.”
She nodded without saying anything else. He told himself it was a good thing she was thinking things through. Her silence stretched out longer than he’d hoped.
He braced himself for her anger. For her to push off his lap and put distance between them. She had every right to accuse him of manipulating her. It was the last thing in the world he wanted her to think. The last thing he’d ever do, but she didn’t know that.
He prepared himself for all those reactions. She gave him none of them. Instead… she worried. Her fingers fisted in his shirt again, not in outrage but in anxiety and concern. Was she afraid of him? That thought almost sent him to his knees.
“You’re going to Wilder,” she murmured, almost to herself.
“Yes,” he said again.
She stiffened again, but this time it wasn’t defensive. No, this was something else.
“You don’t know what that means,” she said quietly.
His gaze sharpened. “Tell me then.”
She hesitated. And then he saw it in her eyes. Guilt. This wasn’t her being concerned about him surprising her. This was about something else. He just wasn’t sure what.
He shifted slightly beneath her. “I wasn’t tryin’ to manipulate you,” he said, keeping his voice level. “And neither was Master Derek. We just didn’t want you to feel awkward, worryin’ about what would happen in Wilder if the two of us hadn’t hit it off.”
She shook her head quickly. “I wouldn’t feel awkward. That’s not what I’m worried about.” She searched his face again, like she was trying to adjust to the future he’d just laid at her feet. “You’re really going to be there,” she whispered.
“Yes.”
“And you still—” She stopped herself, swallowed hard. “You still want this? With me?”