Chapter 18 Rory
RORY
Rory paused between sets to check her text messages
Gemma:
Did I leave my makeup bag at your place?
Rory:
Not sure – I’ll check for you. At the gym ATM.
She flicked back to her fitness app and checked her next superset before grabbing the weights she needed.
Today was arm day and her favourite of all the workouts.
In the two weeks since she had been using the gym, she had enjoyed all the workouts that Jak had in their programs, but there was something extra special about arm day that really made her happy.
She glimpsed herself in the mirrored wall of the free-weight area and smiled.
It had been years since she had properly trained, and that had been for the hockey team at school.
Getting back to regular exercise had been fantastic.
The fact that she was now working out to achieve the physique that she wanted was even better.
For the first time in a long time, she felt like herself.
She didn’t need to hide from anyone, and she didn’t need to hide from herself.
Gemma was happy for her to wear men’s clothes whenever they went out.
She was getting the physique she wanted, and today…
Today she would finally get the haircut she had been dreaming of for years.
Just as she returned the weights to the rack, her phone beeped again.
Gemma:
Thanks – I’ve replaced most of it already but just want to know what I did with it. I guess it can stay at yours if you find it.
Rory grinned and tapped out a response. In the weeks since they had reconnected at the opera, Gemma had stayed over at her house every weekend and each time managed to leave something behind.
If they had been dating, Rory would have suspected her of moving in by stealth.
Not that she would mind Gemma moving in, she realised.
Her house had felt sterile and cavernous before, and she hadn’t realised it until bits of Gemma’s clutter started to appear around the place.
Now she had toiletries in her shower, clothes in Rory’s wardrobe that Rory had washed along with her own laundry, and even her favourite cereal in the cupboard for breakfast. Rory chided herself with a look in the mirror.
That last one had been on her. She had been shopping and saw Gemma’s favourite cereal and couldn’t resist getting it for her.
She was about to give herself a good talking to about letting Gemma too much into her life when she saw Isaac approach her with a grin on his face.
“Hey you.” He greeted. He waited for her to finish her set before fist-bumping her. “You’re really making progress!”
She flexed her arm in the mirror and grinned at the ghost of a bicep that was showing.
“Getting there.” She replaced the weights and took a long drink from her water bottle.
He waited a beat before pointing to her hair. “Today’s the day, huh?”
She ducked her head and wiped some sweat away before replying.
“Yep.”
Isaac grinned at her and patted her shoulder. “Craig is the best barber in the area. He’ll look after you.”
She smiled but noticed that it didn’t quite reach her eyes. This was a big step. With everything else she was doing, she could go back. She could pull out her feminine-cut suit for work. She could go back to being the perfect daughter that everyone wanted. Everyone but her. She scoffed in her head.
She swallowed and then remembered her father nodding at her suit and adjusting the shirt collar so that it sat within the jacket, like a man’s did, rather than outside the jacket like her mother tried to do.
Her father would be supportive, she hoped.
Her mother might have a bit of time adjusting to it, but her dad would be in her corner.
She then pictured a boxing ring with herself in the centre, with everyone staring at her.
She looked across to where she imagined her parents to be and instead saw Gemma.
Of course, Gemma would be there. Gemma supported her.
She turned her attention back to Isaac and tried to silence the doubting voices in her head.
“He’d better be.” She knotted her brows together. “You have told him I’m…” She wafted a hand over herself.
“Gorgeous? Hot? Working with the best personal trainer in the business?” He winked. “He’s a barber. As long as you have hair to cut, he’s happy to do it.”
She gulped and nodded, unsure of how to convey the anxiety of stepping into a male-oriented space.
“Is Gemma going with you?” His question pulled her out of her spiralling thoughts.
“Yes, she’s spent all week researching haircuts for me.” Rory felt a wave of affection wash over her as she remembered the text messages and pictures that Gemma had sent her, ranging from undercuts to mullets and one Gemma described as ‘the lesbian Hugh Grant’.
Isaac moved out of the way as someone else wanted the bench they had been standing near and pushed Rory towards the water cooler.
“You are very lucky to have such a supportive not-girlfriend.” He pulled a face.
“Don’t start.” She rolled her eyes at him and refilled her water bottle. She took a long drink before continuing. “You know my reasons.”
“Yes, I do.” He inspected his nails as a way to fill the dramatic pause he was building. “I just don’t agree with them. But I’ve come to like and respect you in the last two weeks, so I’ll leave it at that. Even if I think you’re being an idiot.”
Rory whipped her head around. “An idiot?” She fixed him with a glare.
After acing her A levels, getting a first at university and being at the top of her law class, no one had ever called her an idiot.
She had always been praised for being one of the brightest young lawyers in her firm, and this helped her rise steadily through the ranks to where she was now.
“Yes.” He dragged her back to the mats. “Do your cool down while I lecture you on all the ways she’s perfect for you and besotted with you.”
Rory gulped. She didn’t need anyone to tell her.
She knew Gemma was right for her, perfect even.
The last few weeks had proved that. But would she still be right for her when she had short hair, when she was mistaken for a man in public?
The thought of having Gemma as her girlfriend and then losing her was too much to think about.
She moved through her stretches as she cooled down, with Isaac correcting her gently, and let her mind wander again.
What if she wasn’t happy with just a haircut?
What if she wanted to take testosterone?
Fully transition? Would Gemma walk away from her then?
Would she remember she was a lesbian and liked women and didn’t want whatever Rory was turning into?
The thoughts plagued her as she showered and started the journey to the barber shop Isaac had recommended.
She’d decided to use her car today rather than the tube so she could be alone with her thoughts and now regretted that decision.
She would have welcomed the hustle and bustle of the train and the rich variety of people you met on it.
But as it was, she was alone in her car in the slowest moving traffic you could imagine, with every worst-case scenario running through her head.
What if her boss didn’t like her new look?
Her lecturer all those years ago could be right.
Did people really want a butch lesbian lawyer in men’s suits working for them?
She had put all her money into her house and on the extravagant engagement party Darcy had wanted, leaving her with no savings.
How would she survive if she had no job?
She remembered Gemma’s dad offering her a job, but that was more than likely dependent on her being his future daughter-in-law, which she wasn’t.
Despite all of Isaac’s very well put together arguments on how Rory was an idiot for not wanting Gemma, there was the fact that Gemma didn’t want a relationship right now and hadn’t been able to make a relationship of more than a few weeks’ work.
By the time she arrived at the barber shop, she was convinced that this move would leave her homeless, jobless and ostracised from her family.
Her hands were shaking as she locked her car, and she felt like she could throw up on the pavement at any time.
She checked her phone for messages, but aside from the last one from Gemma saying she’d meet her at the barbers’, there was nothing.
She walked towards the shop, but her feet felt like they were stuck to the floor.
Just as she was about to turn around and run back to her car, a warm body engulfed her in a hug and the daze that had surrounded her lifted.
“You look sick to your stomach,” Gemma said in lieu of greeting. “Did you get enough fluids at the gym? It’s very hot today.”
Rory blinked and wondered what she was talking about when she realised Gemma was giving her a reason for why she looked bad and was actually gently asking if she was okay.
“Yeah, I did I…” The excuses for why she was distracted wilted on her lips as she felt Gemma’s hand slip into hers. “I’m nervous.” She admitted quietly. “It’s silly because this is something that I’ve wanted for ages, but I’m nervous.”
Gemma shot her a soft smile combined with a squeeze of her hand.
“Of course you’re nervous. That’s perfectly normal and not silly at all.
” She reached a hand up to cup Rory’s face, and Rory pressed her cheek into Gemma’s warm palm.
“Remember, you are in charge today. You don’t need to do anything you are not happy with.
If you chat to Craig and decide he’s not the barber for you or that you don’t want to do this now, that’s absolutely fine. ”
Rory let Gemma’s warmth and support leech into her and took a couple of deep, calming breaths. Gemma’s perfume wafted up her nose and soothed her in a way it never had before.