Chapter 2
After the exhausting day I had yesterday, I slept in on Saturday morning. Panic attacks always wipe me out. I was expecting nightmares again, but I don’t remember dreaming anything. I guess total emotional exhaustion will do that to you.
Sue and I tidy up the house Saturday morning, then go grocery shopping. She has her reading club on Saturday nights, so I spend my time trying to get my homework done and catching up on laundry.
Sunday passes by quietly as I help Sue paint the kitchen walls.
She has a philosophy if you touch up one room every year, your house will remain fresh and in good working order.
Each winter she chooses a room. This year is the kitchen.
She replaced her stove last month, and she has a new window on order that should arrive soon.
The month of February passes in a blur. I visit Jake every week, help Sue in the kitchen, survive school, and talk to my therapist weekly, but I’ve had a few breakdowns.
The high school was hosting a hockey tournament one weekend, and I was attending the mandatory pep rally on Friday.
They put up a large picture of Jake in his uniform on the wall, and I lost it.
I ran out of there and took the bus to visit Jake.
I stayed there all afternoon and evening.
Luckily, Mal called Sue, so she didn’t worry.
I visited my Mom on her birthday in the middle of the month.
I brought her some more fresh sweet peas.
Sue helped me bake her a chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream frosting, her favorite.
At the gravesite, we placed a waterproof blanket down and enjoyed the cake with Mom.
Being in the hospital on her last birthday made this one incredibly hard.
There were other hard days here and there. But that’s the thing with grief. It sneaks up on you and strikes at random times. Without warning a scent, a memory, or a place can fling me back into the past. My therapist says that’s normal.