Finding You

Chapter 28

Rain sprinkled the windshield. Carter sat ramrod straight in the driver’s seat and steered the truck down the road. He and

Darcy sat in silence, the only noise coming from raindrops, the hum of the wipers, and the truck’s rumbling engine.

Darcy hugged her arms around her middle and tried to stop her body from shaking. Confusion, anger, and the cold fall air combined

to chill her.

He stopped at a red light and reached into the back seat. His hand clasped a black hoodie with a Chevrolet logo on it, and

he handed it to her. “I meant to get you a jacket when I was in my room,” he mumbled.

She pulled the hoodie over her head, breathing in his scent as the thick fleece warmed her skin. But inside she was cold.

So cold.

She studied his profile as he stared straight ahead at the traffic light. His mouth was a thin line, his brow furrowed. He

seemed to clutch the wheel as if his life depended on it. “When I met you in the doctor’s office parking lot, I was there

for a checkup with my nephrologist,” Darcy said. “Were you there for a checkup too?”

He swallowed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “Yeah.” He remained silent as the light turned green, and he drove

through the intersection.

She gripped the hoodie’s cuffs, anger coursing through her. “Why didn’t you tell me about your transplant?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

Darcy wilted a little inside. They were both guilty of keeping the same secret. What were the odds of that? “I had a kidney transplant on April 3, two years ago. Jace was my paired donor, and he gave for me through a swap. I didn’t tell you because—”

“You didn’t trust me.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me? Because you don’t trust me?”

Something unreadable drifted over his face. “I was on dialysis for a year. Then Shauna donated for me.”

She was silent for a minute. “What kind of dialysis?”

“Home. Peritoneal. Why?”

“That’s why you have that dimpled scar by your belly button.”

He stared at her. “How’d you know about that?”

“I saw it at the beach. I wondered what it was from.”

“And you didn’t ask me?” Before she could answer, he started talking again, his tone acid-laced. “Well, now you know why I’m

broke. No insurance. Lots of bills. Expensive medications I’ll have to take for the rest of my life. I’m a burden because

I’m not a trust fund baby.”

She scowled at him. “That was low, Carter. Really low.”

“You said you loved me. How can you say those words and not trust me with...” His voice was ragged, as if he’d spent all

night screaming at a concert. “Forget it.”

She wanted to respond, to throw his words back in his face. But something stopped her. Her hypocrisy, for starters. They had

both been holding back the one thing they should have been honest about long before now. Neither of them should have found

out about their transplants like this.

“For what it’s worth,” she said, fighting the tremble in her voice, “six months after my transplant, Jace died going to the pharmacy to pick up my meds because I was too busy to get them myself.” She pressed her hand against her chest, the heartache returning. “The reason I didn’t tell you was because it has always been too painful to talk about. Maybe I was being selfish about not wanting to feel the ache that deeply again.”

He continued to stare straight ahead, his jaw set in stone.

“One of the reasons I wanted to know about my family history was so I could know for sure if my kidney disease was genetic.

I found out from Robyn that my great-grandfather was on dialysis.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “And I’m sorry about Jace. But you could have told me all of this. I would have helped you. I would

have comforted you.” His voice broke. “You held all that back from me.”

“Because—”

“It doesn’t matter why! Not anymore.”

“It matters to me.” She blinked away her tears. “And it matters that you wouldn’t tell me why you’ve had financial problems.

I could have helped.”

“I’m not a charity case.” He clenched the steering wheel again. “I don’t want your money.”

And you don’t want me. He was making that as plain as day.

He was right: It didn’t matter anymore what the reasons were. The bottom line was that they didn’t trust each other, not enough

to be completely honest.

When they reached her house, he nosed his truck into the driveway.

Darcy gathered up her purse from the floorboard and pushed open her door, ready to flee from this furious man. His rejection

was worse than any pain she’d felt before. But she couldn’t leave without telling him one more truth.

“I do love you, Carter,” she said. “My feelings for you are real, and they’re true. I’m sorry I didn’t... I’m just sorry.”

She jumped out of the truck and ran into her house.

Only when she was inside did she let the tears fall. Collapsing on the floor, she hugged her arms to her chest as if to stop her heart from breaking.

Her thoughts spun as sobs tore from her throat, and memories of the pain she’d felt the night she lost Jace filled her mind.

After several moments, she pulled herself up from the floor and propelled herself up the stairs to her bedroom. Closing her

eyes, she drew Carter’s sweatshirt to her face and breathed in his scent, committing it to her memory. Their relationship

was fractured, damaged beyond repair.

She turned toward her dresser, and her eyes fell on the storage container on the floor. She’d lost Carter on the very night

she’d finally opened her heart and expressed her love for him. In the blink of an eye, everything they’d built had been torn

down. She was alone— again . And now it had happened with Carter, just like when she’d lost Jace.

She dropped to her knees in front of the storage box and ran her hands over the lid. Maybe she had let go of Jace too soon.

If she had held on to Jace’s memory more tightly, she wouldn’t be in pain now.

With tears clouding her vision, Darcy opened the box and peered inside.

***

At least something positive happened tonight, thought Carter. When he arrived home, the sedan with the Tennessee tag was gone from the driveway. The last thing he needed

after realizing his relationship with Darcy was over was a run-in with his father.

He dragged himself from his truck, the weight of his misery and grief bogging his steps toward the front door. When he reached

his room, he collapsed on his bed.

Staring at the dark ceiling, Carter rested his arm on his forehead. Just as he had feared, he lost Darcy. Like everything else in his life, she was ripped away from him when he had finally found happiness. Surely his heartache would swallow him whole and he would become a shell of a man once again.

He thought he’d found his match, his soulmate, the love of his life. In the end, though, she had never trusted him.

But I didn’t tell her my own truth either.

He rolled to his side and tried to calm down, but his body felt tied up in knots. Then the truth hit him in the face: He was

just as guilty as she was. He’d been too afraid to tell her about his illness because he thought he’d lose her—but by not

telling her, he’d lost her anyway.

Carter winced as he recalled their conversation in the car. How horrible he’d been to her. A real jerk. He’d even accused

her of being a trust fund baby. He was sure his words had cut her to the bone.

He sat up as guilt saturated him. Darcy deserved better than the way he’d treated her. And despite his horrible words, she’d

left him with an apology and a reassurance of her love.

He loved her more than he’d ever loved anyone in his life. He couldn’t let it end like this.

He grabbed his phone from his nightstand and noticed that the battery only had 10percent power. It was almost dead.

“Please work,” he whispered, praying she would answer as he dialed.

“Carter?” Darcy’s voice was soft and unsure.

“Darcy.” Her name came out in a croak. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

The line remained silent, and his heart pounded in his ears. Had she hung up on him—given up on him for good? His body trembled.

He couldn’t lose her! He loved her. He needed her.

When she sniffed, his body relaxed—slightly.

“I... I was awful to you.” His eyes stung, and he swiped his fingers over them. “I shouldn’t have said those horrible things. I didn’t mean them. I was hurt and angry—mostly at my father.” His voice sounded raw.

More silence stretched between them, and he leaned back on his headboard. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“Darcy, I love you,” he began, his words scratching out of his dry throat. “And I don’t want to lose you.” He stared toward

his window, taking in the dappled shadows created by the streetlights. “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you either. I should

have told you about my transplant.”

She sniffed again.

“Will you give me another chance?” he begged her. “Please, Darcy. I want to work this out.”

“I do too,” she said, her voice breathy.

He heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you. I promise I’ll be completely honest with you from now on. No more secrets.”

“Let’s talk tomorrow at the wedding.”

“Okay.” The line went silent again, and he closed his eyes. “I love you, Darcy.”

“I love you too, Carter. Get some sleep now. Good night.”

“Good night.” He set his phone on his nightstand before dropping back on his pillow. He tried to relax as he stared up at

the ceiling again. Darcy still loved him and was giving him a second chance. Maybe, just maybe, they would be okay.

He rested his forearm over his eyes, trying to convince himself to go to sleep. But their conversation in his truck echoed

through his mind. He could hear Darcy’s voice as she said:

I had a kidney transplant on April 3, two years ago. Jace was my paired donor, and he gave for me through a swap.

“April3, two years ago,” Carter whispered. “April3...”

The realization hit him like a speeding train, and he sat up straight. His own transplant had also taken place on April3,

two years earlier. His swap had involved three donors and three recipients.

Shauna had given to a teenage girl. The girl’s father had given to a young woman. And a young man—the woman’s boyfriend or

fiancé—had given to Carter.

Carter’s breath came in short bursts. Jace had been Darcy’s paired donor, which meant he’d given to someone else in exchange

for a kidney for Darcy.

And Jace was Darcy’s fiancé.

From what Darcy had told Carter, Jace had been the same age he was.

His mouth dropped open as the pieces came together in his mind.

His eyes stung as he realized the truth.

Jace had given him a kidney.

“No,” he groaned. “No, no, no, no, no... This can’t be true.”

For more than two years, Carter had wondered who his donor was. He’d wanted to thank the man for generously giving him the

gift of life.

Now Jace was dead. Carter could never properly thank him.

And Carter had fallen in love with his donor’s fiancée.

Popping out of bed, Carter started to pace his room. It was hard to believe that Carter was walking around with Jace’s kidney

functioning in his body. The only piece left of Jace, the man whom Darcy still missed, still grieved.

And Carter would always be a reminder of Darcy’s heartbreak.

He had to tell her. He had promised not to keep any more secrets from her, and he intended to keep that promise.

He halted, looked at his clock radio, and realized it was almost midnight. Too late to text her or call her. Besides, this was a conversation he needed to have with her in person.

Dropping back onto his bed, he imagined how painful the conversation with Darcy would be tomorrow. The news that Jace was

his donor might destroy her.

And this time, Carter might lose her forever.

His eyes stung and his thoughts spun as he imagined how it all might end. It was going to be a long night.

***

The following morning, Darcy checked her phone and frowned. No messages. She had hoped to hear from Carter, but maybe he was

getting ready for the wedding.

Now she stood in the church’s parlor with Haven, Kaylen, and Lola. She tried to keep her thoughts focused on her best friend

as they made last-minute preparations. After all, this was Haven’s day, and it was Darcy’s job to be the best maid of honor

possible.

Still, her heart seized whenever she recalled her emotional conversation with Carter on the phone last night. She’d been shocked

to see his name appear on her phone screen. After all, she had convinced herself that he no longer loved her and their relationship

was over.

When she’d heard his apology and the pain in his voice, her heart had come back to life. She’d been so overcome with emotion

that she’d struggled to form words in response. She was so thankful he hadn’t given up on her. If they both were completely

honest with each other, she believed their relationship would have a chance.

More than anything, Darcy wanted to make it work. She loved him and couldn’t imagine losing him now—especially after losing

Jace.

She shot off a quick text to him:

Hi. Thanks for calling me last night. I’m ready to try again, and I promise no secrets. Can’t wait to see you today and talk

things through. Text me when you’re on your way to the church. I love you, Carter.

Kaylen came to stand beside her. “Darcy?” she whispered. “Are you okay?”

Slipping her phone into her purse, Darcy smiled. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

And she was. Carter still loved her, and they were going to work things out.

She snuck a peek at Haven, who was discussing her makeup with her mother. Then she turned back to Kaylen. “She’s gorgeous.”

“She sure is.” Kaylen gave her a knowing smile. “From what I’ve witnessed between you and Carter, I have a feeling you’ll

be the next couple planning a wedding.”

Darcy sighed. “I hope you’re right,” she said.

***

Carter dragged himself out of bed later that morning. His entire body ached as if he had been hit by his truck. He rubbed

his eyes and wondered if he’d gotten even two hours of sleep. He was certain he had stared at the ceiling and the wall for

most of the night.

He stood under the hot water in the shower for longer than usual, trying to wake up and figure out how to have another difficult

conversation with Darcy. It seemed there wasn’t a gentle way to tell her about Jace. No matter how he imagined explaining

it, he expected the news would rip her heart to shreds—and he could never forgive himself for hurting her again.

After his shower, Carter shaved and put on his only suit. He was just grateful it still fit. When he came downstairs to the kitchen, he ground his teeth together at the sight of Shauna and Gage sitting at the table.

“You look exhausted, man,” Gage said. “You okay?”

Ignoring them, he slipped over to the pantry and grabbed a box of cereal. Then he silently pulled out a bowl, a spoon, and

the half-gallon of milk.

Silence hung over the kitchen while he ate. Carter bet he could cut the tension with a knife.

After only a few bites, he carried his bowl to the sink, washed down the cereal, and slipped his bowl and spoon into the dishwasher.

Without saying goodbye, Carter loped out to his truck and climbed in. He pulled his phone from his pocket and frowned when

he found the battery was dead. He’d forgotten to charge it last night after he called Darcy. He plugged it into the cable

connected to his dashboard and heaved a deep breath. He was emotionally and physically overwrought.

Today just might be the toughest day of his life—and he didn’t know how he’d get through it.