Ava Gray
SIX MONTH LATER…
It’s been six months since I woke up in a hospital bed, and opened my eyes to a world I didn’t recognize.
Everyday I had someone in my face trying to remind me of something from my past that I had no recollection of.
I was annoyed. I had been sitting in front of a mirror staring at my reflection.
The woman I saw, wasn’t the same woman everybody kept showing me pictures of.
The woman everyone kept trying to remind me of, smiled differently.
She looked more confident. I felt nothing like her as I touched the scar near my hairline.
“Are you ready?”
I jumped at the sound of Ethan’s voice as he walked into the room.
I looked over my shoulder and gave him a warm smile.
Ethan came toward me wearing a wifebeater and gray sweat pants.
Every time I lay eyes on this man, I wanted to pull my hair out and scream.
He was so fine. and it killed me internally that I didn’t truly know who the hell he was.
I take that back, I had been learning and I was so appreciative of how open he was.
He’d been so gentle and loving toward me.
He takes me to all my appointments. He was always there when I needed assistance.
On my rough days, he would give me space when I needed it.
The first few weeks after I left the hospital, it was strange living with him.
I’m not going to lie, although I agreed, I found myself slightly uncomfortable.
I didn’t like him touching me without asking, and I damn sure refused to sleep in the same bed together.
Based on all the pictures and videos he had shown me, I knew without a doubt that I was genuinely happy with him.
Those little pieces of proof showed that we loved each other.
Shit, memories weren’t transferable, though.
I couldn’t borrow his, I had to start over and make my own.
Over time, I’d loosened up and I learned to trust him.
“Yes, I’m ready.” I responded.
“You’ve been sitting and staring at the mirror for a minute.” He smiled.
I loved his smile, especially when he wore his gold slugs.
“You look beautiful.” He whispered in my ear before placing a kiss on my cheek.
“Thank you.” I felt myself blush.
Everytime his lips touched my skin, my toes tingled, and my heart fluttered. Carefully, he scooped me up into his arms to carry me to the in house gym we had down the hall. My therapist, Melissa, was already in the room waiting to get our session started.
“Good morning.” She smiled, as Ethan gently placed me on a bench.
“Morning.”
“How are you feeling?” She asked, as she wheeled over a walker to place in front of me.
I hated that thing.
“I’m cool.”
Ethan kissed my forehead before dismissing himself.
Our session started with stretches then balance exercises.
In thirty minutes, we completed every exercise she had written down.
Now it was time to walk. That was where my frustration came in.
Grabbing a hold of the walker, my hands wrapped around the handles tightly.
Melissa reached for me as I pulled myself up from the bench.
“I got you.” She assured me.
“I’m okay,” I straightened my body.
Slowly, I moved forward, taking my time. By my third step, my legs started shaking.
“I can’t do this today.” I wanted to cry.
“Take a deep breath, Ava. You got this.”
I looked down at my legs and my breathing became uneasy.
“I said, I can’t fuckin do this today.” I snapped.
Tears immediately clouded my vision. I assumed the sound of my voice caught Ethan’s attention because he came rushing in. He was never too far.
“Aye, baby, what’s wrong?” He approached me.
“I fuckin hate this.” I cried.
“Amore, it’s okay.” He held my face in his hands.
“No! It’s not.” I pushed him away, almost losing my balance.
He caught my arm, then helped me sit on the bench. He turned to Melissa and asked if she could give us a moment alone. Once she was out of the room, Ethan turned his attention back to me.
“Ava…”
“I just want to be normal again. I want my life back.”
“I know, we’re working on it. I know you’re tired mama, but I need you to keep pushing. I tell you that every time you have these episodes.”
We sat in silence for several seconds as I tried to calm down.
“What if I never get back to normal?” I looked into his eyes.
“You will, so don’t say that.”
“It’s been months and I’m not walking on my own yet. I still don’t remember shit. This shit is torturing. How can you love someone who is disabled and doesn't even remember loving you back?”
I watched his eyes soften with a glimpse of sadness.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m just trying to understand. You say you love me but you’re a man, Ethan. You have needs that I’m not even capable of fulfilling right now.”
“Amore, that’s the last thing you need to be worried about.”
“I know kissing me is not enough for you.” I held my head down.
“Chill out, it’s more than enough.”
“I kinda find it funny that my body seems to remember things that my mind can’t.” I glanced at him.
“Oh word?” He smirked. “Amore, let me find out you’ve been cutting up because you want some dick.” He licked his lips.
“Maybe,” I shrugged, then placed my hand on his thigh.
He lifted my hand to kiss my fingers and that alone sent a warm oozing feeling throughout my body.
“If you’re comfortable enough to take that step, I’m all for it. We can take it as slow as you want.”
“What if I don’t want it slow?”
A smile appeared on his face.
“You’re really trying to be patient with me, huh?.” I giggled.
“Aye, you asking for trouble.” He licked his lips.
“That sounds exciting. I may like a little trouble from time to time.” I kissed his cheek.
The same way he had needs as a man, I had needs as a woman. We needed to figure some shit out. I had too much pressure built up that needed to be released.