Chapter 36 #2
Regina’s answer burst out of her, like she’d been holding it in for years.
“I needed to know, Javi! I needed to know why you always pick them over your own mother! I walked all the way back here that night because I wanted to try again … to say the right thing. I never seem to know what to say to you!” she cried, her voice trembling.
“I’m always messing things up. Making them worse.
I was going to knock on the door. But then I saw you through the window, sitting at their table, eating their food, just like you did when you were young.
I hated it! Every day, you would get off the school bus and go straight to Norma and Gloria’s.
You wouldn’t come home. Not for dinner. Not to sleep. Not even to talk to me about your day.”
“I don’t remember you looking for me.” He glared up at her from his chair, his knuckles white on the table.
“Where were you when I got off the bus? Not waiting for me at home, that’s for sure.
Where were you when it was time for all those dinners you say I missed?
I was lucky if there was any food in the house!
” His jaw clenched, and he spoke the next part through his teeth.
“And you sure as hell weren’t home to put me to bed at night, so don’t lie and tell me how sad you were that I wasn’t there for you.
You’re right about one thing. I did pick Ramón’s family over you.
Because they cared about me, while you were too busy going home with whoever was paying your bar tab to handle your own responsibilities. ”
Javi’s mother looked stricken. “I was lonely!”
“And I was just a kid!”
“And now you’re a man who ran off and got married and didn’t even tell his own mother!” she shouted. Her chest heaved with emotion as they stared at each other.
He looked at her with unfiltered disgust. “Is that what you were doing in Vero’s bedroom? Eavesdropping?”
“I heard you talking about your wedding in Atlantic City while you were having your happy little family dinner! How else was I going to know what’s going on in your life? You weren’t going to tell me.” Her voice hitched. “It’s like you’re not even my son anymore. They stole you away from me.”
“They didn’t steal anything from you that you ever actually wanted.”
“That’s not fair,” she said, shaking with emotion.
“You can’t possibly understand. I was barely nineteen when you came tearing out of me.
When the doctors told me it was time to take you home, I thought they were kidding!
” Her joyless laugh sounded more like a sob.
“You were this tiny, helpless thing, and I was too young. I didn’t know how to take care of a baby.
I hardly knew how to take care of myself!
I did the best I could with what I had, but some days, it was all just too much!
I’m not good at this, Javi!” Her face contorted with humiliation and anguish.
She gestured around her as tears streamed down her face.
“I’m not like them. I’m not good at being a mother.
I could never figure out what you wanted when you cried or what to do when you were sick.
I’m a terrible cook. And I couldn’t help you with your homework because I didn’t know the answers myself!
It was all I could do most days to drag myself out of bed and go to work!
Why rush home at the end of my shift when you had a family like Ramón’s that was happy to look after you?
You had a bed to sleep in here and all the hot meals you could eat.
You had two mothers who took care of you and kept you out of trouble.
It was more than I ever had. And more than I could give you.
I couldn’t compete with that,” she cried.
“I didn’t even try. It was better for you here.
But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to lose you to them.
I did want you, Javi,” she said in a small, shattered voice.
“I just didn’t know how to be what you needed. ”
Javi stared at her, deep lines cutting into his brow.
“I’m sorry I broke your window,” she said to Norma and Gloria. “Let me know how much it cost to repair.”
She turned for the door when Javi didn’t speak, and I ached for her.
I could tell by Norma’s and Gloria’s downturned mouths they ached for her, too.
Parenting was hard, even with a partner.
Mothering alone was a hell most people couldn’t comprehend.
I couldn’t imagine going through it as a teenager.
There was no textbook, no manual that came with the job.
It didn’t excuse her choices, but it helped me to understand them.
Javi reached for his crutch and stumbled to his feet. “Mom,” he called after her.
Regina paused at the sound of that word on Javi’s lips.
She slowly turned around, a heartrending hope in her eyes as Javi leaned on his crutch and started toward her.
She met him halfway and fell against his chest. He put an arm around her, to steady himself as much as to hold her up.
She squeezed him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder as her chest racked with quiet sobs.
“I’ll take care of the window,” he whispered into her hair as she cried.
He held her until her tears gave way to sniffles.
She dried her cheeks on her sleeve and handed him his other crutch, making sure he was steady on his feet before letting him go.
“Will you stay here?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I have a job and a place to live in Virginia. Vero does, too.”
Regina nodded, as if she’d expected this much.
“But I’ll be back to visit,” he said. “I promise, I’ll come see you when I do.”
“I’d like that,” she said with a wan smile.
He twined his fingers with Vero’s as he watched his mother go. Norma wiped her eyes. Gloria’s chest rose and fell with a stuttering breath.
Vero put a hand on Javi’s shoulder, and he turned on his crutches to face her.
“Are we okay?” he asked her. “After all that bullshit with Sophia and Theo? And that mess with my mother? Can we put it all behind us and stop looking back? From now on, I just want to move forward.”
She looped her arms around his neck. “We’re grown-ass adults. I suppose we can start acting like it.”
A twinkle lit up his eyes. “If we’re going to start behaving like grown-ups, Mrs. Romero, we should probably discuss our living arrangements.”
She frowned up at him. “Who said anything about me taking your last name?”
He smirked. “You didn’t correct my mother when she said we were married. The idea must be growing on you.”
“Maybe you need to shut that mouth before I give you a reason to.” She arched up on her toes to kiss him.
He pulled back before she could, his expression earnest. “I’m serious, V.
I know you’re not ready to tie the knot for real.
And I’d never push you to change your name or wear that cheesy plastic ring I gave you.
You deserve better than that. But I need you to understand something.
You can break my heart—hell, you could break every bone in my body, Vero—but until the day you put me in a grave, there will never be anyone else for me but you.
The three years I spent without you nearly killed me.
And the last three weeks without you only made me more certain that I never want to be away from you again. I want you to move in with me.”
Vero cast a guilty glance at me. The thought of Vero coming home with me only to pack her bags and move out was almost more than I could bear.
But it was obvious Vero’s future was with Javi, and we didn’t have to live under the same roof to be a family.
Vero and I would always be there for each other, no matter how far we had to travel—or how many crimes we had to commit.
I gave her an encouraging smile.
“If I agree to think about it, will you finally close your mouth?” she asked him with a flirty grin.
“Gladly.” He leaned forward on his crutches and pressed his lips to hers.
While Javi and Vero were busy shutting each other up, I gave Norma and Gloria each a hug. “Thank you for letting me stay with you,” I told them.
“Thank you, for all you did to help my daughter,” Norma said, dabbing at her eyes. “She’s lucky to have found such a wonderful friend. We’re both very grateful she has you.”
Gloria’s eyes were still a little shiny, too. “Take care of each other. And come back to visit us.”
“Bring the children next time,” Norma insisted. “I want to meet Delia and Zach.”
“Your boyfriend, too,” Gloria added with a wink. She leaned close to my ear and whispered, “I voted for the briefs.”
A laugh burst out of me. It was definitely time to go home.
Vero and I carried the last of her suitcases from the house and loaded them into my minivan. I prayed they would all fit as I slammed the hatch closed. Vero dusted off her hands. She leaned back against the bumper beside me.
“I don’t remember bringing you this many clothes,” I said, taking a moment to catch my breath.
“Essential errands,” she explained. “I did a little shopping while I was on house arrest.”
“A little? You filled three new suitcases.”
“I figured if you ever wrote a book about my life and Sylvia sold it to Hollywood, my mother could sell my wardrobe on eBay after I got famous in prison. I needed enough designer items to sustain her for a while.”
“How noble of you.”
“What’s gotten into you? You’re a little grumpy for someone who narrowly avoided getting stuck in a prison cell with me. Aren’t you excited to see Nick and the kids?”
“I guess I’m just a little anxious about going home.” I felt guilty saying it out loud. I’d been gone for more than a week, and I did miss them … terribly. But I had this niggling worry that something was wrong. “Nick said there’s something he wants to talk to me about when I get home.”
“So?”
“So, what if the kids were rotten while I was gone and he’s decided being involved with a single mom is too much?
What if he missed sleeping in his own apartment and going for beers with Joey and working cases whenever he wants?
What if he’s sick of being a public spectacle because of Stacey and her idiotic social media posts? ”
Vero jabbed my forehead with her pointer finger. “You let those idiotic posts get in your head. Don’t go looking for chin hairs where there aren’t any. Now, let’s go get Javi and get this show on the road. We should leave now if we want to beat rush hour.”
We said one last round of goodbyes to Norma and Gloria and loaded Javi and his crutches into the back seat of the van. Wendell, Joan, Eugene, and Lenore all came out of their houses to bid us farewell. Even Sophia came to the end of her driveway to flip us off on our way out of the neighborhood.
We rounded the Beltway toward the Potomac River bridge at a modest sixty-five miles per hour.
We’d made it this far without a ticket, and I didn’t want to leave anything to chance.
When we finally passed the WELCOME TO VIRGINIA sign, Vero kicked off her shoes and propped her naked ankles on the dashboard. “It sure is good to be home,” she said.