3. Finn
Finn
A s much as I wanted to just hide away for the rest of the day, I knew the others were right.
It wasn’t healthy. Maybe if I did something, this day wouldn’t drag on endlessly.
I could’ve shifted, but then if I ended up somewhere, I wouldn’t have any clothes to change into.
Unless I carried them with me, of course, but even that felt like too much effort today.
Instead, I got into my car, driving aimlessly. I let my thoughts drift as I followed the winding roads, my superior instincts meaning I barely needed to pay attention.
Which was good, because I wasn’t sure I could have, even if I needed to. My mind was too full of my conversation with my brother. The hushed word I’d confided in him.
“ Everything. ”
That was what Danny had. He had everything he’d ever hoped for. There was nothing to say I couldn’t have it too.
I just had to be brave enough to open myself up for it.
Today wasn’t the day for it though. Today was for Sarah. For Maria. For the lives they hadn’t got to live.
I didn’t go near the cabin they’d called home. I never did, especially on this day. It was the only time of year that Danny returned to the clan lands. He’d stay there from sunrise to sunset, drowning his sorrows in a bottle.
The guilt I’d felt over leaving him to suffer alone used to choke me, but it was the one step I couldn’t take.Comforting Danny…being strong for him on this day over all others…
I couldn’t do it. My own grief was too inescapable to hide. I couldn’t hold it together, not on the anniversary. Not in the place they’d died.
Not even for Danny.
I’d hated myself for it for a long time, knowing he was there. Alone. Then, out of the blue, someone had joined him. A human.
Riley.
Before they were mates, they were friends. Best friends, from what I could tell. Close enough that Riley knew something was wrong. That the place Danny disappeared to every September was one of darkness and suffering.
From what I could gather, Riley had taken it upon himself to make sure Danny never went through another September fifth alone. It was easy to see how Danny had fallen for him. Even before Riley could admit his feelings, his actions had shown the love he had for my alpha.
Was I jealous of Danny? No. Of course not.
Was I jealous of how easy he was to love? Yes.
I wasn’t that easy. I couldn’t be, otherwise why would I still be alone after all this time?
Probably because you don’t let anyone in.
My inner voice was correct. It fucking terrified me, but I’d never move on if I didn’t try.I sighed, letting my instincts guide me and taking a left turn towards Inverness. Going in this direction took me through the local town, somewhere I didn’t visit often.
A shop sign caught my eye.Thistle Do Nicely. My lips twitched at the pun, even as the inevitable sadness hit me.Maybe this was a sign from Sarah. Thistles were her favourites.I’d never commemorated her passing, other than by shutting myself away on the anniversary.
Perhaps it was time I did so. Maybe a physical manifestation of my grief would help me close the door on this chapter of my life. It had been a painful, brutal chapter, but one I wouldn’t erase if I had the chance again. I’d been privileged to love Sarah.
I just had to hope my heart would allow me to love another too.
Pulling into a space just down the street, I made my way over to the shop.
I lingered outside the door for a moment, marvelling at the displays.
I couldn’t say I’d paid much attention to florists in the past, but even I could see that whoever had created these had a special talent.
The pops of colour were subtle, tying the arrangements together without overpowering them.
Yes. This was the place to get something. I could feel it in my bones.
The scents hit me as soon as I stepped into the shop. All the flowers, mixed with something that reminded me of the loch. Ancient. Earthy. Perhaps the soil the florist used? It wasn’t unappealing or overwhelming. If anything, I wanted more of it.
“Reid? Is that you?”
The deep voice that floated from the back of the shop wasn’t local. Or Scottish, for that matter. It was English. Northern. Yorkshire, perhaps ?
I cleared my throat, shoving my hands into my pockets. “No…sorry.”
There was a quiet groan, too quiet for human ears. Hurried footsteps sounded before a tall man appeared. “I’m so sorry, I thought you were my employee. I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”
I meant to answer, but the connection between my brain and my mouth had been severed at the sight of the stranger. I couldn’t stop myself drinking in every inch of him.
He was only an inch or two off my own height. His shoulders were broad, thick arms shown off by his T-shirt sleeves. A green apron was tied around his stocky waist, and he had stubble covering his jaw. Several leather bracelets wrapped around his right wrist, and his blond hair was short but tidy.
There was nothing outwardly unusual about his looks. I was sure I passed people every day who were just as attractive.
But none of them had struck me dumb like this.
The man cleared his throat, and my eyes flicked up hastily. Shit, I’d been openly ogling him. From the blush he was now wearing and how he was keeping his blue eyes averted, I’d embarrassed him.
Fuck. What the hell had got into me? Rubbing the back of my neck, I offered him a sheepish smile. “Um, hi. I was hoping to get some flowers?”
His lips twitched as he inclined his head towards one of the plant laden walls. “Well, you’ve come to the right place. What’s the occasion?”
Occasion. My reason for being here slammed back into me. I’d had such an unexpected response to the stranger that everything else had been temporarily erased .
I hadn’t realised what a relief that had been until it all came screaming back.
A lump formed in my throat. “A death. Two, actually.”
His eyes softened. “I’m sorry. Why don’t you come back through here?”
Back there? What for? My confusion must’ve shown on his face, because he elaborated quietly.
“You don’t have to, but my clients often find it preferable to be out of sight of the windows while they talk about what they’d like.
But if you’re more comfortable here, that’s fine too. Whatever works best for you.”
That he took such care and consideration told me I was in the right place. “Thank you. Back there is grand.”
He lifted the partition and gestured for me to step through. The floral and earthy scent was stronger as I passed him. I found myself inhaling deeply before catching myself. Pull yourself together, Finn. Yes, you’re attracted to him, but don’t make it weird.
I shouldn’t have been thinking of what that scent might taste like when licked directly from his skin, not given why I was there.
Actually, maybe that’s exactly why you should. You wanted to get out of the rut, this is your chance.
Great. My inner monologue now sounded like an irritating combination of Logan and Calan. All I needed was Evan shoving himself in there too and the trio would be complete.
The florist led me into a room that had steel counters along every wall. In the corner was the door to what looked like a type of walk-in refrigerator. Various buckets were stashed under the counters, while flowers lay strewn all over the tops.
I winced as I took in the half-finished arrangements. “ I’m sorry, it looks like I caught ye at a bad time. I can come back if you’d like?”
“No, it’s fine.” The man offered me a small smile.
Just a hint of one, but enough to make me wonder what he looked like when he wasn’t holding back.
“My assistant should be back in…” He glanced at his watch.
“Well, he should’ve been back half an hour ago.
It’s a good thing he’s so talented. He’ll pick up where I left off when he eventually gets here. ”
I didn’t know a lot about running a business, but I did know about leadership, thanks to the clan. “Isn’t it important that your employees have good timekeeping?”
The man stiffened, and I knew immediately that I’d said something wrong. “Are you implying that I don’t know how to run my own shop?”
Shit. I didn’t like the glare he was shooting my way.
But how his hands were trembling slightly?
The way he angled them away like he could hide it from me?
That I fucking hated. “No. God no. I’m sorry.
I wasn’t implying that at all. You’re clearly great at your job.
” I gestured at the counters. “Just look at all the orders ye have.”
He deflated fast, his shoulders hunching in as he fiddled with his bracelets. “I apologise. Forgive me, it’s a subject I’m a touch sensitive about.”
I was burning to ask questions, but I’d already made one massive misstep. I wasn’t risking another. “There’s nothing to forgive you for. I shouldn’t have questioned ye, it’s none of my business.”
He rocked back and forth on his heels a few times before shaking his shoulders back out with a deep breath. “Tea? Coffee?”
I didn’t usually bother with hot drinks, but having one might give me an excuse to stretch this encounter out a little longer. “Tea, please. No sugar.”
Folding my massive frame into one of the chairs, I tried not to stare at him as he brewed us both mugs of tea. “My name’s Finn, by the way.”
“Chester,” he said, handing me my tea before settling into the seat opposite. “Sorry. I’m usually more professional than this. You must be wishing you’d gone to a different florist. You still can, if you like. I won’t judge you.”
Chester. An unusual name for an unusual man. “But where would I find one with such a fabulously punny name?”
There. A flash of a grin. “You don’t think it’s too much?”
“Absolutely not.” I grinned back, leaning closer to whisper, like we were grand co-conspirators, “If anything, I think you should take it further. You need a tagline. How about ‘you can poppy over any time.’”