45. Finn
Finn
The next morning was painfully awkward. I’d stayed the night in the lobby, not wanting to bother Reaper and Lucy.
Kate barely glanced at me as we packed up our things, moving quietly around the hotel room while carefully keeping space between us.
The silence followed us all the way downstairs.
Lucy looked up immediately the second we stepped into the lobby. Her attention settled on Kate first.
“You okay?” she asked, stepping closer.
Kate nodded too quickly. “I’m fine.”
Bullshit.
Lucy clearly thought so, too, from the way her mouth pressed into a thin line, but she didn’t push.
Reaper stood near the entrance beside the truck, coffee in one hand, watching everything without saying a damn word. His attention shifted to me briefly.
Lucy turned to him. “We all heading back together?”
Reaper shook his head once. “Truck’s full.”
That was a lie and everybody knew it.
My eyes narrowed slightly, but Reaper ignored me completely.
“There’s a train leaving in thirty minutes,” he continued calmly. “You two can take that back.”
Lucy glanced between us again, clearly catching on to what Reaper was doing.
“Jay—”
“They’ll be fine.”
“It’s okay. I’ll be okay,” Kate asked.
She shifted awkwardly beside me, fingers curling around the strap of her bag.
“You sure?” Lucy asked her.
Kate hesitated before nodding once. “Yeah.”
Reaper jerked his chin towards the station across the street. “Private compartments on there if you pay extra.”
That was definitely intentional.
Lucy shot Reaper a look that said she knew exactly what game he was playing before she stepped to Kate and pulled her into a quick hug.
“Call me if you need me,” she murmured.
Then she pulled back and followed Reaper to her side of the truck. I watched him open the passenger door for her before climbing into the driver’s seat. And before the truck pulled away, Reaper focused on me one last time through the windshield.
Fix it.
Then they were gone.
The walk to the station was quiet.
Kate stayed half a step ahead of me the entire time, arms wrapped around herself against the cold morning air, while I carried both our bags over my shoulder.
By the time we boarded the train, the knot in my throat felt large enough to choke on.
The private compartment was small—two seats facing each other, a narrow table beneath the window, too little space to avoid each other properly.
Kate hesitated in the doorway before stepping inside.
The train jerked slightly beneath us as it started moving, and silence filled the compartment.
No Lucy. No Noah. No distractions. Just me and Kate and everything sitting broken between us while the city slowly disappeared outside the window.
“Kate.”
She didn’t glance up, but I saw her shoulders stiffen. “Don’t,” she said. “Don’t say my name like that and then feed me more half-stories.”
The hoarseness in her voice hit me hard. I couldn’t lose her, not over Tamara, not over anything.
“That wasn’t a half-story. I explained what it was. Nothing.”
Her head turned slightly, just enough that I caught the edge of her harsh expression.
“Try again,” she said.
I exhaled hard, dragging a hand through my hair.
“You want the full story?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I nodded once. “Fine.” I perched on the edge of the dressing table, opposite her, needing something solid underneath me. “It was before prison the first time,” I said.
That got her attention, and she turned to face me properly, brows pulling together.
“The first time?” she asked.
“Yeah.” My voice came out rougher than I meant. “Before all of it.”
“My stepdad . . .” I trailed off, jaw clenching. “He wasn’t a good man. He was very much like yours.”
Her expression shifted, not in pity but understanding.
“I needed out,” I went on. “Didn’t have money. Didn’t have options. Didn’t have anyone coming to save me.”
The words felt like gravel in my throat. It was the first time I’d talked to anyone about it in years.
“So, when the offer came,” I shrugged once, “I took it.”
“What offer?” she asked.
“A deal,” I said. “She needed citizenship. I needed a way out, and she offered to pay me. It was paperwork. Sign here, sign there, walk away.”
Kate studied my face. “That’s it?”
“That’s it. No big ceremony. No afterparty.”
She watched me like she was trying to find the lie. “Then why are you still married?” she asked.
I let out a short breath.
“Because I never got the chance not to be.”
Her brow furrowed, and she waited silently for me to continue.
“The night I was meant to meet up with Tamara to leave,” I said, voice dropping, “he pushed it too far.”
I didn’t glance away, neither did she.
“I’d taken it for years,” I went on. “Kept my head down. Stayed quiet. Told myself it was temporary.” My hands curled slightly at my sides. “That night . . . it wasn’t.”
Kate didn’t move or interrupt.
“I snapped,” I said simply. “I hit back. Properly. Didn’t stop when I should’ve.”
Her breath caught. It was quiet, but I heard it.
“I was gone before morning,” I added. “Not out the door. Not free.” My mouth twisted slightly. “Straight to a cell. So, the big escape plan? It didn’t happen.”
Kate’s voice was softer when she spoke again.
“And after?” she asked.
“After . . .” I huffed a dry laugh. “I went to the Dead Knights. That other life was done. Didn’t matter anymore. Didn’t want it.”
My attention held hers.
“Didn’t think about her. Didn’t think about the marriage. Didn’t think about any of it.”
Her lips parted slightly. “Until now,” she said.
“Until now,” I confirmed.
“You should’ve told me,” she said finally.
“I know.”
Her eyes moved over my face, something shifting warmer than the ice-cold glare she’d been giving me.
“You made me look like a fool. You don’t get to decide what matters to me,” she said.
“I’m not trying to,” I replied.
A beat passed.
Then, quieter, I added, “I just didn’t want that part of my life anywhere near you.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because it’s not who I am anymore.”
“Then who are you, Finn, or should I say Finlay?”
“I’m your man, Kate. I’m the man who would tear this world to pieces for you and your son. The man who would do a hundred years in prison if it meant keeping you both safe. I want to be there for you and Noah. I love you both. I’m your Finn, and you’re my old lady. If you still want me, that is.”
My chest pulled painfully when I thought of her answer being no. Now that she knew the ugly truth about me, about what I’d done in the past, about what she saw and heard the night we found Noah with her parents.
I waited, watching her, my body tense, waiting for her to reject me. To see that I wasn’t good enough for her and her son. Seeing me for the piece of trash I was.
“And what about Tamara?”
“I told you, it’s sorted. I met up with her last night. Papers are signed and she was going to file them first thing this morning. She’s marrying some Wall Street guy.”
“So, it’s over?”
“It’s over, baby. Tamara and I are done. We will never see her again.”
“Are you sure it’s me and Noah that you want and not her? She’s so beautiful and put together and doesn’t have a baby attached to her hip seven days a week.”
I got up and moved around the table to kneel at her side. I placed a finger on her chin and lifted it so she would meet my eyes.
“I’m sure. One hundred percent. I’m all in. Baby, you and Noah are all I want and need. There is nobody else for me. You. Are. Beautiful. Kate. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”
She opened her mouth on a sob.
I pulled her into me and covered her mouth with mine. Kate froze for a moment before melting in my arms and allowing her mouth to move with mine.
“I love you, Finn, but no more secrets,” she whispered.
“No more secrets,” I agreed.