Chapter 20
Grady studied Chelsea as she sat across from him at the dinner table in her home. Because his home was uninhabitable and he wasn’t mobile, she insisted he stay with her until he got his casts off. She’d been determined and refused to take no for an answer.
When he was in the hospital, his parents and most of his brothers and sisters swooped down on them. Chelsea had met all who came, and it had been clear they absolutely loved her, and she felt the same way about them.
The last month had been more than pleasant with Chelsea, but he knew something wasn’t right. He hadn’t pushed her, but it was about damned time she told him what was bothering her so much. His gut churned. What if she had decided against having a relationship with him?
He leaned forward, both forearms on the table since he’d been able to take off his sling after two weeks.
His heart ached at the haunted expression in her eyes. “Something is wrong.” She hadn’t been her talkative, happy, normal self since before the accident. He tried to be gentle as he spoke. “You’ve done a great job at keeping up a front and telling me you’re fine, but that’s not the truth. Is it?”
She stared at the eggplant parmesan, fork in her hand. When she raised her head, tears glittered in her eyes. He hadn’t seen her cry once. She opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it again.
“Honey—” A burst of frustration made his entire body ache to break out of his casts like the fucking Hulk. He wanted to get up and go to her. He needed to hug her and reassure her that everything would be fine. “If I could go to you and hold you, I would right now.”
He ground his teeth. Of course, that wasn’t possible with him being trapped in the damned wheelchair, both legs in casts.
A tear rolled down her cheek, and he thought he was going to die slowly, seeing her in so much pain.
The urge to throw something out of sheer frustration and helplessness was almost uncontrollable. He had never felt more helpless in all his life as he did at that moment.
“Please, sweetheart.” He set his fork down on the plate of eggplant parmesan. “Just talk to me.”
She cleared her throat. “It’s everything. So much. Too much.”
He dragged his hand down his face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. It’s too much to ask you to play nursemaid.”
“That’s not it.” She shook her head. “I have a couple of issues—hang-ups.”
He frowned. “Tell me. Whatever it is, I need to know.”
She took a deep breath and let it out. “I told you about my deceased husband, but I never gave you the details about George’s death.”
Grady shook his head. “I didn’t want to pry because I figured you’d tell me more when you were ready.”
“Thank you.” Her shoulders rose and fell with a deep sigh. “George worked out of state four days a week as a miner. One day, I got a call that the mineshaft he and his team had been working in had collapsed. Every one of the men died—all twenty-one of them.”
“Damn.” Grady wanted to go to her so badly that he felt like he would explode.
She looked away. “After his death, I promised myself I would never get involved again with someone in a dangerous profession.”
“And then you met me.” A hard note was in his voice. “You told me how you felt about it, and now this.”
She looked back at him and gave a sad smile. “I decided I wouldn’t let fear guide my life.” Her words sounded choked as she continued. “When I saw your home on fire, and then heard you’d been hurt…”
“It was like your husband’s death all over again,” Grady added quietly. “I’m sorry, Chelsea.”
“I don’t know if I can do it again.” Tears rolled freely down her cheeks. “I don’t know if I can give my heart and soul completely, because I’ll always have the fear that something could go wrong at any time.”
“I have a better chance of being in a plane crash than being killed on the job.” Grady tried to lighten it up. “I’ve had my once-in-a-lifetime close brush with the great fire god.”
“Don’t joke.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, but this is too serious.”
“You’re right.” He fisted his hand on the tablecloth before relaxing it. “I shouldn’t make light of something that matters so much to you.” He studied her. “What can I do to make you feel better about it?”
“Become a dentist or a pharmacist?” She gave a sad laugh. “Anything that doesn’t require you being in a dangerous situation.” She shook her head. “No, I’d never ask you to leave what you love to do.”
He wasn’t sure what to say. What could he say?
“There’s something else.” She closed her eyes tightly before she opened them. “I don’t know that I can handle that and you being a recovering alcoholic.” She shook her head. “After George…”
Grady pinched the corners of his eyes with his thumb and forefinger before opening them again. “I’m not George.” He said the words quietly. “I take it one day at a time, you know that. But I’m not him.”
“I know you’re not.” She said the words almost harshly. “But what are we looking at? Dangerous job? Recovering alcoholic?”
Grady just looked at her before saying quietly. “You said you trust me, Chelsea, that you believe in me. What happened to that trust and that belief?”
“I’m sorry.” More tears rolled down her cheeks. “I know what I said, and I know you’re not him, but I can’t go through all of that again.”
“I’ll leave.” Grady had never felt the kind of emotion that choked him now, crowding his throat and burning his eyes. “I can find a place to stay.”
She looked horrified. “No. I don’t want you to leave.”
“Then what do you want, Chelsea?” he asked.
She put her hand over her mouth for a long moment, as if holding something back. When she finally lowered her hand and spoke, all she got out was, “I don’t know.”
Grady was gone.
Tears rolled down Chelsea’s face as she stared at the note again. She’d been gone most of the day at the dress shop and came home to find all signs of Grady had been taken away, as if he hadn’t spent the past month in her home.
Where was he? Panic clenched her heart so tightly it felt like a rock landed on her chest. She gripped the paper so tightly it crumpled. Was he all right?
She forced herself to calm down. It would have been impossible for Grady to move out on his own, so he’d had to get help. No doubt one or more of the firefighters he worked with.
A sick feeling weighed heavily in her belly, like a huge concrete block had settled there. She went from room to room to see if he had left something behind. Anything. It was like she needed a piece of his life to be with her.
In the guest bedroom, she found one sock. She sat on the edge of the bed as she laid the sock on her lap and stared at the crumpled note. She smoothed the paper so that it was as close to flat as she could get it and read the message again.
Chelsea,
I’m not giving up on us. You mean far too much to me. Please take time to think it through. I want to work with you on it and talk whenever you’re ready.
Grady
Chelsea squeezed her eyes shut but tears still escaped. She shouldn’t have told him yet. He needed someone to help him out until he was able to move around on his own.
A sob escaped her and then another. No, that’s not true. She put her face in her hands.
Grady made the right decision to leave, but that didn’t make it easy. She did need time to figure this whole thing out and decide whether or not she could live with Grady’s chosen career and addiction.