Chapter Six
SIX
Carruthers was the Brigadier’s principal bodyguard and chauffeur since the early years of the recent war.
He was tall and well-built, his usual black suit tight around the biceps.
Sparks sometimes wondered how she would fare against him hand-to-hand.
She thought she might be able to beat him, but only if she landed the first blow.
The Bentley was parked on the street by her boat. She followed Carruthers to it and got in the rear without protest when he opened the door for her.
‘Good evening, sir,’ she said as she sat down. ‘To what do I owe the pleasure?’
‘I was informed this evening that you met up with Danforth at an establishment in Westminster,’ said the Brigadier, staring straight ahead, the Dunhill in his mouth burned down almost to the filter. More cigarette ends poked from the ashtray in the rear of the front bench.
‘The Barley Mow. I recommend the ale.’
‘I want to know every word that was said, and then I will decide whether or not to let you out of this car.’
‘Your man didn’t give you a full report?’
‘He couldn’t hear everything. But he informed me that the date ended with you kissing Danforth.’
‘He kissed me. It wasn’t my idea.’
‘Why were you with him?’
‘He asked me out for a drink.’
‘And you agreed? Just like that?’
‘He’s still my friend,’ said Sparks. ‘He still thinks I’m his. It would be odd if I turned him down.’
‘Yet you didn’t alert us.’
‘I was going to call afterwards, but I spotted your man. I figured I’d be receiving a visit tonight. That’s why I’m not in my pyjamas as we speak.’
‘I appreciate your keeping your clothes on for me, Sparks. Tell me about the conversation.’
She recounted it in as much detail as she could.
‘Dating advice,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘He actually asked you for dating advice?’
‘I do have some expertise in the field, sir.’
‘But you kissed him!’
‘As I said before, he kissed me,’ she said. ‘I wasn’t expecting it.’
‘You told me last week that the two of you weren’t lovers.’
‘We weren’t. We’re not.’
‘Yet you allowed this.’
‘I didn’t think that punching him in the throat would have furthered the mission, sir.’
‘What concerns me is the possibility that you have feelings for Danforth, and that they are going to compromise this operation.’
‘Understandable.’
‘Am I right to be concerned, Sparks?’
‘The friendship, the fondness for him are still in me somewhere,’ she said. ‘But I won’t let them stand in the way. There’s no reason for them to interfere. If I had given him the cold shoulder, it would have aroused suspicions on his part.’
‘The kiss meant nothing to you?’
‘It was quite off-putting, to tell you the truth,’ she said. ‘I don’t like being used for target practice.’
‘Do you think he has any romantic feelings for you, Sparks?’
‘Not likely,’ she said. ‘I made it very clear that I was not on the market, neither now nor any time in the near future.’
‘And yet—’
‘And yet he kissed me, yes. It doesn’t mean he loves me, or that I love him. I’ve kissed many men I didn’t love. Hey, Carruthers! Want me to kiss you so I can prove my point?’
‘No thanks, Sparks,’ replied Carruthers.
The Brigadier finally turned to look at her as he finished his cigarette. She met his gaze steadily.
‘I’ve gone out on a limb for you, Sparks,’ he said. ‘More than once. I cannot have you repay my trust and protection with this erratic behaviour. If someone else’s man had seen the two of you together like that, you’d be a guest of His Majesty’s prison system more quickly than you can blink.’
She looked at him for a long moment, then blinked.
‘I’m still here,’ she said. ‘I guess that means you’re releasing me back to the wilds of London.’
‘If he calls you, if he sees you, if you bump into each other on the Tube, I want to know about it inside of five minutes,’ he said. ‘Is that understood, Sparks?’
‘It is,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t call you straight away.’
‘Apology accepted. Get out before I change my mind.’
‘One more thing, sir,’ she said, reaching into her coat pocket.
The two men tensed, but all she brought out was a folded piece of paper which she handed to the Brigadier. He opened it, scanned it briefly, then looked at her.
‘That much for a book about bugs?’ he asked.
‘Water beetles are not bugs, sir,’ she replied. ‘They’re Coleoptera, not Hemiptera. And yes, the book cost that much, but the plates are superb. May I remind you that I am not otherwise being paid for this assignment?’
He pulled out his wallet, extracted a few bills, and handed them to her.
‘Thank you, sir,’ she said. ‘I owe you change. I left my bag on the boat, but I could run and fetch—’
‘Get out of the car, Sparks, and don’t come back,’ said the Brigadier wearily.
‘Yes, sir,’ she said, as Carruthers unlocked the door with a switch in front. ‘Goodnight, sir. Goodnight, Carruthers. You missed out on the best kiss of your life, by the way.’
‘I’ll live with it,’ said Carruthers. ‘Go home, Sparks.’
She got out and closed the door, resisting the temptation to slam it shut, then walked slowly and deliberately back to her boat, waving over her shoulder without turning to look when she reached it. She went inside and locked the door, listening as the Bentley roared into the night.
The still-open book of water beetles waited for her on her armchair. She closed it, leaving a marker in place, and went to bed.
Lowle called on Monday at nine thirty, asking to speak to Sparks.
‘He called me,’ she reported. ‘First thing. I had barely settled at my desk when the telephone rang. He sounded very eager to meet me. You must have done a good job selling me to him.’
‘Not so much selling you as selling him on the general idea,’ said Sparks. ‘I didn’t tell him anything about you specifically, so you are free to concoct your character as you see fit. When’s the date?’
‘Tomorrow night,’ she said.
‘Good,’ said Sparks. ‘I told him to give you some time to prepare.’
‘Sound advice. I already got my hair done Saturday so it’s just a question of what to wear. I guess I’ll be needing some bulletproof lipstick. I heard he really nailed you Friday night.’
‘He did.’
‘So he’s a masher, then.’
‘Didn’t used to be, but that was years ago.’
‘Any good?’
‘It was better when we were younger.’
‘Most things are. I guess I should be expecting the same treatment now that he’s got you out of his system. How does he like to be kissed?’
‘He certainly took the initiative this time. It used to be the other way around. The element of surprise seems to be a factor.’
‘Fine. I’ll play it by ear. Wish me luck.’
‘Good—’ began Sparks, but the other woman hung up before she could finish the phrase. She replaced the handset and drummed her fingers on her blotter.
‘What was better when you were younger?’ asked Gwen from her desk.
‘What?’ replied Iris, turning towards her.
‘The thing that you weren’t expecting in which he took the initiative. Tony Danforth, I’m guessing from your side of the conversation.’
‘We went out Friday night after you left,’ said Iris.
‘Interesting. And?’
‘And he kissed me at the end of it.’
‘Did he?’
‘He did.’
‘Were you supposed to do that?’ asked Gwen. ‘Was this some part of the grand scheme I didn’t know about?’
‘Look, I was already called in for an official upbraiding. I don’t need another one.’
‘You were? By the Brigadier?’
‘Yes.’
‘When was this?’
‘Later that night. He paid me a call at the Cecilia.’
‘How did he find out so quickly?’
‘He had a man tailing Tony. That dock worker who wasn’t a dock worker. He saw us together.’
‘Including the kiss?’
‘Yes.’
‘All of this on only one Friday night,’ said Gwen in wonder. ‘I leave you alone for less than two hours, and this is the trouble you get into. Anything happen on Saturday or Sunday I should be privy to?’
‘Laundry on Saturday, narrowboat lesson with Casper on Sunday. Do you need details?’
‘No, I do not,’ said Gwen. ‘Dear Lord, Tony proposed to you on Tuesday, then kissed you on Friday. Everything the two of you do is in the wrong order.’
‘That has been the hallmark of our relationship,’ said Iris.
Tony called in the afternoon.
‘Any last-second tips?’ he asked when he heard her voice.
‘You’re thinking too much,’ she said. ‘Just let things happen and enjoy the evening. She called us earlier – she sounded quite excited about the prospect of meeting you.’
‘I thought you didn’t tell the prospects anything about each other.’
‘I didn’t,’ said Sparks. ‘She just sounded generally enthused about having a date.’
‘You’re not fobbing me off on one of your rejects, are you, Sparks?’ he asked suspiciously. ‘Putting me through the romantic wringer for the pure sadistic joy of it?’
‘Given what we do for a living, that would be a terrible business plan,’ she said. ‘I only torment the men in my personal relationships, Tony, not our clients.’
‘Your mercenary motives have convinced me,’ he said. ‘I go forth to do battle on the Fields of Love, and will return either with my shield or on it.’
‘Any man who goes into a date quoting Plutarch deserves a sound beating,’ said Sparks. ‘Do try and have some fun, Tony.’
‘I’ll give it my best, Sparks,’ he said. ‘I’ll ring you up on Wednesday and give you a full report on the carnage.’
He hung up, and her smile faded immediately.
‘I have to report to the Brigadier,’ she said, rising and going to fetch her hat. ‘I should be back in fifteen minutes.’
‘I will be coming to rescue you in twenty if not,’ said Gwen.
Sparks forced herself to slow down to a walk down the stairs. She went outside, found the phone box, and went through her calling protocol. It rang three minutes later.
‘Report,’ said the Brigadier the second she answered.
‘He called just now to let me know he’s having his first date tomorrow,’ she said. ‘Nothing of import otherwise.’
‘Nothing?’
‘He quoted Plutarch.’
‘Plutarch had something to say about dating? I’m not familiar with that passage.’