Chapter 16 #2
She shrugged. “Mine is personal, I guess.” She attempted a laugh. “I walked away from my family… No. That’s not true at all. My dad walked away from me. My brother was always a wild card, and my mom died of cancer.”
“So really, they all kind of deserted you,” Nate said, moving closer to her and taking her hand, understanding how significant it was for her to confide in him.
“My dad did. Absolutely.”
Losing her mom at eighteen had to have been infinitely hard as well. Barely a legal adult. He hated to think about losing his dad.
Sophie took a slow, audible inhale and closed her eyes before continuing.
“Some of my earliest memories are of waiting rooms in psychologists’ offices.
For my brother. We spent hours in them. Sometimes multiple times a week.
My mom would pack up my coloring books and a box of crayons, a pile of picture books, and my favorite stuffed animals to keep me occupied. ”
“What’s wrong with your brother?”
She scoffed. “Question of the hour. Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, several other possibilities were thrown around. My mom was determined to find a way to help him. Determined or … obsessed.”
“But not your dad?”
She shook her head. “That’s how their marriage ended. He insisted Robert was just a boy with a lot of pent-up energy, too much time on his hands, too much boredom. My mom knew it was more.”
“Based on your brother’s recent activities, it sounds like your mom was right.”
“My parents fought all the time. It was horrible. And then Robert was always getting in trouble. For as long as I remember. He got suspended, expelled, changed schools, started new treatments until the new doc would say they’d done as much as they could, usually because of lack of cooperation on Robert’s part.
Chasing answers was all my mom did until my dad left. ”
“What’d she do then?”
“She had to go to work. She held down two jobs to try to pay for all the therapy, which my dad refused to help with.”
“Dedicated.”
Sophie pursed her lips together. “It ruled her life, really, the pursuit of answers for Robert. Ruled our lives.”
A surge of protectiveness engulfed him, like nothing he’d ever felt before. How could these people be so blind to a little girl’s needs? “How much younger than Robert are you?”
“Four years.”
“You were a little girl, and your mom spent all her time on a crusade for your brother, and your dad … he left. Is that right?”
She smiled sadly. “Pretty much.”
“Did you and your brother ever get along?”
“He hated me. I was scared of him.”
Nate understood, finally, how she’d had to turn inward. Why she kept everything to herself.
No one had ever been there for her.
“That’s all pretty messed up,” he said. “They are messed up, Sophie. Not you. You are … unbelievably normal, considering what you’ve lived through.”
She laughed sadly. “You said yourself normal doesn’t exist.”
He slipped his arm around her and pulled her to his side. “Let’s upgrade it from normal to amazing.”
Her expression became somber. “No. I’m not. I’m… It wasn’t my dad’s apology that hit me hardest today,” she said. “It was something he pointed out.”
“Such as?”
“He compared me to him.” She said it as if it was the absolute worst insult a person could give, and he realized, in her eyes, it probably was.
“He pointed out how I’m lonely and unhappy just like him.
” Her voice cracked. She took a moment to recover before going on.
“I don’t want to be like him. But he’s right.
I spend holidays by myself. Friday nights by myself.
Almost every waking hour I’m not working by myself.
And while my job makes me happy, my life doesn’t. Because … I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
Big pause.
“My brother hated me from the moment I was born just because I existed. I was never enough to drag my mom’s attention away from my brother’s problems. Wasn’t enough to keep my dad from leaving…
” She inhaled shakily and put her hands over her face.
“So how … how could I ever be enough for someone else to c-care about?”
His chest literally hurt for her. “Come here,” he whispered.
He lay back on the roof and pulled her flush on top of him so they were forehead to chin, thigh to thigh.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, and she finally rested her head on his shoulder.
As he rubbed her back, up and down, he felt her relax a bit.
Sophie let herself melt into Nate, soaking in his warmth and, even more, his acceptance.
“Sophie?” he said, his voice quiet, rough.
“Yeah?” She held her breath and focused on the soothing motion of his hand on her back until it stopped.
He angled his head to make eye contact with her.
“You are so much more than enough.” He stared intently at her as if willing her to believe it, and with his beautiful, sincere eyes penetrating her to her soul, she thought maybe she could.
She thought maybe she could be enough for him.
Foibles and insecurities and imperfect baking skills and all. She knew she wanted to be.
Nate relaxed back down again and kissed the top of her head. “I know you’re thinking I haven’t known you very long, but here’s the thing. I’ve known you through some difficult times, and I’ve known you long enough to figure out I care about you. More than I’ve cared about any other woman.”
His admission did things to her. Warmed her. Calmed her. Filled her with gratitude and … hope.
“I get it, Nate,” she said. She closed her eyes tightly, wanting to say more, more than she ever had to anyone, willing herself to do it. She raised herself up so to a sitting position, straddling his hips, knowing this was too big to mumble into his chest. “I get it because I feel the same way.”
“Thank God.” He sat up with her still on top of him, winding his arms back around her, and she did the same. “I’ll be honest. It scares the hell out of me.”
He leaned in until their lips met. Their kiss was urgent, needy, not just a physical thing, though that was there too … there and in the hardness pressing between her legs.
“Scares me too, but … well, you already saved my life,” she said, grinning, “so rescuing me from myself should be easier.”
He growled out a laugh and kissed her nose. “I think I’m up for that challenge.”
Sophie squirmed, pressing her pelvis into him. “You’re definitely up for something…”
She kissed him again, and this time it escalated quickly to scorching hot. When Nate broke away, they were both breathing hard.
“Too bad there’s a house full of people in there,” he said.
Nibbling at his lip, she said, “I do know a place with a killer balcony and a comfortable bed, among other things.”
“Perfect. Lead the way.”
“Not so fast. I’m thinking it might not be the best idea for you to leave your own party.”
His shoulders drooped. “You’re right. How about if we make a deal. You come downstairs with me. Eat some food, shoot the shit, charm my dad. And then … in return, I’ll spend the rest of the night helping you celebrate your first official Thanksgiving. We can celebrate till dawn if you want to.”
“I like the sound of that … as long as this is the first of many holidays you help me celebrate.”
“Definitely the first of many. I tried a holiday without you earlier today, and it stunk.”
“It was my brownies that made it, wasn’t it?”
“The brownies.” He laughed and kissed her again. “If the brownies come with the woman, I’ll happily devour the whole pan. But Sophie?”
“Yes?”
“Maybe for Christmas we can bake them together.”
Thanks for reading Fire Within! I hope you loved Nate and Sophie.