Chapter Nineteen #3
If she said no, would Nora ask again in another day or two? Or would she take that as her answer for all time? More importantly, did she actually want to say no? “Uh, sure. If you don’t mind the smell.”
Nora’s bed creaked. “I’m accustomed to it now. I might even miss it when it’s gone.”
Fallon laughed. “I won’t, though I do think it’s really helped. I sincerely appreciate it.”
“You’re most welcome.” Nora’s voice was close, and Fallon felt the bed dip as she got in. “You’re still lying on your right side?”
“Yeah.” Her voice sounded rough to her own ears. “But I sometimes wake up on the other side, and it’s only a little sore.”
“Will it hurt for me to snug?”
“Snugging with you was never what hurt me.”
Nora sighed and pressed her forehead into Fallon’s back.
“I said such terrible things to you that last night. God, Fallon. You talked about being angry with yourself afterward? Once I finally pulled my head out of my ass, I was ashamed. So ashamed I couldn’t imagine you ever wanting to talk to me again.
Over the first few months, I was desperate to contact you, to apologize, but I couldn’t envision you answering when you saw my name.
For years after, every time I thought about calling or at least texting, dreadful self-reproach would stop me.
I was a contemptible fool, but I’ve tried really hard to change my ways.
” She gave a sad laugh. “Some of them, at least.”
At the tears in Nora’s voice, Fallon turned, slowly and carefully, putting her right arm around her, keeping her close.
It wasn’t the time or place where she’d imagined having this talk, but maybe a retro motel on neutral ground like Cortez, Colorado was as good a place as any.
“I was very much in the wrong too. I invaded your privacy and tried to destroy something I probably misunderstood. I didn’t give you a chance to explain, to tell me what you were doing.
And after I broke your camera, the thing that was most important to you, I was certain you’d never forgive me.
” Lay it all out there, Fallon. “Those pictures that upset me…uh, I had some issues about my body and went to counseling for a few years to work on that. And other things.”
“You did?” Nora pulled away enough to look at her. “That’s really brave. And it helped?”
“Yeah. Having support as I look at my past has made me less hypersensitive about the present. At least, I hope so. You know how my life was pretty far from normal growing up?” She felt Nora nod.
“We moved around constantly and were forever apprehensive about money. That uncertainty contributed to me being insecure about myself.” Fallon pushed a hand through her hair.
“It sounds obvious now, so easy to see, but it took me a while to put it together. Not that I have it all figured out. But at least I have a process and someone to call if, or when, I feel like I have a screw coming loose.”
“Wow. You know, you impressed me then, and now, even more so.” Nora touched Fallon’s cheek.
“And I want to tell you that I’ve never seen you as anything but beautiful.
I took that photo of you sleeping because you looked like a work of art.
Gorgeous. Perfect. Passionate and compassionate.
I should have told you at the time, or even tried to explain when you first saw it, but I hope you know that no one else has ever seen that picture.
That whole file is still password protected on my computer.
” Fallon nodded slowly, and Nora said, “Thank you for being willing to…to spend time with me again.”
“At Firecamp? Spending time with you was always the best part of my day.” Fallon had to stop at that because talking about their days and nights in Silver Bird, discovering each other’s bodies and exploring the possibility of something real, wanting to believe in something beyond that summer, would be too much.
“And it’s been the best part of having a tree fall on me,” she said, hoping Nora would laugh. Thankfully, she did.
Fallon woke on her back with Nora tucked against her good side.
It was going to be a great day. Mesa Verde was amazing, and she was especially pleased to have made the challenging climb up four ladders to the awesome Cliff House dwellings without any problem.
The twelfth- and thirteenth-century structures made of plaster, stone, and mortar still had traces of those who’d built them, including hand and fingerprints.
She could imagine coming home to this place, looking out at the view below, and feeling safe.
Before leaving Cortez, they’d purchased a picnic lunch, and Fallon laughed when Nora pulled in at the Park Point Fire Lookout. “I guess this fire thing will always be a connection for us.”
Nora shrugged, but there was a smile in her voice as she read like a tour guide after consulting the park map.
“At 8,572 feet, this is the highest elevation in the park. We should be able to see New Mexico, Utah, and Arizona.” After a short hike to the observation tower, they sat on the low stone wall in the parking area and ate their sandwiches and chips and drank sodas while the wind whipped around them.
“I’ve never traveled like this,” Fallon said as Nora produced the chocolate chip cookies she’d snuck in for dessert.
“What do you mean?” Nora asked. “Didn’t you travel all the time as a kid?”