Chapter Twenty-one #4
Did you ever wonder why I asked you if there was a bridge over the Grand Canyon?
You must have thought it a ridiculous question, but the saddest thing about that incredible gorge is that it reminds me of the insurmountable gap between who each of us is and what we each want from the world.
During this time with you, I’ve so wanted to find that bridge, to find a way for us to stay together, separate though our goals are.
But in the same way, I knew from the very beginning that you were someone special, I also know that I cannot live in Tucson.
As clearly as I can appreciate the fine life you have made for yourself here, I’m completely conscious that I have no city in me, and I’m not suited for the desert.
I need the forest and the stars. I need the way the air feels before it snows and the joy of the first wildflowers of spring.
This is no one’s fault and no one’s flaw; it simply is.
I didn’t get a chance to tell you that I’ve gotten messages regarding a new start for me at Firecamp.
Please believe that I wasn’t lying when I told you I didn’t miss it.
At the time, I was only seeing you, seeing a hint of us, but like a siren’s call, the significance of that place persists for me, even beyond the extraordinary moments we’ve shared.
Please know that no one will ever take your place in my heart.
She hadn’t really unpacked. It would be easy to throw her stuff in the truck and go.
She could spare them any anger or resentment about their choices or the unnecessary anguish of another confrontation.
She was about to sign her name when her phone buzzed.
She thought Maris might be calling her back with some other news, but it was Nora.
“Hey, baby.” Nora’s voice was raspy, and it was hard to hear her over the sound of the highway. “Where are you?”
“I’m at your town house,” Fallon said. “Where are you?”
“About forty minutes away. Since my air-conditioning barely works, let’s take your truck tonight.”
“Where are we going?” Fallon asked, feeling like she’d missed part of the conversation already.
“I’m taking you out to a great local restaurant so we can celebrate.”
Fallon had hoped they might stay home and have some time to talk. Alone. But Nora sounded almost high. “What are we celebrating?”
“That I get to come home to you, of course. I’ve got to stop by the paper, but I’ll see you soon, okay?”
They’d never talked on the phone, Fallon realized. Maybe Nora’s mobile conversations were always like this. “Okay. Be careful.”
The line went dead. Fallon looked back at what she’d written.
She wanted to be better than the person who’d run from Nora’s anger and disappointment like at their first Firecamp.
Nora wanted to celebrate coming home to her.
She’d never had anyone say that before. Fallon should be there for her, at least this once.
She looked around the town house again, acknowledging that this was Nora’s home.
Maybe she hadn’t given the area enough of a chance.
She got on her phone, looking up the highest elevation in the Santa Catalina Mountains.
It didn’t take long for her to see what she needed to see.
She crumpled the letter and threw it in the trash.
Nora came through the door two hours later, declaring that she needed to shower before anything else. “Almost anything,” she amended, kissing Fallon on the top of her head before disappearing into the bathroom.
When they arrived at the fanciest restaurant Fallon had ever seen, a black-suited host showed them to a corner table.
The waiter seemed to know Nora, and they chatted about the dinner specials for a few moments.
Fallon tried not to show her shock at the prices on the menu, and when Nora asked if she could order for both of them, she barely managed a nod.
Everything seemed to be happening at high speed.
A bottle of wine appeared and was opened.
Nora tasted it and approved. Fallon’s glass was filled, and two small plates with rice and something fishy on it were placed before them.
Nora lifted her glass. “I want to propose a toast. To our new start, here in Tucson.” Fallon stiffened.
Nora had used the same phrase Fallon had written in her note about the job offer at Firecamp.
Obviously, Nora misread her hesitation as she touched her glass to Fallon’s before taking a drink.
“This is a thousand times better than that box wine we had at the Grand Canyon. Please just try it.”
Fallon took a small sip. She honestly couldn’t tell the difference. And as much as she didn’t like Nora saying anything disparaging about their time at the canyon, what really concerned her was the implication of Nora’s toast. “Tucson really is home for you now, isn’t it?”
Nora seemed puzzled. “Well, my work is here, my town house is here, my brother is here, and now you’re here, so yeah. As much as any place, Tucson is home.” She took another drink. “Didn’t you get to see some of the city yesterday?”
“I did, but—”
Nora pointed at her plate. “Try the nigiri. I’ll order something else if you don’t like it.”
Not at these prices, Fallon thought, but she tried a small taste. The fish melted in her mouth, and the rice made a nice contrast of texture. “This is good. Different.”
“Excellent.” Nora was obviously pleased. The meal progressed, and Nora filled her in on the fire and her experiments with video. “Photography will always be my first love, but video is what makes the networks and the internet happiest. It’s more fun than I remembered, but I’m still learning.”
“It’s good that you’re continuing to grow in your career,” Fallon said, trying to find a segue into what she needed to say.
She hadn’t planned on having this conversation in the restaurant, but Nora was finishing her second glass of wine and Fallon could see how the evening would go if she didn’t speak up now.
“I got a chance to talk to Maris earlier today, and I’m going to do the same. ”
Nora was temporarily distracted by the decadent desserts that had just appeared at their places. She thanked the waiter and turned back to Fallon. “I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
Fallon leaned across the table and took Nora’s hand. “You’ve made the life you wanted here. You have your job and your brother and a place you love. Maris told me the replacement ranger has arrived at Firecamp, and I have a new offer of a job.”
Nora pulled her hand away. “And you’re going to take it? Without even giving us a chance here?”
Apprehension made Fallon’s voice tight. “This isn’t the place for me, Nora. And I have to do what I’m good at in the same way that you do.”
“There’s some forest land nearby.”
“I looked it up. It’s over an hour away, and it’s mostly groomed, recreational-use land. I want to work in the national forest, doing mitigation. That’s what matters to me.”
Nora signaled for the check and asked for the desserts to be boxed. “Someone should enjoy this. I’m sure Tyler and Cade will.”
“I’m sorry if I ruined dinner, but we haven’t had a chance to really talk since we got here, and I needed to tell you…”
Nora drained her wine and stood. “It’s fine. Let’s go.”
The ride home was deadly quiet. When Nora opened the door at the town house, Tyler and Cade jumped apart from their embrace on the couch. Nora tossed the boxed sweets on the counter, muttered something under her breath, and went into her bedroom, slamming the door.
“I take it dinner didn’t go well?” Tyler asked.
“Dinner was fine, but I got a job offer back at Firecamp.”
“Ah,” Tyler said. “Then you’re leaving?”
Fallon nodded, her throat closing up.
Cade grinned. “That’s great, Falcon. Maybe I’ll re-up too.”
Tyler wasn’t smiling. “Are you going now?”
Fallon was wearing the nicest outfit she owned but looking at the closed bedroom door, she sighed. “Maybe I’d better.”
The door opened, and Nora came out wearing shorts and a T-shirt and holding Fallon’s duffel bag. Tyler pulled Cade into his room and shut the door.
“It’s late,” Nora said, her tone flat. “You don’t know the area. Sleep in the guest room and wait till it’s light.”
Fallon took a step toward her. “Nora, I’m sorry. I was hoping we could learn from our past mistakes and at least part with good memories this time.”
“So leaving was always part of the plan?”
“No. No, not at all. It’s just…we never talked about it. About what it would take to make it work. Or if we could at least try to keep up our friendship this time.”
Nora stared at her, clearly ambivalent. Fallon thought she saw tears gathering in her eyes. “I want to tell you not to go, but there’s no point in asking you to stay if you’re going to be miserable.”
Fallon took another step closer. “I’ve never been happier than during this time we’ve spent together.” Her voice started to quiver. “The thing that makes me miserable is that I can’t be where I need to be and be with you at the same time.”
The tears spilled down Nora’s cheeks. “At least I can hug you good-bye now.”
“Nora—” The word caught in her throat, and she held out her arms. Nora moved against her, and they held each other, silent tears joining where their faces met.