Wade
“This is fucking weird,” Max grumbled from across the room as I sat on the sofa with Ray perched on my lap.
We had spent the last hour lost in each other as we mapped every inch of one another’s skin with our lips and reverent touches. It was surreal to finally have Ray in all the ways I’d only dreamed about for the last fifteen years.
Now that we’d had a taste of each other, we were disgustingly insatiable.
Everyone insisted on a quiet night at the big house for my homecoming. Stella made a lasagna that rivaled Ma’s, and she had picked up a small cake to celebrate Max’s, Charlie’s, and my birthdays, since I hadn’t been there for the first celebration.
Charlie was more than happy to indulge in more cake; after all, what two-year-old wouldn’t be?
Surrounded by my family, I couldn’t have been more at peace.
With my girl in my lap, my brother and his wife happily married and expecting a second baby, my niece playing with toy horses on the floor, and Pops content to watch all the chaos erupt around him, nothing felt more right.
I knew I still had a long way to go, and lots of groveling for the way I’d treated my family, but I’d take things one day at a time.
“Mass Da! Bad word,” Charlie scolded as Max dug in the back of his jeans for his wallet, grabbing one of the bills from a thick stack between the leather. I cocked an eyebrow in his direction in silent question.
“I started keeping a stack of ones in my wallet because I can’t seem to break the habit.” He chuckled as Charlie grabbed the dollar from between his outstretched fingers and put it in the tiny pocket of her little Wranglers. That girl was going places.
I shook my head with a gentle laugh as she went back to playing with her toys, unfazed at how easily she’d swindled a dollar from my brother.
I took note of the number of things the little girl had spread around the living room.
Building blocks were haphazardly stacked along the fireplace mantel, tiny shoes were thrown in the foyer as if taking the time to put them right side up was too much work, and a pile of tiny laundry sat on one end of the sofa.
What should have made me feel like an outsider in my own home instead gave me the confidence to broach a long overdue conversation. I cleared my throat, garnering the attention of everyone in the room.
Ray looked down at me and cocked her own eyebrow in question. I winked back at her, and she smiled, trusting me implicitly with whatever scheme I had up my sleeve.
“I wanna talk with y’all about something real quick,” I started, making sure everyone was paying attention. Every set of eyes in the room was trained on me, and I breathed slowly, fighting the gnawing anxiety that started to build, realizing I was the center of everyone’s attention.
Ray’s hand found mine, and she squeezed gently three times, effectively slowing my heart rate.
“I know we really haven’t had a chance to talk about it much, but I wanted to run something by you two,” I said, my eyes darting to Max and Stella. Max nodded softly, and Stella’s head tilted in a questioning gaze.
“I think it’s time I moved out.”
“What?” Max asked as if it was the most absurd suggestion in the world. The two of us had only ever had each other growing up, often sharing a room not out of necessity, but desire.
We were thick as thieves, and even though the thought of living apart filled me with a little trepidation, it was time that he and Stella had a space to build their own family.
“You’re having another baby, and I think it’s time I stood on my own two feet.” Ray squeezed my hand in silent solidarity as a proud smile pulled at the corners of her mouth.
“But where will you go?” he asked, and I sensed a small amount of anxiety building in his voice.
“I own the back ten acres of the ranch, just as you own the other ten. I always figured when the time was right that we’d build houses side by side and raise our families together. But there’s no need for you to uproot the home you’ve built here with your wife and daughter.”
I could see Pops nodding from the armchair in the corner of the room in silent solidarity. I had talked with him before I left for the treatment center about the possibility of building on that land, and he’d been overwhelmingly supportive.
I knew it was the right time.
Max and Stella deserved to have a space that was wholly theirs, where they could raise their kids without their Uncle Wade and his girlfriend hanging around.
“So, you’re going to build on the back half of the ranch?” Max asked, putting the pieces together. Stella’s hand found his just as Ray’s had found mine in support.
Both of us were lucky to have found the best women. Each of them complemented us in ways that we could only dream of.
“That’s the plan. I’ve got some savings built up from rodeo events, even after footing the bill for the treatment facility.
I haven’t used any of it over the last couple of years, as the money from training sessions was plenty to keep things running around here.
I haven’t had a chance to reach out to builders about costs and timeline, but I’m sure we can find something that works around our schedules. ”
Max’s hand softly went to the tiny swell of Stella’s belly where she was growing their child.
The love that passed between them was hard to miss as my brother looked at his woman as if she hung the moon and the stars.
I knew that look because I imagined it was the same unfiltered bliss that passed across my face when I looked at Ray.
“We can be flexible. Even if it means things will be tight around here for a little bit until construction on your place is finished.” His smile was tight-lipped, and I could tell that this was going to be tough for both of us, but we’d only be a stone’s throw or ATV ride away from each other. “I’m proud of you, brother.”
Tears welled up on my lower eyelashes, and I blinked rapidly to keep them from falling. Crying about my trauma in the confines of a therapist’s office was one thing. Sitting in front of my entire family and the girl I loved while I became a blubbering mess was another.
“Fuck, brother,” I choked out as the words caught in my throat through the emotions I was desperately trying to keep at bay.
“Unca Wade, bad word,” Charlie scolded from her spot on the floor, her tiny finger waggling in my direction. Everyone chuckled, breaking the tension.
“Give the girl two fucking dollars, Max,” I said through a laugh. “Unca Wade doesn’t have any dollar bills, and you’ve got enough to fund the rent at a stri—”
Ray’s hand slapped across my mouth as her eyes widened, threatening me silently if I continued that sentence. I licked her palm, and she squealed, pulling her hand back and wiping it on her shorts.
“Gross!” she exclaimed, laughing as she feigned disgust.
“Oh, don’t act like you don’t like it when my tongue—”
“And on that note! It’s time for cake,” she said quickly, standing from my lap and scooting over to sit on the floor and pull Charlie into her arms, effectively shutting me up.
Stella retreated to the kitchen, grabbing the small grocery store cake she had haphazardly put three candles in. It wasn’t lost on me that this was the first birthday we had truly been able to experience together, and the weight that the day we all shared would stick around as time went on.
“I’ve got a suggestion,” I said out of the blue.
Every pair of eyes was trained on me as Stella stood poised over the candles, a long lighter in her hand.
“How about we celebrate the three of us on this day, every year? There’s so much negativity around our actual birthday; how about we create a new holiday?
One that’s filled with family and happiness. ”
“WadCharMass!” Charlie screeched, squishing all of our names together like a Frankenstein version of Christmas. “Our day. Three a-mee-goo-s.” She said the last word slowly, enunciating each syllable as if she were piecing it together in her mind.
Ray beamed with pride behind her as she butchered her way through the Spanish.
“Amigos, pequeno,” Ray corrected. I watched as Charlie tried to emulate the way Ray pronounced the word with practiced ease, and her brow scrunched in frustration.
“Don’t worry, little one. You’ll get it,” Max encouraged from his spot on the couch. Charlie rolled the word around on her tongue, trying to say it right. She was determined, and that little furrow between her brow was the spitting image of Stella when she was frustrated.
Charlie stood from Ray’s lap, having given up on the mental Spanish lesson, and walked over to where I was sitting. She climbed up onto my lap, settling herself facing me on one of my legs as she looked me directly in the eye, a serious expression marring her features.
“Unca Wade,” she said as if she were about to give me the fiercest lecture I’d ever heard.
“Yes, little one?” I prompted.
“You train horseys, right?”
“Yes…” I said hesitantly, confused as to where her line of questioning was coming from. She placed both of her tiny hands on my cheeks, pulling my attention directly to her.
“I need you train Bubbles Flower Pancake.”
“Um…Okay. What is a Bubbles Flower Pancake?” I asked, confused as I looked around the room. Pops sat in his armchair, chuckling while Max threw himself back on the sofa in exasperation. Stella and Ray both hid their laughter behind their hands.
“Pops got me horsey!” she screeched, and my eyes widened as I looked over to my dad, who just shrugged his shoulders as if he hadn’t just spent a giant hunk of change on a horse for a two-year-old.
“Welcome to the shitshow,” Max groaned from across the room.
“MASS DA. BAD WORD,” Charlie screeched. She held out her hand for another dollar, clearly frustrated at his lack of effort to quell his potty mouth.
There wasn’t any place I’d rather be, shitshow or not. This was my family, my life, and my future all sitting here in this living room, and I couldn’t have been happier.