12. Stella
TWELVE
stella
The tequila definitely contributed to the electric thrill that shot through me as Max’s fingers intertwined with mine, the pleasant tingle amplified by the alcohol.
A sane individual would surely remind themselves not to get close to a random cowboy met on the roadside. Despite the existence of multiple ways in which this situation could turn out poorly, I currently couldn’t find a single fuck to give.
The three shots I’d taken at the bar with Ray had loosened my hips and lips, but this feeling of a static connection with Max wasn’t new.
The feeling had been building for a while during our time living together, a constant presence that I fought against daily, a battle that had grown increasingly difficult to endure.
I kept telling myself that getting tangled up with another man after the shit I’d been through was a bad idea - but clearly, our attraction to each other was undeniable.
I’d never felt this drawn to someone so quickly.
It was as if every nerve ending in my body was on a hair trigger and as soon as Max entered my orbit, those nerve endings fired.
I constantly felt a hum of need flowing beneath my skin when I caught his eyes on me.
But more than that, he felt safe. He was a soft place to land at the end of a hard day.
I never once felt myself questioning his intentions. He was, at his core, a good person.
He gently placed the hand that was not currently curled around mine on the soft spot of my hip.
With anyone else, I would have been self conscious of him feeling the squishier parts of me, but with Max I knew I was cherished and safe.
His touch was soft and reverent as he allowed himself the opportunity to explore.
His hands were wide and rough, but he touched me with a tenderness that I’d never experienced.
He splayed his fingers around my hip and edged them towards my back, slowly and gently tugging me forward until our bodies were a hair’s breadth away from each other.
“Where’d you learn to dance?” I asked quietly, attempting to break the tension with some idle chitchat. My voice, tight with a nervous tremor, produced stilted, awkward words; I couldn’t meet his eyes, the silence punctuated by the frantic beat of my pulse.
I knew that one look at his face would scramble my brain, leaving me a whimpering mess begging for him to take me home.
His chuckle was gentle as he swayed us from side to side through the crooning melody. “Would you believe me if I told you I learned it riding horses?”
My bewildered expression must have been clear because, when I looked up, his smile transformed into a dazzling megawatt grin, crinkling the corners of his eyes.
He extricated his hand from my hip and gently brushed a lock of hair behind one of my ears and then replaced his grip. Even after he’d moved his hands, I could still feel the pressure, the phantom imprint of his touch, lingering like a radiant heat on my skin.
“When Wade and I were younger, just learning how to ride a horse, my Pops used to have a saying.” He paused for emphasis. “‘keep your hips loose like a two-dollar hooker.’”
My eyes blew wide at the crude words as I looked up at him. His laugh was soft as he pulled me closer, our bodies now flush. He leaned down and his breath crested the shell of my ear, a whisper only for me playing on his lips.
The shiver that wracked through my body was involuntary and I could feel his sharp intake of breath as my body touched his. The air crackled with a strange energy; it was obvious that our proximity was affecting us both.
“That saying, although not quite appropriate for little ears,” he whispered. “Has helped me many times.”
He drifted his hand to the middle of my back, pressing my body tighter to his. I felt the press of his erection into my thigh through his jeans. It was abundantly clear that we were venturing into perilous territory, yet I couldn’t be bothered to extricate my body from his embrace.
His lips coasted along my ear as he continued.
“Riding… Dancing…” he paused for continued dramatic effect and pulled back to look me directly in the eyes. A sexy smirk adorned one corner of his mouth, and his dilated pupils clearly revealed the lustful thoughts consuming him.
“Fucking.”
That one word hit me so hard that I felt every ounce of air rush out of my lungs in a single, shocking whoosh. Who knew something so vulgar could make me weak in the knees?
I could feel the heat as it crested across the top of my cheeks and down my throat. I watched as Max’s gaze danced all the way from the tip of my nose down to my chest. He was shameless in his perusal of my body, clearly willing to cross those lines we’d drawn if I gave him the okay.
I hadn’t felt that flutter of anticipation in my chest from someone’s eyes in what seemed like a lifetime. Max didn’t just see me as a mom. The fact that he could so clearly see the woman underneath filled me with a simultaneous feeling of excitement and terror.
Letting out a heavy sigh, I dropped my gaze, his name lingering on my lips as I acknowledged the urgent need to create some space between us.
I tried to step back, but his arm encircled my waist. As I lifted my gaze, my eyes connected with the most profoundly sincere expression I had ever encountered in my life. The feeling of being trapped in his embrace should scare me after what I’d been through, but I knew I was safe with him.
“Stella… when I saw that man put his hands on you earlier…”
“Don’t, I was fine.” I reprimanded, placing my hand on his chest in comfort. I could feel the steady beat of his heart under my palm. The powerful, rhythmic thumping of his racing heart echoed the frantic beat of my own, creating a synchronized rhythm of anxiety.
“I knew you were fine.” He took a fortifying breath as he tipped my chin up so that our eyes would meet.
“I knew you could handle yourself if you got uncomfortable. I knew you were strong enough to fight your own battles. You won’t allow yourself to be trapped by another man.
I knew that. It wasn’t that I wanted to save you.
It was that I couldn’t stand the idea of another man touching the woman that I hadn’t gone thirty seconds without thinking about.
There was a neanderthal part of me that wanted to stomp over, plop my hat on your head, throw you over my shoulder, and take you home.
” His smile was tender as he looked into my eyes.
“Might as well have pissed on the floor in a circle around me, because even though you didn’t do any of those things, I’m sure no man will get anywhere close to me tonight,” I said with a chuckle.
“That was the fucking point, Stella. I don’t want another man close to you. I want to be the man that’s close to you.”
My breath hitched, a desperate, ragged gasp in the suffocating silence. What had begun as witty banter and slow dancing was now a tense conversation, the air thick with unspoken words, far from the boisterous music and flashing lights of the dive bar’s dance floor.
“Max, we can’t…” I said, as I again attempted to extricate myself from his embrace.
“Let me take you out,” he said simply, loosening his hold just a fraction.
He wasn’t keeping me caged, and he wanted to make sure I knew anytime I needed to leave, he would let me go. The truth was, I didn’t want to go. I reveled in the comforting, secure feeling of being held in his arms.
“Max, I don’t think this is a good idea. You know all I’ve been through, I’ve got Charlie to think about, and I don’t know how long I’m going to be in Firefly Cove.”
I surveyed the dance floor carefully, trying to see if anyone had been close enough to overhear our argument. Lost in their individual worlds, each person was absorbed in their own thoughts and actions, including Ray, who was joyfully dancing away.
“One date,” he pleaded. “Let me show you what it’s like to have someone fall at your feet and worship the ground you walk on. I want to show you the power of having someone believe in you. Let me show you how much I want you…and Charlie.” He said, pulling me back into his embrace.
I felt myself melt at his words, but words were just empty place holders for the actions that I’d been shown would never happen. With a history of letdowns, I worried Max might also end up hurting me.
I wasn’t worried that he would hurt me physically, but this man could obliterate my heart and my child’s.
I hesitated, not knowing what to say. I wanted to open my heart and let Max in, to embrace him fully and completely. The fragile hope of happiness felt like a candle flickering in a storm.
I deserved to go on living my life, not knowing how things were eventually going to pan out.
Charlie deserved to know that not all men were like her shit-bag father.
The thought that Max could be the perfect person to give us the fresh beginning that we deserved swam through my mind, but my fear was, unfortunately, overwhelming and paralyzing.
“Can I think about it?” I asked hesitantly, not daring to meet his eyes.
He insisted, once again, that I raise my chin and meet his gaze directly, so that I might fully appreciate and feel the sincerity of his words.
“Take all the time you need. From the moment we bumped into each other again at the coffee shop, I’ve been fighting an attraction to you.
I know that you’ve been hurt deeply. I wish I could take back all the damage that fucker did to you, physically and emotionally.
Showing you that you deserve to be happy will take as long as it takes.
You deserve people in your corner, Stella. ”
I sighed. He was right. I knew deep down that I deserved to move on .
We’d been in Firefly Cove for over two weeks now and we hadn’t seen or heard anything out of the men who killed Dean. I was aware that the probability of them ever locating us was incredibly low, bordering on nonexistent, but the fear was still there.
I deserved to move on with my life and eventually stop hiding behind the shadow of my past.
I knew that regardless of if I wanted to or not, there was an undeniable attraction between Max and I. One date couldn’t hurt, could it?
“Okay...” I mumbled, looking at him directly this time. The confidence he had in the fact that he could do right by Charlie and I was giving me the second hand confidence to let him. “One date.”
A wide smile spread across his face as, taking my hand, he twirled me around before gently dipping me at my waist.
The combination of spinning and tequila wasn’t the best idea, but I honestly didn’t care enough to be concerned about the consequences. I felt so free and light when I was with Max.
I giggled as he pulled me back into his embrace and I lifted his hat off his head and deposited it on top of mine. Wide with desire, his pupils revealed the intensity of his lust. Apparently cowboy hats and women were an aphrodisiac round these parts.
“Do you know what it means to wear a man’s cowboy hat?” he asked gruffly, his voice coming out tinny and strained.
“Uhm, no?” I asked, grabbing the top of the hat to remove it and hand it back. His fingers closed around my wrist, effectively stopping my movements, placing the hat back on my head .
“Wear the hat, ride the cowboy,” he smirked down at me. I looked up at him from beneath my lashes, not bothering to hide the thrill that coursed through my veins.
“You get a pass this once, because you didn’t know.” Dipping his head down and looking me directly in the eyes, he continued, “but, make no mistake Stella, that hat looks damn good on you and when you’re ready, I’ll give you the ride of your life.”