17. Stella
SEVENTEEN
stella
I peeked at the tiny orange and black bug crawling around between my palms. Its bioluminescent lower half flickered green in random intervals.
Closing my eyes, I thought of what to wish for.
I could wish that Charlie and I wouldn’t have to look over our shoulders for the rest of our lives.
I could wish for an abundance of happiness.
After a long period of contemplation, my countless desires eventually narrowed down to one particular wish: a single, burning hope.
Opening my eyes and my hands, I released the firefly. I watched it buzz away into the night, mixing with the stars in the sky, with a gentle smile spread across my face.
The idea that a tiny little bug that could fly all the way to the moon and grant wishes was silly, but it was the perfect type of silly for tonight. I needed the lightness of this moment in a life full of moments designed to test me at every turn.
“Do I get to know what you wished for?” Max asked, breaking me from my gaze on the bright twinkling stars above.
My smile turned timid as I looked down and picked at a hole in my jeans.
I tugged on the barely fraying strings until they began unraveling into a bigger rip.
The symbolism of pulling at those strings to what lay beneath wasn’t lost on me.
Max had been peeling back the threads of my carefully crafted armor designed to protect my heart.
He had created a hole that only he could fill.
“If I tell you, does it not come true?” I challenged.
“I’m not sure if wishing on fireflies is the same as wishing on birthday candles, but I can tell you I’ll go crazy if I don’t know what you wished for.”
I thought about suggesting a different wish because I was a little embarrassed by how simple and silly mine was. Instead, I opted for the truth.
“I wished for you to kiss me,” I whispered and brought my eyes up to meet his gaze.
His eyes blazed with desire; his grip on my neck, tender yet firm, sent shivers down my spine. There was zero hesitancy in his movements. I was sure he could feel my pulse racing, but I hoped that his was beating just as fast.
Max leaned down and swiftly pressed his lips against mine. His mouth was soft in its caress, as if he was holding back. I shifted to my knees, scooting forward until our bodies were flush, our lips still locked.
Placing one knee on either side of his outstretched legs, I straddled his lap, seating myself gently down on his thighs. I hadn’t ever been this brazen, but something about how Max cherished me made me feral with need.
Max groaned into my mouth and tilted my head back to open me up to him more, licking at the seam of my lips for entrance.
I moaned softly, and he used the opening to coast his tongue gently against my own.
As I ran my hands up his chest and around to the nape of his neck, I scratched my nails through his short prickly strands of hair and shivered at the electric need coursing through my body.
Max kissed with the fire of a man who was desperate to consume me.
I kissed back with the wanton need of someone desperate for affection.
I felt his rigid length thickening between my legs, and I shifted my hips in exploration.
He broke the kiss with a heated groan and trailed tender nips down the smooth column of my throat.
“Fuck, Stella.” he remarked, trailing his way back up to take my mouth in another sensual kiss.
“Yes, Max. That’s exactly what I want,” I teased, nipping at his bottom lip.
He dropped his head back to look at the sky and let out a groan of frustration. I giggled lightly at his attempt at restraint and kissed the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, then right below his ear. He shivered, which caused me to smile against his skin.
I’d never felt so powerful as I did in this moment, having Max completely at the mercy of my touch. I felt a surge of confidence, a newfound sexiness coursing through me, thanks to him; I was ready to seize what I wanted.
He gripped my hips to keep me from grinding myself against what I could only ascertain was his impressively large cock. Pulling me close, he dropped his forehead to mine in an intimate gesture that had me feeling vulnerable.
His eyes locked onto mine, a weight in their depths, before a heavy sigh escaped and his eyes fluttered closed. I hesitated as the self-deprecating thoughts came rushing back in. Did he not want me?
Thoughts swarmed my senses as I started to become engulfed in an overwhelming panic .
Had I been making up the stolen glances in my head?
Had I imagined all the times that I’d caught him smiling at me over his morning coffee?
Was I dreaming, and this was all a one sided infatuation?
Sensing my spiraling thoughts before I even had a chance to vocalize them, Max coasted his hand up the side of my throat and forced my gaze to his.
“No.” he said simply, as if that would calm the raging voices in my head shouting all the words I’d worked so hard to erase from my psyche.
Useless. Whore. Trash. Unloveable. Damaged.
I scrambled from his lap and he had the good sense to let me go. I brushed my fingers through my mussed hair and straightened my camisole that had come untucked. Tugging my cardigan tighter around my frame, I attempted to make myself smaller as I searched for the strength to speak.
“Please take me home now.”
I couldn’t meet his gaze, anticipating the condescending pity in his eyes. I couldn’t stand to see his lips, still swollen from our kiss, even though I could still feel the ghost of his touch.
I turned in the direction we had come, not waiting for his response, my gaze remaining fixed on the ground as I stumbled back to his truck in the dark.
I heard him gathering the remnants of our picnic and tossing them into the basket quickly.
The snap of the quilt echoed through the quiet cove as he hastily snagged it from the ground and it whipped through the air.
Just as I reached the passenger door of the truck, his hand darted out to grab hold of my wrist, stopping me in my tracks.
“Stella… let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. I understand, Max. I come with a lot of baggage. Thank you for trying to set up a fun date, but I don’t need your pity.”
“Pity?” He asked incredulously as his eyebrows furrowed together.
Before I had the sense to know what was happening, Max had me pressed up against the cool metal of his passenger door and had his arms bracketed beside my head. The move should have scared me, but even in my self-deprecating state, I knew that Max wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.
I heaved in a gulping breath as my pupils blew wide. Even if this was one-sided, I found him attractive, and his rough handling was an aphrodisiac. He tilted my chin up, his fingers brushing against my skin, forcing our eyes to meet. He then leaned down, his breath warm against my lips as he spoke.
“I don’t fucking pity you, Trouble.”
He slid his nose across my jaw and down my neck, causing goosebumps of pleasure to erupt in his wake.
“Make no mistake, Stella Jacobsen, the reason I stopped was absolutely not because I fucking pity you,” his lips coasted the shell of my ear and I involuntarily shivered with desire.
“I stopped because the first time I fuck you will not be in the middle of the woods on a blanket my mother hand stitched.”
His grin was feral as he gripped my hip bone and drove his knee between my legs. I gasped and felt a tingle of need shoot down to the apex of my thighs, right where he’d placed his knee. I felt his erection pressing into my thigh as I let out a breathy moan.
“Stella, I want you. I want all of you. To be completely honest, I want Charlie in my life just as much. I want your morning bed head, your mid day laughter, and your night time yawns. ”
He placed his callused hands on the side of my neck, brushing his thumb across my jaw.
I fought the urge to close my eyes. “I want to make you happy, but I need to be able to touch you without you flinching every time. I need you to let me in to be the man you deserve. I need all of you without reservations.”
He paused, making sure I was paying attention to his heated words.
“When you can give me all of you, I’m going to ruin you for any other man.
I’m going to make you come so hard there’s never any chance of anyone else’s touch igniting desire in your veins.
I will love you and Charlie so fiercely that I will be forever embedded in your souls. ”
A whimper fell from my lips as I felt a line of tears gather on my lower lashes. His declaration had hit on all the sore spots of my soul. All I had ever wanted was to feel cherished, loved, and safe. Max was doing all he could to show me that he meant every word that crested his lips.
I felt his rough thumb swipe with an unnatural tenderness across the tops of my cheeks, brushing away the streaks of tears I hadn’t realized had fallen.
“Please don’t cry, baby,” he whispered, placing his forehead against mine again in an incredibly intimate gesture.
The overwhelming emotion of the moment caused more tears to fall, and I let out a small chuckle. I had a man standing in front of me declaring his desire to be with me and my child, and I was crying.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying,” I apologized, wiping the tears away with the back of my hand. He once again used the pad of his thumb to swipe beneath my lashes, gathering the remnants of my mascara to keep it from running.
“Don’t apologize for feeling,” he remarked with sincerity. “ You have every right to be scared and hesitant, given all that you’ve been through.”
I leaned my head back against the window of the truck and closed my eyes, taking a big breath and releasing it slowly to calm my racing heart.
Trauma had a way of ruining even the most special of moments.
All it takes is one fleeting glance, one wrong word, one second of hesitation to undo all the progress you’ve made.
Max continued stroking his thumb across my hip bone in a silent show of solidarity.
“When you hesitated, my mind started spiraling. All I could hear was Dean’s voice calling me worthless, useless, unloveable…” I trailed off, chancing a glance up at him.
I could see the slight tick in his jaw as he fought the urge to rage against a man he had no possibility of fighting in my honor.
There would be no retribution for all the hurt and anguish Dean had caused me over the years.
I had to learn to live with that fact and if Max was going to be in my life, he would too.
“I wish I could kill that fucker for what he put you through,” he seethed.
“Well, it’s a good thing someone already took care of that for you, because I don’t really think you’d look good in orange ,and you’re too pretty to be someone’s bitch.
” I said with a tender smile as I patted his cheek.
That got him to crack a small smile, and he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine in the softest of kisses.
“I’m sorry if I ruined the rest of our date,” I said solemnly. Max chuckled and brushed a stray tear from my chin.
“The date’s not quite over yet. I haven’t walked you to your door,” he teased while reaching behind me to pop the handle of the passenger door.
He held my hand as he assisted me up onto the running board and into my seat.
Before he could shut the door, I leaned over, grabbing ahold of the front of his shirt and tugged his lips roughly against mine.
“Thank you, Max,” I mumbled against his lips. “Thank you for showing me what it means to be cherished.”
“If you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of the days I have left showing you how much you and Charlie mean to me.” he said with a quick peck to my lips before buckling my seatbelt and walking around to the driver’s side.
When he climbed into the truck and started it, he didn’t hesitate to rest his hand on my thigh in a possessive gesture. He acted as if he wanted to keep me constantly aware of his desire, a subtle but persistent reminder.
He was giving me the reassurance I craved.