Chapter Twenty-Three Lantern Letters
Aryn
The heater clicked on in the room, sending a blast of warm air towards me, a contrast to the ski slope outside my window.
I had been at the table near the window most of the morning, the laptop open in front of me and a mug of coffee cooling beside it.
I had gone through the same set of notes twice without changing anything.
If you had asked me what I had read, I probably would have failed to answer the question properly.
Snow had started again, light at first, then steady enough to blur the line of trees beyond the parking lot.
A few people ignored it, still intent on going outside and skiing.
Some kids were rolling a large snowball near the ski equipment rental building.
I watched it for a minute, then looked back at the computer screen and closed the document without saving.
I had rented a room at Hale Lodge, a ski resort near the SnowDrop Inn. I didn’t want to crowd Meri by bothering her at the inn, but I also wanted to be nearby. The ski lodge was a weird sort of compromise.
At least, that’s what I was telling myself. I checked my phone again but there were no messages, no response to the email I sent her.
The door opened again, and I looked up to see Ben step inside my room. He dropped into the chair across the room. I regretted giving him the extra room key, even though he had also given me his.
He leaned back slightly and stretched his legs out. “Are you working, or just sitting there thinking about it?”
“A bit of both," I admitted.
“That sounds productive." Ben raised an eyebrow, scrolling on his phone.
“It isn’t." I sighed. I closed the laptop and slid it a few inches away from me. “You didn’t have anything better to do? Go skiing or snowboarding?”
“I already put in my time at the gym and went for a few rounds down the hill. I’m now here to exclusively bother you." He looked at me for a second longer than necessary. “Have you heard from her?”
“No." I shook my head, resisting the urge to check my phone again. “I’m giving her space."
“It’s been a few days," Ben mentioned.
“I know," I dryly replied. “Believe me, I’m very aware."
He nodded once, considering that. “And you’re okay with just waiting? Staying back and just hoping for the best?”
“I’m trying not to crowd her. I’ve been researching and talking with Topher. She was overwhelmed and needs time to recover," I told him.
“So the last time you spoke to her was at the convention hotel when she thought that you had been manipulating her and didn’t want to see you again," Ben mildly mentioned.
I picked up the mug, took a sip of the cold coffee, made a face, and set it down again. “I wrote her an email."
“You wrote an email? Let me see it," Ben demanded, putting his phone away and leaning forward.
Reluctantly, I pulled up the email on my phone, showing it to him.
“This is terrible," Ben muttered.
“What?” I frowned at him. “What’s wrong with it? I apologized, I tried to help her, and I left it up to her if she wanted to contact me. I’m trying to be respectful."
“You’re fumbling the ball," Ben dryly told me.
“You don’t even like sports, don’t use sports metaphors," I retorted.
“ I get giving her room, but you didn’t say anything about your feelings for her," Ben replied with a shake of his head as he handed my phone back to me.
It buzzed in my hand and I eagerly looked at the notification before sighing in disappointment. It was just the reminder of the group chat Topher had set up. I opened my laptop, bringing up the notification and following the link to open the video call.
I angled the laptop so both of us could see the screen. Topher filled the frame first.
“There he is," he said. “Still alive."
“Barely," San added as he joined.
“I’m fine," I said dismissively.
“You look like you’re trying to convince yourself of that," Topher replied.
“I don’t need to convince anyone."
“Sure you don’t."
Ben leaned into the edge of the frame. “You guys always like this?”
Topher’s expression shifted. “Who’s that?”
“Ben." I angled the screen a little better so the webcam caught Ben.
“Ah," San said. “The voice of reason."
“Don’t put that on me," Ben replied.
Topher leaned back in his chair. “Have you heard from her?”
“No."
“He sent her a sad little email and hasn’t heard back," Ben informed them.
“It wasn’t sad," I defended myself. “I gave her a link to some people who might be able to help her self-publishing career, apologized, admitted I should have told her I was interested in the film rights to her novels, and let it be at that."
“Good," Topher agreed.
San nodded. “That’s the right call."
Ben glanced at me, then back at the screen. “You’re all very supportive of him doing nothing."
“He’s giving her room to choose what she wants to do," Topher replied. “She needs to feel like she’s in control of the situation."
“He didn’t tell her that he likes her, that she can choose to have him in her life in whatever way she sees fit. By not telling her, she might not realize that he likes her," Ben explained. “Meri probably thinks he gave her a pity link as part of the apology."
“That’s not what it was." I frowned, thinking about the email.
“You need to spell out what you mean. Meri doesn’t even know she can choose you because you didn’t let her know she could," Ben insisted.
“Let’s read the email," San requested.
I rolled my eyes, but put up on the screen, sharing it so they could read the short email.
“Oh dude, that’s bad." San shook his head.
“See, I told you," Ben dryly stated.
“I was following your advice," I defended.
“It’s not bad but yeah, I could see where she might think that you were just being nice because you messed up," Topher slowly mentioned. “Has she reached out to the group at least?”
I leaned back slightly, letting them take it where they wanted. “She joined the group."
Topher’s expression shifted again, more focused now. “She did?”
“Yes," I confirmed.
San nodded. “That’s good."
“It is," I said. “Dylan says she seems to be getting along well with the other members. I haven’t asked for any further updates because that feels like overstepping again."
Ben crossed his arms, not letting it go. “So she’s doing okay."
“As far as I know." I ran a hand through my hair, feeling frustrated by the situation. Had I erred in how I had composed the email? Should I try to reach out again?
“And you’re just going to sit here," Ben interrupted my thoughts.
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to overwhelm her, I want to respect her, but I also hope that she might be willing to speak to me again, to give us a chance," I muttered.
“He really does like her," San observed.
Topher shook his head once, not unkindly. “He’s doing what he should be doing. He gave her space. He fixed what he could. The rest is up to her."
Ben didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t argue it further. The conversation moved on after that, drifting into plans and schedules and the kind of back-and-forth that didn’t require much attention.
“Earth to Aryn." Ben snapped his fingers in front of my face and I realized the call had ended. He had a pamphlet in his hand. “What’s this? Were you planning on going?”
“It’s the Lantern Letter festival in town. It goes all week. They have a bunch of letters the townspeople and visitors write anonymously on display. People add and take away letters. I picked up the pamphlet at the inn when I first met Meri," I explained.
“Do you think she would go?” Ben wondered.
“She might." I shrugged.
He glanced at the pamphlet again. “We should go."
“You can go."
“We should go," he repeated, setting it down in front of me. “You should write a letter to Meri."
“What?” I looked at him in surprise.
Ben grabbed the complimentary notepad and pen the room had, tossing them towards me. “We both write a letter."
“It’s anonymous. How is she going to know it’s for her?” I wondered, pointing out the flaw in the plan.
“Use a name from her books. Address her as someone only she would know," he suggested. Ben had already pulled a sheet of paper toward him and was scribbling something down.
I picked up the pen, uncertain of what to write. “She might not go. She might never read it."
“Then it’s the perfect opportunity to pour out your heart and give her the choice to contact you if she wants a relationship," Ben advised.
“Why are you being so pushy?” I grumbled.
“I got in my own head once," he said after a moment, his tone shifting just enough to make it clear he wasn’t joking. “Thought I was doing the right thing by backing off. Giving space, not pushing. All it did was make it look like I didn’t care. I almost lost out on Kitty and she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I just want you to be happy, too."
The first version came quickly. It said what I meant without leaving much room for anything else. I set the pen down and slid the paper slightly to the side. Ben reached for it before I could stop him and read through it once.
“That’s it?” he said.
“It says what it needs to," I said with a frown.
He read it again, slower this time, then set it down between us. “Write it again. You can do better than that."
I leaned back slightly, keeping my voice even. “I’m not going to pressure her."
“That’s not what I said. I know we aren’t the type of guys to get all feely and stuff but you need to tell her what you feel for her. Don’t leave her guessing," Ben advised.
I looked back down at the paper and I picked up the pen again.
When I finished, I read it through once more and set the pen down.
Ben leaned forward and read it again, slower this time. “Better."
“I hope it works," I murmured. “She might not go to the festival."
He picked up his own page, glanced over it, and folded it once before setting it aside. We left shortly after that, the drive down to the festival quiet as I drove.
The festival was near the center of the town of Maple Ridge.
Vendors sold food, hot drinks, trinkets and other items. A few small bands or singers were stationed every so often so that there was music.
It wasn’t packed, but there were enough people moving through the space that it felt full.
Lanterns lined the edges of the area, each with its own music stand, holding two letters for display.
Tables had been set up with paper and pens, people standing around them writing or talking or doing both at the same time.
As people finished their letters, they looked for an open music stand to display the composition.
We moved through it without a plan, stopping when something caught our attention and then moving on again. I found an open space at one of the music stands and set the paper down, reading through it once more before leaving it there, hoping Meri would find it and understand.
We stayed longer than I expected. Long enough that the initial noise settled into something easier to ignore.
At some point, Ben stepped away, saying he’d be back in a minute.
I nodded and kept walking, following the path along the edge of the lanterns without looking for anything in particular, reading anonymous letters addressed to crushes, apologies between neighbors, or simple poetry.
When he came back, his hands were in his jacket pockets and he had two cups of hot chocolate. He handed one to me and we wandered around for another hour, buying a few things, donating some cash to the bands and singers who were busking.
As we left, I looked back one last time at the music stand containing my letter and hoped for the best.