Chapter 25 #3
‘Please tell me you felt it too?’ Zac grimaced. ‘If not, then I really have messed everything up.’
Polly froze. Was he saying what she thought he was? Had he really felt something between them that night? No, he couldn’t have. If he had, then he certainly wouldn’t have prioritised the promotion over her. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m saying I felt a connection that night, at your leaving party. I felt something between us.’ Taking another step towards her, Zac paused again.
‘No, you didn’t. If you had, then you definitely wouldn’t have pushed me so completely away as you did, promotion up for grabs or not. We’d always got on until that night and then after it was as though you couldn’t stand to be around me.’
‘That was because I didn’t know what to do. I was torn.’ He took another step until he was standing right in front of her. ‘I didn’t know how to act.’
‘Because you were trying your best to swindle me out of a promotion?’
‘No, because I had to put the chance of me getting that promotion ahead of my own feelings, ahead of how I feel for you.’ He held out his hands towards her.
‘And now what?’ He wasn’t making any sense. It was as though everything he was saying was in some cryptic language she was trying to decipher without the secret code. ‘You suddenly don’t need it?’
Zac shook his head ever so slightly as he reached out to take her hands in his.
‘I’m afraid I do, but after working in the office together and then the car journey yesterday and…
’ He nodded towards where they’d fallen asleep on the sofa.
‘I can’t keep lying to myself and I need to find out if you feel something, too. ’
His skin felt warm against hers, her fingers tingling with electricity. She looked down at their hands, his gently encompassing hers. Did he really feel it too? Did he feel the electricity between them?
‘Do you?’
She blinked, pulling her gaze away from their hands to look him in the eyes. She thought she knew what he was referring to, what he was asking her, but so much had changed between the two of them in such a short space of time, she couldn’t be sure. ‘Do I what?’
‘Do you still feel it? The connection we had at the party? How close we were before?’ He kept his eyes upon hers, his gaze steady.
‘I…’ Breaking the moment, Polly looked away.
What was happening? This was what she wanted.
She’d felt the same connection he said he did since the moment she’d laid eyes upon him two years ago and their friendship had begun.
She’d dreamt about there being more between them, but after the way he’d pushed her away?
She wasn’t sure. Did he expect her to just shrug her shoulders and say no worries and jump into his arms?
She pulled her hands away and walked back to the sofa, sitting heavily upon it.
‘I can’t. I’m sorry, but after the way you’ve been around me, after the way you’ve treated me with such indifference, as if you hardly even knew me?
How can you just suddenly turn up and say you feel a connection now?
It doesn’t work like that. You can’t just switch to hating me and then liking me again. ’
Looking at the floor, Zac reached his hand behind his neck, dragging it across his skin before walking towards the sofa. ‘May I?’
She nodded. She wasn’t about to tell him he couldn’t sit down now, was she?
‘Thanks.’ Sitting, he leaned forward, lacing his fingers together.
‘You’d be right, feelings don’t change overnight like that, but that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.
The only person I was lying to when I was pushing you away was myself.
I’ve always had feelings for you, you must know that. You remember how close we used to be?’
She nodded. ‘I remember, but I also remember that literally the day after we’d kissed, you went weird on me, and you treated me as though we were strangers.’
‘I know I did and I’m sorry.’ He kept his eyes fixed on the floor in front of him. ‘The only reason I did that was because I felt guilty about keeping the fact we’d both been promised a chance at the promotion from you.’
Polly pulled a cushion onto her lap, hugging it to her middle. She had so many questions. ‘So, did you and Mr Bob work together to keep me in the dark? Did you ask him not to tell me?’
Zac turned to glance at her. ‘No, I didn’t. Mr Bob just forgot to tell you. You know what he’s like. He’d forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on. But, I admit, when I realised he hadn’t told you, I didn’t and I should have.’
‘You didn’t even tell me you were getting a job at Meadowfield.’ It wasn’t just the fact he had chosen not to mention the issue with the promotion, but the job, too. That he was coming to Meadowfield with her. Why hadn’t he told her?
Zac shrugged. ‘I didn’t tell many people. I had a lot going on at home. Not that that is any excuse. I should have found the time to tell you, the right moment, but I knew if I did, then I’d end up telling you about the promotion, too.’
Polly leaned her head back against the top of the sofa and closed her eyes. ‘But why couldn’t you? What’s this big secret? There’s something you’re not telling me. And before you say it’s nothing, I’m not daft, you know. Despite what you think.’
‘I don’t think that. Far from it, actually.’
Opening her eyes, she looked at the back of his head. He was still gazing at the floor, his neck bent. ‘The phone calls, leaving yesterday just to come back at midnight, being out of the office constantly. There’s something going on and if it isn’t a secret partner…’
‘It’s definitely not a partner. I don’t have a girlfriend, I haven’t for years.’ A hollow sound escaped the back of his throat as he let out a lone chuckle.
‘Then what? What it is?’
With his elbows on his knees, Zac lowered his head, pulling his fingers through his hair. ‘My family are broke. My dad lost the company last year.’
Polly gasped. Broke? His family had always been wealthy, but if it was true, if what he was telling her was true, then it did make some sort of sense, even if it was the last thing she’d expected him to say. Leaning forward, she spoke quietly. ‘Right about when they stopped sponsoring the trust?’
‘Yep, and right about the time my dad told me he wished I’d never moved my career away from the corporate world.’ Zac still had his fingers in his hair, his shoulders slumped.
‘Oh, Zac. I had no idea.’ Reaching over, she laid her arm gently around his shoulders.
‘You wouldn’t have. It’s not exactly something to shout about.’ Turning his head, he looked at her. ‘I couldn’t exactly write it in a company email that my family had no money, and my dad was disappointed in his only son.’
‘No, I don’t suppose you could.’ Polly frowned. ‘But if this happened a year ago, we were still friends then, still talking. You could have told me.’
Zac nodded. ‘I know and I should have done. I see that now, but at the time I just felt I had to keep it to myself. My family used to sponsor the trust, my parents still attend the fundraising events, they still dress up to the nines to keep up appearances. If the truth had got out, they’d have never forgiven me. ’
‘I wouldn’t have said anything.’
‘I know, but…’ Straightening his back, he ran his palm across his face. ‘I guess it’s been engrained into me that I need to put on this front, and when my dad lost his company, the responsibility fell to me. It was – it is – my job to provide for my family.’
‘You were embarrassed?’ Why? Why would he be? But that was how he was acting.
‘I felt as though it was my fault. I mean, if I hadn’t quit my corporate job and started working at the trust, then I would have been able to save my dad’s company and we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in.’
Looking across at him, Polly’s eyes filled with tears. He looked so broken. Reaching forward, she stroked his cheek. ‘This isn’t your fault and your parents’ finances aren’t your responsibility.’
He gave a small smile as he covered her hand with his, leaning his cheek into her palm. ‘They are. They need my help.’
‘What I don’t understand is that if all this happened a year ago, what’s changed now? How come you didn’t go for another promotion?’ Not many, but a few promotions had come up across the Cotswolds within the trust. And he could have always applied for similar roles within different charities.
‘Because my gran hasn’t been well. My parents had been caring for her at home until a few months ago, but now we need to cover the costs of her nursing home too.
’ He took a deep breath, filling his lungs.
‘That’s where I rush off to. When she’s having a bad day, I sit by the side of her bed and work from there.
And that’s why I haven’t taken a different promotion. Meadowfield is close to her home.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.’ Polly blinked back her tears.
Her grandma had ended up in a nursing home for the last few months of her life and that was the worst time of Polly’s life.
Each time her phone had rung, dread had filled her, and every free moment she’d had, she’d just wanted to spend with her.
‘That’s where you had to go last night.’
Zac shook his head. ‘No, I had to go back to my parents’ last night. They had a meeting with a financial advisor today and needed me to look through a few things before he came.’
Polly nodded. She could feel the coarse stubble on Zac’s cheek beneath her palm.
Everything suddenly felt clear. He was allowing her to see beneath the shield he’d put up to barricade her out and, for the first time in months, she was seeing him for who he was.
Really seeing him. More so than he’d ever let her see before, even before the kiss, the promotion, everything.
‘I think I understand now. I understand why you felt you had no choice but to keep quiet about your move to Meadowfield, about everything.’
‘I’m sorry, I just…’ He shrugged.
‘It’s okay.’ She smiled softly at him. And it was.
It was okay. He was just trying to do his best for his family, for his gran.
And she understood that. He’d put his gran first, and it had nothing to do with her.
Not really. He hadn’t meant to hurt her.
He’d just been trying to cope, trying to do what he thought was best. Keeping her palm nestled between his cheek and his hand, she leaned forward, waiting for him to meet her before touching his lips with hers. They were softer than she remembered.
Pulling back slightly, he searched her eyes. ‘You want this? After everything I’ve told you?’
Brushing away the unruly tuft of hair from the middle of his forehead, she nodded. ‘I do.’
Zac leaned in again, bringing his free hand around the back of her neck as he kissed her.
Pulling away, Polly took his hands in hers and searched his eyes.
Was this really happening? Her feelings for him had literally gone from one extreme to the other.
No, that wasn’t true. She realised now that she’d been suppressing her feelings for him because she’d been hurt and angry.
She realised now that she’d felt this way all along.
She’d always remembered how well they used to get along, how kind he’d always been to her.
Before. But now, now he’d opened up, and she’d seen a side to him she hadn’t even seen when they’d been friends.
And she understood. Kind of. She understood how trapped in the middle he’d felt between his feelings for her and his loyalty and responsibility towards his family.
She got that, but despite all he’d told her, she was still left with questions. ‘So, what happens now?’
Grinning, Zac nodded towards the paintbrushes. ‘We paint.’
Polly laughed. Okay, that wasn’t what she’d meant, but he was right about one thing. She did need to get the painting done and perhaps they’d had enough of the deep conversations for the time being.