Chapter 30 #2
Which was truly mind-boggling when he’d been in freaking GQ last year.
“No, I’m not shy, you little shit,” he said. “I’m actually starting to wish I was by myself this very minute.”
“Stop lying,” I said with a laugh, taking a bite of one of my burgers. “Oh my God, this is so good.”
“Right?” he agreed, grabbing a napkin. “Never gets old.”
“It really doesn’t. Steamed shitty burgers with soggy buns for the win—every time.”
He nodded. “So how’s work today? Lots of…uh…adding and subtracting going on up in your office?”
“It is ridiculous how little you know about my job,” I said after swallowing. “But I also don’t feel like enlightening you because though I personally find numbers satisfying and it works for me, I’m well aware that it is not thrilling.”
“How’s the studying going, by the way?” he asked, and since the sun was behind me, I could see his eyes behind the sunglasses.
On me, interested, like he really cared how my very boring studies for a very boring exam were going.
For the first time in a while, the idea of my impending tests didn’t terrify me. “Good. I feel like I’m a little more locked in now, probably since the anniversary has already come and gone, so I’m generally optimistic about my odds of passing.”
“Good,” he said, nodding as he reached for more fries. “I’m not a numbers guy, but if I can do anything to help you study, you know I will. I’m great at making flash cards.”
I snorted. “You are?”
He shrugged. “I mean, probably.”
“What kind of flash cards would you make, Connor?”
He tilted his head, like he was giving it serious thought. “Ones that definitely include both numbers and letters, ugly little algebraic formulas that only nerds like you can solve.”
“My dad told me when I was in third grade that ‘nerd’ and ‘genius’ are synonyms.”
“Well, Tony’s a loon, remember?” he teased.
“True,” I said, reaching for another burger. “What about you—what did your morning look like?”
“There was a water issue at the stadium so everything was rescheduled, which is how I ended up with free time. I have to work in a few hours, but I thought, ‘Why not see a stubborn little shit while I have time?’ ”
“Stop being so obsessed with me,” I teased, feeling light and flirty because somehow Connor made me feel that way all the time. “It’s almost embarrassing how into me you are.”
“It actually is,” he said quietly, and the tone in his voice made my toes curl. Our eyes met and it felt…God…like everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.
“Yeah, same,” I said quietly as we smiled at each other in the middle of the park. “We’re gross and I hate us.”
His deep, quiet chuckle was right up there with the sounds of the leaves blowing across the sidewalk, a celebration of the day’s beautiful moments that I wanted to curl up inside of and just replay, over and over again.
Especially when he rubbed a thumb softly over my cheekbone.
“How is Tony today, by the way?” he asked.
“I didn’t really see him. He was watching TV and I woke up late, so I kind of yelled goodbye and ran out the door. How’s your adorable grandpa? Did you get to FaceTime him this morning?” I asked.
His eyes grew more serious at the mention, and his smile turned sadder. “You know, the same. Healthy, good to see, but not really making a damn bit of sense.”
“That just sucks so badly,” I said, regretting being responsible for his dim expression. “Was your sister there?”
I remembered that he’d mentioned she visited every day.
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “She tries to see him before she goes into the office because he’s usually wiped by the time she’s off.”
“So which side is he on?” I asked, realizing he never told me. “Is he your dad’s dad or your mom’s?”
The second it came out of my mouth I regretted it, because oh shit—he’d been raised by his grandparents and had alluded to the fact that the reason was a bit dark. I backpedaled, not wanting to dig into something too personal. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything, I didn’t mean to pry—”
“No, it’s fine,” he interrupted, and I could tell he meant it. He looked unbothered when he said, “He’s my mother’s dad.”
I couldn’t stop myself from asking, “So she doesn’t see him at all?”
“She actually died a long time ago, when I was little.” His hand went up as he said, “And don’t feel bad for asking because it’s history that doesn’t hurt anymore.
I didn’t really ever know her—or my dad, for that matter.
She had some…not great hobbies and wasn’t especially maternal, which is why my grandparents took custody of me and Caroline when I was a baby. ”
“Oh my God,” I said in horror, taking his hand.
“No, it’s fine,” he said, giving me a reassuring look. “Seriously. I like that you know, honestly.”
“You do?”
He nodded with a small smile, and I smiled back. I could tell the wound wasn’t fresh, that it wasn’t something that hurt to talk about, but I also sensed it probably wasn’t his favorite subject. “Do you want to talk about something else?”
“Definitely,” he said, squeezing my hand before letting go to grab a fry. “What do you have in mind?”
“Um…” I looked up at the tree above him, a bright yellow cottonwood, and could only come up with, “The weather?”
I winced and grabbed my soda to drink off the shame.
“Okay,” he said with an amused look. “Or we could also talk about, like, love, if you wanted to.”
The gulp of soda went straight down the wrong tube, which immediately made me start coughing.
Which made him immediately start laughing. “Are you okay? Did I kill you with that question?”
“I’m fine,” I said, a tiny cough interrupting my words as I held up a finger. I let out a breath. “I guess let’s talk about love.”