Chapter Thirty-Six
Jo
I ’ve never cuddled with a man, but Lochlan’s arms will ruin me for all others.
I’ve seen this movie a hundred times, but I don’t recall a minute of it.
I’m solely focused on how our bodies are molded together.
His hand resting on my hip is searing me like a brand, and I spend a considerable amount of time slowing my breathing so my pulse doesn’t give away my nerves.
“I hope that was the perfect ending to our fucked up day,” he remarks once the credits roll.
“I don’t know, it hasn’t been all bad,” I whisper, shyly, not brave enough to look at him when I say it.
He cups my cheek, turning my face.
“You were almost ripped out of my arms by a tornado. It was fucking terrible,” he insists.
His lips are so close, I can’t help but stare at them, desperately wishing he would kiss me.
But, he doesn’t.
“You should get to bed,” he murmurs, tearing his eyes away from my mouth, too.
My entire being deflates.
“You’re right, today does suck,” I huff, jumping to my feet.
The rejection stings no matter the reason for it, and I don’t want him to see how badly it affects me.
“Jo,” he pleads, catching up to me on the porch.
“Goodnight, Lochlan.”
“Don’t leave when you’re upset.”
“I’m not upset,” I lie, staring out over the porch railing.
“I told you I couldn’t let your first kiss be a fake one.”
“Then don’t let it be fake.”
“What?”
“God, Lochlan, do you want me to beg? As if I’m not humiliated enough.”
He steps up behind me, gripping the porch railing on either side of my hands, leaning in with his head next to mine.
“I don’t want you to beg, darlin’, but I want to be a man who deserves you,” he whispers, breathing me in when I nuzzle into his neck.
“You deserve the world.”
“I don’t believe that, and neither should you.” He takes a step back, and it rips the lid off of my tamped-down emotions.
“You told me that I was the smartest person you know. Were you lying?”
“Of course, not.”
“Then take my word for it, and kiss me.”
He turns to look at me, but doesn’t take a step in my direction, and my chest heaves.
“Dammit, Lochlan. Kiss me!”
The rumble of his inner turmoil escapes his chest as he erases the distance between us, threading his fingers into my hair at the nape of my neck, stealing the air from my lungs .
His forehead battles mine as the war rages behind his eyes and the muscles in his jaw strain against his indecision.
“I won’t ask again. If you walk away from me now, I’m not giving you another chan– ”
He claims me fiercely, his mouth capturing mine with enough force to send electricity through my entire body.
His lips are soft despite his intensity, molding against mine as if they were made of the same pattern.
The fullness of my bottom lip is cradled perfectly in the seam of his and I feel the soft tug as if he wants to suck it into his mouth.
The pressure only holds for a second, though, before he pulls back, checking my face for signs of something as I blink up at him.
Pleasure?
Regret?
He won’t see any indication of the latter.
“I haven’t done this in a while,” he whispers roughly, close enough I can feel his breath skip against my lips.
“We don’t have to…”
“Don’t stop,” I plead, bringing his mouth to mine, and his whole body reciprocates, pinning me to the porch railing as he crushes my lips with his.
It’s hungry, starving even, but it’s not rough.
He’s a brutal man, but he’s tasting me like I’m the finest dessert, breathing me in while he explores my mouth, my lips, my tongue.
I’m dizzy with lust that I’ve never experienced, but his arms hold me steady, his muscles flexing as he cradles me against his chest.
His teeth brush against my bottom lip, and I gasp at the sensation, curling my arms around his neck to bring him impossibly closer until I’m weightless, floating as he settles me atop the railing.
Other than what I’ve studied while watching movies, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I want to do everything at the same time.
His teeth nip at my lip again, and I mimic it, reciprocating with my teeth against his bottom lip.
The strength of his arms tightens around me until it’s impossible for me to move, but I’m still not close enough.
I want him inside my skin and my legs spread on instinct, allowing his hips to meet the ‘v’ of mine.
The hardness that presses my tender flesh is foreign, and I can’t believe it is what I think it is, but I roll my hips against it anyway, dying to feel every inch.
His breath huffs against my mouth, and he freezes, squeezing his eyes shut as I grind my core over him.
This isn’t kissing, this is more, but no part of me wants to stop.
It feels too good.
The storm darkens in his eyes, but I know my time is coming to an end; his moral compass won’t take anything more from me.
I wish I could throw it into the fucking wind.
His big hands grip my hips suddenly, holding me taut against him and halting my movement.
But nothing can stop the throbbing that I’m experiencing at the apex of my thighs.
“I know, I know. You want to stop,” I sigh, dragging the tip of my nose over his cheek, lightly tracing his scar.
“No.” He shakes his head slightly.
“I want you in the worst possible way, darlin’. We need to stop.”
“Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean you have to treat me with kid gloves.”
He squeezes his eyes shut again, exhaling roughly, making his hips flex and push his hardness into me.
“There is nothing virginal about you,” he growls, claiming my lips again in a powerful kiss.
“Let me walk you home,” he strains through his teeth with his eyes still closed.
“I live ten feet away,” I whisper against his lips.
“Let me walk you home,” he utters, a little more in control of himself this time, tipping my head back to kiss my neck.
His stubble tickles my skin, making goosebumps rise on my arms and legs as warmth fills me everywhere else.
My feet hit the wooden planks of the porch, and he helps me regain my balance, but he doesn’t let go.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders, tucking my head into his chest as we walk down the four steps and eight stepping stone distance.
“Try to get some sleep tonight,” he whispers against my forehead before kissing it gently.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep.” I giggle softly, and he smiles.
One of those rare smiles he usually hides.
It sends my heart racing even faster.
“Yeah, me either.” He opens my door for me and reluctantly lets his arm fall, brushing his hand down my back as he does.
“Goodnight, darlin’.”
“Have sweet dreams, Lochlan.” I smile as he waits for me to close the door, and press my back to it once I’m alone inside.
I’d squeal if I didn’t know he was still right outside.
* * *
I’m not sure what the protocol is when you wake up the day after you kiss your fake fiancé for the first time.
I take my time getting ready, stalling, really.
Do I walk right into his house?
Do I pretend it isn’t a big deal?
So many lines were blurred last night, and I don’t want anything to bring down the cloud I’m on.
I swear my lips tingled all night long, I fell asleep with my fingertips pressed against them.
Unfortunately, when I open the door, it’s utter chaos outside.
I don’t know how I didn’t hear it, but there are people everywhere.
All the parolees, at least four cops and their cars, Jackson’s here, and I see Lochlan standing across the gravel lot, pointing and talking to Hayes.
Something happened.
“Jackson, what’s going on?” I ask him because he’s the person nearest to me.
“Someone pulled one of the fence partitions down last night, tried to use the wind damage from the storm to cover their tracks, but you can see the metal’s been clipped. Trail cams caught one of the bears getting loose.”
“Oh no.”
“Lochlan’s leading the charge. They’re coordinating a search party, and I’m going to head down the mountain, close the road so traffic can’t come up this way until they catch him.”
“I need to check on Lochlan,” I mumble, and Jackson looks amused.
He doesn’t ask, and I ignore his curiosity.
Tension is thick as I approach Lochlan and Hayes.
He senses me, though, turning as soon as I’m in arm’s reach.
“Which one was it?” I ask right before he pulls me in like last night, kissing the top of my head.
My cheeks heat with the surprising display of affection, my eyes flicking to Hayes, who doesn’t look shocked in the slightest .
Did Lochlan tell him we kissed last night?
I don’t know which answer is good or bad.
“Dodie, the old fucker limped out of here on three legs like he was reclaiming the wild.” Lochlan sighs, still keeping his arm wrapped around me.
“Do you need my help?”
“Nah, nothing we can’t handle.”
“I might have Jackson take me back to get my car once he’s done here.”
“Okay, let me know when you’re almost back in case there’s a grumpy bear roaming around,” he says gruffly, but not nearly as angry as he’d normally be in this type of circumstance.
“Sure.” I pull away to leave, but he tugs me back in, locking me in with a passionate kiss in front of Hayes, God, and everybody, until I’m breathless and slightly hazy.
I fumble my way back over to Jackson’s cruiser, and I’m not sure how I didn’t trip.
“Well, that’s not what I expected to see this morning.”
“It’s… Complicated.”