Chapter Forty-Seven
Lochlan
T he thing that saddens me the most is how you treat yourself.
I haven’t stopped hearing her voice say those words all night.
I’ve been so caught up in my self-loathing all summer that I never thought to ask her what her Master’s thesis was about…
Not that I even knew what that meant until this afternoon, as someone who didn’t get to graduate from high school and earned their GED in prison.
Jo steps out of the guesthouse, and I tip the rest of my drink into my mouth, accepting the burn of it down my throat.
She tiptoes up the porch steps to where I’m sitting in my usual rocking chair and stops a few feet from me.
Unlike last night, which feels like a lifetime ago, she’s wearing a silk nightgown under the silk robe.
Fully clothed but dangerously tempting.
“Jackson texted me. He wanted me to let you know that Randall Porter has an alibi for all the incidents here. He’s going to keep looking into it, though.”
“My gut’s still telling me he isn’t innocent. ”
“I believe your gut, too.” She looks at me thoughtfully, sweetly, but filled with uncertainty.
All because of me.
I pat my knee, reaching out and pulling her to my lap without any resistance.
She curls into me and lets me rock her while I struggle to gather the words to voice my thoughts.
No matter how much time I have, it never seems like enough to express how I feel in the right way.
But she deserves more than my silence.
“I’m sorry for using our fake engagement to try to sway you earlier.” She twists my grandmother’s ring off her finger before I can speak.
“It wasn’t fair when you’ve been firm in your boundaries.”
She tries to hand it to me, but I stop her, wrapping my fingers around hers.
“I told my mother that I’m done with the events and I’m done with her and my father. I don’t need a safety net anymore,” she whispers.
“Keep it until after your birthday, until you’re sure you won’t need it. It’ll make me feel better.”
She smiles softly and slips it back onto her ring finger.
“I turn in my paper next week, and then that’s it. I’m officially a Master’s graduate.”
“No cap and gown?”
“No, not when you finish your credits in the summer. I could come back and walk in the winter commencement this December, but I don’t see the point.”
“Why not?”
“I’d only be walking for myself, I wouldn’t have any family in attendance.”
“I’d come.”
“You’d sit in a packed event center for hours to watch me walk across the stage for five seconds?” She giggles like it’s a ludicrous thought.
“I’d do a lot more than that for a glimpse of you.”
She tips her head up to look at me.
“It’s when you say things like that… That’s what makes me want to stay,” she murmurs.
“The way you touch me is a bonus.”
“Maybe I should keep my mouth shut then and just batter you with orgasms until your next big adventure.”
“I want to get the full experience of this one,” she whispers against my lips.
I hold her tenderly and kiss her deeply, pouring my heart into hers because I don’t have the words to do it properly.
Her lips elicit warmth in my blood, but the aching in my chest is heavier.
I don’t want to give her up, I don’t want her to give the ring back.
I want every part of her while I can have her.
“Can I ask you for something selfish, darlin’?”
“Anything.”
“Stay with me until you leave. Sleep in my bed, in my arms. If my lap is available, don’t sit in any other seat.”
She smiles, “Only if you promise me something in return.”
“What’s that?”
“Call me darlin’ every day, multiple times a day, and don’t ever use it on another woman. I want it to be mine.”
“I can guarantee there will never be another.”
“Is it selfish of me to be so happy about that?”
“It’s never selfish as long as you’re happy.”
“I don’t know if it works that way.”
I shrug because she’ll never convince me otherwise.
“What’s next? Your first stop once you pack your bags?”
Her face shifts, solemnly.
“I don’t know. I used to think I’d start driving and only stop when I found something to look at.”
“But?”
“But that seems like a lot of driving and not a very solid plan,” she laughs softly.
“The closer I get to freedom, the more scared I am to do it alone. I’ve always done everything alone, but this seems different.”
“I just want you to be safe.”
“Maybe I’ll spend a week at the beach, get a nice tan, and plan my itinerary. There’s nothing the ocean can’t fix.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“You’ve never been to the ocean? You live in a coastal state?”
“I’ve never really gone anywhere other than here and to prison.”
Her jaw slackens, and she stares at me until she’s convinced I’m not joking.
“That’s crazy. No, what’s crazy is that I can’t steal you away from all of your duties and force you to come with me.”
A small smile tilts my lips at her thought.
“Being taken by you would be a pleasure.”
She tucks her head into my neck so I can’t see her face and sighs.
“I wish you were serious, but I know you’d say no, and I don’t feel like crying tonight.”
“You know I can’t leave this place.”
“I know,” she utters the words so softly that I can hardly hear her.
I rock us silently back and forth for a long time, nowhere nearer to a solution.
She’s meant to leave, and I’m meant to stay here; that’s the reality.
“Do me another favor… Go get a new phone so I can send you bikini pictures fr om the beach.”
My hand tightens around her thigh at the prospect.
“Done.”
“Take me to bed,” she whispers against my jaw, kissing it lightly.
I lift her from our seat and don’t let her feet hit the floor as I carry her to my bed.
It’s a terrible idea to keep her this close, knowing it’s only temporary, but I don’t want to miss out on a single second that I have her.
The silk that covers her figure melts against my skin as I hold her close and breathe in the scent of her hair.
My fingers memorize every inch from her knee to her hip as my palm roams over her.
It isn’t until she hooks her leg over my hip that my hand travels further and I find out that she isn’t wearing anything under her nightgown, and I squeeze her ass appreciatively because of it.
My fingertips dance softly across her curves, following the crest between her cheeks to her slick heat.
Her breath hitches when I graze over her pussy.
“Open up for me, baby.” She lets her leg fall off my hip and spreads her thighs so I have better access to her, and I take full advantage, slipping two fingers into her hot center, making her moan.
I let the heal of my hand stimulate her clit while I fuck her with my fingers, letting my mind get away from me as I fantasize driving my cock into her this way.
“More,” she breathes against my lips, taking my mouth in a desperate kiss.
She takes what she wants, slipping her tongue against mine until I’m burning with reckless need for her.
My hips rock against her thigh in rhythm with my fingers pumping in and out of her, consumed by her.
Her grip around my neck tightens as I make love to her mouth, breathing in every whimper and moan that escapes.
Her orgasm is coming, I can feel her inner walls tightening, and just before the spasm comes, I remove my hand, leaving her empty.
“Ahh, what? Why?” She cries just before I yank her tits free from her nightgown and suck her nipple into my mouth.
“Oh, fuck,” she mutters, forgetting her earlier complaints.
My hand tweaks one nipple while I feast on the other, soaking in the way her body writhes against me in pleasure.
She keeps grinding against my cock through my boxers, and when I switch the attention of my mouth to her opposite nipple, she bucks her hips, involuntarily catching the crown of my dick against her demanding tight hole.
She freezes, feeling the blunt object push against her opening, and then she rocks against it purposefully, her mouth popping open in a daze as she fixates on it.
I can’t stop watching as she bounces her hips up and down, practically fucking herself without penetration.
I should stop this.
But, I don’t.
“You’re such a good little tease, using my cock.” She whimpers at my words, putting herself in a frenzy.
“You’re so wet for me, I’d slip in so easily, filling your tight little cunt. I’d fuck you until you couldn’t stop screaming my name.”
“I want to cum on your cock,” she begs in near delusion.
Her cheeks are flushed red with frustration and ecstasy.
“Rub your clit, focus on that, let me help you.” I grab the base of my length through my underwear and push my head against her pussy, replicating what she was doing with her hips, letting her relax.
Her fingers find her clit and she starts working herself rapidly, chasing her orgasm at a full sprint as I pretend to fuck her.
And, as I die inside, desperately wanting to take her for myself.
“I’m so close, Lochlan,” she rasps out between breaths right before her head falls back in explosive relief.
I’m pressed so tightly against her pussy that I can feel the waves of her orgasm clenching the head of my cock, and it steals the air from my lungs.
It nearly kills me.
* * *
I dream about fucking her, all night I make love to her in my dreams, whispering praise and ‘I love yous’ in her ear, begging her to stay without consequence for doing so.
When I wake, imagining her mouth taking me, I’m not surprised.
It played on repeat throughout my sleep, but when I keep blinking and the sensation isn’t evaporating, my head launches off my pillow.
Jo’s sweet ass is in the air between my thighs as she sucks me into her mouth as far as she can go and back up slowly.
“Good morning, sweet man,” she hums from beside my stiff cock.
All I can do is blink at her, no words forming on my tongue.
Her tongue circles my crown, and a strangled noise escapes my chest.
Then she takes my head in her mouth, and my whole body shudders.
“Fuck. You don’t have to do this, darlin’,” I tell her reluctantly, wanting nothing more for her to keep going.
“I want to.” She dips her head again, her lips dragging down the length of my cock until she gags herself.
“You don’t have to do that either,” I grunt.
My legs flex and the tingling at the base of my spine electrocutes me when she hollows her cheeks to suck her way back up.
When strands of her hair fall into her face, I reach for them, fisting all of her hair at the nape of her neck so it’s out of her way.
“Do you like it?” She murmurs.
“Yes.”
Her response is to take me down her throat, again, squeezing her hand around the base of my cock where her mouth doesn’t reach.
She takes her time, exploring my length with her mouth until I can’t stop my hips from flexing, begging to take the reins.
“Tell me what to do.” She’s driving me wild already, but she must sense my need.
I forget how inexperienced she is and how eager she is to learn.
“Do what you’re doing, just faster. Don’t be gentle.”
She responds kindly, bobbing her head at a quicker pace and tightening her lips around my girth until my hips buck in response.
“Oh, fuck. Just like that… You’re killin’ me, baby.”
Her mouth pops off of me suddenly, as she sucks in a lungful of air, trying to catch her breath.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to do this and breathe at the same time.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to–”
“No, I want to keep going.” She sucks me back into her mouth determinedly and I groan in appreciation.
My fingers tighten on her scalp, holding her head taught.
“ Breathe through your nose. Don’t worry about moving until you’re ready.” She hums in agreement as I flex my hips, fucking her mouth softly.
“Good girl. Now suck… Yeah, just like that. Flatten your tongue and swallow when I hit the back of your throat… Fuck… You’re so fucking perfect, baby… Breathe, keep breathing through it…”
I’m in a fucking trance pumping my cock into her hot little mouth, I feel like I’m still dreaming.
“I’m not going to last much longer, darlin’, you’re too fucking good.”
She hums happily, clawing my thighs with her fingers as she deep throats me farther than she’s gone before, and then competes with herself, taking me down her throat repeatedly until I’m a fucking goner.
“Yes, baby… Fuck… I can’t… Look at me, let me see those pretty eyes…” Her big brown eyes blink up at me with a mouthful of my cock and it’s all I can take.
I explode down her throat before I have a chance to warn her, too dazed with pleasure as my cum fills her mouth and coats her lips, dripping down her chin.
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She swipes the evidence of my release off of her face and sucks it into her mouth making my depleted cock pulse.
I shake my head at her.
“You don’t even realize how fucking sexy you are.” She shrugs, shyly, and I reach for her, pulling her down on top of me.
“Beautiful, perfect, sexy, gorgeous, and dumb as hell for even giving me the time of day.”
She giggles against my chest and kisses the place over my heart.
“I don’t know, I think it’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Then come up here and sit on my face, let me prove myself.”
She sits up and looks down at me sweetly.
“You don’t need to prove yourself, I know you are well equipped to take care of me. But, I also need to get to campus. I need to turn in some paperwork and take an exam.”
“I would have woken up earlier if I had known that.”
“In my defense, you do normally wake up before me, but you seem more inclined to ignore your responsibilities when I’m in your bed.”
“Can you blame me?” I palm her ass in my hands, squeezing roughly.
“Three more days and then school is over,” she whispers solemnly.
“Eight days until my birthday.”
“Then, let’s make the most of it.” I kiss her head, pretending like I’m not falling apart at the thought.