Chapter Fifty-Eight
Jo
T he burning in my nose travels to my sinuses, and it’s all it takes for the tears to spring from the corners of my eyes.
“Don’t cry, baby.”
“I can’t help it, I don’t want to go.”
He drops his head to my chest in defeat, as if he’s a failure for making me want to stay.
“I don’t want to forget,” I whisper, sliding his grandmother’s ring off my finger.
He stops me.
“Keep it.”
“I can’t. It should stay in your family.”
“My grandmother would want the love of my life to have it even if I can’t have her,” he tells me with a lifetime of sadness in his eyes.
I push his shoulder, forcing him to roll off me, and he goes willingly, sending a pang of hurt into my chest when I see his crushed gaze.
But when I crawl on top of him, his eyes flare back to life.
I don’t check to see if he’s still hard before I reach down and line my pussy up with his cock, but he’s primed and ready as I sit on it, ignoring the sting as I take him fully in one motion.
He grunts in surprise, blinking up at me.
“Tell me to stay.”
He squeezes his eyes shut in pain.
I don’t accept that as an answer, and I start grinding on his lap, using him.
“Tell me that you love me.”
“I love you, so fucking much,” he utters, gripping my hips in his hands.
“Tell me to stay,” I demand, riding his cock like a woman unhinged.
“I can’t,” he whispers.
My hands grip his throat and I feel his rumble of appreciation as I fuck him.
“Tell me to stay!” I beg, feeling the tears stream down my cheeks.
“I can’t!” He forces out, as I crush his windpipe.
He doesn’t bother pretending to fight me as he sits up, letting my hands stay wrapped around his neck as he threads his in my hair.
“I can’t tell you to stay,” he utters miserably.
It’s as if a balloon bursts and my entire being deflates.
My whole body stills.
“You’re really going to let me leave?”
“I have to.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do.”
“Dammit, Lochlan.” I jump off of him, stumbling off the bed.
“You’re breaking my heart.”
His eyes shut, again, and he hangs his head.
“I know, but you’ll forgive me one day.”
“No, I won’t.” I feel the pieces of my rational self fall apart one by one as he sits there in silence.
“You promised that you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me!”
“But, I did! And, if you let me leave here, then this isn’t what I thought it was. You’re just another person to use me and throw me away.” I storm out of his room to his grandparents’ old room, where my suitcase is.
“Jo!” He calls after me, but he doesn’t follow me.
I expect him to chase me, but he doesn’t, and I sink to my knees, wrapping myself in my arms.
After everything I’ve gone through this summer, I still only have myself…
I’m all alone, again.
* * *
I picked myself up off the floor, and he didn’t come check on me.
I dusted myself off, got dressed, and he didn’t come.
I got ready for the last time in this house without a single bit of protest from him.
My heart is shattered because of it.
The pain feels so real, as if it’s truly breaking into a million pieces.
When I step into the hallway with my suitcase, you could hear a pin drop, and that’s when I realize he isn’t even in the house.
I check all the rooms upstairs and down, but he’s gone.
The rental car company will be here to pick me up soon, but he’s nowhere to be found.
His Bronco is still out front, but he’s not on the porch or in his rocking chair .
He really had me fooled.
I sit on the porch steps with my giant suitcase and wait because I’m the only one I have left.
I’m too embarrassed to call Jackson and let him hear my heartbreak, and I don’t want to go searching for one of the guys who have become my friends and stumble upon the man who doesn’t even want me…
A man who would let me leave without saying goodbye.
I left the painting of the wild strawberry clearing inside.
No need to carry reminders with me.
I wait and wait, letting the pit of despair crash over me in waves.
I’m going to miss Emory, Becky, and Tessa.
I’ll miss seeing Jordy go off to greater things, Seiver and his old man charm.
I won’t hear how Curtis is doing.
No more bears, no more feeling of home.
A car pulls through the gates, and I stand, breathing back more tears when the man I’ll miss most of all comes running up from the bunkhouse.
I can’t even look at him.
I drag my suitcase over to the car, but just as the driver pops the trunk, Lochlan slams it shut.
“Who the fuck is this?” He growls.
“It’s my rental car.”
“Go, get lost.” He slams the top of the hood.
“Get the fuck out of here!” He yells at the terrified man in the driver’s seat.
“I just waited 20 minutes for that. And, it’s not his fault, you don’t have to yell at him.” I kick my suitcase and let it topple over as I storm back over to the porch.
“I don’t have swim trunks.”
“What?” I throw my hands up because what the fuck is happening today .
“You said you were going to the beach. I don’t own swim trunks.”
“What?” I squeak out this time.
“I told you I couldn’t come with you.”
“I know, the sanctuary needs you.”
He waves me off.
“I thought I could watch you walk away. After everything I’ve sacrificed in my life, I thought I’d be used to it. I was determined to let you go.”
I blink at him, trying to process what’s happening.
“But this place doesn’t need me the way I need you.”
A breath of relief escapes my chest.
“You believed in me before you ever knew me, and you gave me my life back. You saved me when no one else would, and if you’re asking for a life with me in it, I’m going to take it and never let it go. I’ll never get a chance like this from you again, and if I lose you, I won’t survive, darlin’.” He closes the distance between us, clutching my head in his hands.
“You want to come with me?” I’m still not sure I’m hearing him correctly.
His life, his grandfather’s legacy, is here.
“I offered Seiver a pay raise. Hayes will handle what he can’t. I called Becky, and she threatened to smack me on the back of the head for not telling you all of this sooner. She’ll handle the admin stuff.”
“You’re coming with me,” I confirm, watching a smile tilt his lips.
“I’ll have to come back from time to time to check in and make sure there’s still something left for Emory to take over, but wherever you go, I’ll follow. If you want me to.”
“Lochlan.” I squeeze my eyes shut this time to ward off happy tears.
“I do want to travel, I want adventure, and I’ll buy you swim trunks… But I like it here. I want this to be my home. I want to have pizza with Emory every weekend, and I want to get to know my brother better. I want to have a life with you. Let’s go anywhere, everywhere, but bring me home. Here.”
He kisses me with his entire being, wrapping me in his arms this time with no expiration, and I finally let the tears escape, feeling whole for the first time in my life.
“Promise me something, darlin’. Don’t take that ring off until I can get you a bigger one,” he whispers against my lips.
I shrug in his arms.
“I like this one just fine.”
* * *
“JoAnna Dane,” the dean of the engineering department, reads my new name, and I step onto the stage in front of a sea of other graduates.
The gown swishes around my calves as I walk confidently across the stage in my favorite sky-high heels to retrieve my diploma.
The thunder of applause and a few whistles that I recognize draw my attention to the audience and the section of seats closest to the graduates’ seats.
Jordy, Arizona, and Seiver are standing up cheering for me.
Jackson, Natalie, and Dec are in front of them, and Emory, Becky, and Tessa are beside them.
And, in front of them all, standing proudly, is Lochlan.
He claps thunderously, watching me walk to my seat with a twinkle in his eye.
Love, it’s love .
He’s loved me thoroughly and deeply every moment of every day, and he’s shown me what the real meaning of life is all about.
Love, peace, and family.
He’s tried to buy me a new engagement ring, but I refuse to take off his grandmother’s.
He insists on giving me a big wedding, surrounded by people who love us, but I didn’t want to wait.
I made sure his last name was the one I’d carry on my diploma.
A wedding can come later.
He says I gave him his life back, but mine only started when I met him.
I used to want the white knight in shining armor.
But I needed the scorned prince who would let his kingdom burn for me.