Chapter 6
Reshma
Reshma tried to move past Zafar, but he was big and quick and blocked her move again.
Thankfully, they weren’t in earshot of anyone where they were now standing.
To any onlookers, they probably looked like a couple having a moment together.
What a joke! Little would they know that she was doing her best to stay calm and not push past him.
The atmosphere in the garden was happy and party-like and she didn’t want to be the one to poop it.
As it was, she’d had a hard time trying to be excited and coming across as though she was having the time of her life when she’d been out with Haniya and Saleema, whose friends had joined them afterwards too.
She wasn’t worried about Saleema, but Haniya knew her better.
They’d grown up together and once she caught the scent of something, she didn’t let go until she’d investigated every single angle she could.
There was little Haniya didn’t know about Reshma, except her recent discovery of the reason behind Zafar’s surprise arrival.
She and the girls had grabbed iced coffees and then made their way to the nail salon where they’d had manicures and pedicures.
Thankfully, Reshma’s technician’s station had been a bit further from the other two – who were side by side – and she’d got away with it.
She didn’t want them finding out what was going on.
‘Look, Reshma, I know I handled this morning badly, and I’m sorry for that.’
‘It’s fine, Zafar. There’s really nothing more to talk about. I get the picture.’ And she was done with this conversation. She wasn’t even sure why he was still there.
‘How can you if you won’t even give me a chance to explain myself properly? I was caught off guard by Mum and then suddenly you were there and—’ He ran his hand through his hair, something he’d done more of in the last twenty-four hours than she’d seen him do before.
‘And the truth came out. I know. I was there.’ She didn’t know where the sudden sarcasm was coming from, but she let it. It was better than allowing her true feelings of hurt to come out.
He sighed as he shook his head. ‘I don’t want to be at odds with you, Reshma.’
She laughed softly at that. ‘We can’t be at odds, Zafar.
One’s got to be in sync in the first place, in agreement with a person.
We’ve never been in sync.’ Reshma felt her suppressed anger from earlier start to simmer again but was mindful that this wasn’t the time or place to be having this conversation.
She was feeling an array of emotions and the last thing she wanted was for any of them to spill over with everyone around her.
It would cause her aunts and uncles – and Daadi for that matter – undue worry and she didn’t want to sour the atmosphere for Saleema or the others, who were together after a long time, enjoying themselves.
Besides, how was she supposed to explain the fact that it wasn’t so much about him turning up at his father’s behest as it was a build-up of … everything.
‘That’s because we’ve not had the chance to.’
She looked at him in disbelief. ‘No. That’s not true. We’ve had a year, longer if you include our engagement. In that time, I have made the effort. It’s you who’s never bothered, but you know what? I’m not having this conversation with you right now. It’s neither the time nor the place for it.’
A collective aww had both her and Zafar looking to her right, where she saw a cousin from Saleema’s dad’s side of the family with his wife. They were sitting with a small group of guests, who chuckled as the couple blushed.
Reshma suppressed the pang in her chest and instead scoffed, loud enough for Zafar to look away from the happy couple and back at her.
‘That’s what being in sync looks like, Zafar.
Not this.’ She waved her hand between them, and after a fraught pause, she moved away from him again, though this time he didn’t stop her and she was glad.
She didn’t want to lose the little control she had on her cool and for there to be a falling-out.
She went into the villa, not bothering to look back at where Zafar was or what he was doing.
She was going to avoid him as much as she could and for as long as she could.
At least until she could put her thoughts into some semblance of order and figure out what she was going to do.
Only then would she be able to work out how to move forward.
Later that night, after she’d got into her comfiest pyjamas, Reshma grabbed her e-reader and sat on the sofa in the bedroom, hoping to immerse herself in a fantasy world because reality wasn’t worth her time right now, only to get up five minutes later in restlessness.
She opened the patio door and stood leaning against the frame.
She could smell the salt on the ocean breeze and hear the soft lull of the waves in the distance.
Today had, without a doubt, been one of the harder days of her adult life.
She’d managed to avoid Zafar for the better part of the day and sensing that she wasn’t in the mood to engage with him, he’d kept his distance from her.
It had been easier after their late lunch because the guys had naturally gravitated towards sitting together outside and the women had gone into the villa to relax and socialise where it was cooler.
Food and drink had been free-flowing well into the evening and by the time everyone was ready to say good night, the mood was comfortable and mellow. A vast contrast to how Reshma had been feeling.
When she’d seen Daadi stifle another yawn, she’d seized the opportunity to make her escape with her and they’d left Zafar sitting with her uncles and cousins as she and Daadi went back to their villa. He’d made a move to join them but Uncle Jawad had urged him to stay.
Daadi was settled and Reshma had taken the opportunity to have a long soak in the massive claw-foot bathtub, bubbles and all, to try to ease the tension she’d felt thrumming through her body since she’d overheard that conversation that morning.
They did say that no good came of eavesdropping, though that was not strictly what she’d been doing.
She hadn’t come to any grand conclusion since then, but what she had decided was that she was done with pretending everything was OK between her and Zafar – at least between themselves.
If she was brutally honest, their relationship had been stagnant since soon after they’d got married.
So, there was no point in her just smiling or making small talk or trying her best with him, waiting for him to respond.
Waiting for him to see her. She was going to stop pretending that they were in a good place and she had all the patience in the world to wait for things to be how she’d dreamt they would be, in all her naivety.
She’d had enough lessons in life to tell her that things rarely worked out like they did in fairy tales, books or films. It was all make-believe.
She rested her head against the frame, closing her eyes as she turned so her back was resting against it too.
Thoughts and memories that had been hidden in the deep recesses of her mind had surfaced today after she’d discovered Zafar’s real reason for coming.
Some of those memories were so old, that when they’d resurfaced, they’d felt alien, until she’d realised that they were her own.
Like the memory of her mother’s parents being so full of grief for their lost daughter that they had little to no affection for their granddaughter.
Or when she’d learnt that her father had found someone and was planning to get married.
She’d thought he might finally be ready for the responsibility of a daughter with his new wife, though she’d been torn between wanting that acceptance and leaving Uncle Jawad and his family, who had embraced her as their own.
Of course, nothing had come of that. Her father’s new wife hadn’t wanted the responsibility of a twelve-year-old girl and neither had he, which was rich because they’d gone on to have three children.
A soft click had her opening her eyes and she found Zafar standing beside the closed bedroom door, his hand on the doorknob.
He looked at her, his expression inscrutable, and Reshma turned the other way as she swiped at her cheeks, brushing away the errant tears that had fallen.
Thankfully, he didn’t seem to have seen them.
‘Hey.’ He stepped further into the room, his hands in his pockets.
‘Hey.’ She responded over her shoulder and then turned to look out the patio door, not that she could see much in the dark.
The sliver of moon that was supposed to be in the sky seemed to have taken cover under the clouds and she couldn’t see any stars.
It was kind of poetic how it reflected her mood.
‘Can we talk?’ He sounded closer, but she didn’t turn and look his way.
‘There’s nothing to say, Zafar.’ Her voice sounded heavy to her own ears.
She heard him sigh before he spoke. ‘We didn’t manage to talk this morning and you didn’t want to talk in the garden this afternoon and I didn’t push, but I don’t want to leave things like this.’
She turned to face him at that, finding him standing a metre away from her. His brow was furrowed and lines bracketed his mouth.
‘What is there to say? I told you, you don’t have to stay, feel free to go back to London.’ She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She moved past him to make her way towards the bed when he stopped her with a warm hand on her arm.
‘I’m not going back to London, Reshma.’ He said the words so vehemently, she was tempted to believe him. But she was done with being gullible.
‘Why not?’ She pulled her hand away and faced him. ‘It makes sense for you to. You don’t want to be here and I’m telling you that you don’t need to hang around on my account, so what’s the issue? Or is it the fact that you’ll disappoint your dad by going home early without me?’