Chapter 14
Reshma
‘Is there a reason you’re frowning and not fawning over me?
We get one afternoon to ourselves amid all the pandemonium and I feel like you’re not giving it the reverence it deserves.
’ Haniya aimed popcorn into her mouth, tossing it inelegantly and trying to catch it in her mouth.
If Auntie Bilqis were to see her, she’d hit the roof.
Haniya had come over to Reshma’s villa to spend some time with her, while Daadi, and Auntie Bilqis were at Auntie Ruqayyah’s villa going through some more last-minute discussions about the wedding, i.e.
, a chinwag with tea on tap. Uncle Jawad, Zafar and Shoaib had gone somewhere together, Shoaib only saying it was a guy thing when asked where they were off to.
Reshma had been sitting at the table working when the doorbell had rung and Haniya had made her way inside, holding her laptop and a bag full of snacks.
She’d harassed Reshma until she’d stopped working and now they were sitting on the sofa, trying to decide what to watch but struggling to choose.
By the time they decided, the others would probably be back.
While Haniya had been flicking through the various titles on whichever streaming service she had moved on to, Reshma’s mind flicked through the events of the night before.
Namely, the way Zafar had sat there, calling himself a failure and then, in the next moment, not only had he physically supported her when she’d witnessed her father playing happy families in a unit she wasn’t a part of, Zafar had gone further than that and actually spoken up on her behalf against her father, rendering the other man speechless.
Then he’d taken her hand and walked away from him without a backward glance.
Reshma hadn’t known how to react. She hadn’t known what to say or do in the face of such defence on her behalf. Especially from Zafar. It had touched her, no doubt about it, but it had also added to the tumult of feelings she was going through because of him.
There were so many different emotions and resulting contradictions to try to figure out.
Reshma wondered how much of what was happening she could attribute to time and place.
Was it being here – somewhere different and exciting, away from normal life – and the fact that she and Zafar were spending extensive periods of time around each other?
Back at home in London, that had never been the case.
People saw them as a couple here, whereas at home people saw them as Zafar and Reshma.
There was also the major factor of Zafar’s work to consider. At home, his work consumed him. That’s what he did with over ninety per cent of his time, maybe even ninety-five. Here he didn’t have that. But did that mean that when they got back, things would go back to how they were?
‘Hellooo? Earth to Reshma? Do you copy?’ Haniya threw popcorn at Reshma’s head with each word she spoke.
Reshma stuck a cushion in front of her face to shield herself. ‘Grow up, Niya! And you’re going to clean this mess up yourself.’
‘Well, it’s good to know you’re back with me and not away with the fairies. So,’ she closed her laptop and turned on the sofa to face her properly, her legs folded under her and her head resting on her hand as she propped her arm against the backrest. ‘Talk to Niya. What’s bothering you, child?’
Reshma groaned as she pressed the cushion onto her face, making it sound like a suppressed scream. ‘Am I that obvious?’ She lowered the cushion and stared at Haniya the bloodhound.
‘To me? Yes. To others …’ She shrugged her shoulders and tossed more popcorn into her mouth. ‘Uncle Ahsan? Or his family?’
‘Partly.’
‘O-K. And the rest of it …?’
Reshma blew out a breath through her mouth and her lips juddered with its force. ‘Zafar.’
‘Ah.’ Haniya moved the popcorn away and made her way to the kitchen, pulling two mugs out of the cabinet and setting them in front of the coffee machine.
She brought two steaming mugs back and took some chocolate-covered biscuits from her snack bag before settling in the same position and then eyeing Reshma with interest.
‘I’m ready now. Talk.’
Reshma burst out laughing. ‘You’re such a joker.’
‘What? I’m serious.’ Reshma wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. ‘Well, at least you don’t look as morose. Glad I could put a smile on your gorgeous face. Now, tell me what’s going on in that overactive imagination of yours.’
Reshma groaned again, but softly this time as she reached for a biscuit and her coffee.
‘So, you know how everyone seems to think that Zafar came here to surprise me?’
‘Uh, I was there. In fact, we travelled together, so I know he came to surprise you.’
Reshma shook her head as Haniya looked at her in confusion. ‘That’s not what it was. He was forced to come out here by his dad.’
She went on to tell a wide-eyed Haniya what she had discovered the morning after Zafar’s surprise arrival.
‘I sensed that there was something up with you that morning when we were getting our nails done, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I put it down to my own jet lag.’
‘Yeah, not quite.’
‘He didn’t want to come. Huh. But why?’
‘Because he wasn’t interested. His work and his commitments back home were more important to him than coming out here for a wedding with me.
’ She experienced a wave of the old feelings of disappointment, though this time, in contrast, she also thought about his behaviour with her over the last few days.
Haniya frowned at that. ‘That’s not the impression I get.’
‘You asked why he didn’t want to come and that is the reason he didn’t want to come. Except now, it’s different.’
‘How so?’
‘I don’t know.’ Reshma wasn’t sure how to articulate her thoughts and tell Haniya what was going through her head.
She could barely make sense of it herself.
‘Since we’ve been married, I’ve got the bare minimum from Zafar.
He’s never been unkind or uncivil, but then he’s not like that with anyone.
But we’ve never established the connection I wanted with him.
The connection I’ve seen between Uncle Jawad and Auntie Bilqis, or now between Saleema and Nomaan. ’
‘I have to say, I was surprised he didn’t know you liked Italian food. I let the sniffling thing slide because I thought maybe he’s never sniffled in front of you.’
Reshma grinned at that. ‘Zafar’s not a sniffler, and thank God for that. I’d have gone batshit crazy.’
‘Grounds for divorce if you ask me. Sorry, Judge, he sniffled too much and wouldn’t blow his nose .’
They both giggled before Haniya sobered and looked at Reshma closely.
‘He seems different out here, though. And maybe this was exactly what your relationship needed. Time and space. Don’t forget, you two hardly had a chance to get to know each other and forge a connection before you got married.
Things like that don’t happen overnight, or even over a year.
And, to be fair to him, anyone can see that despite Uncle Nasir being there, it seems like the entire weight of the Saeed family sits on Zaf’s shoulders, and that includes their family business. ’
Reshma rested her head back against the cushions, her mind going over what Zafar had said to her last night.
She’d come to that conclusion herself too.
There was a great deal of pressure on Zafar, and no matter how capable he was, he was a human at the end of the day and with all those balls he was juggling, it was inevitable that he’d struggle to keep each and every one in the air.
It was just her luck that the ball he had dropped was their relationship.
But he’d picked it up and was now giving it the attention he hadn’t so far and he’d proved how much he cared when he’d stood up for her to her father. The man who was the poster boy for uninterested.
‘He’s different now without any of those responsibilities demanding his immediate attention, but what about when we go back home?
What if it’s the time and place that’s making him say he wants things to be different between us?
What if when we go back and all those responsibilities are there, we fall back into the same groove? I can’t carry on like that, Niya.’
‘Reshma, darling, no one can offer you a guarantee on that front. That being said, I think you’re being a tad unfair on him and you’re jumping way ahead.
Rewind a bit. You said he apologised to you and he wants things to be different.
Surely that’s a great starting place? If he really wasn’t interested, or if his work was really that much more important, wouldn’t he have left when you told him he could go back? ’
Reshma plucked another biscuit out of the packet and nibbled on it.
She ate in silent contemplation, letting all the thoughts bounce around in her head, along with her inner demons and insecurities.
She wanted to believe positive things, but her experience had set her default at negative, making her doubt herself before she did anything else.
‘I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what to think or believe anymore.
My brain is going through phases of going blank and then remembering everything but seeing it through a distorted lens in which everything looks negative, except when it comes to our family.
You know Auntie Bilqis gave me your grandmother’s jewellery?
’ she said, going off on a tangent and making Haniya blink owlishly for a moment before she smiled at her, as though she’d known the plan all along.
‘You know our Naano thought of you as her granddaughter just as much as she did me. She’d be happy for you to wear her jewellery and I’m more than happy for you to have it.
Mum is over the moon about passing it down to you, what with you being her favourite.
’ There was no censure in her voice or resentment. Just affection.