Chapter 26 #2
Yes, she was heartbroken. Yes, she felt like each breath she took was like a fresh cut to her heart.
The sense of abandonment and rejection which she was so familiar with surrounded her again and she felt weighed down by it.
But she wouldn’t let it drown her. She would get up, get what she needed to so she was ready and then make her way to Saleema’s reception with her family.
She wasn’t angry with Zafar as much as she felt livid with herself for letting things get to the point where she’d opened herself up to being in such a position yet again.
It seemed to her that she didn’t learn and each time she put herself out there, she would face such heartbreak.
Though nothing would ever hurt her the way Zafar had today.
She made her way back to her villa after persuading Haniya to finish getting ready and assuring her that she was fine, at least enough to go and get the things she needed.
Her bag was sitting where she’d left it on the floor beside the kitchen island.
She cast a glance across the kitchen and dining table and saw evidence that Zafar had been here.
The sink was half-filled with dishes, and there were used mugs and an empty plate on the dining table.
She was surprised to find her phone still charging on the island and looked at the screen, only to find it still switched off.
She looked at the socket and realised that she hadn’t actually switched the power on, so her phone hadn’t charged at all.
Maybe Zafar had … no. He could have come to speak to her directly or called any one of her relatives and asked to speak to her.
She took the charger and phone with her and after putting her jewellery and sandals on, she went back to Auntie Ruqayyah’s villa, where everyone had gathered outside.
Daadi came towards her. ‘I was looking for you, darling. Ready?’
She nodded as she swallowed the lump in her throat.
‘Jawad told me about Zafar. Honestly, that boy.’ Daadi shook her head blithely, no sign of frustration or annoyance with her grandson and Reshma stared at her open-mouthed.
Daadi knew? So did Uncle Jawad?
And they seemed to be fine with it. There was no outrage on anyone’s face and they all seemed to take it in their stride, as though it were perfectly acceptable for him to have just left her.
‘Auntie Mumtaz, you come in the car with us, and Reshma, you go with Niya, Sho and Khalil.’ Auntie Bilqis was directing everyone towards the cars, ready to make their way to the hotel where the reception was due to take place.
Reshma followed, her mind completely blank. She was too tired to think. All she really wanted to do was … nothing. But she knew that wasn’t an option.
She got into the car and, blocking out everything around her, she stared out of the window as Khalil drove them to the reception, his loud music drowning out any conversation that was going on around her. Haniya kept shooting worried looks her way, but she didn’t say anything.
Half an hour later, they got to the venue, where Nomaan’s family were waiting at the entrance to greet them. There was a great deal of noise and laughter as they met and hugged each other, as though they hadn’t all been partying together two days ago after the nikah ceremony.
The thought brought a lump to Reshma’s throat as she thought about sitting with Zafar during the nikah. The closeness she’d felt with him.
She felt a prickling in the corners of her eyes and the dull ache in the region of her heart intensified. She wouldn’t cry, she couldn’t, and certainly not right now.
Steeling herself, she greeted Saleema’s mother-in-law as she moved past her and into the foyer.
Saleema and Nomaan were standing at the next set of doors which led into the hall the reception was to be held in and Reshma managed to hold herself together as she hugged her cousin and then her husband.
Saleema looked absolutely stunning, her face glowing with happiness as she stood beside Nomaan, their hands linked as they greeted guests.
There was this aura about Saleema and Nomaan, which seemed to hold them apart from everything.
Even when she was speaking to someone and he was speaking to someone else, you couldn’t miss the connection between them, it had a presence of its own.
She couldn’t stop herself from reflecting on the fact that she’d thought she had that connection with Zafar these last few days but how wrong she’d been. It had all been an illusion.
Reshma moved with Haniya towards the tables reserved for their family and found the seat with her place card. She was putting her clutch down when she saw Zafar’s name card on the seat beside hers. The seat that would be empty for the reception.
She felt her throat close up and knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears that were now threatening to flood her eyes.
She told Haniya she was going to the ladies’ but didn’t wait for her to acknowledge her before she weaved her way through the tables and went through a smaller set of doors in the corner of the hall and came back out in the foyer.
Reshma moved through the melee of people still making their way into the hall and walked out of the hotel, following the path away from the main entrance.
She stopped several metres away, where she could see the main entrance but was at enough of a distance that people wouldn’t see her, and then she let the tears fall.