Chapter Twenty-Four
It felt good to be travelling back up to Cheshire side by side in Daniel’s Range Rover. She wondered if it was because, only a week ago, she’d convinced herself she’d never be making this trip again. She risked a sideways glance at Daniel and her heart thumped heavily in her chest at the sight of his profile — high cheekbones, sturdy chin, lips that she knew were soft when she kissed them, the way his dark-blond hair curled at the nape of his neck.
As though sensing her scrutiny, he glanced at her and smiled. ‘What?’
‘Nothing. Just happy to be here.’
‘I’m happy you’re here too.’
It had been a busy week, both at work and on the home front. She and her father had gone to see Jack where he was being held on remand. And while it wasn’t the kind of prison he would be staying in once he had been sentenced, it was still a terrifying and depressing place.
When they’d walked into the visitors’ room, it had taken her a while to spot Jack. He had lost a lot of weight and his hair had been greasy and his skin sallow. But when he’d looked up and smiled at them, she’d caught a glimpse of Jack the boy. The boy she had helped bring up and who she loved dearly.
Hesitantly they had made their way across the room. He’d stood up briefly. Anna had gone to hug him but he’d hung back.
‘We’re not supposed to have contact,’ he’d said. She moved backwards, embarrassed that she didn’t know the protocol.
They sat down.
‘How are you?’ Andrew asked.
Jack shrugged. ‘Okay, I suppose. I’m just trying to keep my head down. I never thought I’d end up in a place like this, but it’s my own fault.’ He looked away, but when he turned back towards them his eyes were shining with tears. ‘I’m sorry, Dad. I know I’ve let you down. I’ve let you all down. You’ve only ever tried to do your best for me and I’ve thrown it back at you all.’
Their father made a noise as though he was trying to clear his throat. ‘I’m sorry too. I should never have kicked you out.’
‘Yes, you should,’ Jack said. ‘It’s what I deserved. If you hadn’t done that, I would never have known how good I had it then. When I think about what I did, I’m so ashamed. Dad, I never should have stolen from you, and Anna, my behaviour and violence towards you was unforgivable. To Harry too.’
Anna couldn’t speak she was so moved by his words, but their dad said, ‘We all make mistakes, son. Some bigger than others.’
‘I can’t change the past, but I can learn from it. And if you can find it in your hearts to forgive me, I promise I’ll never do anything like that again.’
Andrew nodded. ‘I can see that you regret it. And I won’t turn my back on you now.’
‘You’ll always be my brother, Jack,’ Anna finally managed to say.
It was an emotional visit, but Anna was glad that they were reconciled. Whatever the future held, they would face it together as a family. That evening, her dad went out to meet someone, though he wouldn’t say who, and Anna had a chance to catch up with her youngest brother.
‘Harry,’ she said when she saw him. ‘It feels like ages since I’ve seen you. How are you doing?’
‘I’m doing good. I’ve got myself a job to earn some money before uni, working in a restaurant, and I’m spending time with friends.’
‘That’s good.’
‘How was Jack?’ he asked.
‘Oh, Harry, it was horrible. He looked broken.’
‘Only what he deserves,’ Harry said gruffly.
‘I know what you mean. But he really regrets what he’s done. He’s not the Jack he used to be before.’
‘Well, something good has come of it then.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I actually think it has. I don’t know how long he’ll have to spend in prison and I hate the thought of him in there, but I think when it’s all over he’ll be a different person.’
‘Can’t be worse than what he used to be.’
‘No.’ She paused. ‘I suppose, being the closest in age, you’ve borne the brunt of his behaviour more than any of us. But I’d like to think that eventually we can put the past behind us.’
‘And that’s why I love you so much,’ Harry said gently. ‘You really are a good person.’
Anna blushed. ‘Don’t be daft.’
‘I mean it,’ Harry replied. ‘But you’re right. We do need to look to the future. And I can’t wait to get to uni.’
‘I’m glad for you. I feel sorry for Dad, though. He’s going to be all on his own.’
‘Um, I don’t think so.’ Harry grinned. ‘You know he did that cookery course?’
‘Yes, I was amazed by how much he seemed to like it.’
‘That wasn’t the only thing he liked.’
‘I don’t get you.’
‘I don’t know how you’re going to take this, but he’s met someone.’
‘He has?’ Anna was amazed. She couldn’t imagine her dad being with someone other than her mum. But he deserved some happiness after all these years. ‘That’s great news. What’s she like?’
‘I don’t know, I haven’t met her yet, but he’s always smiling these days.’
‘Just wait till I see him,’ Anna said. ‘He’s going to get a grilling.’
And she did just that when he returned later that evening. It felt strange talking to him about another woman, but it also felt good. With her and Harry moving on, and Jack where he was, it gave her some comfort that her dad wouldn’t be lonely any more.
* * *
‘I thought we’d go straight to Lucinda’s to pick Ben up.’ Daniel interrupted her thoughts. ‘That way we can get it over and done with, like ripping off the plaster.’
‘Good idea,’ Anna said. Although they’d agreed they were here this weekend to show a united front, Anna was dreading seeing Lucinda again. At least this way she could stay in the car.
‘And as it’s such a nice afternoon,’ Daniel continued, ‘I thought we could take Ben to the park for a while and then go for a pizza.’
Anna smiled. ‘I think that’s Ben’s idea of perfection.’
‘But is it perfect for you, too?’ Daniel looked concerned.
‘I couldn’t wish for anything better,’ she replied, wanting to reassure him.
When they arrived, Lucinda opened the door but didn’t come out. After a quick exchange with Daniel, Ben scurried out of the house and straight into the back of the car with an exuberant hello. Anna smiled. It was all going to be okay and she was overjoyed at seeing him again.
After that they spent a happy few hours at the park, kicking a ball about, pushing him on the swings and watching him trying to master the monkey bars.
As they ate pizza later, Anna felt a bubble of happiness explode in her chest as she watched father and son laughing together. This was what it was all about, spending time with loved ones. And with tears in her eyes, she realised that she loved Ben almost as much as she loved his dad. She would remember this moment for the rest of her life.
* * *
Anna was packing her bag to take more photographs in Chester when the doorbell rang. Puzzled, she went to answer it. Daniel had taken Ben out and, as far as she knew, he wasn’t expecting anyone. She hoped whoever it was wouldn’t keep her too long, or she’d miss the bus into town. She almost gasped in surprise when she opened the door to see Lucinda standing on the doorstep, looking as immaculate as ever in cropped trousers, a white linen shirt and pristine white trainers.
‘Oh, hello.’ Anna was hardly able to mask her surprise. ‘If you’re looking for Daniel, he’s taken Ben out.’
‘That’s okay. It’s you I’ve come to see.’
‘Oh?’
Lucinda raised her eyebrows. ‘May I come in?’
‘Yes, of course.’ Anna’s face flushed as she opened the door wider to allow Lucinda inside. When she’d closed the door behind them she led the way into the kitchen, her mind furiously trying to work out what Lucinda wanted. She hoped she wasn’t here to cause trouble. Lucinda hopped herself on a bar stool, as though she was perfectly at home.
‘Can I offer you a drink? Tea? Coffee?’
‘Thanks, I’d love a latte.’
Silently Anna reached into the cupboard for a tall latte glass and pushed a pod into the Nespresso machine. She handed the coffee to Lucinda, who raised her eyebrows in what was becoming a familiar gesture.
‘You not having one?’ Lucinda asked.
‘No, I was just about to go out actually.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, I should have phoned you first, but I thought you’d probably refuse to see me.’
‘I . . .’ Anna wasn’t sure what to say. Her instinct was to agree.
‘I think we got off on the wrong foot,’ Lucinda said.
‘Did we?’
‘Yes. I’m afraid I’m very protective of Ben and wary of anyone who comes into his life.’
‘That’s perfectly natural,’ Anna replied. ‘I’m sure I’d be the same.’
‘And Daniel was very quick to introduce you to our son.’
‘As a work colleague, yes,’ Anna said defensively. She sighed as she said it. She was getting sick of defending her and Daniel’s relationship. They were two consenting adults, neither of whom had been involved with anyone else when they’d got together.
‘But you’re together now and that does affect my son.’
‘As does you being with Axel,’ Anna said, still on the defensive. ‘It’s not just Ben you’re protective over, though, is it?’
Lucinda shrugged and held her hands up. ‘Yes, you’ve got me there.’
‘I don’t mean to be rude, but I do have work to do, so could we get to the point of why you’re here?’
‘Yes, of course. I seem to be rubbing you up the wrong way.’
Anna was silent, refusing to deny something she knew was obvious.
‘I don’t mean to,’ Lucinda continued. ‘In fact, I come in peace.’
‘Really?’ Anna found that very difficult to believe. Only a week ago she’d been trying to get back with Daniel.
‘I suppose Daniel has told you about the fool I made of myself last week.’
‘He did, yes.’
‘It was a mistake. I just got carried away for a moment with the idea of us being a family again. It wasn’t even about Daniel really.’
Anna was glad to hear it, even if she wasn’t convinced Lucinda was telling the truth.
‘But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this last week and I’ve realised that, although we can successfully co-parent, we will never be a family again. And Daniel made quite clear the depth of his feelings for you.’
‘He did?’ She felt a surge of relief at Lucinda’s words, and also a little foolish that she’d doubted him in the first place.
Lucinda smiled wistfully. ‘Yes, he did. And I can accept that.’
‘Well, that’s all right then.’ Anna still couldn’t see why Lucinda was here, and she wasn’t sure she even wanted to know.
‘I can see why you might be prickly towards me, but I really would like to get to know you better, now that you’re going to be a much more permanent fixture in our lives.’
‘You would?’
Lucinda smiled. ‘Yes. Maybe even one day we could be friends?’
Anna would rather pally up with a cobra, but she kept her thoughts to herself.
When she didn’t say anything, Lucinda continued, her tone a little harder. ‘If nothing else, we can try to get on for Ben’s sake.’
‘Yes, of course we can.’ She could do that for Ben. In fact, she’d always been civil to Lucinda, even when the other woman was giving her daggers and throwing barbs at her.
Lucinda got up elegantly from the table. ‘Good, I’m glad to hear that’s settled. And if you’re going to be spending more time up here, maybe I could introduce you to some of my friends.’
‘That would be nice.’ Anna was already thinking how she’d get out of that one. Hopefully, eventually, Lucinda would get the message.
‘Well, then, I’ll leave you to whatever you were planning to do before I barged in.’
Anna shut the door behind Lucinda, breathing against it with a sigh of relief. She wasn’t sure she was comfortable with this newfound desire for friendship. Friendship required trust. Anna didn’t trust Lucinda, and she couldn’t envisage a time when she ever would.