Now
CHAPTER
TWELVE
Evangeline
“And he has done it again! Number fifty-six, Jackson Reyes, has won another race this round!” the commentator announces.
I’m hunched over my phone in the walk-in freezer at work, trying to hear what’s being said despite having the sound on the lowest setting.
Jax is in Pittsburgh, where he just won another F4 race.
It’s the fifth time in three rounds, and I’m so proud of him I could cry.
To think he was almost ready to give up when we had our talk that evening, four months ago …
But once again, I was right. I knew he could win and be as good a driver here as he was in Colorado.
The cracked screen of my phone is so small, it’s almost frustrating to watch it this way. But the TV in the parlor is reserved for music clips and doesn’t have YouTube anyway, so I couldn’t switch to the race.
I wish I didn’t have to do this in the freezer, though, but if my manager catches me, I’ll be in trouble again.
As if to punish me for the thought, the heavy door opens. I slam the phone over my chest and spring to my feet, only to notice it’s Mariana, my coworker.
“Sorry.” She winces. “We’re almost out of mint chocolate chip.” She grabs the tub, then motions at my phone with her chin. “So? Did he win?” she excitedly wonders.
“Yes! And he broke the record for the fastest lap in his category.”
“So cool! When he calls you, say congrats for me, okay?”
“Will do.”
She walks to the door, but before she leaves, she says, “Don’t stay in here too long. Thomas is wondering where you are.”
“Okay, thank you.”
Once I’m alone again, I return my attention to the small screen.
The camera is focused on Jax, who’s climbing out of his car.
He quickly removes his helmet once he’s out, and I proudly look at his neat cornrows.
I’ve gotten so much better at it now. I need to send his mom a picture the next time I do his braids, to show her how much I’ve improved since she taught me.
I’m just about to let it go when the door opens again. “There you are,” Thomas frustratedly grits out. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. It’s your turn at the cash register. Chop chop.”
“Yes, sorry.”
I swiftly exit the freezer, squeezing between him and the doorframe, and walk to the front of the store. Mariana gives me a side look when I join her behind the counter but says nothing.
About ten minutes later, when my phone buzzes, I wince. Knowing it’s Jax calling me about his win, I really, really want to take this. Deciding it’s one of those “better ask for forgiveness than permission” moments, I step away from the cash register and pick up.
“Hey, princess,” Jax greets, ecstatic.
“Hi! You won!”
“I did! I won, Evie!”
“I’m so proud of you, Hot Wheels. And you set a new record.”
“Yeah, that was insane.” The buzzing activity intensifies on his side, and I hear someone shout his name.
“Are you coming back tonight, like we said?” I wonder.
“I’m not sure. There are sponsors here, and they said they want to treat me to a night on the town. Is it okay if I stay and come back tomorrow?”
My heart pinches a little at the thought. We always celebrate his wins together, but it’s important that he entertains any potential sponsors. God knows we need the money.
“Of course it’s okay,” I say. “Get that bag, Jax.”
“Thank you, princess. I’ll call you later, when your shift ends, okay?”
“I’d love that, yes.”
“I love you.”
I don’t even have time to say it back before he hangs up. But maybe it’s better like this, because Thomas shows up at this precise moment. “Were you on the phone just now?” he wonders, annoyed.
“Uh, yes. With my … gynecologist.”
I realized a while back that he doesn’t really bother me as much when it’s feminine concerns. It seems it only works to a certain extent, though.
“You call them a lot. Do you have a problem down there or something?”
“I don’t think you’re allowed to ask me that, Thomas. And honestly, it’s none of your business.”
With my head up high, I return to the cash register where a couple awaits. “Welcome to the Dairy Mill,” I greet them with my customer voice. “What can I get for you today?”
With Jackson not coming back until tomorrow, I don’t have much to look forward to after my shift. Aside from his call, that is. Maybe I’ll catch up on some of my assignments tonight. It’s not a bad thing since I’m behind on most of them.
Yeah, I can make that work. It’s okay if Jax has to stay an extra day in Pittsburgh. He can have his fun night on the town with sponsors. He definitely deserves the break after all the hard work he’s put into this.
Why did I ask that? Why would I assume he’s also aching inside, tortured by the ghosts of what could have been? I don’t doubt how Jax feels about me after all this time—he’s made that very clear during our impromptu dessert dinner the other day.
But what he said was that I’m the only woman he’s ever considered spending the rest of his life with. Not that he still wanted that for himself. For us.
Realistically, I’m still that girl who grew up in a trailer park, the one who allowed herself to dream big with him. I rose above my condition, yes, but not as much as he did. I didn’t climb the entire ladder from the bottom to the top, like him. He’s gone from nothing to everything.
How can a man like him, who has everything he’s ever wanted in life, still want me and only me? He isn’t a lovesick teenager anymore. Far from it.
But the way he looks down at me, with those blue and brown irises, tells another story.
Maybe he hasn’t changed as much as it seems because as I drown in his incredible eyes, I see a window into the past. He used to look at me exactly like this, all the way to the end.
With those same emotions, that same need, the same longing …
That hasn’t changed. Not even the slightest bit.
The sunset is at its peak, and we’re bathed in a warm, reddish glow that makes the moment feel surreal.
I remember coming here a long time ago. Just once, but I recognized this place as soon as he parked Winnie.
Both of us have been so busy revisiting the past that I’m not sure we’re keeping track of the present.
I certainly am not, too focused on what it used to feel like to be loved by him. To be his girlfriend. His wife.
It’s so easy to get lost in memories of simpler times.
And part of me wishes we could exist solely in those moments.
Those snippets where everything felt so perfect, even when it wasn’t.
This, too. This moment we’re living right now could be a part of those snippets.
A still frame among thousands of others. A pause in time.
Especially when his hand comes up to my face, gently cradling its side. I almost lean into the gentle hold, desperate for his touch, pathetically so. When the soft pad of his thumb grazes my cheekbone, I almost want to weep at how good it feels.
“I’d take the ache, Evie. I’d rather live with it than never have known you. A thousand times over.”
I’m still registering his words when he leans forward, tenderly bringing his mouth to mine.
The moment we make contact, I lose the little grasp I had left on reality. The entire world could evaporate around us, and I wouldn’t notice.
Not when the softness of his lips is pressed onto mine like this, with all the tenderness and adoration he’s tried to contain since we’ve reunited. I can feel it everywhere in my body, an electric tingle that awakens every part of me. This feels right. As right as it did before.
I didn’t expect that. I thought, somehow, it would feel wrong to kiss him, now that we’re grown adults.
After what I did, I didn’t think I’d ever get to kiss Jackson again without regret and guilt tugging at my guts.
But there’s none of that as our lips remained pressed together, his hand holding me there.
His lips part before mine, but I’m quick to mirror it.
The first graze of his tongue on my upper lip is enough for something inside me to flutter.
And when he boldly slides it further in, offering me a smoky taste of him, my core throbs.
The sensation is so intense that I can’t hold back a trembling moan, which lands right onto his audacious tongue.
The helpless reaction breaks the restraint he was forcing on himself, and the hand that was so gently cradling the side of my face slides farther back, fingers tangling in my hair as he tugs me harder onto his lips.
He keeps me right where he wants me as his deft mouth devours mine in a way that is entirely primal.
And not only do I let him, but I also welcome it, returning his lascivious intentions with some of my own. My hand rises between us to fist his black shirt, pulling on it to bring him closer.
We’ve made out hundreds of times in the past. Maybe thousands. It was always amazing, probably because I learned with him, so my technique is perfectly tailored to match his. I’ve never enjoyed kissing anyone as much as I’ve enjoyed kissing him, and I know no one will ever feel this good.
But this is different. I can’t recall a time we’ve kissed like this before. It’s desperate, and raw, and so terribly needy that I fear we’ll never be able to stop. It tastes like the cigarette he just smoked, but also like him and like wasted years.
I can’t get enough of it. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted, even if I was too blind to realize it. This is Jackson, my Jax, and I was such a fool for ever thinking I could walk away and go on with my life. Without him in it, it’s incomplete. For seven years, I’ve been missing half of myself.
And for the first time since I left him, I feel whole again. Like I’m finally me.
Our kiss is sloppy because we’re each desperate for more. I hang onto him while he holds me close, as if letting go would kill us. I’m so absorbed by it I barely feel him moving around. As long as we’re lip-locked, I don’t care what happens.