Chapter 14 Evan #2
I know my ma isn’t homophobic. She fucking hates that shit.
She loves everyone. Thinks everyone should be treated with the same kindness.
But would she feel differently if she knew her son was gay?
Would she, at the very least, be worried?
I don’t want to be another reason she worries.
I never want her to have to worry about another thing in her life.
Thinking about my ma’s possible reaction to me coming out, I start to wonder what Dad might have thought.
I saw him defend a guy from some homophobic hate crime once.
I didn’t understand what was happening at the time, and I don’t know whether he just thought it was unfair that there were three or four guys against one, or if he really thought it was wrong to be a homophobic prick.
I’ll never get to ask him now. What I do know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, is that he loved Nate.
Loved him like a son. Would he think it was weird us fucking?
Did he want me to see Nate as a brother and nothing more?
Or would he be relieved that I was doing this with someone he approved of with all his heart?
Clocking off time rolls around and I can’t fucking wait to see Nate sitting out there in his stupid SUV, waiting for me with a smile on his face.
I exit quickly, before all the women come out of the locker room in their big groups, huddling outside to smoke their cigarettes before they go home to their husbands and kids. Nate’s car is already in the lot. The headlights come on when he starts the engine.
I’m heading towards it when I hear someone call my name. The familiar voice makes my insides turn to ice. I glance over my shoulder to see Paddy jogging over to me. Behind him, Adam and Corey are leaning against the parking lot barrier.
“Hey man, what’s up?” Paddy asks.
“Adam send you to do his dirty work?” I try to walk past him, but Paddy blocks my way. I know I could easily put him on his ass, but I don’t want to shoot the messenger. I know he’s just doing what Adam told him to do. Trying to fit in.
“He’s sorry-”
Adam starts walking over, tossing his smoke away as he reaches me. I try not to let my gaze flicker to Nate, praying he’ll stay in the fucking car.
“Hey man, let’s forget about that stupid fight, yeah?”
I shrug and stick my hands in my pockets, hoping he won’t push. “It’s a little soon to forget for me. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay?”
But Adam doesn’t back off like I’m hoping. “Don’t be like that.”
My stomach drops at the sound of a car door slamming shut.
“Everything okay?” Nate’s voice. Fuck.
“It’s forgotten, okay?” I tell Adam, hoping to fuck he’ll keep his attention on me and not turn it on Nate.
“Who the fuck are you?” Adam asks Nate. No such luck.
Everything in me stiffens, ready for a fight. If he even so much as fucking looks at Nate wrong, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.
“Nate, get back in the car, I’ll be there in a second.”
Even though I don’t take my eyes off Adam, I can tell Nate is hovering between us and the car. Why can’t he listen to me without needing to know why, just this once?
“Is that little Nate Castellani?” Adam asks, a hint of a snarl in his tone. “He your boyfriend now, Evan?”
Paddy pulls on his arm. He’s like the kid in a divorce, hating his mom and dad fighting, trying to keep the peace. Even if it means getting caught in the crossfire.
I shake my head. “Come on, Nate.”
As I turn, Adam pulls me back by my sleeve.
“I’m talking to you,” he says.
Adrenaline pumps through my blood, circulating my odds. There’s three of them—two and a half, really—and one of me. I meant what I said to Ma about Nate being a pussy. And I fucking like that he’s not a fighter. I don’t want him to ever have to fight a day in his life, especially not because of me.
If I just walk away, Adam’s gonna think I’m soft. Soft people get walked all over. Guys like Adam, they get a kick out of it. I already let him headbutt me, doesn’t matter that the fight got stopped before I could retaliate. He’s not gonna see it like that.
I push him as hard as I can, nearly knocking him on his ass. I can hear Nate saying my name behind me, but I have to block it out. I can’t be the guy who goes all fucking gooey at the sound of Nate’s voice, not right now.
Before Adam can retaliate, I throw a right hook. It catches him on the jaw and his head snaps back. My stomach roils at the crack of my fist making contact. I don’t like violence either, but sometimes it’s necessary.
Paddy just stands there, waiting for someone to tell him what to do. But Corey’s running over now, his footsteps getting faster the closer he gets. He shoves me and I shove back. Adam recovers from the hit to the jaw and comes at me, asking Paddy why he’s just standing there.
They all come at me.
Nate steps in the way.
“Look at this pretty boy,” Adam says, leering at Nate. He knocks the cap off his head and I fucking lose it.
“Get your fucking hands off him.”
“Fuck me, he is your boyfriend, isn’t he? I knew you were a fucking fa-”
I throw another punch and he grabs my jacket and holds on.
I feel someone punching me in the back of the head.
See their faces up close, snarling, like a pack of dogs.
Everything is fists and grunts and the sound of flesh getting smacked.
I don’t know where Nate is. I just know I have to fight my way out to protect him.
I hope to fuck he ran back to his car or to the warehouse to get help.
I don’t notice people coming out of the back of the warehouse until Bob’s voice is raised above them all.
Big, meaty hands are between us, prizing us apart, and then the guys are running for the trees, shouting shit over their shoulders and Bob’s gripping me tight by the arms to hold me back.
Some of the women gather around, asking if I’m alright.
“I’m fine.” I shake Bob off.
I look around for Nate. He’s on the ground. My stomach drops.
“Nate!”
He looks up, grabbing his arm. There’s a little bit of blood under his nose, dirt on his face, but apart from that, he looks okay. I check him over anyway. Not giving a shit who’s watching.
“You okay? You hurt?”
He shakes his head, but he’s wincing and still grabbing his arm.
“Who the hell was that?” Bob asks. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him raise his voice. My stomach drops again. Fuck, could I lose my job? Someone is saying they’ve called the police. My head spins. I pull Nate to his feet, trying to usher him toward the car.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Bob says. “Come inside, let me get you cleaned up.”
“We’re fine. I’m sorry, I can’t get in trouble with the cops.”
“You won’t get in trouble,” Bob says.
One of the women pipes up. “We all saw, those guys jumped you, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were defending yourself. It was three on one.”
“I called an ambulance, too,” one of them says.
“We’re fine.”
“No, you’re not,” Bob says. “You’re hurt, and so is he.”
Nate’s really wincing now, holding his arm to his chest like a broken wing. Fuck, no.
“Come on.” Nate’s voice snaps me out of my fury.
“Let’s go inside like your boss says.”
I nod, picking Nate’s cap up off the ground as I follow them inside.
Bob’s office has a first aid kit. I sit in one of the plastic chairs in front of his desk while he opens it and takes out some antiseptic and cotton balls.
“Are you gonna tell me what happened out there?” Bob asks.
He looks from me to Nate, but we both keep our mouths shut.
“I guess not.” He dabs some antiseptic on a cotton ball before holding it to my eyebrow. “This might sting.”
I flinch and hiss when he dabs the cotton against the cut.
“Sorry.”
“You’re not gonna say anything to my ma, are you?”
Bob takes a deep breath. “I think it’s a bit too serious for that, Evan. Plus, your mother has a right to know if you’re hurt.”
“She’s got enough to worry about.”
He nods. “I know that. But we’ll let her decide.”
He dabs some more antiseptic in my cut and I manage to hold back a hiss this time.
“Who were those guys?”
“Just some friends.”
Bob scoffs. “Some friends.”
“And this guy?” Bob gestures to Nate, sitting in the other chair, looking at us with big eyes while Bob cleans my cut out.
“That’s Nate. An old friend.”
“Guess old friends are better than new ones, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Nate’s sitting in the chair, nursing his arm. Under the harsh lighting in Bob’s office, I can see that something’s seriously wrong with his wrist. It’s like the bone is more pronounced, like it's poking out at a weird angle. He offers me a weak smile before dropping his eyes.
Once Bob is done fussing at me, I go to finish cleaning myself up in the bathroom.
The dingy mirror shows that the cut across my eyebrow and some bruising on my jaw are the worst of it.
The back of my head is killing, but as I gingerly explore the area with my fingertips, there aren’t any cuts there.
For a few extra seconds, I just stand at the sink, dreading going back out there.
I can’t believe I got him hurt.
An ambulance and a police car show up. The police ask me questions while the EMTs look us over. Nate’s immediately taken into the ambulance and I’m separated from him while the cops ask me the same questions over and over.
“Who were the guys who jumped you?”
“I don’t know,” I lie. “Just some guys.”
Bob gives me a side-eye.
“Just some guys knew where you worked and jumped you for no reason?” the cop asks.
I hear one of the women who stuck around to give evidence tell a female cop that it sounded like a homophobic hate crime.
My face flushes. Is everyone in work going to know I’m gay now?
Will someone tell my ma? Nate’s in an ambulance, maybe with a broken wrist because of me, now my ma might find out from some woman at the grocery store that her son’s gay, the same way I found out about Dad’s cancer spreading, because I was too chicken shit to tell her myself.
The cops sigh and close their notepads. “If you don’t give us any information, we can’t do anything to help you.”
“I’m sorry.” I shrug. “I don’t know what else to tell you. I don’t know the guys, they just jumped us, I’ve never seen them before.”
When they put me in the ambulance with Nate, I can’t even look at him. I’ve never felt more ashamed in my life.