Chapter 15 First Time #3
“I’m not breakable,” she whispered.
His eyes flashed.
“No,” he said, voice low. “You’re not.”
Then he kissed her like he believed that too.
Her jeans came off after his hands paused at the button and she said yes.
His came off after she laughed nervously and asked if he was going to be shirtless and still wearing denim forever.
He laughed hard enough to make the pressure ease.
Thank God. There was awkwardness. Of course there was.
Her sock caught on one heel. His belt stuck.
She bumped his chin trying to kiss him while moving backward.
He almost knocked the pillow off the bed reaching into the nightstand drawer. Sophia laughed into his shoulder.
Vinny groaned. “I was trying to be smooth.”
“You failed.”
“Badly.”
“Yes.”
He looked down at her, smiling and breathing hard. “You still here?”
She touched his chest. “I’m still here.”
The laughter faded slowly. He held up the condom packet. Sophia looked at it. Her stomach flipped again, real. Very real.
“I have them,” he said. “But we don’t have to use them tonight. Having them isn’t an argument.”
“I know.”
“I mean it.”
“I know.”
She touched the packet, then his fingers.
“I want to.”
His eyes closed for one second. When he opened them, they were softer than before.
“All right.”
He kissed her while he prepared himself, then paused above her. Sophia could feel him against her thigh, hot and hard and real enough to scare her. She breathed in.
Vinny kissed her cheek. “Look at me.”
She did.
“There you are,” he whispered.
His whisper settled something in her. A lot. He touched her between her thighs first, steady, slow, making sure she was ready in ways she hadn’t known to think about. His fingers were gentle and patient, and when pleasure startled through her, her hand flew to his wrist. He stopped immediately.
“No,” she said quickly. “Not stop. Just… wow.”
A smile tugged at his mouth, but he didn’t tease.
“Wow is smart?”
She nodded, embarrassed. “Wow is true.”
He kissed her. Took his time. Made the wanting build until Sophia was no longer only nervous. Until her body moved toward him. Until she understood, finally, that readiness wasn’t the same as having no fear. It was wanting more than the fear could stop.
“Vinny,” she whispered.
“I’m here.”
“I want you.”
The words shook. They still came out. His face changed like the sentence had gone straight through him.
“I want you too,” he said. “So much.”
He eased closer. Slow. So slow she might have laughed if she hadn’t been holding her breath.
“Breathe, Soph.”
She did. He moved slowly, entering her a little at a time, watching her face with a focus that made her feel safe even through the strange pressure and sting. She gasped. He stopped.
“All right?”
Sophia blinked hard.
“Wait.”
He froze. Not impatient or frustrated. Frozen. She breathed through the discomfort, one hand gripping his shoulder.
“Still with me?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Want to stop?”
She listened to her body. To her fear. To the wanting underneath it.
“No.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.” She touched his face. “Just slow.”
His eyes softened.
“Slow.”
He kissed her and moved again, slow and deliberate, until her body started to adjust. It wasn’t easy all at once, but it worked because he waited and listened.
Safe because he waited. Fair because he kept asking with his eyes.
Fine because she could say wait and he would.
When he was fully inside her, he stopped completely.
Sophia stared up at him. Vinny’s jaw was tight. His arms shook slightly.
“You’re shaking,” she whispered.
“So are you.”
She laughed breathlessly. Then realized she was. He smiled, but his eyes looked too full.
“You all right?” he asked.
Sophia took inventory. Her body was overwhelmed. Heart: worse. Fear: present. Want: bigger.
“Yes.”
His forehead lowered near hers. “You’re sure?”
Her eyes burned.
“I’m sure.”
He moved slowly. At first, Sophia held onto his shoulders and tried to understand the feeling.
The stretch. The pressure. The closeness.
Him. All of him, measured and shaking and holding himself back for her.
Then he kissed her, and the movement became less strange.
Then his hand slid under her thigh, changing the angle, and pleasure sparked so suddenly she made a sound into his mouth. Vinny stopped again.
She clutched at him. “Don’t stop that.”
He stared at her for half a second. Then a grin broke through the control.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t sound so pleased.”
“I am extremely pleased.”
She laughed, then gasped when he moved again. The rhythm stayed slow. Tender. A little uneven.
They had to adjust twice because her leg started to cramp, which made them both laugh hard enough that Vinny dropped his forehead to her shoulder and whispered, “I am sorry. I am ruining romance.”
“You aren’t.”
“My girlfriend has a leg cramp during sex. I might be.”
Sophia laughed again, embarrassed and happy and overwhelmed. “Move the pillow.”
“Yes. Good plan.”
They moved the pillow. It helped. Then the laughter faded into kissing again, and the kissing took them back.
Vinny’s hand found hers on the bed. Their fingers locked.
That undid her more than anything. She wasn’t being taken somewhere.
She was going with him. That was the difference.
Pleasure built slowly, unevenly, then all at once.
Sophia didn’t understand it until she was already inside it, gripping his hand, whispering his name like she needed it to stay in the room.
Vinny kissed her through it, rougher now but still gentle, still there.
Afterward, Vinny eased away, took care of the condom, and came back with tissues, water, and her sweater.
He asked before getting back into bed. Sophia lifted the sheet for him, and he slid beside her, loose enough that she could move.
For a while, neither of them spoke. She waited for regret.
It didn’t come. Embarrassment came. Wonder came.
A deep, shaky happiness came. But not regret.
“How are you?” he asked. “Changed,” she said.
“Bad changed?” “No.” “Right changed?” She smiled against his chest. “Mostly.” He touched her hair lightly, then swallowed like the words cost him.
“I’ve never felt trusted like that.”
Sophia looked at him and knew he meant it.
It wasn’t what she expected him to say. Wanted, maybe. Happy. Lucky. But trusted.
“I did trust you,” she said.
“I know.” His voice went rough. “I felt it.”
Something in his face shifted. A realization coming too close.
Vinny looked at her like he had just understood something he couldn’t say without changing the room too fast. Sophia saw it.
She didn’t ask. She wasn’t ready for every word tonight.
He kissed her forehead instead. Slow. Steady.
Almost reverent, though Vinny would probably die if she used that word out loud. She settled against him again.
“I was nervous,” she said.
“I know.”
“I still wanted it.”
“I know.”
“And I liked it.”
Vinny went very still.
Sophia closed her eyes because saying it was easier if she didn’t watch his face. “Not every second. Some of it was weird.”
A laugh moved through him, calm and relieved.
“Yeah?”
“Yes. But I liked being with you. I liked…” Her face heated. “Learning.”
His breath caught.
“Jesus, Soph.”
She opened one eye. “Too far?”
“No.” He pressed his mouth to her temple. “I am just trying to survive you.”
That made her smile. Nice. They stayed like that until the clock on his nightstand made Sophia sit up too fast.
“Oh no.”
Vinny sat up immediately. “What?”
“It is ten twelve.”
He looked at the clock. “All right?”
“I told my mother ten thirty.”
“Then we get you home.”
He got her home without complaint, carrying leftovers because of course he did.
At her apartment steps, the first-kiss place felt different now.
Vinny went quiet, and Sophia could see him thinking too much.
He didn’t say I love you, though the words were written all over his face.
He only accepted her kiss and answered, “Goodnight, girlfriend.” Upstairs, she texted him that she was inside.
His reply came after a minute. Vinny: Thank you for trusting me.
Sophia answered before she could overthink it.
Sophia: Thank you for being worth trusting.
Constance was waiting with tea and questions she mostly did not ask.
Sophia said she was all right. Really. Her mother hugged her, told her to sleep, and reminded her that school still existed in the morning.
In her room, Sophia opened her planner first: class, work, study examples, text Vinny after.
Same life. Then she opened the green notebook, wrote the date, and added two lines: I chose this.
I was still myself afterward. When Vinny texted Goodnight, Soph, she kept the phone close instead of hiding it across the room.
She could choose him and still wake up tomorrow to her own life. Tonight had proved that too.