21. Blinding Light
BLINDING LIGHT
Robbie dimmed the lights with a control and opened the drawer in the bedside table.
It looked ancient, and it creaked liked it needed sanding down a bit.
He pulled out a condom, tore the end of the packaging, and tossed it aside.
Jake watched, his eyes flicking between Robbie’s hands and his face, and then back to his hands.
There was so much room on the bed, Jake could spread out as much as he wanted and not even come close to either side of the mattress.
From where he lay propped up on his elbow, he couldn’t even see the end of it.
It didn’t help that Robbie was blocking his line of vision, not that he had any right to complain about that.
“Turn around,” Robbie said.
“Not tonight.”
“Hm?”
Jake slid down an inch or two on the bed and spread his legs. He guided Robbie’s hand to his cock, making sure Robbie wasn’t going to pull away before letting go. “I want to look at you tonight.”
Robbie’s lip twitched. “You’re bold, Jake, I’ll give you that.
I let you into my house, and still you think you get to make the rules?
” There was no bite to his tone, and even as Jake pressed his hand into the bed, ready to turn around and let Robbie have his way, Robbie shook his head.
“All right, you win. I could never resist you for too long, could I?”
“I don’t know, you did a pretty good job of it that first month or so.”
Something in Robbie’s expression changed. His eyes were still bright with desire, and the hint of a smile still crossed his lips, but something was different. After their conversation mere minutes ago, Jake couldn’t help but worry that neither of them was in the right headspace.
Before Jake came to Eventide, that sort of concern was something that had never even crossed his mind. Now it was ever-present; it gnawed at him every time he was forced to confront the reality he’d built for himself here.
Robbie slipped a finger slick with lube inside Jake, his movements slow and deliberate.
He added another finger while his left hand continued to stroke Jake’s cock.
His eyes roved across Jake’s body in a way that no other man had looked at Jake in years.
It wasn’t just lust; there was something more to it.
Jake furrowed his brow slightly. It wasn’t possessiveness either.
Robbie, of all people, was not a particularly possessive man.
He ran his thumb over the tip of Jake’s cock, and Jake clenched his teeth to keep from shuddering. He watched as Robbie’s own cock stiffened, desperate for the same kind of attention he was giving Jake.
“I think you’re ready now,” Robbie said softly.
“I think you are too,” Jake replied.
“What?” Robbie looked down and blushed. “Oh, yeah.”
He was gorgeous when his cheeks flushed like that. Jake would never say that out loud. Robbie didn’t need to hear how handsome he was. He’d probably heard it a hundred times before already.
With a soft grunt, Robbie pushed himself inside Jake, inch by inch.
Whatever Jake had been worrying about when they first sat down on the bed together was long gone.
Nothing was wrong now. Robbie was still Robbie, and Jake was still Jake, and they both wanted each other more than words could convey.
Jake rested his hands on Robbie’s hips, trying his best not to dig his fingers in enough to hurt. That initial effort was in vain, as with every thrust, every little bit deeper Robbie got, Jake’s grip tightened until Robbie’s otherwise flushed skin was white where Jake’s fingertips rested.
Jake’s breath came in quick, shallow puffs. Robbie’s breaths matched his, a sheen of sweat forming on his chest. The bed, unlike much of the house, was silent beneath them. Only the rustling of sheets and their own strangled whimpers and moans filled the silence.
Robbie lowered his head enough to capture Jake’s lips in his. A hard, desperate kiss left Jake’s lips on fire. Another one, sloppier this time, made him gasp and pull his head back. He would have done anything for Robbie in this moment. Anything.
His toes curled, then his entire body clenched, and Robbie stilled, resting his forehead against Jake’s. His breath was hot, and his skin sticky. Slowly, he lowered himself down beside Jake, his chest still heaving.
“More,” Jake mumbled. “I want more.”
Robbie gave a light, breathless laugh. “You insatiable freak. Another day, maybe.”
Jake pulled himself up against the pillows, his legs still trembling from moments earlier. “Here? At your place?”
Robbie was still smiling like a fool. “Why not?”
“Because this isn’t going to last.”
“Yeah, I know. I can still enjoy it. Isn’t that the whole point?”
Jake relaxed a bit. As long as he and Robbie were still on the same page, he didn’t feel guilty taking full advantage of Robbie’s beautiful home—and his beautiful body.
A gentle drizzle started outside, pattering against the roof and leaving droplets on the balcony windows. It was just cozy enough to get a man like Jake to settle back into bed and cuddle with Robbie, who wrapped his arms around Jake and closed his eyes.
“This is why I don’t break that rule,” Jake said softly.
“Mm,” Robbie murmured, nestling his face into the crook of Jake’s neck.
And then he was asleep, and Jake was left staring up at the dark ceiling and wondering how he was ever going to move on from this.
He awoke squinting and shielding his eyes from the bright sun streaming in through the windows, now regretting not having Robbie close the curtains the night before. The rain had ceased overnight, leaving what little Jake could see through his bleary eyes a vibrant, chlorophyll-drenched green.
He shifted his gaze to Robbie, who was still fast asleep beside him, his arm draped over Jake’s stomach and his chin on Jake’s shoulder.
His lips pouted slightly when he slept, his thick lashes sweeping just above his cheekbones. He really was the ideal model: hot enough to stare at and not grow tired of, yet not too perfect to be unobtainable. And somehow, Jake had been the one to get him—or at least a part of him.
After a moment, his eyes fluttered open. When he realized that Jake was watching him, he smiled slightly. “Good morning,” he said, his voice hoarse with sleep.
He shifted, raising his arm to run his thumb along Jake’s jawline. There was a hint of stubble there from not shaving yet, and Jake realized his rendezvous would be painfully obvious to anyone who saw him over the next few hours.
“I should go,” he said.
“No, stay for breakfast.” Robbie sat up, pulling the duvet off himself.
Jake looked down. He’d fallen asleep with the blanket draped over his whole body, and he’d slept the entire night that way. That had never happened before, not even in Jake’s own bed back at his old apartment.
“What’s wrong?” Robbie asked.
“Ugh, this.” Jake lifted the duvet and let it float back down, the thick, feathery covering outlining his contours clumsily.
“Oh, yeah. We should’ve made sure to climb under the covers properly before we allowed ourselves to fall asleep last night.” Robbie smiled sleepily, entirely misunderstanding what Jake was alluding to.
As Robbie had made Jake aware of, they’d been too tired to pull anything more than the topmost cover over their bodies as they settled into the bed last night, and now they were paying for it by lying in a mess of wrinkled, uncomfortable sheets.
Robbie’s own skin—his soft, usually smooth skin—was marked red in spots by the creases in the sheets, though Jake’s view of those marks was quickly obstructed when Robbie pulled a silvery blue silk bathrobe on.
“Keep it classy,” Jake said.
“This is my house,” Robbie retorted. “I can wear what I want.”
“Does it really matter after last night?”
Robbie grabbed the blanket and yanked it off of Jake. “Of course it does.” He tossed Jake’s clothes to him. “Now get dressed and meet me downstairs. You like coffee, right?”
“Sure do.”
Jake got dressed in the lonely silence of the bedroom while Robbie busied himself downstairs.
The house was too big for Jake to hear a single noise from below, but he liked to imagine Robbie playing the perfect role as the little househusband he’d always dreamed of being. That was the life for Robbie.
Jake smiled to himself. He pulled his T-shirt on and ducked into the bathroom, running wet fingers through his hair to try to detangle the curls.
He had dark circles under his eyes from the late night, and the shadow of his forming beard aged him a bit, but otherwise he looked decent enough.
As a bonus, his clothes now smelled of Robbie, and that was always better than if they were freshly washed.
He descended the stairs with a growing queasiness in the pit of his stomach. The house was so large and foreign to him, and as the stairs went on endlessly, he could feel the place swallowing him whole. He couldn’t imagine how Robbie could ever stand living here all alone.
The stairs finally came to a stop, and Jake found himself back on the first floor, still unsure of where exactly to go. Robbie’s brief house tour the previous night had not been enough to cement the house’s layout in his head.
The scent of freshly toasted bread wafted through the air as Jake got closer to the kitchen, guiding him down the correct path.
The kitchen light was on, and for the first time since he’d gotten out of bed, a familiar warmth enveloped him.
He joined Robbie behind the bar where two plates sat, each one holding a slice of sourdough toast with a thick layer of melting butter on top.
Next to the plates were steaming mugs of coffee.
“No espresso?” Jake asked, sliding onto one of the barstools. He winced slightly, remembering the activities of the previous night all too well.
“You want espresso instead?” Robbie asked. His sincerity was almost painful, and Jake quickly shook his head.
“Nah, this is good.” He took a bite of his toast. “I swear to God, Robbie, if this bread is homemade—”
“It is.”
“You fucking chump.”
“You like it, though, don’t you?” Robbie flashed his teeth in a knowing grin.
“It’s pretty good.”
As much as he wanted to stay and make the most of the other rooms in the house, Robbie did not invite him to do so, and Jake forced himself to get up from the kitchen bar and head to the front door as soon as he was finished with his coffee and breakfast.
“I’ll see you tonight at the beach,” he said.
“See you then. Give my well wishes to Isabel.”
“I will. Thanks for everything, Robbie.”
“Yeah, it was fun. I hope you’ll come by again sometime.”
“Sometime.” He hadn’t forgotten Robbie’s sleepy, casual invitation to return for another night like the last, but he was afraid to bring it up now and have all his fantasies come crashing back down.
“Maybe next week?” Robbie suggested.
Jake bit down on the inside of his cheek. He had to do something to distract himself from the wave of anxiety that rushed over him. This was what he wanted. Robbie was being serious. Robbie was serious.
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, that’d be nice. Bye, Robbie.” Once out the door and alone in the cool morning air, the scent of pine mingling in the air, he closed his eyes and put his hands on his hips. “Oh, fuck me,” he muttered.
His worst fear had come true: he was trapped.
And worse yet, he didn’t dislike it at all.
In fact, he liked it quite a lot. Too much.
He was already looking forward to seeing Robbie tonight and planning their next dalliance in that sexy manor that loomed behind him.
He had to clear his head; find a way out that wasn’t leaving town in a couple of months without saying goodbye.
He had to make Robbie understand that their relationship was still going nowhere, and they needed to break it off sooner rather than later if they wanted to avoid real heartbreak.
As always, that was easier said than done, and Jake found himself fantasizing about the previous night his entire drive home.
Isabel was up and about when he got back, and he took a deep breath before getting out of the car.
He had to keep his cool around her, even if she already knew about him and Robbie.
She would get her hopes up if she thought there was something more there, and no one could afford false hope right now.
“Hey, Aunt Isabel,” he said as he shut the door behind him. “Sorry I didn’t text you that I wasn’t coming home last night. Time got away from me, I guess.”
“It’s fine,” Isabel said, folding up the crocheted blanket she’d draped over the couch in a vain attempt to impress the realtor the previous day. “Were you with Robbie?”
“At his house, yeah.”
She looked up incredulously. “Really?”
“Look, I was surprised at first too, but it’s no big deal, honestly. Have you been there before? That place is huge.”
“Yes, back when it was the first Robert’s house still. They held a party there around when Marcus and I first moved here, and we attended. Strange couple, I must say, but not quite as strange as their son and his wife. Robbie avoided that curse, I can tell you that much.”
“No, Robbie’s nothing like his parents. I can only imagine how bad his grandparents were.” Jake laughed, but it wasn’t funny. Robbie had to live with these people and go along with their little delusions.
“So, will this be a regular thing for you two?” Isabel asked.
Jake shook his head. “Absolutely not. Robbie and I aren’t dating. We’re just making the most of the last couple of months I’m here.”
“Well, I for one would be very pleased if you two got together properly,” she said, “and I’m not going to hide that. You would make a handsome couple.”
Jake, halfway across the living room now, stopped in his tracks. “Do you really think so?” he asked. “I mean, seriously?”
“I wouldn’t be telling you that if I didn’t. You’re perfect for each other, even if neither of you is willing to see that. I also think you’re the only person who might actually be able to tear Robbie away from this place, though that could prove difficult even if you tried.”
“Impossible, more like.” Jake continued on his path through the hallway. “I’m gonna take a quick shower, and then I’ll finish cleaning out the garage. Sorry I didn’t do it this morning like you asked.”
“Please don’t apologize,” Isabel said. “I know you’ll make time when you have it. Don’t push Robbie aside just for me.”
Jake closed the bathroom door softly behind him before turning around to rest his forehead on it. He closed his eyes, hands pressing against the solid wood.
The day that Robbie took precedence over his own aunt was the day he knew he was fucked. His only reason for being here, the one person who could keep him here indefinitely, was Isabel, and that was how it had to stay if he ever wanted to return to his old life and his old rules.
He moved over to the bath and turned the shower on. It was time to make a new rule, and one that he could not, under any circumstances, break: no falling in love with Robbie Eaton.