Noah
FOR NEARLY TWO weeks I’d been walking around like a ghost, going through the motions with a hole in my chest and living on the foolish hope that one day the king would look at me and I’d see a glimpse of the man I loved.
The tension in the air never left whenever we were in the same space, which was rarely now. His shoulders still stiffened, his jaw went tight, and he averted his gaze, though I could still clearly see the shadows under his eyes.
Nicholas loved me. I believed that. But that was exactly why I’d finally made the decision that I could no longer stay at Montclair Palace.
I’d tried, really I had, but living on the outskirts, and knowing things would only get worse once Alejandro arrived, told me that my heart couldn’t take it.
I was already doing my best to ignore the snide looks and smirks some of the staff made when I passed.
I’d brought it on myself, so I couldn’t complain.
That didn’t mean I had to stay here and take it, though. And truly, Nicholas would be relieved, not having to face dismissing me so easily.
So I packed the few things I had into my bag, just a few outfits and a photograph of my family on the cliffs, the edges worn from my carrying it around with me.
My livery stayed behind, hanging pristine in the small closet, since it wasn’t mine to take.
Looking at it now reminded me of the way Nicholas’s hands had run over it as he took it off me.
The way he told me I wore it well, and that had felt like the biggest compliment I’d ever received.
No, I couldn’t do this. It was exactly why I needed to leave, because the memories from our time together made doing my job impossible.
I went to Baxter first, who sat at his desk with a pair of reading glasses on the tip of his nose as he looked through a file. He looked up when I knocked, running his eyes over my casual attire, and nodded at me to come in.
“Mr. Bennett.”
“Mr. Baxter.” I moved to the chair but stayed standing, my hands behind my back. “I’m requesting leave to return home, sir.”
His expression didn’t change—it never did. “For how long?”
“Indefinitely.”
Baxter’s eyes held mine, and while there was no surprise in them, I thought I saw a flicker of disappointment before he blinked it away. “I see.”
“I’ll provide whatever notice is required, of course, but I think it would be best if I were released as soon as possible.”
“Best,” he repeated. “For whom?”
I swallowed and clasped my fingers together a little tighter. For whom? For me. For Nicholas. For his future husband and the entire palace.
I didn’t say any of that, though. “I don’t think I can be useful here anymore.”
“That’s not true.”
“It feels true.”
He glanced down at the file in his hand and shut it before taking off his glasses. “Does His Majesty know?”
“No, sir.”
“Then I would strongly advise—”
“Please don’t.” My voice cracked, and I hated it. “Please don’t tell me what I owe him. I know what I owe the palace. I know what I owe my position. But I can’t—I can’t stay.”
Baxter was silent for a long moment, and I wasn’t sure if he’d actually let me go or not. But then he nodded. “I’ll arrange a car this morning.”
I should’ve felt relief at that, but my stomach sank, though it had needed to be done.
“Thank you, sir,” I said, and turned to leave.
He stood up from his chair, halting my steps. “You have served this house well.”
His words hit me harder than expected, and for one awful second I thought I might cry in Baxter’s office.
But I nodded and managed, “Thank you,” before walking out in a daze. I went to pick up the bag I’d left in the hall, but Violet was standing there, holding it in her hands.
Her eyes were watery, but she didn’t tell me not to go, and I appreciated that more than I could say.
“You have everything?” she asked.
“No.” I shook my head. “But everything I can take.”
Her face crumpled as she dropped my bag and then gave me a tight hug. “I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t do this.”
“I know. I’m still sorry.”
She held on to me until Mrs. Stuart called for her. Then I picked up my bag and walked outside to wait for the car.
I felt numb as I stood there, the sun too bright for a day that felt so sad. It should’ve been cold and raining, not beautiful, like there was nothing but good to look forward to.
Before long, an unmarked black car pulled up in front of me. As the driver rounded the hood to get my bag, I took in a shaky breath.
He opened the back door for me and then placed my bag in the trunk, and I stood there for a long moment, staring back at the palace to memorize it even though I needed to forget. But I didn’t look up to Nicholas’s windows, too scared to see a glimpse of the man I was running from.
I was about to step inside when a guard came up to the car.
“Mr. Bennett.”
“Yes?”
“His Majesty requests your presence.”
The world stopped, and I had to grab the edge of the door to stay steady. “I’ve already been released from duty.”
“His Majesty requests your presence in the throne room,” he said tonelessly.
In the throne room? Why? And why did he want to see me now? Why couldn’t he understand this was for the best? I didn’t need to see him. That would only make things harder.
But I also couldn’t deny the king, so I nodded. “Very well.”
I followed the guard back inside the palace, through the butler’s pantry and grand ballroom. When we stopped outside the large double doors that led into the throne room, I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself.
The guard knocked on the ornate doors, a voice inside called, “Enter,” and my entire body stiffened.
Oh God. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough for this. Wasn’t sure I could make myself leave if I saw Nicholas again.
The guard pulled the doors open, and my breath caught in the back of my throat.
With white and cream marble floors, columns, and soaring ceilings, the room was grand on a scale greater than any other room in the palace—including the ballroom behind me.
There were tall, arched windows draped in heavy navy curtains, embroidered in silver, and a crystal chandelier hung in the center of the room.
At the far end was a raised platform with three marble stairs leading up to the main dais, where a throne sat.
The throne of Valoria.
It was carved out of white oak with silver leaf detailing, and was upholstered in deep navy velvet. Two towering Valorian flags flanked it, and just above the throne was the royal coat of arms.
The guard stood to the side, and I stepped forward and spotted Nicholas. He was standing by one of the windows, his hands clasped behind his back. The guard inclined his head toward me, turned, and exited the room, closing the mammoth doors behind him.
My heart thundered as I stood there, staring at the man I’d fallen so hopelessly for, and then he finally spoke.
“You’re leaving?”
There was no greeting. No names exchanged. He didn’t even bother to look at me. And somehow that hurt more than being ignored altogether.
“I am,” I said with all the conviction I could muster under the circumstances.
“You were not dismissed,” he said in such an abrupt manner that I couldn’t help the sound that escaped me, somewhere between a snort and a cough. My disbelief suddenly roared to the surface and raged right past the bitter disappointment and abject sadness I’d been feeling up until this very second.
“My apologies, Your Majesty,” I finally said. “But dismissed is all I’ve been over the last few weeks.”
Nicholas looked over his shoulder but said nothing as he walked in my direction. It took everything I had to stand where I was as he stopped in front of me. But this man had invited me in, asked me to trust him, and then discarded me.
“And that’s the reason you’re leaving?”
I didn’t dare look at him. I knew my place—he’d made it abundantly clear. Instead, I fixed my eyes on a sculpture sitting on a marble pedestal.
“It’s the reason I’m not staying.” I refused to say can’t stay. I wouldn’t give him that. I’d given him too much already.
He said nothing to that, turning and walking up to the throne to take a seat. Never had he looked more like the king he was born to be. The man I could never have.
“And if I order you to stay?”
“Why would you do that?”
For a moment that cool facade he’d worn so well these past few weeks slipped. “Why wouldn’t I?”
Because this is killing me, I wanted to tell him. Because I can’t bear the thought of you with another.
But I didn’t say either of those things. “Because I’m no longer needed here.”
Nicholas’s jaw twitched and his hands curled around the arms of the throne. “You’re needed where I tell you you’re needed, Noah.”
My head jerked back at the sound of my name on his tongue.
“My name is Mr. Bennett, Your Majesty. And you have made it very clear you no longer need me anywhere. So please…” I paused, trying to find the strength to say the next words. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is. Let me go.”
Nicholas’s nostrils flared as he ran his eyes down over my worn brown suit, and that cold indifference in his gaze disappeared, in its place all of the hurt and pain I was feeling.
“What if I can’t?”
I blinked back the tears blurring his image and gritted my teeth. I would not cry. Not again. Not in front of him.
“Don’t make me stay,” I whispered, not sure how I would survive if he did.
Nicholas looked out the window he’d been standing in front of when I first entered, then nodded.
“Very well,” he said, his voice cool, fully in control once again. “You are dismissed.”
The words were exactly what I’d wanted to hear. But as they hung in the air between us, the finality of them felt worse than anything I could’ve imagined. So much so that for a second I just stood there, and Nicholas—no, the king—turned back to look at me.
“Was there something else you needed, Mr. Bennett?”
I stumbled back a step, suddenly reminded of exactly who he was.
“No, sir,” I said, and bowed slowly.
“Then you may go.”
I held my breath as I turned and forced my feet to walk to the door, and it wasn’t until I pulled it open, and all but ran to the car, that I finally let it out. My heart broke in two as the car started up and pulled away from Montclair Palace.
Tears threatened as I turned around in my seat, and when I saw Nicholas standing in the window, watching me go, there was no holding them back. They streamed down my cheeks as Montclair Palace, and the love I held for its king, faded into nothing.