Chapter 25
25
JESSE
Now
‘You’re in Paris? I didn’t know you were going to Paris. Why didn’t you say?’
Jesse stopped at the jaguar enclosure, dropped to his haunches so he could see in, and looked at his watch.
‘Nor did I!’ he said cheerily.
‘What are you doing there? Another fashion brand?’
‘No, actually I’m doing some research. For the book.’
Hannah was silent for a second.
‘The kids’ book? You’re still doing that?’
‘Yeah, Remy the red panda. I got an agent, I told you.’
‘Yes but I thought it was just a vanity project.’
Jesse peered at a low level through the glass, so he could see the jaguar up close as it paced past. Its eyes were apricot-coloured and sad.
‘A vanity project for your dad I mean.’
Jesse put his thumb and forefinger to the inner corners of his eyes and pressed. The fatigue from only two and a half hours of sleep had caught up with him now Minnie’s dynamism was absent. She had a way of lifting his energy.
‘It was one of his last wishes,’ Jesse said wearily.
‘I know,’ Hannah backtracked. ‘And it’ll be great. Anyway, I’m just checking in between meetings. Did you think about what I said? Shall I book a table for tomorrow night?’
Jesse opened his eyes and looked back at the big cat.
‘We can go to The Highlander. Your favourite.’
He exhaled a stream of air onto the glass and saw it mist up. He just didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what to say.
‘I’ve already asked Henrike to sit.’
That didn’t help; Henrike only reminded him.
But .
If Jesse could get past the affair. If Hannah was as truly sorry as she said she was. Maybe it was a One Of Those Things they could chalk up to experience. To life not being perfect but them overcoming the odds anyway. Maybe they would laugh about it one day.
It’s never going to be funny.
But Jesse could fall asleep reading Ida bedtime stories any night of the week. He could wake up feeling her little limbs and elbows digging into his back in the marital bed. He could be there for any school pick-up and drop-off he wanted. He could remember all the things that had made him fall in love with Hannah in the first place. He was the well-travelled boy who spent summers in France and Christmases in Germany. She was the smartest girl in the village – the smartest girl in Surrey it seemed. A numbers machine, who got offers from every university or job she applied for. Hannah loved that Jesse wasn’t like the other boys – he was quietly confident and creative. He would take great pleasure in fashioning a box, or a wall or a sculpture. He wasn’t doing what everyone else at school was doing as they applied to Leeds, Nottingham, Bristol and Brighton. Jesse was dead set on going to Reading, a city that sounded underwhelming but the Graphic Communications and Design course excited him. She liked that he was different. Creative. Handsome. He loved her brilliant, selfish, brain.
Jesse got up and walked from the jaguar enclosure to the leopards, where a sleepy big cat was flopped on a platform, its eyes catching the sun and flashing green. He thought of Minnie and wondered how she was getting on.
‘Jesse?’
‘Yeah, sorry. It’s just a bit crazy here. I’m trying to get my head around everything. How’s Ida?’
‘She’s fine. Henrike will be picking her up in an hour or so. Look I have to go jump on a call. You will be back by tomorrow, won’t you?’
‘Yeah yeah, I’m coming home tonight.’
Home.
Except it wasn’t his home.
There was a nervous pause. If Jesse blocked out all the sadness and noise, maybe the pause could be like the excitement of the early days. When he’d first got Hannah’s number and sent her a text.
‘Well it’ll be great to see you, Jesse. I’ll get Tara to book us a table.’