4. Chapter Four
Over the following week, Xander continues with his usual behavior, completely ignoring me at school. I thought it might”ve changed after he chatted with me on the street. But nope. He didn”t even acknowledge me in the slightest.
Sometimes, he’d be with Jade and her friends when they’d make fun of me for being fat. Even though he never joined in, it made me see that Xander would never want to be friends with someone like me. Not with so many pretty girls available to him to do anything he wants. So why would he bother?
Still, I maintain my strength in the face of mockery and insults about my appearance, never revealing to them the deep impact they have on me. Beneath the surface, their cruel words feel like a constant hammer chipping away at the protective armor I have built around myself.
Although I had some reservations, I couldn’t help but find pleasure in watching Xander effortlessly manipulate the girls to do whatever he wanted. His mere presence seemed to breathe life into everything, filling my world with vibrant colors and rescuing it from monotony.
I”d spot Xander and Ace, casually smoking and talking to those girls who are known for being easy. His charm is undeniably evident, even from a distance. It didn’t take long for me to become familiar with his behavior patterns. Without fail, it played out in the exact same manner every single time. He would lean in, his lips almost brushing against the girl’s ear, whispering something secretive. Every once in a while, he”d tuck her hair behind her ear and say a few words before leaving. And I”d see how they would be totally addicted to him.
Then the playful smirk that would appear on his face when the girl called out to him and raced to catch up. For him, it was just a game. A game he played well. I could clearly see that there was some truth to the rumors. Once Xander achieved what he wanted, he would ignore them until he needed it again. No matter how many times I saw him manipulate others, I couldn”t resist his captivating charm.
At times, when I glanced in his direction, I would catch him staring at me, which honestly felt a bit peculiar. It made me wonder if he had somehow discovered my secret habit of observing him. In an attempt to divert his attention, I would swiftly shift my gaze or pretend to be engrossed in something else. Yet, no matter how discreet I tried to be, his gaze would unfailingly be fixated on me whenever I looked back.
Sometimes, my obsession went even further. As soon as my mom headed off to work, I would sit by the front window, peering through a tiny hole in the curtain. It became a nightly routine for me, without exception. Every single night, I would watch him strolling toward the nearby 7-Eleven. And like clockwork, within seven short minutes, he would return, indulging in the chocolate bars he no doubt had stolen.
I couldn’t understand the reason behind his actions. Was it a compulsion to steal, fueled by the excitement of not getting caught - or perhaps he’s simply bored and looking for something to occupy his time?
After spending the entire week observing him, dealing with Jade’s cruel taunts, and being constantly nagged by Mom about my future, I feel an overwhelming need to release my anger. I yearn to direct my frustration towards someone or something, anything that can offer some relief from the mounting stress. What infuriated me even more this last week was Xander’s complete disregard for my existence, which only made me feel even more insignificant. I”m determined to confront Xander and inquire why he”s so fixated on stealing. Moreover, it was an opportunity for me to release all the pent-up emotions I have been holding onto.
Settling into a seat next to the window, I discreetly peer through the partially drawn curtain. When he walks past my house, I quickly go out the front door, standing under the flickering streetlight, waiting for his return.
Finally, after what feels like forever, I see him casually walking towards me on the dimly lit street.
Despite the anger I felt earlier when I came up with this idea to confront him, seeing him now makes me question if I am making the right choice. I bite my nails as a tingling sensation runs down my spine, warning me that this might not be a good idea. This is Xander, the boy whom I have been secretly crushing on for three long years. He’s the only person who can make my heart flutter whenever he’s around. Yet, he’s never spoken to me, except for that one night. What the fuck am I doing? He has ignored me for years, so why do I suddenly care now?
Before I have a chance to back out, he’s already standing before me. His penetrating gaze gives me the sensation that his eyes are searing deep into my soul. I take a brief pause to compose myself, feeling the lump in my throat shift as I swallow.
“What’s the reason behind it?” I ask, my voice unintentionally harsher than intended.
“What’s behind what?” he asks as he stuffs the crumpled chocolate wrapper into his pocket.
“Do you steal chocolate bars for kicks or some other reason?”
“What?” His brows furrow in concentration. “What’s in it for me if I tell you?”
“Are you seriously just playing a messed up game? Are you just bored, or is there more to it?”
A noticeable change in his body language tells me that I have struck a sensitive point. He takes a step forward, positioning himself almost face-to-face. Despite his efforts to intimidate me with his towering presence and fierce expression, I stand my ground and refuse to yield. I remain resolute and unwavering, refusing to give in.
“Why don’t you just worry about your own fucking life, Princess? And I’ll worry about mine,” he scoffs. His voice is laced with a hint of ridicule. The words hang in the air. His eyes narrow, and a flicker of annoyance dances within them. I can feel the weight of his words, like a heavy burden settling on my shoulders, causing my heart to sink.
His eyes continue to roam over every detail of my face, making me wonder what he’s up to. Is he trying to distract me from my questions? I shake my head, clearing my mind to refocus.
“Well what is it, or do you just do it to get off?”
He flashes a mischievous smirk. “It would blow your mind what gets me off, Princess.”
The impact of his words on me is profound, and all of a sudden, a strong desire arises within me to discover its meaning. However, I quickly suppress that thought and focus on the current topic. “Why do you insist on calling me that?”
“Call you what?”
Watching him, it’s evident he’s thoroughly enjoying himself, reminiscent of a cat toying with its prey. He swiftly flicks his tongue across his bottom lip.
Oh my god, I can’t believe I actually fell for it. I should have known better, considering I know his routine.
He smirks confidently with a lopsided grin. It’s clear he’s trying to manipulate me, just like he does with those girls from school. However, I refuse to let his charm sway me. I square my shoulders and stand tall, determined to hold my ground.
“You know the name I’m referring to.”
“Oh, Princess,” he says casually, retrieving another chocolate bar from his pocket. With a slight tilt of his head, he unwraps it, deliberately prolonging my answer.
I release a lengthy sigh of frustration. Having a conversation with Xander when he’s in this mood is like having teeth pulled. Fucking painful.
He bites into it, chews for a moment, and then swallows. “I call you that because you chill in your fancy castle, getting all the love and attention from your mother.” His shoulders tighten as he gazes down at me, and the intense glare in his eyes pierces right through me. The sheer intensity of his expression sends shivers down my spine. “Plus you have no idea of what it’s like to go hungry. And not just a day, but for fucking days at a time. A princess couldn”t imagine the hunger that makes your whole body ache. So, don’t fucking judge me for the things I do, alright?” He steps in so close that his breath is all up in my face. “You have things that I can only dream of having. You can’t judge until you’ve walked in my shoes. So fuck off to your perfect life and leave me the fuck alone.”
Stepping aside, he keeps his gaze fixed on mine while he walks by. Upon hearing his words, I now feel like a hypocrite for judging him without fully understanding his situation. As he strolls home, his footsteps are all that can be heard in the quiet street.