10. Chapter Ten
The sound of Xander’s voice singing that song last night repeats in my head like an endless echo. There are voices that are good, and then there are those that are simply extraordinary. They are like rare gems, appearing only once in a lifetime, and they truly grace us with their presence. And that’s the same with Xander’s voice. Anyone with two eyes can see Xander was born for this. His passion and talent shine through in every single one of his movements.
When he opened his mouth, his voice carried a mesmerizing quality that instantly grabbed my attention. Each note he sang seemed to strip away the layers protecting his heart.
Last night, I could feel his unease whenever he spoke about his father. So, I opted to withhold my curiosity and not pursue any additional information. Despite our somewhat friendly relationship, my crush still lingers in the background. Why wouldn’t it? He’s Xander Williams. The guy other boys wish they could be. The guy every girl wants. Yes, I gave him head once, but I won’t allow him to treat me that way again. I”m not a side piece he can toy with whenever he pleases.
Last night, despite his drunken state, I could still see the vulnerability behind the mask he hides behind. I can see he, too, likes to keep things hidden to protect himself. The pain in his eyes was raw and palpable as he told me how his father destroyed the one thing he held closest to his heart.
Without a moment”s hesitation, I gifted him my dad”s guitar, fully trusting him to protect and care for it. My dad would have staked his claim by now if he wanted it; after all, it”s been seven years. Plus, if my mom ever found it, she would just destroy it. It just sits there, hidden away, untouched by anyone, so he may as well make good use of it. The second Xander started strumming it, I knew I had made the right decision.
As always, the moment I arrive at school, I wander the grounds, my eyes scanning, searching for him. But today, he is nowhere to be found, not even in the usual spot where he and Ace always sit together.
With most of the students still outside enjoying the morning before school starts, I move through the busy corridor. That’s when I hear it - his raspy voice, the lingering notes of the song he performed last night. Like a magnet, I am drawn towards him, my feet moving as I follow the sound of his voice.
Approaching the music room, his mesmerizing voice fills the air, leaving me in awe. Determined to see more, I lift onto my tippy toes and peer through the small glass window on the door.
With focused attention, Xander sits on a chair, strumming my father’s guitar.
His voice washes over me, filling me with a comforting warmth, like a cozy fireplace.
On his left, Ace’s fingers danced effortlessly across the keyboard, producing a symphony of rhythmic keystrokes. But my undivided attention is on Xander, my eyes never straying from him.
With each note he plays, he falls deeper into a trance, shutting his eyes as he sings. His voice has a dreamlike quality as if it’s weaving a spell around me. His eyes flutter open and he stares to the left. That’s when I see the few people watching him from the side. There”s a long list of girls he hooks up with, including Jade, Savannah, and many others.
The sight of them gazing at him with adoration in their eyes highlights the contrast in how he treats me compared to those who eagerly submit to him. Even though I gifted him that guitar with no expectations, it hurts to be treated as if I”m invisible. It”s during times like this that I long for him to view me through a different lens, as he does with them. By doing that, he would be more open to hanging out with me. I wonder if my body shape and the constant weight-related teasing is what keeps him away, or is it something else? When it”s just the two of us, he comfortably engages and has no issue hanging out. But it seems like he never wants to be seen with me in public, always keeping his distance.
Just as I”m about to walk away, he looks up. His eyes widen as he catches sight of me standing there. With every note he sings, his eyes never leave mine. My throat tightens, and I struggle to swallow over the lump in my throat.
With the last note hanging in the air, Jade”s excitement takes hold, propelling her forward in a rush, clapping her hands. Just as I turn to leave, I see Jade extend her arms towards Xander, as if about to embrace him. I don”t stick around to witness the exchange of words. I’ve seen enough to know that he’ll never really accept me for who I truly am.
Throughout the rest of the day, I deliberately attempt to distance myself from Xander. Rather than sitting in my usual spot at lunch, I find solace in the quiet corners of the library. I’d seen enough this morning to put me in a bad mood, and I didn”t need a constant reminder every time I saw him with Jade. Plus, it provides me with a quiet space to focus on my homework.
By the time I”m home and my mom”s about to head out for work, I”m even more caught up in my self-pity. The lounge becomes my sanctuary as I snuggle under the weighted blanket, relishing in its comforting embrace.
”Are you sure you”re, okay?” my mother asks, pausing by the door, her hand on the doorknob.
“Yes Mom, for like the hundredth time. I’m just feeling a little down, that’s all.”
“Did something happen at school today?’
Yes, everything happened. I was invisible, as always. Instead, I go with, “No, nothing happened. I’ll be fine.” In order to get her out of the house, I put on a fake smile.
“Okay. If it gets any worse, just give me a ring and I’ll come straight back.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’ll probably just go to bed.”
“Alright then,” she says, opening the front door. Just before she steps out, she glances back over her shoulder. “I hope you”re not pretending to dodge the conversation I wanted to have today,” she says, looking for any trace of deceit. “Because intake has already started.”
Oh my god. I can’t believe she’s doing this right now.
I look away from her, my silence conveying my refusal to answer the question. Sensing my avoidance of answering her, she storms out of the house. The sound of the door slams into the silence.
Before long, a heavy knock sounds, making me wonder if my mother has forgotten her keys again.
With a frustrated huff, I remove the blanket and force myself to get up from the couch. When I get to the door, I yank it open in frustration. To my surprise, it’s Xander, with his signature bad-boy grin.
“What do you want, Xander?” I ask, turning around and leaving the front door ajar, inviting him to follow me inside. Despite the events of the day, there’s something about him that prevents me from shutting the door in his face.
“I left the guitar at Ace’s to keep it safe,” he says, closing the door.
Returning to the room, I reclaim my spot on the couch, trying to get comfortable. Xander follows and plops down at the end, making himself comfortable around my feet.
“What! You’re not watching Housewives today,” he says, glancing at the blank television screen.
“No.” I shake my head.
The images of what I saw earlier today still linger in my thoughts. I”m not in the mood for mindless small talk with him. It baffles me why he’s even here instead of being with Jade or any of those other bitches.
”What”s up?” he asks, his brows furrowing in confusion.
“Nothing,” I add, irritated with myself for morphing into one of the girls who desperately seeks his attention. I hate the way he affects me. I yearn for something more than a secret friendship that he keeps hidden from the outside world. But I know who I am, and the thought of him never seeing me in a different light feels like a heavy burden on my heart.
I look up, startled when I feel his intense eyes focused on me. “Tell me what’s wrong, Princess?”
“It’s nothing!” I shrug, looking down to hide the disappointment in my eyes. I pick at the loose thread on the new couch cushion my mother bought yesterday.
“Poppy,” he says facing me, his arm comfortably draping on the back of the lounge.
The sound of my name on his tongue makes my heart skip a beat. He never calls me that. And I treasure the way it sounds, like the voice of an angel singing a holy melody.
I can’t tell him how I’m feeling. It”s hard to put into words the discomfort I feel when I see all those nasty bitches around him. How it felt today when he poured his soul into singing for them.
The way he looked at me last night while he sang, I felt a connection. As the melody flowed from his lips, his words resonated within me, igniting a tingling sensation that pulsed through my veins. I thought that was a unique moment just for the both of us, but then today, he shared it with all of them. And now, I feel like a foolish idiot, realizing that Xander could never see me in the same way he sees them.
To evade his intense stare and sidestep his question, I get to my feet.
“You hungry?” I say, tossing the blanket onto the lounge.
”Hold on,” he says, taking my hand in his.
The moment his fingers make contact with my skin, I feel it everywhere. I freeze, savoring the warmth and comfort of his hand before he lets go.
“Hey!” He shuffles along the couch, trapping me with his legs on either side of mine. With the coffee table acting as a barrier, there is no way for me to make an escape. “What’s going on?” He stares up at me with those mesmerizing eyes, the ones that seem to hold a universe of emotions.
Whenever I”m around him, I transform into a version of myself that I can”t stand. I’m hooked on his every word and I don’t know how to act around him. I know that my feelings for him are hopeless, as his touch sends shivers down my spine, but it means nothing to him.
Within a week, my behavior has experienced a total transformation. Though I longed for him before, it was so much easier when the unattainable boy never even knew I existed. Now he cannot be ignored; his presence at my house has become a regular occurrence, showing up multiple times. I find it difficult to adjust to the new dynamics because I”m constantly plagued by an irresistible yearning for something beyond what”s in front of me.
When I don’t reply, he tugs on my arm, urging me to come nearer. With a firm yet gentle touch, his hands move to my hips, easing me onto his lap, and positioning me in a straddling position on his lower thighs.
”Do you regret giving me your dad”s guitar?” His piercing dark brown eyes lock onto mine, searching for an answer.
“No.”
I”d rather not open up and share my vulnerabilities with him. I don”t want him to know the turmoil he causes within me.
“What then?”
As I gaze at him, I can”t help but notice his jawline, sharp and chiseled. But it”s his intense gaze that locks me in place, unable to move. I wonder if the dynamics would change if I took on the perspective of someone else. What if I was thinner? Prettier. What if I was special? What if…
In response to my silence, he gently places his hand on my exposed thighs. The moment his touch makes contact, a tingle shoots through me, awakening every nerve in my body. A rush of heat spreads, igniting a fire within me. My mind wanders to the thought of his hands exploring under my skirt. I crave the intimate sensation of his fingers exploring my untouched pussy. How easy would it be for him to make me come? There”s no point in considering such a notion because he has no interest in me that way, because of who I am. The outcast. The fat chick. Definitely not one of those super skinny girls that guys are into. Bitches like Jade and Savannah. I wonder what it would be like to be as bold as them. What if I shamelessly took what I desired from him, mirroring his actions from that night when he dared me to give him a blowjob? Whether or not I do it, the outcome will remain unchanged. Tomorrow, he’ll just continue to ignore me, anyway. That way, at least I get what I desire, just like he did from me. Let him experience the same treatment he has been dishing out.
”Is this what you”re after?” I query, edging closer, and sinking into his lap. “You want me to act the way they do?” With a subtle movement, I roll my hips forward, feeling the unmistakable hardness of his cock against me.
”You”re hard,” I say, my eyes widening in disbelief. My voice barely escapes as a whisper.
“You’re grinding on my dick in a skirt. What did you expect?”
With a firm grip on my hips, he pulls me towards him, causing our bodies to grind again. This time, when I rub against him, he lets out a sexy groan. His tongue flicks out, leaving a glistening trail of moisture on his bottom lip. The sight of his dilated pupils sends a jolt of desire through my body. And holy fucking hell, I’m just as turned on as he is.
Our eyes remain locked in a heated stare as I grind against him, the tension building with each movement.
His cock presses against me, causing a delicious friction that makes him let out a low, guttural moan. With every movement, the friction ignites a pleasurable response in my body, causing it to pulsate with pleasure. His eyes filled with an undeniable hunger, spur me on.
Another moan of pleasure escapes his lips, leaving me breathless and longing for more. There”s something about the way he reacts to me that fuels a sense of empowerment I can”t fully grasp. For so long, I”ve wished for him to crave me as deeply as I crave him. Given that I can only have him for a short while, I am determined to make the most of every second. I will selfishly claim this pleasure as my own, just as he did with his.
His eyes reveal both desire and vulnerability, creating a compelling mix of emotions. In this moment, he lets his guard down, allowing me to see the person he truly is.
With a firm grip on my hips, he studies every inch of my face with intense curiosity. His lips hover tantalizingly close, tempting me to lean in and savor their velvety touch. The desire to kiss them overwhelms me, even though I know Xander has a strict no-kissing policy. To resist the temptation of tasting his mouth, I shut my eyes and tilt my head back, savoring the intense pleasure coursing through me. I’m close. So close. I can’t believe I’m getting myself off on Xander’s lap. But here I am, taking what I want. My body is craving for that release and I’m not stopping until I get it.