28. Chapter Twenty-Eight
What the fuck did I just do? The atmosphere in that room was so fucking tense, filled with the bitter scent of anger and disappointment. I made the mistake of leaving Poppy there alone to deal with her unpredictable mother, whose voice cut through the air like shattered glass.
I should have quietly slipped away last night while Poppy was sleeping, but my mind was clouded. All I wanted was a little more time with her, and in my intoxicated state, I must have dozed off. Instead of staying and facing the consequences, I did what I always do - I run when things get tough. Now, the weight of regret hangs over me like a suffocating cloak, knowing that I abandoned Poppy to handle everything alone. I should”ve just stuck around and dealt with the anger.
I’ve been pacing back and forth for the past half hour, contemplating whether I should go back and confess to her mother that it was my fault. I’m the one who initiated everything with Poppy. But how the fuck can I confess that I was the one who influenced her daughter to engage in those actions? And now, it has transformed into something else, something that stirs deep emotions.
Feeling frustrated, I kick one of the many whisky bottles strewn across the floor. When I got home this morning, my dad had already left for work, so I didn”t have to worry about him being here. It never ceases to amaze me how he miraculously manages to pull himself together to head off to work.
Making my way towards the front door, I pull it open, knowing I need to go over there and have a conversation with her mother. It’s crucial for her to know that things aren’t what she thinks. I can already anticipate the things going through her mind, as people always assume the worst about me. Maybe it’s because of my appearance or the fact that I usually don’t care about anything or anyone. I must admit, I used to be that person, but now, I genuinely care about Poppy. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her any of this? I’ve never encountered a situation like this before, and honestly, I have no idea how to handle it.
Feeling the nerves coiling in my stomach, I gather my courage and make my way down to Poppy”s house. The look her mom gave me this morning lingers in my mind. It made me feel worthless, like a hopeless case, as if I shouldn’t even exist in this world. That look brought back so many memories of the insults my dad has thrown at me over the years, weakening my defenses even further. Is this how life will always be, or is it just the people in this shitty town who perceive me this way? But this time, I’m determined to prove to Poppy’s mother that I am something more, someone who won’t simply walk away. She needs to know that I care about her daughter and that this is not just a casual hookup like she probably believes.
Last night, while I watched Poppy sleeping, I made up my mind to invite her to come along when we leave. I’m tired of hiding everything and, honestly, I couldn’t care less about Ace’s opinion because Poppy is my everything.
With a lump in my throat, I summon the courage to approach the house. My objective is to ease any worries Poppy’s mother may have and reassure her that Poppy holds immense importance in my life. I must convey that I would never take advantage of her or harm her in any way. I know exactly how parents see me when I’m near their daughters.
I lift my head to glance at Poppy’s house and catch sight of her mom glaring at me through the front window. Nervously, I gulp and mentally brace myself for whatever awaits me. Her intense stare adds an unexpected challenge to this task. With my hands securely tucked into my pockets, I cautiously take a step forward. As I make my way down the front path, she vanishes from view.
Within seconds, she bursts out of the front door, swiftly shutting it behind her. Descending the three steps, she blocks my way to the house. She”s staring me down with pure hate.
“What the hell do you want?” she hisses, suspicion narrowing in her eyes.
I fidget under her intense gaze as I absentmindedly run my hand over the rough stubble on my chin. “I apologize for leaving. It was a mistake. I want you to know that Poppy means a lot to me.”
“Yeah, right! I know exactly the kind of person you are,” she scoffs, bursting into laughter. “You must think I’m some sort of fool.”
I find her mocking laughter incredibly irritating. It’s disheartening that despite mustering up all my courage to express how much her daughter means to me, she continues to be so judgmental. It’s frustrating.
“It’s not a lie. Laugh all you want; I don”t give a damn about what you think. I know the truth, and that truth is that Poppy means more to me than you can understand.”
“Yeah, until the next girl comes around, and then you”ll just toss her aside like you guys always do.”
It really bothers me how she’s talking about Poppy like that, but I choose to remain silent because I want to convey that she’s mistaken. “You’re right, that’s how it was for me in the past. But things have changed. I’m not the same person anymore, and I have her to thank for that.” I can’t express my love for her daughter because I’ve never said those words to anyone other than when I whispered them to her last night when she was asleep. Even that was fucking scary to say out loud.
“Seriously, do you honestly believe that by saying that you can change the way I see you?”
“Probably not. Honestly, whatever I say won”t change your opinion of me. I”m here because I didn”t want her to face this by herself. I take the blame too, and I want you to know that.”
She crosses her arms over her chest, a defensive gesture that clearly indicates her lack of interest in this conversation. “I couldn”t give a damn about what you want. I”m telling you, keep your distance from my daughter.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that,” I say, shaking my head.
If only she knew I’ve tried that already and it didn’t work out.
I”m trying to stay calm to make the situation better for Poppy, but everything I say just seems to annoy this woman more.
Her face transforms into a piercing expression, her lips gradually thinning. “People like you just want to ruin everything for others because you’re bored. You”ve got nothing going for you, yet you”re trying to bring down someone who has a bright future ahead. I will not allow it.”
Her words hit me like a punch, practically knocking me down, reminding me once again how worthless I am. “I think I”ve got a better grasp on Poppy”s ambitions than you.”
“You have no clue about my daughter. You don”t know what”s best for her.”
“I know music is her passion and maybe you”re a bit hesitant because she got it from her dad.”
“You don’t know anything about me or my daughter,” she hisses, her voice laced with venom.
“You’re wrong about that. I know more about her than you do.”
She scans me, observing every inch of my being. “You haven’t changed,” she comments, her words dripping with disdain. “Your arrogance suggests you believe you’re someone exceptional. Allow me to clarify that you hold no significance in this world. And you never will.”
Each word she speaks effortlessly pierces through the barriers of my protective armor.
“Poppy is currently in the dark about who you truly are, but there will come a time when she realizes. She”ll see how small you are in the grand scheme of things, just like the rest of us.” She takes a step forward, fueled with anger, causing me to take a step back. “Your father sees it, too. We”ve all heard him calling you a worthless scumbag. And soon enough, I”ll make sure Poppy sees it too. She”ll see how you manipulate and exploit everyone and everything for your selfish gain. She”ll see how you played her. And when that day comes, she”ll see you in a whole new light. She”ll realize what a lowlife you really are.”
Her words pierce through me like a searing flame, leaving behind an agonizing ache in my chest. The mere thought of Poppy, with her kind nature and gentle eyes, perceiving me as insignificant is a notion too painful to handle. Despite her constant reassurance that I held value in her world, I couldn’t fathom the possibility, nor did I wish to comprehend she would see what everyone else sees.
“Fuck you!” I spit. “You know fucking nothing about me?”
As I turn to leave, a surge of anger rushes through me, my face turning red in response to her hurtful words that continue to pour out without mercy.
“I”ll make a point of telling her every day about how worthless you are until she gets it. Hopefully, she”ll grasp the truth before you take everything from her. You”ll ruin her whole life, and she”ll never forgive you for it,” she snaps, following me down the front path. “Let her go and move on with your life. Don’t let her life be destroyed because of you.”
My blood boils as I swiftly turn back to face her, causing her to halt in her tracks. “Fuck you. You think you know what’s best for her? You don’t even listen when she tells you what she wants to do,” I snap. I’ve reached my limit. “I don’t need to put up with your annoying shit any longer.”
I suddenly wonder what Poppy is doing while all this is going on. Was she in the house listening? I glance at the front of the house to see if I can catch a glimpse of her.
“She’s inside and does not wish to see you. Soon, you will hold no significance to her. Do yourself a favor and leave her alone before it’s too late.”
“Screw you,” I hiss and turn away.
It’s only now that I’ve realized my love for her, even though I’ve never expressed it. But is that truly enough in the harsh reality of life? I used to believe it was enough for my parents, but just look at how that shit turned out. Years of love disappeared in an instant, replaced by hate. Ace’s parents faced a similar fate. I couldn’t bear it if Poppy ended up hating me like that. I don”t want her to see me like everyone else. I can”t give her a good life yet, not until I make it. Once that happens, she”ll see that I”m not the loser everyone thinks I am. She”ll eventually see that I”m good enough for her.
Using the back of my hand, I gently wipe away a stray tear that rolls down my face. If I choose to stay in this shitty town, I know that resisting her will be nearly impossible. The magnetic pull between us is simply too strong. Over the past few months, she has had a profound impact on me, to the extent that I yearn for her presence. I ache to hear her infectious laughter, her clever remarks. I crave the beautiful sounds of her moans when I pleasure her body. I long to engage in conversation, to share the same breath, to become a part of her world. She means everything to me. She is everything I could ever want, and more. But once she sees me through the lens her mother predicts and perceives the same judgment of others, I fear I won’t be able to bear it when she decides to walk out of my life.
I must leave immediately. I must create some distance between Poppy and myself. Whether or not Ace comes with me, I don”t care, I need to leave. I cannot stay here any longer. The magnetic pull Poppy has on me is overpowering. I have to give her the freedom to live her own life, to discover her own path. Once I have accomplished my goals, I”ll come back for her. That”s when I”ll be worthy of her.
When I arrive home, I forcefully push open the front door and then slam it shut, allowing the tears to stream down my face. The pain in my chest is excruciating as if someone has mercilessly scooped out my heart with a spoon.
I quickly pull out my phone from my pocket and text Ace.
Xander: Got to get out of this fucking town right now. You in, or am I going without you?
In just a few seconds, my phone screen lights up. Ace is calling me.
“What the fuck is going on?” Ace says.
“I’m done with this, man. It’s a simple question. You in or out.”
“Did your dad give you trouble again?”
“Just answer the damn question, Ace. In or out?”
“But I thought we were going to wait-”
“Plans change.” I cut him off.
“Just tell me what the fuck happened, man.”
“Don”t sweat it. I”ll pick up my guitar and head out on my own.”
“I’m coming with you asshole. It’s our dream.”
“What are you doing now?” I ask, pacing the room. I kick an empty whisky bottle across the floor.
“Nothing. Just at school.”
“I’ll meet you at your place within the hour,” I inform him.
“I’ll swing by and pick you up. You at home?”
“Yeah, I’ll start walking.”
“Okay. See ya soon.” He hangs up the call.
Heading to my room, I gather all my belongings, hastily stuffing clothes, guitar picks, and notebooks filled with years’ worth of lyrics. Stepping out onto the street, I start walking towards Ace’s house, knowing he’ll come from that direction. I never once glance back at Poppy’s house as I continue along the street. It”s killing me that I”m walking away from her without saying goodbye or even letting her know I”m going.
Lost in my thoughts, I barely register Ace’s car pulling up beside me. The scent of exhaust fumes hangs in the air as I navigate my way to the passenger’s side. I open the door and settle into the well-worn leather seat, keeping my bag on my lap.
“Care to fill me in on what went down?” he asks, eyeing me.
“No.”
“Is it something to do with Poppy?” he asks, watching me while I keep staring out the front windscreen.
“No, and I’ve already fucking told you a hundred times she”s not my girlfriend. She isn’t my type.”
I can”t even look at him, because he”ll see right through me.
“Why don”t you cut the crap and just tell me the fucking truth already?” He steps on the gas, speeding down the street.
“There’s nothing to tell, that’s why.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I don’t bother to check it because I already know who it’s from.
In silence, we sit in the car, Ace is clearly pissed at me for lying. I have no intention to tell him any of it.
At last, we reach Ace’s garage. He parks the car and then gets out. I pause for a moment, watching him through the windshield as he strides forward and disappears into the garage. I take a deep breath, open the car door, and casually throw my bag in the back seat.
As I enter the garage, I immediately spot Ace packing up his keyboard. Though he briefly glances up, I find it hard to meet his gaze. The last thing I want is to tell him what”s happened, fearing that I’ll completely fall apart in front of him. All I can think about is getting away from this place, no matter what it takes. Moving towards the area where I keep Poppy’s father’s guitar, I pause for a moment, overwhelmed by guilt for what I’m about to put her through. I can feel Ace’s eyes still fixed on me as I move forward.
My phone pings again, reminding me of the unread message.
“You gonna get that or keep dodging it like this fucking conversation?” Ace remarks, neatly rolling up the keyboard cord.
Slipping my hand into my pocket, I glance at my phone, feeling Ace’s unwavering stare. Even though I haven’t mentioned anything about Poppy to him, I’m certain he knows the message is from her, because of my resistance to check it earlier. But I won”t let him see the extent of my heartbreak over this girl, as he would never truly understand what we had. Poppy’s message crashes over me like a tidal wave of anguish, causing my knees to nearly buckle.
Princess: Hey. I’m still alive and kicking. See you at school.
I slide my phone into my pocket. “You ready?” I ask, grabbing my guitar.
“Do I look fucking ready?” he snaps. “I still gotta pack clothes, sort out the mic, and get some other shit together.”
I put my guitar on the worn-out couch and walk over to the mic. As I pack it up, I feel Ace’s intense gaze. “Can you stop fucking staring at me?”
“Not until you tell me what went down.”
“Nothing happened. I just want out of this bullshit town. That’s all.”
“That”s a load of crap. I know you, Xander. I can tell when something’s off. Now, give it to me straight.”
“I”ll meet you in the car,” I say, grabbing the mic and my guitar, and swiftly making my way out the door.
As I wait for Ace, I grab my phone and open the message from Poppy. My fingers effortlessly glide over the keys as I start typing a reply.
Xander: Sorry, but I have to go. Ace and I are hitting the road. Catch you later.
But my fingers freeze up and I hit the back button, deleting all my words. I stop for a second, my head all jumbled up with different thoughts. Should I even send a message? I can”t send that to her like she”s just some random chick. But then again, I’m leaving without even saying anything to her. That”s a total dog move on my part.
Taking a deep breath, I try once again, my fingers moving slowly this time.
Xander: Hey Poppy, Ace and I are leaving town today. Bye.
As I reach the end of my message, a wave of hesitation washes over me. My finger hovers with uncertainty above the send button, unsure of what to do. Doubt begins to creep in once again, making me question whether I should send this to her. How the fuck can I do it? Sending this message will undoubtedly cause her pain, but leaving without telling her would also inflict a different kind of hurt.
Taking a deep breath, I’m unsure of what to do. Normally, I wouldn’t think twice about causing someone harm, but with her, it just doesn’t sit well. I pause, my finger hovering over the back button, contemplating whether or not to send the message. I decide against it and delete it, tucking my phone back into my pocket. Now all I can do is hope that Poppy will eventually be okay with me leaving. If we ever cross paths again, I’ll have the opportunity to explain everything to her then.
Ace appears, a large bag hanging from his shoulder and his reliable keyboard grasped in his hands. He heads towards the back of the car, cautiously placing everything into the trunk. After a short pause, he goes back inside the building, only to emerge again carrying his electric guitar and another armful of possessions. Eventually, he shuts the trunk and settles himself in the driver’s seat, plopping down with a sigh.
“You sure about this?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I reply.
Despite the overwhelming heartbreak, I find solace in the fact that this tough decision will allow Poppy to chase her own happiness, proving her mother wrong. I will always hold her dear to my heart, and I am determined to enrich her life. If that means I have to step away, then I will do so selflessly.