62. Chapter Sixty-Two
I’m so pissed at my mom. It”s not just about her ruining Xander”s long-awaited meeting with his son. It”s also about all the secrets she kept from me. Since Xander told me he returned to the house that morning, my anger at her has been steadily growing. If only she had listened to what he said that morning, instead of bombarding him with hurtful words, the outcome might have been different. Doing everything by myself made my life so much harder than it could have been. Her impact on my life has been significant over the years, and this is just one more example.
Xander has made it clear that he loves me, and his tattoo serves as a permanent symbol of his feelings. I”m not sure how any of this will work between us, to be honest. Xander lives a totally different life than what I”m used to. As a rock star, he spends months on the road, traveling from one city to another on his never-ending tours. I’m uncertain about how Alex and I will fit into his life. He”s told me he”d give everything up for us, but I don’t want that. He”s living his dream, and he”s worked his ass off to make it come true. There is no way I could ever ask him to do that. I know him inside and out. Music is his lifeblood. I understand, because I used to feel that way too.
Lying in bed next to Xander, feeling his hand secure around my waist as he pulls me close, I’m wrestling with the practicalities of our future. The upcoming start of Alex’s school adds another layer of complexity; it won’t be easy for us to simply pack up and leave when Xander goes on his tours. Despite my strong desire for a meaningful relationship with him, there’s a lurking fear deep down that my heart might break again. The idea of not surviving this heartbreak is crushing.
As his arm tightens around me, I feel the warmth of his embrace and the softness of his lips as he kisses my shoulder blade. “What’s bothering you, Princess?” he asks, sensing the inner turmoil I’m experiencing.
“What makes you think there’s—”
“Because I know you better than you think.” His lips curve into a smile, and he playfully nibbles on my earlobe with his teeth.
“I’m just uncertain about how this will work. You’re a rock star, always on tour, and surrounded by countless girls who are more than willing to fulfill your every desire on a daily basis. You claim you’ve never slept with them, Xander, and I believe you. But deep down, I worry that one day you might grow tired of me and be captivated by some beautiful girl. I have a feeling our relationship is headed for disaster. I don’t know. Maybe it”s because I”ve heard my mom go on and on about how my dad hooked up with every groupie he met.”
“Princess, I”ve got it all - music, fame. But… I still feel like a worthless nobody, just like they all thought I was. I still-”
“I never saw you that way,” I cut in.
“I know. You were the only one who believed I could truly make it. You and Ace. And now, I have everything. Yet, there’s still something missing in my life. And that something is you, Poppy. You’re the one absent thing.” He holds me tighter in his arms. “Everything I own is yours. Even this fucked up thing inside my chest. And those groupies you mentioned who are up for anything, before you, they would have been everything I wanted to get my dick wet. But I didn’t go there with them. I knew that if I gave in and fucked them, then all the moments we shared would mean nothing. I didn’t want to cheapen what we had by fucking them because they didn’t truly want me. They only wanted the name, the fame. That’s all it would have been. And yes, there were many times when I let them suck my cock to get me off, but it never went any further than that.”
We lay in silence for the moment, his thumb gently tracing circles on my hip, as if waiting for me to say something.
“I’m afraid to let you back in,” I finally admit. “I’m terrified that everything will crumble, because I can’t bear to have my heart shattered again. I can’t go back to those nights of crying myself to sleep. Not just for my sake, but for Alex too.”
“I may fuck up. It’s a part of who I am. I know I”m not perfect, Princess, and I”ll piss you off sometimes. I was a coward for walking away from you before, but this time, I promise I won’t leave or hurt you or our son. Give me a chance to prove myself.” He props himself up on one elbow and gazes down at me. “Let me be the man I should have been all those years ago.”
While staring into his eyes, I pause to think about his words. I search for the truth, the unwavering commitment hidden within them. It”s not often you see Xander being so open and honest about what he wants. He”s let me see all that”s in his heart.
“Okay,” I add. “But you can”t fuck with us because it”s not just my heart on the line this time, it”s our son as well.”
“You can trust me, Poppy. I won”t ever do that shit again,” he says, leaning in, gently pressing his lips against mine, as if sealing his promise with a kiss. As his kiss gets hot and wild, I feel a crazy rush of electricity as his hands explore my naked body.