21. Chapter 21 - Roux
Chapter 21
I 'd never been one to be jealous of my brothers. We looked alike, yet we excelled at different things. It usually worked for us, but waiting for Rin to finish testing was torture. I wanted to be there if someone tried to harm her. If the test was going wrong, I wanted to pull her out even though Rion had told me that would be impossible. Once you went under, you were in until you completed it.
It was getting harder and harder not to scratch the itch by killing someone and taking a large trophy. I hadn’t felt like this in a while—well, ever since we got Rin here. It was like all that excess energy was being focused on her, satisfying the craving I’d had since my first kill.
“Ahhhhh! I think I'm going insane!” Ravi threw a glass at my head, but I ducked, causing it to shatter against the wall. Slowly turning toward him, I raised an eyebrow. Did he really think that was necessary?
“Yes, Roux. Yes, it was necessary! I have all these feelings bottled up and no way to release them.” He huffed, running his hand through his hair and tugging on the ends of the strands. "Next time, I'm not being left behind."
“Do you want to… fight?” I shrugged, not knowing how to help him. We had kept to ourselves over the years, wanting to delve into our obsessions in peace, and that usually helped Ravi stay level. Sure, I was antsy too, but the way he was acting made me think… Was he not basking in his Rin memorabilia lately?
“No!” His exasperated sigh was as unnecessary as the flying glass, but I knew fighting him about it would just escalate the situation. He yanked out his phone. “What I really need is an update, a fucking word, something, but that asshole brother of ours has given us nothing. I’ve texted him seventy-eight times since he left. You don't think that was too much, right?”
I definitely thought that was way too much, but for Ravi, that was probably just the right amount. Shrugging, I went to get the dustpan and broom, not wanting Rin to step on a shard when she got home. That thought— when she got home—caught in my brain, and I doubled down, not wanting to even think about the worst-case scenario. She would come home no matter what.
Ravi had been a bit of a handful today. The kitchen was a mess from him trying to make a congratulations cake. Then he ordered flowers, having to witness more than two agonizing hours of conversation with the florist about making a one-of-a-kind bouquet that represented not only her beauty, but her future beauty. After only hearing ten minutes of the conversation, and I wanted to shoot myself.
Now, he was acting like a dog, running to the door as soon as the motion sensors picked up something, wanting to be waiting outside to open her door and stuff his face full of her. He was pathetic, but Rin seemed to like his brand of attention.
In fact, she was starting to like any of our attention. Good, bad, or psycho, she wanted it all. She was a little greedy minx, making me think about her all the time, so much so that I hated myself, but then I would see her smile. Every time that happened, my heart would flop over, jerking awake from its deadened state.
After the incident with my first kill, I never wanted to care about anyone but my brothers ever again, but that was the trick with Rin. She’d gotten in there before we ever went to live with our uncle. She had burrowed herself deep into our souls, making the three of us turn our heads for different reasons, but strong reasons just the same.
In my youth, I’d tried to cut it out, to get rid of this overwhelming obsession with her. She had taken over my mind since I was nine years old, and I’d never been able to shake it. Whether my fate was to love her or hate her, I would do it to the fullest with only her in my mind. That was why, when Rion started to snoop around in her life at the age of fifteen, I couldn't help myself. It enraged me that she was able to try to make connections with others, while we were stuck in our shitty situation.
It had infuriated me so much that after my first job, that exceeded my uncle's requirements, he gave me more freedom than my brothers, and I’d used those opportunities to make small trips to Virginia to spy on Rin. Take care of some of that riff raff she was trying to get along with.
When she kissed that first guy, I flew off the handle. When I saw that smug smile with lips that had touched hers, my emotions ran wild. I dragged him in an alley and sliced those lips off because that first touch should’ve been mine. He had stolen it, so I was just stealing it back.
Knowing now the pain it caused Rin, I did feel a little bad, but not enough to where I would do it differently if given the chance. I would take each and every souvenir over and over again. They didn't deserve to be in her presence, and the effects it had had on her life, well… Maybe she deserved a little punishment for not being with us. It wasn't fair, I knew that, but it was how I felt.
Ravi ran into the kitchen clutching his phone as I dumped the last of the glass shards in the trash. “She did it! They’re coming back! Our Rin passed!”
Closing my eyes, I let out a deep exhale. One big hurdle was done and with minimal damage. My heart did another one of its flops, and the tension in my stomach ceased.
He danced around me for a little bit, bopping my nose and singing, making me dizzy. I stopped him. “Don’t you think you should be waiting outside with the flowers?”
He stopped, rubbing his chin before lifting a finger. “You genius! Of course! She needs a queen's welcome! We should always welcome her home this way, then she’ll never think of leaving again!”
Before Rion started executing his plan to bring her here, he told us that he had a hunch she would eventually love us back the way we loved her. When we told him that was impossible, that there was no way she could become crazy in love with us like we were with her, he just smiled and said it just needed to be unlocked. With the emotion in her eyes when she thought we weren’t looking, I could tell that my brother might not be far off in his assessment.
Long story short, I didn’t think she would be trying to leave us anytime soon.
The camera showed them opening the gate, and Ravi yelled as he ran out the door and bounced on his toes at the end of the driveway. I stood next to him, wanting to get a glimpse of what she looked like. Was she hurt? In pain? Was there something I could help her with?
She smiled at us through the window, waving just before she turned to answer something Rion had said. Exhaling again, my worries vanished in an instant. I was just glad to have her home.
Before the car even stopped, Ravi was pulling on the door handle, yelling at Rion to unlock the door. Fucking impatient prick.
The door opened, and I could hear Rin's voice saying, “What else was I supposed to do? Plus, I want to hang out with her. It will only be a couple hours, Ri. It won't be the end of the world.” Ravi unbuckled her and pulled her out of the car. She smiled brightly at him, swinging her arms around his neck so she could squeeze him hard.
Once again, I was jealous of how easy this was for Ravi, but at the same time, I was happy for my brother. It was complicated.
Ravi couldn't keep it in anymore, which meant he’d surpassed my initial prediction of five seconds. “Oh, my love, I know you're amazing at everything you do. I didn’t have any doubts for even a second!” Covering my mouth with my hand, I almost blurted out how much of a mess he’d been for the past nine hours, but I didn’t want to be a dick for once. “I got you flowers, and I made you a cake!” The idiot forgot the flowers in the house.
She pulled back, eyes wide. “A cake?!”
Her hesitation was valid, and when she looked at me in question, I shrugged, shaking my hand in front of me to say it was a fifty-fifty gamble whether it was edible.
Smiling, she yanked him by the collar and smashed her lips onto his, kissing him like she was taking his soul. He stiffened at first, eyes going wide, before he melted into her, moaning at her exploration. She pulled away, giving him a peck on the cheek as she mumbled her thanks. With that stupid dopey smile on his face and a wobble to his walk, I knew that prick didn’t mind one bit.
“This is the perfect time to bring up that our darling Rin here has promised to spend all day with Cinzia tomorrow.” Her head snapped toward Rion, glaring at his crossed arms and smug smile. That must be what they were arguing about when she got out of the car.
Ravi quickly snapped out of his daze, whining, “What?! But you just got back!”
Her frown deepened toward Rion before she gave Ravi a hesitant smile. “And we can spend all night together, but Cin and I haven't hung out in a while, and I think it would be nice. Especially since I’m now a part of Foedus. I need to start building up allies, right?”
Ravi's eyes flew to mine before bouncing to Rion's, pleading with us to figure out a way to win the argument. I was pulling up nothing other than just telling her no, and I didn’t think that would fly with her. Being the only rational one, I growled, “Take it inside.”
Without waiting for the rest of them, I went inside to the kitchen and looked in the refrigerator. Hearing Rin's soft, pleasing tone coming closer, I knew they were following me. I wasn't a fancy chef like Rion, but I could cook some meat, heat up some tortillas, and cut up condiments, so I figured it might be nice to do a make-your-own tacos night. Grabbing the steak and chicken, I prepped while they continued to argue.
“Don't you think it's too soon after the test to go traipsing about the city?”
That earned Ravi a nasty look, to which he tried to be strong and keep his stance, but it only took two seconds for him to wither in his seat. “I think because of what I went through, this would be a nice reminder of what normal life can be like.” Her words hit him so hard he slumped into his arms on the table, officially defeated.
That didn't take long.
I cut the steak into nice thin slices, found some seasoning that smelled decent, and cooked them up.
“I understand that it's been hard lately, but I think all three of us would like to have some one-on-one time with you, especially before you take up a council seat.” It was a good shot from my planner brother. Rin looked to the side, biting her lip in that insanely tantalizing way that made me want to rip it from her and nibble on it myself.
“I can see your point.” That was much too easy. It seemed like she was gearing up for a but . “But…”
Bingo!
“You've had me for the past three months.” We all raised our heads, ready to argue that point, but she lifted her hand. “I know it was for training, but don’t you think Cin would’ve liked to train me? Wouldn't you feel lonely if I went to train with the Riccis instead of you?”
I spat out an answer before I thought about it. “There was no way we would let that happen. We would kill them all before they got three months alone with you.”
Rin’s silver eyes flashed up to me, watching me like she was assessing a lion. Joke’s on her, I hated that look. I hated it so much I wanted to kiss it off of her face.
“That's exactly my point.” She smiled, and I tilted my head. Rion’s mouth pinched at me, and I knew that I’d somehow misstepped. “There was never any choice for me in the matter, and while I’m happy with being trained by you guys, I don't think that I should be deprived of having a friend. Especially one that could give me pointers on the other families and help down the road. From what you guys have said, the Riccis have a strong presence on the council, and doesn’t it keep me safer to show that I’m publicly tied to at least Cin?”
Looking at Rion, I shrugged, giving up, I went back to finish cooking the chicken and started chopping up the toppings.
Rion went to open his mouth, another rebuttal queued up, I was sure, but her soft voice pleaded, “Rion, I just want to hang out with my friend. This doesn't mean I'm going to leave you all for her. I’m not picking her over you, and this most definitely doesn't mean that she is more important to me than you three, but I need this. I need to feel normal again, even if it's just a facade.” She took a breath, and when I turned, she was looking down at her lap.
“The test was harder than I thought it would be. It played on my fears, tricked me, showed me things that I didn't want to see or feel.”
Ravi’s voice cut through some of the building tension, and he grabbed her hand like he was being the nice guy again. “You don't have to tell us if you don't want to.”
Rion quickly followed with what we were all thinking. “While Ravi is right, we most definitely want to know if you would like to tell us. I understand how the test can… play on your emotions.”
She looked up, strain in her eyes. “I'm sure you’ve all noticed the scar on my back.” Her smile held only sadness when we nodded. “It was nice of you guys not to pressure me about it. I appreciate it.”
Taking a deep breath, she explained, “In high school, I had taken some under-the-table jobs and stored cash away for when I turned eighteen. Miss Vaughn found it and accused me of stealing from her. She had Lennon and his buddies jump me. They dragged me into the woods where they held me down while she whipped me with a tree branch.”
She didn't look up at any of us, but I was glad for it. My eyes bulged with vengeance and murder. I was going to kill that woman. I was going to make such a good trophy from her. I might even hang it up in the living room. Looking at my brothers, their expressions mirrored mine, and I felt relieved. We were all on board, which meant it was a done deal. Torturing her would be so sweet. Maybe Rin would want to watch?
She continued, forcing me out of my murderous fantasies. “The first part of the test had to do with saving myself from that situation.” Yep, I was going to have her die in a viciously painful way. Rin turned in her seat, looking up at me before she bowed her head. “It was your training, Roux, that helped me calm down and get the upper hand.”
My heart stopped, frozen in time. I couldn't believe what she’d just said. My training helped her get out of that traumatizing situation. The joy and honor I felt were new to me. I wasn't the happy brother, and I didn't have a good moral code, so it wasn’t that often I could claim positive emotions about myself. The fact that I’d helped her in that situation had me living on cloud nine. I hadn’t stopped that bitch from putting the scars on her in the first place, but at least I’d been able to save her from living through it a second time.
I bowed my head as I said in a low voice, failing to keep the emotion out of my words, “I’m glad I could help.”
She gave me a small, beautiful smile, one that made my hate for her soar as my love deepened. That was how it was always going to be for me and her. I would hate that she made me feel things, made me love her, but I was okay with it now and happy with it all the same.
“The next one was about Vivian.” She tensed up, licking her lips before pushing forward. She told us about the situation she was in and how she’d figured out the pattern in the lights. “Rion, if I never had those lessons with you about computer code and pattern recognition, I wouldn't have figured that out. I wouldn’t have had the ability to save the friend that I… failed.”
She looked down, drops falling onto the floor as her body shook. “I got a chance, though.” She wiped her hand across her cheeks. “At least I got a chance to save my friend and face what has been eating me up inside.”
Ravi grabbed her hand, holding it like it was precious. “You didn't fail her. It was the wrong place at the wrong time.” He didn't mention that he had thought about killing her when she got close to Rin. My emotional brother knew that little tidbit would be detrimental to our progress with her.
She squeezed his hand, looking at him with a smile before it fell. We all felt the change in her when she pulled her hand away and whispered, “The last test had to do with loyalty to the organization.”
All of us were hanging on her every breath, needing to know more. What had happened in the test? Had we hurt her?
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before blurting, “I betrayed you guys.” My stomach dropped, that being the last thing I ever thought she would say. Hurt worked its way through my chest, and I clutched the knife in my hand. Ravi sucked in a ragged breath as he leaned back. Apparently, Rion was the only one using his brain.
“How? What happened?”
Cracking her eyes open, tears gathered in the corners. “I thought I had woken up from the test, having passed, but it was all just a trick. We went home and had dinner. I truly thought I was out until you all started to openly talk about taking down Foedus. You had never said that before. The plan was always about taking out your uncle, but you didn't mention him at all.” Her hands clenched in her lap, her breath labored, but she pushed herself to keep going. “There were other things, too, that just seemed weird—out of place or really out of character—so I thought back to all the moments I’d felt like that and figured out it was fake. The only explanation I could come up with was that they were trying to figure out who I’d be loyal to. Would I do what I needed to do to help the organization, or would I cling to you guys instead, no matter what you said or did? The moment it clicked, I excused myself to tell Maria about your plans. That was when the final test finished.”
She looked away from us in shame, but after hearing her explanation, my heart exploded.
“Like what? What did the computer do that tipped you off?” Rion asked.
She glanced up at him, brows furrowed. “It was the little stuff.” Rion motioned with his hand for her to tell us more. “Well, you didn't hug me or ask about how I was when we left. Ravi wasn't waiting for me outside when we drove home. None of you made a big deal about passing the test, and…” Her cheeks grew red. “They just didn't have that spark in their eyes that you guys do.”
Ravi burst out in laughter. “So you only betrayed them because you knew they weren't us. The real us. Rin, you have nothing to feel bad for!”
He scooped her up into his arms, sitting her in his lap before he shoved his head into her chest and sighed. I cut up the last bit of meat, glaring at the prick that was soaking up all Rin's attention.
Dick.
Rion smiled, sliding his hand over to hers and giving her knuckles a kiss. “Ravi is right. Don’t feel bad, Rin. You needed to survive, and you gave up the fake Ambros brothers. I'm more than proud of you.”
She glanced at me. I was wiping my hands with a towel, getting ready to heat the tortillas, but I felt the weight of her expectant gaze. If she was looking at me for punishment, she wasn't going to get it this time. I agreed with my brothers. I winked at her. “I hold no grudge against you, Rin. You did what you had to do to come back to us.”
Her whole face lit up, smiling at me with grateful eyes before she squeezed Rion’s hand and kissed Ravi's head. Our Rin was stronger, smarter, and tougher than she looked. For the first time since we started this, I felt like everything was going to work out. Nothing was going to blow up in our faces.
An evil smile worked its way across her mouth. “So… then you trust me enough to go out with Cin tomorrow, right?”
Fuck! We’d just caught ourselves up with that one.