Chapter Seventeen #2
“Catarina.” I squeezed her hand.
My attempt at support was lame. But I knew firsthand no well-meaning words could take away the pain of losing someone you loved.
“After she died, I went to live with my uncle and his family. That’s my mom’s brother.
By this time, my parents’ life insurance had run out.
My uncle tolerated me being in his house, having another mouth to feed, but his daughters and wife did not.
Especially his oldest daughter, who now had to share a room.
I lasted there about a year. Then I moved in with my aunt—my dad’s sister and her husband.
They didn’t have children. That was by choice, and neither were happy to have a fifteen-year-old with a chip on her shoulder and an attitude problem. ”
What the fuck?
My hand on the steering wheel tightened.
“They said that shit to you?”
“Every chance they got. Though it was more her than him. My aunt thought my dad had a stick up his ass while they were growing up, and she said I’d inherited it from him.
I might not’ve had memories of my parents, but I didn’t like her talking badly about them.
One night there was this huge blowup. She called CPS and had me removed from her house. ”
“I don’t know what to say.” Well, I did, but none of it was good. “Actually, I do. Your aunt’s a world-class bitch.”
“Yup. Thankfully my mom’s cousin, Lina, took me in.
She was divorced, had two sons, lived in a not-so-great trailer in a not-so-great trailer park.
She was a waitress at a truck stop. One of her sons was a little older than me.
Her other son was twenty and still living there.
He actually moved in with his girlfriend so I could take his room.
“You know, my uncle and his family didn’t live in all that great of a neighborhood and didn’t have a lot of money.
The house was old, cluttered, and messy.
My aunt’s house was a wreck. Her and her husband drank their paychecks away.
They were at the bar more than they were home.
I can’t be a hundred percent sure—living with them was a nightmare—but I don’t remember either of them cooking.
“But Lina’s trailer was spotless. Her boys had no father.
They were big boys, rough looking, but they had good manners.
Lina made sure of it. She was kind to me.
She cooked dinner before she went to work.
She asked me about school and how my grades were.
The son who moved out, Lars, came around a lot to check on his mother and little brother, but also on me.
Steven, the one who lived there with us, acted like my big brother. ”
Thank fuck she’d ended up with a family that showed her love and kindness after she’d lost that from her grandmother.
“I joined the Army because of Steven.”
“Really?”
“When I was a senior, Steven was working at an auto parts store. His job sucked. There wasn’t much opportunity in Fredericksburg.
San Antonio’s an hour drive each way. He decided to go into the military.
I went with him to the recruiter and listened to the First Sergeant talk about all the opportunities available.
I knew then I was going to join. But after Steven came back to visit after he went through basic and AIT and I saw the change in him, I knew that was what I needed.
“I graduated high school, got a job as a waitress, worked my ass off making as much money as I could. Right before my nineteenth birthday, I went back to the recruiter and enlisted. Six months later I shipped out, and when I did, I handed Lina the keys to a fifteen-thousand-dollar car I’d bought her.
It wasn’t enough, but it was the only way I could thank her.
Out of all the people in my life after my grandmother died, Lina was the only one who showed me kindness, and she was the one who had struggled the most financially.
Yet she never made me or her boys feel like a burden.
She taught me that kindness was free, and if you didn’t show others compassion and consideration, that made you a plain asshole. ”
I wasn’t surprised to find that under Cat’s tough exterior there was a heart of gold. What I was surprised to learn was there was no bitterness, no anger toward those who had treated her like shit.
“Hey!” she shouted. “There’s an In-N-Out. Can we stop? I could murder a Double-Double with grilled onions and extra sauce.”
I ignored the emotional whiplash while I signaled, changed lanes, and narrowly made the exit.
“I gotta ask, baby, are you using food as a way to change the subject?”
“What? No. Why?”
“That was an abrupt outburst.”
I heard her chuckle but didn’t take my eyes off the road.
“No, I really am starving, and I love In-N-Out. I’m not changing the subject, though there’s not much more to say.”
“Do you talk to Lina? Steven? Lars?”
“Oh yeah. All the time. Well, not Steven so much. He’s still active duty, stationed in Korea.
Lars is married, not to the same girl from when I moved in.
Thank God, that chick was a pill. He met this girl online and moved to Houston to be with her, and talked Lina into moving down there with him.
I haven’t visited in about a year. But they’re doing well.
Lars has two little girls—Irish twins. They’re absolute terrors.
I mean that in the sense I think they’ll grow up to be criminals.
I wouldn’t be surprised if at six, they’re planning their first bank heist.”
I didn’t bother hiding my amusement and laughed.
“No, really, I’m serious. Lars made them this nook under the stairs as a little playhouse.
I think they go in there and plot and plan.
Lars thinks they’re little princesses and spoils them.
Lina says it’s because he didn’t have a dad growing up and he’s determined to be a good one.
His wife, the heathens’ mother, does her best to rein them in, but I think she’s realized it’s a lost cause and is saving for bail money instead of college. ”
“Can’t say I won’t spoil my girls,” I told her. “I have a good dad. He was tough but fair. But he did his fair share of spoiling Anna—one of those ways is him selling the home he bought with his wife and raised his family in to give her what she wanted.”
“And your mom? Did she spoil you two?”
I waited until I found a parking spot and rolled to a stop so I could give her my full attention.
“My mother spoiled the hell out of me,” I told her.
“Make no mistake, she loved Anna. But she thought the sun rose and set with me. Anna’s my dad’s.
He loves me and taught me how to be a good and decent man.
Lots of lessons while I was growing up, but the most important one was how he loved the women in his life.
My sister is Dad’s favorite, his princess.
My mother was the queen of his world. He taught me by example how to love to an extreme.
But my mom was all about me. Her and Anna were close, very close, especially when Anna got older and in high school. Mom was always doing stuff with her.
“Don’t take this the wrong way; I’m not looking for a mommy, I don’t need a woman to take care of me, but my mom taught me how I should expect a woman to love me.
And that has nothing to do with her spoiling me.
She openly adored my dad, loved the family they created.
But if I had to guess, what she loved the most was the way her husband loved his daughter.
I want to give that to my family. I want to give to my wife what my father gave to my mother, so my wife can give to my children what my mom gave me. ”
Cat untwined our fingers, lifted her hand, and traced the line of my jaw.
“I love the way she loved you,” she whispered.
“I do too.”
That was an understatement.
“I love the way you love her.”
I remained quiet. Cat continued tracing my jaw up to my temple and back down, her eyes following her finger. A soft, sweet touch.
“What’s your mom’s name?” she asked.
“Nora.”
Her eyes dashed to mine and flared.
“Nora? Really?”
I nodded, not understanding the sudden change.
“That’s my gran’s name. Nora Mae. My mom’s name is Faye Nora, after her mother.”
My hand shot out and tagged her around the back of her neck. I tugged her closer until our foreheads touched. My sinuses clogged, and I felt my eyes itch.
“My sister tried to name her first daughter Nora,” I told Cat. “My dad explained the Defcon-level war she’d start if she took that name from me. Anna chose another name.”
“Then it’s decided,” Catarina whispered.
“It’s decided,” I confirmed.
“I have Lina, Steven, Lars, Lauren, and the heathen twins, and that’s all I have.”
I didn’t understand where she was going, so I remained quiet and waited for her to continue.
“I’m not ready yet. I need a few more years of doing what I’m doing.
I still have the fire in my belly. But when the time’s right, I want a big family, and I want to be home with that family.
I don’t want my babies losing me like I lost my mom.
I want them to have what you had. I want to spoil my boys and give my Nora a daddy who thinks she’s a princess and will love her and tell her the sun rises and sets with her. ”
Give my Nora a daddy who thinks she’s a princess.
Goddamn, I wanted that with Catarina more than I’d ever wanted anything other than my mother to still be alive.
I had to sniff and clear my throat before I could tell her, “When you’re ready, I’ll give you everything you want.”
“A few years, but no more than four. If I see the words geriatric pregnancy on a single form, I will lose my shit, and it might get messy. Lauren might have to dip into the heathens’ bail account to get me out of jail.”
And my smart-ass Catarina was back.
“I’ll make sure to fill out all the medical paperwork. We can’t have my baby mama in lockup.”
“That might be a good idea. Or we can have an at-home birth.”
I held my breath waiting for her to tell me she was kidding. That wait was in vain. And with that, an irrational fear about something that had not happened and would not happen for years to come started pooling in my gut.
“Baby, you are not giving birth to our children at home. You’ll be in a hospital with medical professionals.”
“Women have babies at home every day.”
The insanity of that stunned me into silence.
“Nothing to say to that?” she hedged.
“I reserve the right to circle back to this conversation at such time an appropriate comeback pops into my head.”
“Nope. Gotta be quick, Jack. No comeback, you lose.”
Seeing as we were discussing our future children, there was no losing when it came to this conversation.
Future children with Catarina.
“You realize we’re planning where you’ll give birth to our children in the parking lot of the In-N-Out off Coronado Avenue.”
Cat tipped her chin, pulled her forehead off mine, and pressed a kiss to my mouth.
“The where is never important. The who is.”
“Remember this morning when I was being all sweet, hearts, and flowers?” I asked.
“Feel like that was five hundred years ago, but yes, I remember you telling me how bodacious my breasts are.”
I couldn’t stop my laugh from spilling out.
“I was going to say, I forgot to include wise in the list of things that are perfect about you. But since you used the word bodacious, I’m retracting my amendment.”
Catarina pressed her lips against mine again. This time, she didn’t pull away far when she mumbled, “Admit it, you love me.”
Like gasoline to fire, my heart lit.
“No, baby, I love the fuck out of you.”
I felt her smile against my lips.
“I love the fuck out of you too.”
She was right, it was the who you were with that was important.
But right then, as those words settled deep in my soul—the where was important too. Where we were going together. The future we’d have. The mistakes we would make. The forgiveness we would need. The love we’d give each other. The family we would make.