Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
JOSIE
Two weeks later
Tate caged me between his arms, his eyes holding mine. “How long will you be gone?” I asked, trying and failing not to sound breathless.
“A week or two.”
I stared up at him. “I know fighting fires in the wilderness is your job, but I’ll miss you.” My heart kicked along unsteadily while the heat that burned whenever he was near me sent sparks flying high.
He lifted a hand, brushing a loose lock of hair away from my cheek. “It’s my job, and I’ll miss you too.”
“I didn’t know you traveled this time of year.”
“Sometimes we get called to fires in the Lower 48 or situations here in Alaska. There usually aren’t too many wildfires during winter and early spring because there’s enough snow cover in Alaska.”
“I’m going to have to get used to this,” I said, as much to myself as to him.
Tate dipped his head, giving me a lingering kiss before straightening. My entire body felt bereft, emotionally and physically. Tate’s crew was traveling to a fire all the way in California. It felt like forever away.
“I’ll see you when I get back. As soon as I can call you, I will,” he promised.
I held on to that promise like a raft in choppy waters.
Logically, I knew they wouldn’t be making many phone calls while they were in the middle of nowhere fighting a fire, but I wished I could hear his voice every day.
I also discovered I missed Kara. Tate and I talked about me staying with her, but up to now, she’d always stayed with his parents when he was out of town working.
I agreed with Tate it made the most sense to keep it that way.
Our conversations around her were tilting closer and closer to us feeling comfortable about letting her know what was happening.
She’d gotten curious enough to ask me if I “liked” her dad.
With all of my feelings for Tate, I knew we needed to take that step, but it felt official in a way that frightened me.
Four days into Tate’s absence, I was covering a shift at Firehouse Café when Kayla walked in.
It was just me at the moment. Casey wasn’t here this morning, and Janet had a doctor’s appointment.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle dealing with Kayla myself, but I hadn’t yet gotten accustomed to running into my old friend.
As she approached the counter, I gave myself a little pep talk.
You’re over what happened. You really are.
Kayla is the one who has to carry this, not you.
You and Tate are going strong. It doesn’t matter that you lost your friend and your idiot of a high school boyfriend at the same time.
It was an important lesson to learn, and you learned it.
It might always be a little awkward, but you’ll get used to it.
Kayla stopped in front of the counter. As I looked over at her, I remembered how hurt I had been when it all happened.
While I’d been busy focusing on skiing, she’d been the prettiest girl in high school.
She was all the things I wasn’t. I hadn’t dwelled on those distinctions until everything unraveled.
In the aftermath, my insecurities had gotten loud, and I’d felt like I should’ve seen it coming and realized my worth or lack thereof.
This decade-later version of Kayla had sharper edges. My bubbly former friend now had tight brackets at the corners of her mouth, and her eyes were tired with hints of bitterness swirling. She lifted her chin. “Hi.” Even her voice was brittle.
I managed something like a smile and schooled my expression to be neutral. “Hi, what can I get you?”
“I’ll take a skinny latte.”
“Coming right up.” I turned to begin to prep her drink, calling over my shoulder, “Anything to eat?”
“Oh, hell no. I pretty much have to starve myself these days,” she said flatly.
After I adjusted the knobs on the espresso machine, I began frothing the low-fat milk. I didn’t really know what to say, so I simply nodded.
“Doesn’t seem like you have to worry about your weight, seeing as you’re an Olympic medal skier,” Kayla added, her tone laced with a hint of sarcasm.
My mind spun back to high school. Back then, she used to make fun of me for spending so much time skiing.
Kayla had been my friend, or I thought she had.
The person she was now didn’t feel the same, or maybe I just didn’t understand back then.
The girl I used to laugh until I cried with seemed tense and more bitter than I could’ve imagined.
I rested my hands on the counter and looked straight into her eyes. “You know, our lives went in different directions, but you were my best friend. I’m sorry for what happened. I hope life is okay for you.”
I was being honest, but it didn’t help. Kayla’s features pinched even tighter as she stared back at me. “Tate still misses me. I know I screwed up, don’t get me wrong, but he misses me. I’m happy for you two, but don’t go thinking you’re anything other than a consolation prize.”
The sharpness of her words felt like tiny knives peeling away the scab on my heart from the old betrayal. “Wow, Kayla,” I finally said. “Please leave me alone.”
At that moment, a cluster of people entered the café. Kayla looked a little startled at how I pushed back on her words, and maybe she felt bad. I would never know because I didn’t intend to have that conversation with her. She paid for her coffee and left.
There was a lull in the morning flow after Janet returned. We were tidying up when she commented, “I happened to be in the back when Kayla was talking. She’s just being mean. I don’t think you should feel bad for her because what she did was incredibly shitty, but whatever you do, ignore it.”