Chapter 8 #3
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
The words hung in the air between them, as unmistakable as the single bed and as undeniable as the way they’d been moving around each other all week. Erin turned from the window to face Lena directly, tired of pretending this was just another night working a case.
Lena set down her pen, but she didn’t meet Erin’s eyes. “We’re on a stakeout, Erin. This isn’t the time for—”
“When is the time, then?” The frustration that had been building all day finally broke through. “Because we’ve been dancing around this since last weekend, and I’m tired of pretending it’s not happening.”
“We agreed to see where this goes. That means not rushing into—”
“I’m not talking about rushing into anything. I’m talking about acknowledging what’s already happening.” Erin gestured at the space between them, at the careful distance Lena was maintaining and the tension that had been crackling all day. “This. Whatever it is.”
The small muscles in Lena’s jaw tightened, and Erin could see her walls starting to go up. The same protective instinct that had made her try to keep Erin away from the stakeout was the same fear that made her deflect every personal conversation with the guise of professional focus.
“Maybe we shouldn’t complicate things,” Lena said, her voice carefully controlled. “The case is our priority right now. After we catch this guy—”
“Too late.” Erin’s voice was quiet but firm. “It’s already complicated, Lena. It has been since that night at Lavender’s. You can’t just…uncomplicate it by pretending it’s not real.”
The temperature in the cabin had dropped with the sun, and Erin found herself drawn closer to the small circle of warmth from the overhead light even as the conversation pulled them apart.
Outside, cabin twelve remained quiet and ordinary, but she was no longer thinking about their suspect or what he might be doing.
All her attention was focused on Lena, on the fear she could see building behind the detective's careful control, on everything they'd been too scared to name out loud.
For a moment, Lena's walls went up completely.
Erin could see it happening, the familiar retreat to professional distance.
But then something in the detective's expression cracked, and instead of another deflection, she just stared at Erin for a long moment, her jaw working like she was trying to find words that wouldn't come.
When she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. "What do you want me to say, Erin?"
"The truth." Erin moved closer, close enough to see the conflict warring in Lena's eyes.
"What is this to you? Because the way we've been with each other this week doesn't feel casual to me.
Neither is the way you look at me when you think I'm not paying attention or how you tried to keep me off this stakeout assignment. "
"That's different. That's about keeping you safe—"
"From doing my job." Erin's voice was sharper than she intended. "Which brings us right back to the problem, doesn't it? You can't separate your feelings from treating me like I'm competent."
Lena's face flushed. "That's not— No, I know you're competent. You're brilliant at what you do."
"Then why were you trying to convince your chief that I should stay behind?"
"Because…" Lena stopped, her hands clenching at her sides. "Because the thought of you getting hurt makes me panic. Because I've spent the last week trying to convince myself this was just physical or just stress relief, and I’ve been failing completely. Because you scare the hell out of me."
The words fell between them, raw and unguarded. Erin felt her anger dissolve, replaced by something softer, more careful. "I scare you?"
"Everything about this scares me." Lena's voice was barely audible.
"I don't do this, Erin. I don't let people get close enough to matter.
I don't worry about anyone but myself when I'm on a case.
And now I can't stop thinking about whether you're safe, whether you're happy, whether you're going to decide I'm too damaged to be worth the effort. "
Erin moved closer still, until there were only inches between them. "And what if I think you're worth the effort anyway?"
"Well, then you'd be the first."
The vulnerability in Lena's voice broke something open in Erin's chest. She reached up, cupping Lena's face in her hands, feeling the detective lean into the touch despite herself.
"Look at me," Erin said softly. When Lena's eyes met hers, she continued, "I'm not going anywhere.
Not because of your job, not because of mine, not because this is complicated.
I knew it was complicated the night we kissed at Lavender's.
I knew it would be complicated when I said yes to taking this slow.
But I also know what I feel when I'm with you. "
"What do you feel?"
"Like I found something I didn't know I was looking for." Erin's thumbs brushed across Lena's sharp cheekbones. "Like I want to figure out what this looks like when we stop being afraid of it."
Lena's eyes searched her face. "And if it doesn't work? If I can't stop trying to protect you from everything, including your own job?"
"Then we'll fight about it. And we'll figure it out…or we won't." Erin shrugged slightly. "But we'll never know if we keep pretending we're just colleagues who occasionally sleep together."
A smile tugged at the corner of Lena's mouth despite the tears glistening in her eyes. "Occasionally?"
"Occasionally seems like an understatement at this point."
"Fair point." Lena's hands came up to cover Erin's, holding them against her face. "So what are you suggesting? That we admit we're falling for each other and see what happens?"
"I'm suggesting that we admit we've already fallen and stop being terrified about it."
The words settled between them, and Erin looked into Lena’s eyes, really looked into those hazel eyes that she saw shifted subtly between brown and green in the cabin's warm light, with flecks of gold that Erin had noticed before but never had the chance to study.
There was still fear there, but something else too—a softness that Erin rarely saw in Lena.
"I'm still going to worry about you," Lena said finally.
"I'm still going to do my job."
"And when those two things conflict?"
"We'll figure it out together." Erin smiled. "That's what partners do, right?"
Lena's breath caught slightly at the word partners.
"If you want to be," Erin added.
Instead of answering with words, Lena closed the distance between them, her lips finding Erin's in a kiss that was different from any they'd shared before.
Not desperate or stolen or fueled by adrenaline, but it was deliberate and certain.
When they broke apart, Lena rested her forehead against Erin's.
"We should probably maintain surveillance," she murmured, though she made no move to step away.
"Probably." Erin's hands had somehow found their way to Lena's waist. "We could take shifts."
"Good thinking."
"I try to be thorough in my work."
Lena's laugh was soft and warm. "Among other things."
Erin felt something quiet and sure settle in her chest. This was what she'd wanted without knowing how to ask for it—not just the physical connection, but the acknowledgment that they were choosing each other with eyes wide open to the complications and possibilities alike.
The single bed didn't feel like an obstacle for them to navigate anymore. It felt like an invitation.
Lena gently guided her to the bed, and they sat next to each other, just taking each other in.
Lena’s hair was in her typical ponytail, but it wasn’t as severely pulled back as usual.
Lena had let some wisps fall out of her ponytail and they framed her face and softened it.
Erin reached up to pinch one of the strands between her fingers then tuck it behind her ear as she leaned in to kiss her again.
They lay down, facing each other, and Erin felt her heart swell seeing Lena and having her lay down next to her.
Lena reached over and ran her hands down Erin’s body before she swiveled and was on top of Erin.
Lena quickly took off her shirt and bra, then leaned down to take off Erin’s.
Erin sat up just enough to let Lena slip off her shirt and unclasp her bra too.
When Lena buried her face in Erin’s neck, Erin closed her eyes, reveling in Lena’s lips on her skin.
She melted under Lena’s touch as she kissed her body all the way down, leaving little sears of kisses down her stomach, across her thighs, over her knees, and all the way down to her toes.
Erin couldn’t suppress a smile as Lena left kisses all over her body like a quiet devotion.
As she kissed, her hand roamed, and Erin willed Lena’s hand to gravitate to her core.
And it did.
As Lena trekked her way back up, her hand cupped Erin over her mound, capturing the heat.
When she got closer, Lena let her thumb tease Erin’s entrance, and Erin felt heat coil inside her.
She let herself go as Lena finally slipped her finger deep inside her.
Lena kept pumping her fingers inside Erin as she bent down and licked her clit.
Erin felt herself pulsating with pleasure as Lena licked her in all the right places with the perfect amount of pressure.
Lena’s tongue swirled over the swollen nub as her fingers continued to curl and hit her G-spot, and Erin bucked her hips rhythmically against Lena’s hand as she moaned.
“Lena, oh my god, oh fuck. Keep going, right there, right there…”
The pressure built within her, and soon, it consumed all of her, and Lena kept going, her tongue working its magic, leaving figure eights all over her. When Lena drew her clit into her mouth and sucked, Erin lost all control and came undone, screaming Lena’s name and squeezing her eyes shut.