17. Bridget
Bridget
Stunned, I stared at Cole, who was giving me serious whiplash.
How the hell did we go from him telling me he was sending me away to a shelter in Bakersfield to shouting that he regretted our breakup from nearly a decade ago?
It didn’t make any sense.
Uncomfortable laughter rolled up my throat, and I shifted on my seat. “Um, then why did you?”
Cole scoffed, shaking his head. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I know better.”
My brows drew down. “What are you talking about?”
A heavy sigh lifted his chest. “Crew told me everyone knew that we were sneaking around. Even Russ.”
Excuse me, what?
“Bennett knew we were together?”
He ducked his head. “Mm-hmm. According to Crew, he was thrilled about it.”
I lifted a trembling hand to my lips. “Why didn’t he say anything?”
“Apparently, he was waiting for us to come clean.” A shadow passed over his eyes. “Then he got sick.”
Swallowing, I nodded. “Right.”
Cole raked a hand through his hair, and his voice came out wrecked. “I’m so sorry. If only I’d been a better man, you would have never ended up with him.” It hadn’t escaped my notice that he refused to say Aiden’s name. “It’s my fault you got hurt.”
“Were you the one who put those marks on my body?” I fingered the column of my throat where the bruises had once been.
“Bridget, that’s—”
“Were you?” I pressed.
“No,” he grudgingly admitted.
“That’s right. You weren’t. The only person I blame is Aiden.”
Fiddling with the basket of cat toys on the counter, Cole said, “So, Bakersfield?”
Windpipe closing up, I croaked, “Is that my only option?”
He released a shuddering breath, and when he lifted his head, the tortured look in his eyes was enough to break my heart all over again. “What do you want to do, Bridget? Tell me, and I’ll support you in any way that I can.”
Shyly, I peeked at him through my lashes. “I’d like to stay, if that’s okay.”
Rearing back, he blinked at me. “Really?”
“Yeah. I think I’d rather be surrounded by friends instead of strangers while I figure out my shit.
Arizona’s been a great support, and she even gave me the contact for her therapist, who offers sessions over video.
Plus, Maisie’s put me to work on the back end of Thorne Tough, and I promised Austin I’d go over film with him.
Kid’s got big dreams of going pro, and that means he’s got a mountain to climb after getting such a late start. ”
A glimmer of a smile touched Cole’s lips as he teased, “Want me to help you move into the Cleary-Nixon household?”
“Nah. I’d miss Cinder too much.” I bent down to scoop up the cat who’d become something of an emotional support animal to me.
Laughter filled the air. “How can I argue with that? He is one lovable lug.”
He tossed a plastic spring across the room, and Cinder leapt out of my arms to chase it.
Together, we watched the cat play in silence, and after a while, Cole said, “I’m really glad you’re staying.”
Me too.
“Hello, Bridget, how are you today?” Dr. Marshall asked through my phone screen.
“Good,” I answered honestly. “I got in a workout earlier, and while my muscles are sore, it always helps to clear my mind.”
Dr. Marshall was good at schooling her features—something I’d noticed during the past couple of weeks—but I could tell she was pleased when she said, “Exercise has been proven to aid in trauma recovery. I’m glad to hear it’s become part of your routine.”
“If it weren’t for Cole, I probably would have quit after the first session.” I let out a laugh. “When he saw I was struggling, he busted out a sticker chart, and damn if I didn’t want to earn those gold stars for completing each activity listed on my exercise plan.”
My therapist folded her hands atop her desk. “If it’s all right with you, I’d like to use today’s session to talk about Cole.”
I cocked my head to the side. “What about him?”
“How has it been living with someone you once shared a deep emotional connection with?”
Shrugging, I replied, “It’s been fine. I guess.”
“You guess?”
Repeating my answer as a question was her way of probing, asking me to elaborate more.
“He’s been an incredible support. He makes sure I have everything I need.”
“But?” Dr. Marshall prompted, knowing there was more I wasn’t saying.
I sighed. “But being here has stirred up a lot of stuff from the past.”
“Like what?”
“Like how neither of us knew my brother was aware of what we thought was a secret relationship. If only he’d told us, everything would have turned out so differently.”
“What’s one of the biggest things we talk about?” she asked.
“We can’t control others’ actions, only our own,” I recited the mantra that I had to be reminded of at least once per session. “I just wish he was still here, so I could ask him why.”
“Since he’s not, why don’t we focus on how you felt when you learned that information?”
My eyes slid closed, and I shook my head. “Shocked, relieved, angry.”
“Why angry?”
Lifting my gaze to meet hers through the screen, I said, “Because his silence cost me Cole.”
“Are there still feelings there?”
I nodded. “He’s the love of my life.”
“I see. And are you hoping to reconnect?”
“I don’t know. One part of me wonders if we missed our chance. Another feels like we have unfinished business.”
Dr. Marshall maintained her calm neutrality. “Which voice is louder?”
I chewed on that for a minute, and the answer became clear. “The one that says we have unfinished business.”
“I have a professional obligation to tell you it’s not recommended to jump headfirst into a new relationship so soon after leaving one that was physically abusive.
Even a healthy dynamic has the potential to become triggering at times.
That said, if you decide to rekindle romantically with Cole, I would advise that you take things slow.
And I will be here to support you through whatever challenges you encounter. ”
What she said made sense. I knew Cole would never hurt me the way Aiden did, but I couldn’t help my body’s natural reflex to tense up whenever he got too close.
But I refused to let this second chance slip through my fingers. There had to be a way to make this work, and I was going to find it.
“I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today, Bridget.”
Damn, that hour had flown by.
“We’ll talk again on Friday, but you know how to reach me in case of an emergency before then.”
I plastered a smile on my face to hide that my mind was racing a million miles an hour. “Thank you, Dr. Marshall. See you on Friday.”
We hung up, and I stared at the blank screen for a few minutes.
The thought of getting back together with Cole was the first thing to make me truly happy in years.
But despite his confession that he was still in love with me after all these years, he was never going to make the first move.
Not when he viewed that as trying to take advantage of me in what he believed to be a vulnerable state.
While he might not be too far off the mark, it was time for me to take back control of my life. And that started with going after what I wanted—him.
So, hopped up on progressive woman vibes, I climbed off the mattress in the guest room and crossed the hallway to knock on the door opposite mine.
Rapping my knuckles on the wood, I called out, “Cole?”
There was silence on the other side, so I tried again, this time louder.
When several minutes passed without an answer, I began to deflate. I knew he was in there, so that must mean he didn’t want to talk to me.
Had I done something wrong? Had he finally gotten tired of having me here?
Tears burned behind my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Maybe it was too late for us, after all, and it was time to accept that and move on.
The door swung open suddenly, startling me enough that I jumped back.
“Bridget?”
My eyes snapped up, and everything I had planned to say flew right out of my head.
Because Cole stood there, wearing nothing but a towel.