Chapter 19
Miles
My anxiety is through the roof the entire way to JJ’s house.
Not only because I’m going there, but everything else too.
The fact we’re going to a strip club together.
The memory of the last time I was there…
what we did. What he said he wanted to do.
I’m not worried about us having sex again, I totally will and maybe I even prepared for it, but what’s really getting to me is the outfit I chose.
Audrey wouldn’t let me change, even though I wanted to.
When JJ said he was coming with me, I felt brave and went shopping to find something. I know I look good, but I’m still being shy about it. I’m nervous JJ will hate it.
I have no problem with the black skinny jeans—I wear stuff like this all the time.
But the sheer pink body-fitting shirt? Yeah…
I’m feeling a little self-conscious. Which is why I have my jacket buttoned up from top to bottom.
And maybe the moment I walk in the door of the club, I’ll take a few shots before taking off the coat. This way I’ll feel more brave.
I pull into JJ’s driveway, parking behind his truck.
“Why is him driving a truck so hot?” I mutter to myself. It’s a silly thing, but it’s true.
I get out of the car and walk up the walkway. JJ pulls open the door before I reach it. I pause a moment, look up and give him a quick smile. He’s grinning.
“Find the place okay?”
“Yeah, it was easy enough.”
He steps aside and lets me in. I glance around the house that looks like it’s in a state of move—as in he’s moving out or moving in.
Nothing about this feels like a home. It makes me feel sad for him.
Being here for seven years and still not having everything set up?
Something about that feels… really depressing.
“The place is a mess,” he says.
“You don’t have enough stuff to make a mess with.”
There’s nothing hanging on the walls. There are no curtains on the windows and only a couple of them have blinds. There are hardwood floors throughout and no throw rugs. One couch and a TV, no end tables, but there is a coffee table. No lamps.
“Uh… yeah.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I’m not home much.”
I know that isn’t entirely true, but I’m not going to argue with him about it or dig into his feelings. I don’t know why I want to do that all the time, anyway.
“So, where’s the bedroom?” I ask. He smirks, and I quickly add, “I just mean because of the closet…”
“Uh huh…” He walks past me and I follow behind him, trying like hell to ignore how his ass looks so perfect in those grey sweatpants that have ninety-nine across the ass… like he didn’t do that on purpose.
We end up in a spacious bedroom. There’s nothing but a bed and one dresser—and a door to the closet. There’s enough room for a few more dressers and a much bigger bed. Plus a chair or something else to fill the space. Like a little reading nook or something.
JJ pulls open the door to a walk-in closet.
It’s mostly empty, except for the right side that has clothes hanging from hangers.
“Wow. Do you own color?” I ask as I step inside and run my hand along his hanging clothes.
“Black is a color. Plus, there’s some grey in there. Oh, and my jeans are blue.”
“Hate to break it to you, but that doesn’t count.”
“Let me take your coat,” he says.
“No, I’m good,” I say flippantly.
If I make a big deal about it, he’ll argue to take it, and I don’t want him to.
“We’re not leaving for a while, Miles. I can take your coat.”
“I’m good with it on.”
I sneak a glance at him, and I see his eyes narrow. He crosses his arms over his chest, the muscles in his forearms tightening and making my dick twitch.
“Why?” he asks in a rough tone that makes me want to spill exactly why I don’t want to take my coat off.
“I’m cold.”
“I turned the heat up hours ago. It’s at seventy-two.”
“What do you normally keep it at?”
“Sixty.”
My eyes widen. “Are you part snowman?”
“Maybe.” He steps closer, offering out his hand. “Let me see the coat.”
“No.”
“Miles—”
“JJ,” I argue back.
He watches me carefully, looking me up and down. “What are you wearing under there?” he asks, sounding very interested.
“Clothes, obviously.”
“What kind?”
“The kind that are for a club.”
“Is it supposed to be a surprise?”
I should say yes, but that would be a lie, and I don’t want to lie to the guy.
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem?” he asks. I feel the air around us change. And when I look at him next, he’s grinning devilishly. “You’re nervous.”
“No, I’m not,” I say way too quickly.
“Yes, you are,” he says playfully, reaching for the zipper. I step away. “Come on, let me see. If you’re nervous, you probably look hot as hell.”
He steps toward me and we’re both in the closet now. I move back until I hit the wall.
“It’s just a shirt.”
“Then let me see it.”
“This was such a bad idea,” I mutter, looking away.
JJ stands there, blocking me from leaving. I’m not nervous though. I know if I really wanted to leave, I could—he’d let me.
“Okay, fine. I’m nervous about it,” I admit.
“Why?” he asks, as if it’s no big deal.
“Because it’s not something I usually wear.”
“Well, we are going to a strip club, so I assumed you’d dress up.”
“It’s just… I don’t know.”
JJ’s eyes darken and he steps even closer. I can feel the warmth of his body and smell the scent that is uniquely his, and it does something to my brain. His eyes are a deeper shade of green than I remember, but the gold flecks seem brighter.
“I’ve seen you naked. You weren’t being shy then.”
“I was drunk.”
He licks his lips. “You’re so hot when you’re shy.”
“Shut up,” I mutter.
“Why?”
“Because you make me want to show you.”
“Good.”
My cheeks are blazing, no doubt as red as a strawberry. And he’s loving every second of it.
“I’ll make a deal with you,” I say. He raises a brow. “I’ll show you if you tell me what JJ stands for.”
He huffs a laugh, the sound low and raspy. “No deal. I’ll see this at the club anyway.”
“Not if I keep my jacket on.”
“Then I’ll just tell your friends, and they’ll make you take it off.”
I gasp. “You wouldn’t.”
“Care to make a bet?”
I huff, wanting to stomp my foot like a child, but the more I drag this out, the worse it’ll be for me later. I may as well just show him. Making a big deal out of it is silly.
“Fine,” I say. “But if I look stupid, you better tell me because I will change. I’m not going there looking like a fool.”
He nods as he steps back, gesturing for me to take my coat off. He’s watching me with so much interest that it only makes me more nervous. But I said I would show him, so I have to show up.
I swallow hard as I reach for the zipper. Did I really think my plan of getting drunk before I took my coat off would work? I’m an idiot. Of course JJ wouldn’t let me get away with that.
I yank the zipper down and shrug my coat off, holding it in one hand. I stare at the ground by his feet, unable to look him in the eye. But then the air in the room shifts and I sneak a glance at him.
JJ’s eyes are wide, lips parted as he takes me in.
“Fuck,” he whispers, his eyes flicking all over me. His breathing gets a little heavier, his chest moving up and down. My gaze instinctively goes downward, and I don’t miss the hard outline of his cock.
Fuck is right.
Because now I’m hard too, and we’re supposed to be getting ready to go out.
The look on JJ’s face is almost pained, his jaw set and eyes dark. I like the way it makes me feel, because somehow, the anxiety I had over this is gone. I no longer feel shy, I feel brave, like I’ve been drinking all day.
His darkened gaze flicks to mine. He shakes his head, and I’m not sure what to think about that. Is he angry? Does he hate it? I thought he liked it, but it’s possible he hates it.
JJ steps forward, placing his large hand on my hip, heating my skin. There’s barely any material between us. I’m certain the temperature singed it away, like he’s actually made of the fires he fights off.
“I almost don’t want anyone else to see you like this,” he rasps out as his thumb brushes gently along my skin.
I gasp, my heart pounding a little harder.
“You… you don’t?”
He blinks slowly, that pained look back for just a second. He looks away, then back at me, like he’s fighting something in his head.
“You look so fucking hot, Miles.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
His grip tightens, reminding me his hand is there. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to touch him too, or just stand here. But I decide I like the way he’s looking at me, and I don’t want to be the one to stop this.
His other hand comes up to my face, his knuckles resting under my chin to lift it.
I look up into his eyes, and I can’t begin to guess what he’s thinking.
He leans down, pressing his lips to mine in the most gentle kiss I’ve ever experienced, which is confusing as hell because he looks like he’s ready to eat me alive.
His lips drift to the corner of my mouth, my jaw, and along to my ear.
“You should find me something to wear so we can leave,” he whispers, pausing a moment before stepping back. “Or we won’t be going anywhere.”
I can’t help the smile that crosses my face. I bite my lip as I watch him put more distance between us. Not because he wants to, but because he has to. Because his mind is exactly where mine is.
“I’m going to take a shower,” he says slowly, like he isn’t sure if he really wants to.
He turns to walk away.
“JJ?” I call out before I can stop myself.
He faces me again, raising a brow.
If I’m going to be brave, now’s the time, right?
“Are you going to, uh… you know?”
His face scrunches into confusion for just a moment before understanding registers on his face.
“I was going to take a cold shower.”
I grin again. “Well, if you change your mind, let me know.”
Smirking, he leaves the room. I don’t know where his bathroom is, and I hear nothing that tells me it’s close.
No door closing. No water. So, I take a few moments to breathe and calm myself down because it now feels like a five-alarm fire in here.
When I’m good, I look through his clothes, pulling open drawers to find jeans.
His slacks and khakis are hanging beyond the shirts, but that doesn’t feel right for him. Not for this.
I find a nice pair of dark jeans that will match well with this henley that’s hanging on the end.
It’s just a few shades lighter than black.
I put it, the jeans, black boxer briefs, and socks on the bed for him, laid out so he can see it.
I put the boots at the bottom of the bed.
While I wait for him to get out of the shower, I go back into the closet to look at everything again and see if there is something better for him to wear, but he doesn’t have all that much to choose from.
It’s mostly t-shirts. There is a button up, but that feels a little too much for the night.
When JJ comes back into the room, he has nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist, his damp hair slicked back over his head.
“Holy shit,” I mutter from the closet doorway.
I see him smirk even though he doesn’t look at me.
I saw his body the first night we hooked up, but it was dark and I had been drinking.
Now I can see every inch of him. Every dip and curve of his muscles, and—fuck… those are back dimples.
I close my eyes and try not to die.
“You okay?” he asks.
I pop my eyes open. He’s watching me with a knowing smile.
“Fine,” I squeak out. “Is that okay?”
He shrugs. “If you think it’s fine, then it’s fine.”
“Do you want me to—”
I can’t finish my sentence to ask if he wants me to leave while he gets dressed because he just drops his towel and reaches for the boxer briefs. And because he likes to torture me, he turns to face me as he pulls them on.
I can’t breathe. I’m dying.
I can’t tell if he’s hotter completely naked or with those soft, black boxer briefs tight around him. Because there’s just something about a man in boxer briefs that really turns me on. There’s no denying JJ is hot as hell.
I’m a total goner.
“You were saying?” he asks in a cocky tone.
“Huh? What?” I flick my gaze up to him.
“You started to say something?” He grabs his jeans and pulls them on next.
My jaw is on the floor. I know it.
“Uh, yeah,” I say. “Sure.”
“Sure?”
“Huh?”
He laughs as he buttons his jeans. But instead of continuing to get dressed, he walks over to me, caging me in against the wall.
“Do you find me so attractive that you’re speechless? Because if so, that’s really fucking hot,” he says in a low tone.
All I can do is nod… very slowly.
It’s taking everything in me not to reach for him and show him what I really think of him and how hot he is. Thankfully, my phone rings. And suddenly I can breathe again.
I pull it from my pocket as JJ goes back to grab his shirt, the moment broken. I’m both disappointed and relieved over it.
“It’s Rudy,” I say before answering. “Hello?”
“Just wanted to make sure you’re still coming.”
“Yep, I am. We’re leaving in like twenty minutes?” I glance at JJ who nods. “Yeah, twenty minutes.”
“Cool. I’ll make sure you’re on the list. Love you, boo.” He makes three kissy noises and then ends the call.
While JJ finishes getting ready, looking hotter than ever, I promise myself that I will not come in my pants before the night is over.