Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Cameron
Watching that video made me feel sick to my stomach, yet I continued torturing myself.
Rylee’s denials kept ringing in my ears. I couldn’t imagine her betraying me that way, but I’d never imagined Kelly would either. So, maybe I was just a shitty judge of character.
I was a career cop. I knew videos could be manipulated, and maybe I should have thought about that before accusing Rylee of cheating on me.
That sick bastard could have baited me into making the biggest mistake of my life.
But I couldn’t know for sure, because confirmation would require turning it over to my digital forensics team and I’d shoot myself before I let anyone else see it.
I groaned when my sister’s number flashed across my screen. She’d already called me three times that morning and clearly wasn’t giving up.
“What do you want?” I snapped. “I’m at work.” In fact, I was sitting at my desk, staring into space like a zombie, but she didn’t have to know that.
“It may interest you to know Austin proposed to me last night.”
“Shit, seriously?” I scraped a hand over my beard. “I’m sorry, sis. That’s great. I’m really happy for you guys.”
“Thank you. So hopefully that means you’ll be able to make it to a little engagement party we’re having at the house this weekend?”
Hell no, I couldn’t see Rylee. But there was no way I could miss my sister’s engagement party either.
“Rylee’s not going to be there, is she?”
“Of course, I just called to invite her when I couldn’t get in touch with you.” She hesitated. “Cam, what’s going on? That call last night, when you were asking when we’d left—”
“It’s not important.”
And I felt even worse because that call could have interrupted Austin’s plans to pop the question to my sister.
“Did you and Rylee have a fight?”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“No, she was too excited for us.”
“Of course she was. I am too.” I closed my eyes and tipped my head back against the leather swivel chair. “You guys have been waiting a long time for this, Eden.”
And I wouldn’t do anything to ruin it. I’d just show up at the party and keep my distance from Rylee, without making things too awkward.
Even I didn’t believe that was possible. How the hell was I supposed to handle this mess?
“We have, and we can’t wait to celebrate with everyone we love. But you didn’t answer the question. Did you and Rylee get into a fight?”
Since I knew she’d find out soon enough, and I was determined not to let it ruin her party, I said, “Yeah, we broke up. But listen, it’s not a big deal, okay? This is about you and Austin and I promise you nothing will mess this up for you guys.”
“Ohmigod, what happened?” She sounded crushed, and I hated myself even more. “You guys were talking about the future—”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Please. Just respect my privacy on this one.” I couldn’t talk about it. If I did, I’d either put my fist through a wall or bawl like a baby. “And don’t ask Rylee about it either. It’s too… raw. Too personal.”
“I can’t believe this. Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not okay.” I glanced at Rylee’s framed picture on my credenza. “But I will be, eventually.”
“Honey, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
“Not a damn thing.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, wishing I could go home, roll into bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend I didn’t have a large county counting on me to do my job. “But thanks.”
“Cam, I—”
“Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll call Austin later to congratulate him. Just send me the details for the party, I wouldn’t miss it.”
Even if seeing Rylee again would destroy me.
The cure for a broken heart? To tie one on with your friends, even if it meant hearing them tell me I told you so, when I admitted it was over with Rylee.
We were three beers in before they asked about her and I had to tell them, “You guys were right. It didn’t last.”
“Damn,” Billy said, slapping me on the back. “We’re really sorry, Cam. We didn’t want to be right. After you left last time, we felt shitty about the things we said.”
“No worries, boys. It’s all good.”
It wasn’t good. It was terrible.
Every second I couldn’t talk to her felt like an eternity.
I was mad at her. Mad at myself. And I wanted to tear the dirtbag who’d taken that video apart with my bare hands.
“Uh oh, look who’s here,” Rob said, lifting his chin in the direction of the door.
Great. Kelly. Just when I thought my night couldn’t get any worse.
I seriously thought about leaving, but we’d just ordered a round of shots and I’d never needed one more.
As soon as the waitress set them down, all three guys pushed theirs toward me. “You need this more than we do tonight.”
I didn’t even hesitate before slamming all four back, earning a concerned look from guys who’d known me for years, and knew I didn’t try to drink my problems away. Except tonight. Because I wasn’t driving.
And I was going home to a bed and a house she’d left her mark on.
I leaned back in the old wood chair, letting the alcohol work its magic. Three beers and four shots should be enough to dull the pain, at least for tonight. Tomorrow, I had an early morning, a busy day, and couldn’t afford a hangover, but that didn’t seem to matter tonight.
The only thing that mattered was the video on my phone I couldn’t bring myself to erase.
The woman’s number I couldn’t block. All the photos of us I couldn’t delete.
The torture of knowing I’d be seeing her again in a few days and couldn’t touch her, couldn’t talk to her, couldn’t even look at her, because if I did, I just might end up in a relationship with another woman I couldn’t trust.
“You want to talk about it?” Jake asked, leaning in.
No, I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want anyone to know I’d been had again.
Or had I? I didn’t even know anymore. Maybe it was her douchebag ex who’d pulled one over on me. It wouldn’t surprise me, but with no way to find out and the damage already done, it didn’t seem to matter anymore.
It was over.
And I had to figure out how the hell to live with that, without going out of my mind.
“Looks like I’m a lousy judge of character, boys.” I laughed, but it felt more like cynicism than humour. “Another one cheated on me.”
“Shit,” Rob said, swiping a hand over his face. “For real? How do you know?”
“Her ex sent me a video of them… going at it.” The first time I watched it I’d wanted to smash my phone into a million pieces. The tenth time I’d watched it I felt the same way. Apparently, I was a masochist.
“How do you know it was recent?” Jake, the detective, asked. “You know shit like that can be manipulated, brother.”
“You think I haven’t thought of that?” I snapped. “I’m not an idiot.”
Except I was, because I confronted her about cheating before I considered that possibility.
I was so furious, I didn’t even give myself a chance to think it through before I went off on her.
And whoever said words were weapons was spot-on because when my accusations landed there was no taking them back.
“You need to find out for sure,” Rob said. “It’s obvious you care a lot about this girl, and if this is just her asshole-ex tryin’ to screw things up for y’all—”
“He’s already done that.” I closed my eyes. “Hell, even if it didn’t happen, you really think she’ll forgive me for accusing her like that? Trust is everything to Rylee.”
“If that’s true,” Billy said. “You really think she’d cheat on you? Or was that just what happened with Kelly messing with your mind?”
“I don’t know anymore.” My gut told me Rylee wouldn’t cheat, but my battered heart wasn’t so sure.
“I have to see her this weekend. My sister and Austin got engaged and they’re having an engagement thing at their place.
How the hell am I supposed to be in the same room with her?
” I rubbed my eyes. “This is a goddamn nightmare, guys.”
“Hey,” Jake said. “I’ve never seen you like this before. Not even when Kelly cheated on you, and you’d been with that girl for two years. Don’t you think you need to have a face-to-face with Rylee, to try and figure out whether she actually did what you’re accusing her of?”
“And what if she didn’t?” My gaze travelled around the table, looking for answers. “That means I ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me because I let some lowlife guitar picker get one over on me. Aren’t I supposed to be smarter than that?”
“Brother, sometimes we act before we think,” Rob said. “You’re not the first guy to do that when you’re jealous, still reeling from a bad break-up, and some asshole throws something like that in your face. Don’t beat yourself up. In your position, we probably all would’ve done the same thing.”
I knew they were trying to make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse. If not for my experience with Kelly, maybe I would have had enough faith in Rylee to demand more proof before judging and convicting her.
“I’ll be right back.” I stood, cursing when I had to grab the chair to steady myself. “Sonofabitch.”
Drinking just made a bad situation worse, and I’d learned that the hard way after my break-up with Kelly. Yet here I was, making the same stupid mistakes again.
“You okay?” Jake asked.
“Yeah.” I stood a little taller, determined I could walk across the crowded bar without face-planting. “I’m good.”
Before I could walk a few feet, Kelly was in my face, slipping her arm around my waist, and slinging my arm over her shoulder.
“Whoa, you look like you could use a little help,” she teased. “I was just heading back to the restrooms. I assume that’s where you’re going?”
“Yeah, but I’m fine.” The room was already spinning, so I knew I wasn’t fine, but she was the last person I’d ask for help.
Ignoring me, she weaved her way through the Thursday night crowd, until we were tucked away in a dark hallway leading to the private offices.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, resting her hands on my chest. “Talk to me.”
I scowled at her, curling my hands around her wrists and setting her hands at her sides. “Don’t touch me.”
She sighed heavily. “Are you gonna hate me forever for one little mistake?” She spread her hands wide.
“I’m human, okay? But you expect everyone to be perfect.
Above reproach, like you, and we’re not all like that.
Some of us have scars. Some of us have been hurt.
And that means we act without thinking sometimes, because we just want someone to hold us, to make everything alright for awhile. ”
Kelly’s parents split when she was eight and she never got over her daddy-abandonment issues. When she cheated on me, I’d been out of town on business, and she claimed she was feeling lonely and depressed so she turned to someone else for comfort.
Her childhood had been nothing like Rylee’s. If anyone could justify needing comfort, or making a mistake it would be the girl who’d never been shown what healthy love was supposed to look or feel like.
Damn. Even if she had cheated on me, was I justified in walking away? Or did I owe it to her to help her fight her demons and shadows?
“I loved you,” she whispered. “I still do. What I had with Smyth was one night.” She raised her finger as tears glided down her cheeks. “One lousy night that ruined my life. We could have had something amazing, but you couldn’t forgive me for making one mistake.”
I didn’t see her face. I saw Rylee’s.
I didn’t hear her voice. I heard the woman I loved reciting those words.
And it nearly brought me to my knees.
My emotions were reeling. I was still hurt. Still angry. Still confused. But more than anything, I was still missing her.