Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Rylee
It had been over a week since our parking lot goodbye, but I still thought of him every damn day.
Lost sleep over him every night. But that didn’t mean I would take him back.
I meant what I said. If he couldn’t trust me, it couldn’t work.
Given how often I was on the road, with other men, trust had to be the bedrock of our relationship. That was a non-negotiable.
Today I was working with Austin on my next studio album when my stomach roiled. It had been doing that a lot lately. I knew it was because my nervous system was such a mess since breaking up with Cam.
“Excuse me, Austin. I need a minute.”
I ran to the washroom and lost my breakfast. For the third time that week. I returned, probably looking a little green, after rinsing my mouth and splashing cold water on my face.
“Everything okay?” he asked, frowning.
I flattened my hand against my stomach, willing it to stop churning. Before I could assure Austin I was fine, Eden walked in.
“Hey guys,” she said, shooting a look at me, then her fiancé. “I’m sorry, did I interrupt something? I was just stopping by to see if y’all wanted to grab some lunch.”
“Ugh.” I sank down and reached for the bottle of water I’d opened earlier. “Sorry, Eden. I’ve got an upset stomach. I don’t know what the hell it is.”
I sank down in a leather chair in the studio, holding the cool bottle against my forehead.
“Maybe I’m coming down with something. I’ve been tired too, but that’s probably because I haven’t been sleeping all that well. My stomach has been acting up all week, and I’ve been getting these headaches—”
I shook my head. “I’m sure it’s nothing. I probably just need to rest for a few days, that’s all.”
“Babe,” Eden said, resting her hand on Austin’s shoulder. “Can I have a minute alone with Rylee?”
He shrugged. “Sure, I’ll head over to Jimmy’s.” He kissed Eden on the lips. “Meet me over there?”
She smiled. “Sure.” She waited for Austin to leave before she said, “Um, hon. Forgive me for asking this, but have you missed a period in the last month or so?”
I gaped at her. “What?” Shaking my head so hard the room started spinning, I said, “Don’t even go there, Eden. Are you crazy? There’s no way I can be pregnant. I’m on the pill.”
But I had missed a period and chalked it up to Cam-related-stress.
“Did you guys use condoms?”
I blushed. “Well, no. But—”
“Honey.” She sat down next to me and reached for my hand. “I’m on the pill too, and my doctor reminds me every year when he renews the prescription that there’s a ten percent failure rate, because we don’t always remember to take it.”
“Ohmigod.” I dropped my head into my hands. “There were a few times when I forgot and I took it the next day. I didn’t think it would be a big deal because I’ve done that before and never got pregnant.”
“Maybe it wasn’t the right time for you to get pregnant then,” she said, gently. “This time it was.”
“No, no, no…” I moaned. “This can’t be happening. We’re not even together anymore! Cam will lose his shit if I tell him he’s gonna be a daddy because I was too dumb—”
“Hey, don’t you dare blame yourself for this,” Eden said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “If anyone’s to blame, it’s him. He’s not a kid. He should have been smart enough to wrap it if—”
“No, I told him we didn’t have to…” I moaned again. “God, I don’t want to talk to you about this. You’re his sister.”
She laughed. “I get it, but we may be jumping to all the wrong conclusions. Let me go and get a test from the drug store across the street and we can find out for sure, okay?”
“Eden, I’m scared,” I whispered. “What if it’s positive?”
“Then you’ll deal with it,” she said, touching my cheek. “You’re the strongest woman I know, Rylee. And you’ve got all the love and support you need, whatever you decide.”
I could barely breathe as I waited for her to return. Ten minutes felt like ten hours as I imagined all the ways my life would change if this test was positive. I was on the verge of all my career dreams coming true. And that couldn’t happen as a single parent, could it?
But there was no way I’d let strangers raise my baby.
And the other option wasn’t an option at all, at least for me.
“Here we go.” Eden rushed through the door holding up a non-descript brown paper bag.
How could something that looked so innocuous be potentially life-altering? It didn’t seem possible. This couldn’t be my life.
“Oh God,” I said, feeling a fresh wave of nausea, as I curled my arms around my mid-section. “I don’t know if I can do this. Maybe I should just wait to see if this passes and—”
Eden bent down in front of me. “Listen to me. You’re already torturing yourself and you don’t even know for sure if you’re pregnant. You need to know, one way or the other.”
She was right, of course. But that didn’t make it any easier.
I took the bag from her and trudged into the bathroom, saying a silent prayer that it would be negative. I wanted a baby, someday, maybe. Just not nine months from now.
I followed the instructions, washed my hands, and left the little plastic stick on the vanity as I ran out of the bathroom like it was on fire.
“Still waiting,” I muttered to Eden when she shot me a questioning look. “I couldn’t look.”
She nodded. “I get it. You want me to check?”
I bit my lip to stem the flow of tears. “Sure, thanks.” I held my breath as I waited for her to return, but I already knew what the result would be. I felt it, bone deep.
“Sweetie, it’s positive,” Eden said, gently. “But I bought a kit with two tests, just to be sure. So, you should take the other one. Then set up an appointment with your doctor. I can go with you—”
“No, it’s okay. I got this.”
This was just one more thing in a long list of life events I’d navigate on my own. I’d had lots of practice, and when the shock wore off, I’d figure this out. What choice did I have?
Eden was leaning against the doorframe, her arms crossed, looking sympathetic when she said, “As soon as the doctor confirms it, you need to tell my brother, Rylee. He’s a stand-up guy, and he’s wanted a family forever.
He’ll be happy about this, I promise you.
And whatever you decide is right for you, co-parenting or—”
“I don’t want to tell him yet!” Eden’s face fell at my emphatic response. “I’m sorry, I know I have to, and I will. But not yet. I need time to process this, to figure out what my life will look like now, what I want before Cam starts telling me what he wants.”
“That’s fair,” Eden said, nodding. “But I don’t want you to go through this alone, hon. You’ve done too much of your life alone. And you’re not alone anymore. You have us and—”
“I appreciate that.” I let the tears fall but swiped them away. Before Cam came into my life, I wasn’t a crier. But he’d cracked open this wellspring of emotion I couldn’t contain anymore. “But I just need some time. Please, can you give me that?”
Eden nodded, looking a little uncertain. “Of course, you’re the one calling the shots.”
A few days had passed since my doctor confirmed I was pregnant. He’d given me instructions, pre-natal vitamins, booked my first ultrasound and sent me on my way, telling me to take it easy and limit stress.
Easier said than done.
I’d been staying busy, trying to block my new reality out of my mind until I was home alone at the end of a long day.
That’s when I stood in the doorway of the spare bedroom that got the most natural light and imagined it as a nursery.
I walked to the empty closet and in my mind’s eye saw tiny clothes hanging there.
A rocker in the corner. Children’s books lining the shelves.
I was determined to give my baby all the love I’d never had growing up. Except I wasn’t in this alone. Cam would have a say in how this child was raised… when I found the courage to tell him he was going to be a daddy.
My cell rang and Easton’s name flashed across my screen. We were supposed to be recording a duet for my new album in the studio tomorrow. He probably wanted to confirm the details.
“Hey,” I said, making an effort to sound normal, like my life hadn’t been thrown into a tailspin. “What’s up, handsome?”
He chuckled. “Sitting home alone, sick to death of my own company. You want to go grab a burger and talk about the plan for tomorrow? I could come there, at that new burger place, just down the street from your building?”
Since I knew how hard it was to be alone with your thoughts, I said, “Sure. Meet you there in fifteen?”
I could hear the relief in his voice when he said, “Sounds good.”
I brushed my teeth, fluffed my hair, added lip gloss and a soft chambray shirt over my black tank and leggings before slipping my feet into a pair of Uggs and grabbing my essentials: keys, purse, and cell phone.
I was just locking up my apartment when I got a text from Cam. The first one since his parking lot plea over a week ago. It was direct and shot straight through my heart.
Missing you.
I deleted it before I was tempted to respond. I knew I’d have to face him eventually, but not until I’d rebuilt those walls he tore down. I needed to shore up my defenses, because being in love with my baby’s daddy, while trying to keep him at a safe distance wouldn’t be easy.
I walked the short distance to the restaurant, knowing Easton would probably insist on driving me home, after dark.
He was chivalrous like that. And the past few years he’d become one of my best friends, so if I needed an unbiased male opinion about my current situation, I knew he was my guy.
I could have talked to Austin, but he loved Cam, so that made him too invested.
I strolled through the door, and felt the gaze of more than a few patrons. This was Nashville and I was starting to get recognized wherever I went. But I knew once Easton walked in, all eyes would be on him, taking the pressure off me.