Chapter 10
When I opened my eyes again, his wings parted to reveal our bedroom from the previous night.
Thanatos cradled me reverently, one hand at my back, the other tugging at the gold ribbon tied around my waist. I had felt so packaged before, but I supposed I didn’t mind it now, when he was the one unwrapping me.
He broke away from my lips only to pull my dress off over my head. Before it hit the floor, he was kissing me again, slow and deep, his hands stroking lightly down the curves of my body. His thumbs hooked beneath the hem of my underwear, and with a measured tug it fell away to join my dress.
I trembled in his arms, overcome by the headiness of his allure: the heat of his body, the temptation of his scent, the strength underlying all of his gentle touches.
I surrendered to my desire without a thought of resistance.
All that mattered was that I was naked, and Thanatos was loving me, and all I wanted was for him to be naked, too.
I fumbled for the buttons that pinned his shirt together beneath his wings. There were two sets on each side, making the exercise a nontrivial one for my very distracted brain.
“These ones first,” he said, guiding my hands.
I followed his direction, and though my motions felt clumsy, I managed to pull his shirt off without catching its fabric on any of his feathers.
I stroked my fingers across his bare chest. Soft hair, hard muscles, warm skin.
My blush deepened as I drank in the sight of him, sweeping my touches lower, down his stomach.
By the time my hands settled on his waistband, I was certain I must be glowing crimson.
Undeterred, I gave the waistband a tug, and maneuvered it down until it fell to the floor. My breath caught, and the ache between my thighs intensified as I stared at him. Perfect. Wanting. I wanted to touch him, but perhaps I should wait until we had made it into bed.
Thanatos held me by my hips and walked me backward so that he could step out of his pants and shoes. Free at last, he traced my curves again from my hips to my breasts. “You look so…fascinated,” he observed.
“I am,” I admitted. I tore my gaze away from his cock, only to be struck with equal fascination by his ravishing face and body. I let out an accidental whimper. “Fuck,” I muttered. “Thanatos?”
“Yes?”
“Carry me?” I begged silkily.
He raised a brow, a smirk tugging at his lips. “To the bed that’s right over there?”
“Yes,” I said, unashamed. “Please? I liked it when you carried me yesterday.”
“As you desire,” he purred, and he scooped me into his arms without further hesitation.
The motion released me from my nervous restraint.
I let out an undignified squeal and peppered his neck with kisses as he carried me the short distance across our room.
When he set me down and joined me in bed, I didn’t relent.
I held him as closely as I could, sharing his breath, wrapping my leg around his waist. Oh, naked Thanatos.
I could never get enough of him, and now we were finally free to tangle our bodies together the way they so desperately craved.
He mirrored my enthusiasm, sighing at my kisses, running his hands all over my skin. His hair was already disheveled, his face flushed. I stroked my hand from the base of his cock to the sensitive tip, and was rewarded with a moan and an involuntary flick of his wings.
“Wait,” he panted, pulling back. “Cyrie, wait. Before I lose myself…”
“What is it?” I slurred, half drunk on the euphoria of touching him.
Thanatos stroked my hair away from my face. “Last night, I regretted having not admired every bit of you, then, while I had the chance. So just…will you just lie there for me now? Just let me look at you. I want to savor you this time.”
“Oh. Okay,” I agreed, my cheeks burning.
He stole another kiss, then propped himself up on an elbow beside me. I rolled onto my back, reclined against two pillows, and watched as he drank me in.
His gaze raked over my body, hungry and burning.
He brought his free hand to my neck, and with a single finger he traced a path from my throat, down my chest, all the way to my navel.
On his way back up, he deviated from the path to cup one of my breasts.
His thumb stroked circles around the peak of my nipple.
I bit my lip to quiet myself against a surge of feeling, struggling to hold still while he admired me.
As he wordlessly continued, shyness crept up to accompany my lust. Last night had been a culmination of raw need and emotion, a transcendent release from the tension that had been building between us.
Now, he could be more measured. He could study all of me, open and exposed before him.
But I needn’t have worried. Thanatos sighed heatedly and smirked down at me. “You are the most beautiful woman that I have seen today,” he declared. It seemed a strange wording…until I remembered who else he’d seen today.
I gasped. “Thanatos, you can’t say that! Do you want to start a war?”
“I can say what I like, so long as no one hears.” But just as quickly as it had formed, his endearing grin dissolved into trepidation. “I…I mean what I said,” he realized. “Dear gods, I mean it,” he repeated frantically. “It should not be possible. What does that mean?”
“That you love me?” I suggested timidly.
“I do. I do,” he ranted. “I—fuck! What am I doing?” He sprang up to sit in a rapid, startling motion.
“What’s wrong?” I pleaded, the heat in my face turning back from desire to embarrassment.
He drew the crests of his wings forward, around his own shoulders, as if sinking behind a shield of feathers. “I want you so badly,” he moaned. “But we cannot keep this up forever! I am not just going to reap you one day. I am going to end up actually killing you! How can I do this to you?”
“No. Stop.” I fought my emotional whiplash as I pushed myself up to sit, too. “Listen. Do you love me enough to let me choose you?”
“What?”
“Love isn’t just attraction,” I said, setting my hand on his knee. “It’s understanding and respect, too. Can you respect my choice to risk myself? If we’re going to be together, we have to do this with our eyes open.”
Thanatos cupped my face in his hands. The sadness in his eyes conflicted with the flush that still graced his pale cheeks. “Perhaps you are right. I can respect that. But are your eyes open? How can they be? How can you love me when you know that I will take you one day?”
“I want you to take me in every possible way until that day comes,” I insisted.
“Do not dismiss me, Cyrie,” he pleaded. “Even should you live the longest life, you can be certain that I will reap someone dear to you. When I do, I will not be sorry for it. How can you love me then?”
I closed my eyes as a pang of bitterness washed over me, irritating a wound long since scarred over. When the swell of emotion passed, I gripped his wrists and gently pulled his hands down from my face. “You say that as though you haven’t done so already,” I said, folding his hands into my own.
His expression turned to genuine shock. “I have? You have never mentioned it.”
I sighed. “Well, perhaps I didn’t want to hear that you don’t remember her soul.”
“Whose?”
“Lady Helena’s. She was the daughter of Demetrius, of Halieis.
” I paused, just in case recognition were to spark in his expression.
Instead, his brow furrowed and he shot me a guilty look.
As expected. “It’s alright, Thanatos,” I said.
“I know you can’t remember everyone. I never thought you would—that’s why I never asked.
It gives me peace enough to know that you carried her. ”
“Who was she to you?” he asked, brushing his thumbs softly over my knuckles.
“She was the one who cared for us as children, once we became oracles. She tutored us. Taught us to read. Fed and entertained us, too, until we were deemed too old for that. She died eight years ago.”
“I am to blame for ending her time with you,” he said carefully. “Yet you still wish to risk yourself to be my lover?”
“You are a facet of nature,” I breathed. “I could no more fault a river for flowing. I could never love you less for it.”
“I do not wish to be loved in spite of what I am.”
“What you are is perfection,” I retorted fiercely. “Do not think me naive. Do not think I haven’t agonized over your purpose from the night I first saw your face! You took Lady Helena, as you take every one of us. As you will one day take me. But my time with you has brought me to a truth.”
“And what is that?”
“I can’t say I understand the structure of reality or the scales of existence. But I understand life, and mortality, and...I think I understand you.” I squeezed his hands. “You are the shadow that defines our purpose. The meaning of a mortal life is a reflection of your beauty.”
He stared at me, blinking slowly, unknowingly flaunting his elegant lashes. “My…beauty?”
“Don’t tell me you’re this unaware of yourself,” I said sadly. “You are absolutely ruinously beautiful.”
Thanatos inclined his head, and the play of the shadows over his cheekbones underscored my point. “Mortals hardly notice my form beneath the weight of my purpose,” he said quietly. “Save for you, that is. But I would do well to remember that your gift of perception is more than just physical.”
“I see you,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “And I love you. All of you. But…”
“But?” The sound fractured in his throat. He settled his gaze on our hands, still clasped together.
“But is it me that you truly desire, or is it only my sight?” I continued reluctantly. “Would you have felt this way for the first person who looked upon you without terror?”
I almost didn’t want his answer, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking. Not when we were naked together and so emotionally intertwined that I could almost feel the eternal beating of his heart.