Chapter Eighteen
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
At some point, Sophia thought, she was going to have to respond to Caleb’s multitude of texts and phone calls. But at the moment she was still stewing. What had gone down last night at the tavern didn’t sit well with her. The unexpected appearance of Abby Taylor had left her feeling confused, unsettled, and angry. Of course she’d been jealous and insecure about her own place in Caleb’s life, but she could have dealt with those feelings if Caleb had handled things better.
Sophia hated feeling this way. The emotions the situation had brought to the surface were a painful reminder of how she’d felt in the past. She knew Abby from reality television, and she was a beautiful woman who projected grace and gentility. She was the type of woman who could easily wrap people around her finger, as she had done with Caleb in the past.
Maybe this was all her problem, and it had nothing to do with Caleb. But she couldn’t stop thinking of the way he’d looked with Abby planted against his chest. He hadn’t seemed indifferent to her. He hadn’t pushed her away. And then he’d dismissed Sophia when she had tried to help. Taking off had been a bit childish, but she had been so hurt, and it had been an attempt to protect herself. She didn’t want to be hurt again, didn’t want to love a man who might still be in love with someone else.
A knock on the door drew her from her thoughts, providing a temporary reprieve from stewing over the situation. She was expecting Donny to return with Lily any minute now. Sophia wasn’t sure that she had the strength to deal with any negativity today, especially after last night’s drama. All she really wanted to do was go back to bed and draw the covers over her head. But it was mommy time and she needed to put on a smile. There really wasn’t any time right now to wallow in her feelings. Later this evening, she told herself, she could curl up in front of the television with a glass of sangria and dissect every moment from the encounter with Caleb’s ex.
As soon as she pulled the door open, Lily came rushing into her arms.
“Mommy, I missed you,” she said, bursting into tears. One look at her daughter told a huge tale. Lily had dark shadows under her eyes, and she appeared to be exhausted.
“Hey there, Lily. There’s no need to cry, sweetheart. I missed you too,” she said, pulling Lily against her.
“I’m hungry,” she said with a wail. “I want mac ’n’ cheese.”
“Because you refused to eat breakfast or lunch,” Donny pointed out, making a face. “I tried to get her to eat,” he said feebly.
“Okay, Lily, settle down,” Sophia said, placing a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll fix you a bowl from your leftovers,” Sophia said, making eye contact with Donny. He had a discouraged look stamped on his face, accentuated by his slumped shoulders. “Donny, why don’t we talk while Lily eats.”
He nodded without saying a word, his jaw tightly clenched.
A few minutes later and Lily was sitting happily at the table, eating mac ’n’ cheese and applesauce, and drinking a cup of chocolate milk. For the moment, all was right in her world.
Sophia turned toward Donny. “Let’s go in my study,” she suggested, leading the way down the hall. This way they could talk in private without listening ears.
Once they were in the room, Donny sank down onto a love seat while Sophia sat down on the couch. She was going to let Donny lead the conversation, even though she was eager to find out what happened during the overnight. It wasn’t like their daughter to act like this.
“In case you were wondering, she had an awful time. I think she might just hate me,” Donny muttered.
“What happened?” she asked, feeling stunned. “She loves spending time with you.” This was a first. Lily had never been upset after a visit with her dad.
“She kept telling me she missed you, which I totally understood, but then she wasn’t listening to or engaging with me. I guess you could say she shut down,” Donny explained. “And her room, which she used to love, was now too pink and too big. Nothing was making her happy.”
Sophia ran a hand through her hair and let out a sigh. He might as well have been talking about someone else’s child. Lily loved pink. And she had told Sophia on numerous occasions how much she loved her bedroom at her daddy’s house.
“She might have just been having an off day,” Sophia told him. Even though she and Donny weren’t at a good place with each other, she hated this turn of events. He looked despondent. She wanted Lily to be a happy, well-adjusted child who enjoyed the time she spent away from Sophia.
He held up his hands. “You win. Lily made it clear that she’s not ready to be with me half of the time.” He held up his hands. “Don’t worry. I didn’t say a word to her about joint custody, but her actions spoke volumes. She’s not ready for things to change so drastically.”
She narrowed her gaze as she looked at him. “What are you saying, Donny?”
“I’m not going to fight our custody agreement. It makes no sense to force something that isn’t working.”
He had changed his mind about fighting for custody! Relief flooded through her. The idea of being engaged in a court battle had been unnerving. But she didn’t feel as elated as she would have imagined. If Lily wasn’t happy, then Mama wasn’t happy.
“First of all, I don’t consider this winning. You and Lily having a good relationship is beneficial for all of us, especially Lily. I hate that you wanted fifty-fifty custody, but it has nothing to do with my being against you.” She took a deep breath. “The truth is, you haven’t earned the privilege yet. You need to understand that simple fact. Second of all, giving up on your daughter isn’t cool, Donny.”
He blinked back tears. “What do you want me to do? I-I’m trying to make up for lost time, and it’s difficult to have a door slammed in my face.” His voice trembled. Uncertainty radiated from his eyes.
“I want you to keep trying,” she said fiercely. “You don’t think I get frustrated being a single mother? Everything isn’t always peaches and cream, I can tell you that. But I never give up, because to do so would be to turn my back on our daughter. And I’ll never do that.” She locked gazes with him. “And neither should you.”
His brow furrowed as he studied her. “Why are you encouraging me to be involved with our daughter? After all I’ve done and failed to do.”
“Because it’s the right thing. And that always trumps anything else,” Sophia said.
Donny stood up. “I’m not going for fifty-fifty custody.” He twisted his mouth. “I’m going to spend some time building a solid foundation for my relationship with Lily. That’s all I want, to make up for the things I failed to do before now. Zora and I plan on having kids, and before that ever happens, I want to be the father I should’ve been from the beginning. I just want to be a part of her life and for her to know that I was present.”
“I respect that, Donny,” Sophia said, standing up to face him.
“I’m sorry, Sophia. For everything I put you through and for letting Lily down. I know it might be hard to believe, but those days are over.”
She heard something laced in his voice that made her believe him. Maybe she needed to believe that redemption was possible.
“Is it okay if I say goodbye to Lily?” he asked.
“Of course,” she said, following at a discreet distance as Donny found Lily in her playroom and exchanged a heartfelt embrace with her. Lily appeared to have forgotten all about whatever had been bothering her, and she wrapped her little arms around Donny with enthusiasm.
“I love you, Daddy,” she said, gifting him with a heartwarming smile.
“I love you, bitsy,” he said, pressing a kiss on her cheek before turning back toward the entryway.
Donny left without any more discussion about their daughter. They had said all they’d needed to say and reached common ground.
Sophia was stunned by this sudden turn of events. Donny had revealed himself to her in a way she’d never seen before. He’d been incredibly emotional and transparent.
And with that realization, something settled in her chest. For so long she had been angry at Donny for the way he had treated her during their relationship. His failings as a father had infuriated and saddened her. But now she saw what she’d never seen before. Vulnerability. She had always known he loved Lily, but now she saw regret and a desire to turn things around. She didn’t believe he had earned the right to joint custody, but as he’d just said, Donny would always be her baby girl’s father. He needed to be in Lily’s life. She would do everything in her power to support their relationship.
Maybe, just maybe, things could be different moving forward, if for no other reason than her daughter’s best interest. She wasn’t absolving him of anything. She actually didn’t even have to like him as a person. They simply had to work together to benefit Lily. Based on their heart-to-heart conversation, things were definitely moving in the right direction. And for that, she was incredibly grateful.
Caleb didn’t like the idea of bombarding Sophia with calls and texts, but he figured it was better than showing up unannounced at her doorstep. And hashing things out at work wouldn’t be professional. The last thing he wanted was for his colleagues to start talking about them having a falling-out. He let out a ragged sigh. Hattie wouldn’t approve of any workplace drama at Yukon Cider. Maybe he was just being paranoid. For all he knew, Sophia had been tied up with Lily and other responsibilities. Her world didn’t revolve around him.
A last-minute decision to head downtown to pick up lunch turned out to be a wise one. He was able to enjoy the gorgeous scenery along the way. The melting snow had given way to verdant green grass and budding plants and flowers. Signs of spring in Alaska were everywhere. The sun was shining in a perfectly blue sky. When the weather got a bit warmer, he wanted to take Sophia to the falls for a romantic picnic. It had been a special place in his childhood, and the memories were some of the strongest ones he’d held on to from the past.
The downtown area was charming, resembling a quaint Alaskan postcard. All of the shops were brightly colored with decorative signs and awnings. Tea shops, a bookstore, restaurants, and clothing stores. The movie theater was nestled between the library and a candy store. Moose Falls emitted a heartwarming, quaint vibe, the kind of place people sought to settle down in. He stopped in his tracks on the sidewalk, feeling a bit dazed.
What had made him randomly think about settling down in Moose Falls? It wasn’t something that had been on his bucket list before. All he’d ever really aspired to was to pursue an acting career. But his heart was shifting him in a new direction. Who ever said one couldn’t have it all? He didn’t have to limit himself to just being one thing, he realized. Like Hattie always said, the world was his oyster. He was happier than he’d been in years doing the print ads for Yukon Cider and making commercials.
Craving a sandwich, Caleb headed to Sam’s, a shop that had been in Moose Falls since the 1950s. The owner, Sam Parks, had opened the establishment at the tender age of eighteen. With pluck and grit, Sam had turned the sandwich shop into a go-to spot for residents and tourists alike. Sam’s boasted a wide range of offerings, but he specialized in all kinds of salmon sandwiches.
He parked his car out front and made his way inside, taking his place in the line. He wasn’t surprised that the place was busy, but his heart leaped at the sight of Sophia standing at the front of the line. Caleb would recognize the gentle slope of her neck and the tilt of her head as she studied the menu anywhere. When she turned around and spotted him, her eyes widened in surprise.
She slowly walked over to him, her expression shuttered. Sophia held up her hand and waved at him. “Hi, Caleb. Fancy meeting you here.” She folded her arms across her chest.
He would have greeted her with a kiss, but her body language wasn’t encouraging him to be affectionate. Her shoulders looked rigid with tension. For all intents and purposes, she was putting up a wall.
“Hey, Sophia. I’ve been blowing up your phone. Why haven’t you called me back? Everything okay?” he asked in a low voice. He didn’t need the other customers to overhear their conversation. Before they knew it, their names would be on blast all over town. That’s how small towns worked. This one was no different.
She shrugged. “I had some stuff going on with Lily and my ex that I needed to wade through.” He could see the evidence of strain on her face. Slight shadows rested under her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching out and running his thumb across her cheek.
“I’m fine,” she murmured, not making eye contact with him.
He removed his thumb from her cheek, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
“You’re upset with me. I can feel it. This is about the other night, isn’t it?” he asked, gently grabbing her by the hand and pulling her outside.
The temperature outside was a bit brisk, but having privacy was worth the chill in the air. Caleb didn’t want anything standing between him and Sophia. He needed to fix the situation right away before things took a turn for the worse. If life had taught him anything at all, it was not to allow issues to fester.
“I apologize for making you feel as if you didn’t matter when Abby and her crew showed up,” Caleb said. “I should have just taken your hand and gotten us out of there. Forgive me. I’m an idiot for not doing that.”
She shoved her hands in her pockets. “Just being there with you and Abby made me feel confused about where things stand between the two of you. It didn’t seem finished.” She shrugged. “Just a feeling I had.” The defeated tone of her voice gutted him.
Caleb vehemently shook his head. “It’s dead and buried. There’s nothing between us,” Caleb answered. “That ended a long time ago.”
“So you’re not still in love with Abby? There’s not some little part of you that wants to be back with her?” He could hear the stress in her voice. Emotion vibrated in every syllable.
“Absolutely not!” Caleb said vehemently. “That’s the furthest thing from the truth.”
“I watched the two of you talking, and it seemed like there was a lot of emotion between you.” She bit her lip. “And feelings. Things got so intense between you that I was an afterthought. You seemed to forget I was even standing there watching the whole thing go down. You have no idea how that made me feel.”
“I’m sorry if our encounter made you feel bad, but I had no idea she was going to travel all the way to Alaska to find me,” he told her. Frankly, he never imagined that he would lay eyes on her again. Nor had he wanted to.
“Did you know she’s still here in Moose Falls?” Sophia asked. There had been several sightings of Abby and her film crew all over town, a fact that infuriated Caleb. Abby was still an opportunist chasing reality show fame. And now she was messing up his love life.
“I heard that, but it really doesn’t concern me. Abby and I are over. Her coming to Moose Falls wasn’t about me. This was her last-ditch effort to use me for her reality show. There’s no way I’m riding that train again.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” she muttered.
Had Sophia thought for a single second that he’d be down for that type of nonsense? She knew all about his abysmal experience on reality television. Why would he ever agree to put himself through that again? Trying to be patient, Caleb slowly counted to ten in his head.
“Yes, I’ll admit that things got a bit chaotic, especially with the TV crew there, but I never once forgot you were right there with me. Until you did a disappearing act on me.”
“That wasn’t my best moment, Caleb, but… I was uncomfortable. The whole situation made me realize that I have no idea where we stand, the two of us. I don’t even know if you’ll be around six months from now. And whether you are or aren’t is your decision, but I have to protect myself too.”
“Protect yourself?” he asked. “Against me?”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Sophia said. “It’s not on you, but I need to focus on Lily and not on a relationship that may not be going anywhere.”
Ouch! Was this really how she felt? Or was she simply reacting to the Abby drama that had gone down at Northern Exposure? Either way she was taking backward steps away from him. And it hurt like hell.
He threw his hands in the air. “What’s going on here, Sophia? It’s like you’re pulling away from me as we speak.” He lifted her chin up so their eyes could meet and connect. “Stay with me, Sophia. I know you’ve been hurt before. So have I. I’m not going to do that to you. To us.”
Sophia was chewing on her lip. “But that’s not something you can promise me,” Sophia said, her voice cracking. “I can’t fault you for that, but I don’t want to be in that dark place again, Caleb.”
“Why are you thinking the worst?” he pressed. It was as if seeing Abby had opened up a host of problems that he hadn’t even seen coming. “Things got uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to change what we have. What we are to each other.”
“This isn’t all your fault. I went into this with my eyes wide open, and I just think I’m not ready to take all of this on.”
“Sophia,” Caleb said, knowing she was right about not making promises. People hurt the ones they loved all the time in relationships despite their best intentions. He wasn’t going to push the point. Caleb sensed Sophia was at a breaking point, close to tumbling over the edge. Even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, Caleb understood that he needed to give her time and a little bit of distance. Hopefully, she would realize that they were worth fighting for.
“Caleb, I need to head back to work for a meeting,” she said. Sophia headed inside and grabbed her sandwich, then strode toward the parking lot without sparing him another glance.
As he watched her walk away from him, he was hit by a huge realization. The feeling crashed over him in unrelenting waves. He was head over heels in love with Sophia.
Maybe he should have told her and somehow found a way to convince her that Abby was his past and she was his future. But how could he say that to her when she’d been so closed off to listening to him? He was human, after all. He didn’t want to be rejected by the woman he adored.
The best he could do at this moment was give Sophia some space until she was ready to hear him out. In the meantime, Caleb worried that his heart might just shatter all over again.