Chapter Five
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to the pub with a colleague. The whole thing seemed bizarre and I couldn’t work out why Cleo could possibly have any desire to have a drink with me, but I didn’t understand most people, so there was really nothing new there.
I arrived at eight p.m. and found a small table to sit at in the corner.
It was no great surprise that Cleo was twenty minutes late. She was relaxed, easygoing, which invariably corresponded to lateness.
‘Hey! Sorry – saw a friend on the way in!’ She was wearing her scrubs, all set for her night shift, and carried an orange juice in one hand and a small glass with a wedge of lemon in the other, which she placed in front of me. ‘G and T? I took a punt.’
‘Thank you.’ I had absolutely no idea what to say next.
Fortunately, Cleo didn’t seem to have the awkward genes, nor any difficulties finding conversation topics.
She launched straight into telling me all about the friend she’d just bumped into, how they’d met two years ago when Cleo was performing in Mamma Mia!
The Musical and had bonded over a shared love of Patrick Swayze.
She went on to talk about Dirty Dancing and how hot it was when men could move and how she and the friend had taken up ballroom dancing last year only to come to the disappointing realisation that all the men participating in the Hobart ballroom dancing scene were slimy, middle-aged sleazebags. She didn’t even pause for breath.
‘Anyway. That’s me. What the fuck happened to you?’
‘What to do you mean?’
‘You move here, hot as hell, absolutely dominate. And now you look like a train wreck. What went down?’
‘Do I really look that bad?’ I was genuinely surprised. I usually hid my feelings extremely well.
‘No, you look basically the same.’ She shrugged and took a swig of her orange juice.
‘I just pick up on the little things more than most. People are so fascinating. I always want to know what the backstory is, you know? Hence why I take so long seeing all my patients, ha ha. I always get bogged down in what their childhood was like and the details of their extended families, and why Paul doesn’t talk to Peter, and why Aunty Nina has so many pet birds, you know? People. Fascinating.’
She was looking at me intensely, her eyes shining as if I was indeed something of great interest. I warmed to her almost imme-diately. There was something very endearing in genuine curiosity. And I understood what she meant. People were fascinating.
I realised after a beat that she was waiting for me to answer.
‘I’m fine, I’ve just been moving house and things.’
‘Oh, stop it. You’re holding out on me.’ She narrowed her eyes like I was a puzzle. ‘I’m entirely unshockable. You’ll feel better if you tell me.’
I considered it for a moment. I highly doubted that I’d feel better if I told her, but I was also extremely tired, not thinking particularly clearly, and she had taken a night shift off my hands, so I supposed I owed it to her.
‘It’s not that exciting.’ I could already feel my insides squirming at the embarrassment of the story.
‘You know, the more evasive you are, the more I know you’ve got something juicy as an orange for me. Say it.’ Her elbows rested on the table, her hands cupping her cheeks so she could lean in with dramatic effect.
It was no surprise to hear she did theatre. She was incredibly expressive and engaging. And all her features moved with such quirky persuasiveness. It was quite enchanting.
‘Here. Let me loosen you up,’ she jumped in before I could say anything. ‘Once on night shift I hooked up with a locum down in the Educational Hub. Learnt a whole lot of male anatomy that night.’
I guffawed before I could stop myself. ‘That’s— Wow. I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure I can respect you anymore.’
‘That’s right!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’m completely unrespectable.
It was years ago, so I’m older and wiser now.
But you know, I’d probably do it again if the right situation presented itself.
Anyway! So you see, I’m shameless. Did you do that?
Oooh, did you get caught?’ She was practically jumping on the table with excitement.
I could see how other peoples’ lives were indeed a form of entertainment for her.
‘No,’ I chuckled. ‘I can’t claim to have participated in anything inappropriate in the Educational Hub.’ My stomach squirmed. Unfortunately, my story was so much more pathetic. ‘My boyfriend cheated on me.’ I shrugged. ‘That’s all.’
‘Felix?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What a loser.’ Her features showed genuine empathy. ‘That really sucks. Did you find them at it?’
‘I found the underwear.’
She winced. ‘Ouch.’
‘Mmm.’
‘So you guys are—’ She drew a finger across her throat.
‘Yep.’ I felt a wave of satisfaction at the wholehearted way in which I could say Felix and I were finished.
Like a fucking beheading indeed. I realised that saying it out loud gave a weight to its finality.
Maybe I should tell more people. Cement the break-up into reality. Carve it into a concrete footpath.
‘Well, in that case, you’re looking fucking fantastic.’ She gave my hand a little squeeze, as though we’d been friends for years, and I was surprised that the contact felt reassuring rather than odd. ‘And you’ve moved out?’
I told her about Vivian’s and the dogs and wind chimes and the weed and the trampoline girl and my inability to sleep. I was almost laughing by the end of it, a desperate sort of hysteria.
‘Oh, man.’ She put her head in her hands as though this was a problem we shared.
‘We have got to sort something out for you. You could move in with us? There’s already three in the house, but there’s a couch free?
But that’d be terrible …’ She drummed her fingers on the table and clicked her tongue like her mind was whirling through the options and I felt unexpectedly touched that she was actually taking my situation seriously. This person I hardly knew.
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘But I’m an awful share-house person. I’m awkward and a neat freak and a bad sleeper. I promised myself once I turned thirty I’d never do share houses again.’
‘Mmm.’ She nodded. ‘You just need to find the right one. Then it can work. But yeah, my place is chaos. We’re all thespians.
We sing loudly at erratic times. You’d probably hate it.
’ She carried on drumming and clicking then stopped and frowned at me.
‘And, what, you have to see him, like, every shift in the department?’
‘Pretty much.’
‘That’s awful.’ She looked truly appalled. ‘Have you asked them to change the roster so you’re not scheduled on together?’
I sighed. ‘I’ve swapped out of a couple but I don’t feel like it’s appropriate to bring my personal life into it. Maybe before the next roster is written I’ll mention something, but I don’t want to make a fuss right now. It doesn’t feel professional.’
‘Fuck professional. That’s completely unliveable.’ She gave me a look of utmost concern. ‘I feel really bad for you.’
‘That’s kind of you,’ I said with a small smile. ‘But don’t worry about it, I’ll work it out.’
We were silent for a moment. Then she eyed me thoughtfully.
‘You know, you’re much less intimidating than you seem.’
‘I seem intimidating?’
‘Yeah. You’re, like, über sleek. Powerhouse woman. Super intimidating.’
I snorted. How ridiculous.
‘Honestly! Caused quite a stir too. I tried to get the dude who writes the emergency department social newsletter to put you in it.’ She demonstrated a big heading in the air with her hands. ‘“Hot, Blonde, Swedish Goddess Dominates Derwent Hospital Emergency Department.”’
It was so ridiculous I gave a full-bellied laugh that surprised me. ‘I’m not Swedish.’
‘Details.’ Cleo flapped her hand dismissively.
‘The first week you were here we spent, like, the first fifteen minutes of journal club discussing how many of our staff were secretly in love with you. We had one hundred per cent of the guys and sixty-five per cent of the girls. The other thirty-five per cent were jealous. They admitted it.’
I gave her a humouring smile. ‘I appreciate the efforts to boost my ego. Truly.’
‘I’m not kidding,’ she deadpanned, then went back to the clicking and drumming.
My gin and tonic was lovely. I nearly downed the whole thing in two mouthfuls.
‘Hey!’ She smacked her hands on the table and leant towards me as though struck by inspiration. ‘The wilderness course! You should totally take my place!’
‘Sorry?’
‘You got the emails about the Wilderness Expedition course, yeah?’
‘Uh …’ I did remember skimming past a work email that said ‘wilderness’, the word being enough to indicate that whatever it involved was entirely not up my alley and didn’t require any more of my attention.
‘They needed a few registrars to help run it. It’s designed for med students, paramedics, GPs,’ she went on excitedly.
‘And I’m going with Lucy, another registrar.
You know Lucy? We’re sharing a room. A whole week.
Paid leave. Starts on Monday. Then you get a week off afterwards.
We could totally swap out. I work your shifts and you go on the course. ’
I stared at her in bewilderment. It was hard to know if she was being kind or cruel. If you were someone who liked feeling feral in the forest and managing injuries with absolutely no hospital resources, maybe the course sounded like fun. To me, it sounded like absolute hell.
‘Come on! Don’t you see? It’s perfect! You get to stay somewhere where all you’ll hear is the quiet forest noises and have two weeks without having to bump into Slut Man. This is an amazing solution. I’m so kickass.’
‘It’s very nice of you to try to help, but I’m not a particularly … outdoorsy sort of person.’
‘Oh, never mind, neither am I! But you’re basically just faffing around in the bush and you get paid for it. A dream.’
I wasn’t buying it. ‘And why are you letting the opportunity go if you think it’s so desirable?’
She raised her eyebrows at me. ‘You mean aside from the fact that I am a caring and considerate soul trying to help you?’
‘Yeah. Aside from that.’ No one I knew ever did anything that was truly selfless.
‘Well. The locum is back for a couple of weeks. So, you know. Thought it might be nice to be on shift together for old times’ sake.’ She winked for effect.
‘Aha.’ I tried to look unimpressed, but was amused despite myself.
Her eyebrows wiggled around mischievously then she stopped, her face suddenly serious. ‘But I also genuinely think this would solve your problems for a couple of weeks.’
I let myself give it a few seconds thought, just to try the idea out. Freezing cold. Wet. Campfires and smoky clothes.
Yuck.
But as my mind returned to the alternative – wind chimes, no sleep, Felix – I realised I actually wasn’t in a position to be choosy. This was a break. A short one, certainly. But nonetheless, a break. And maybe just the distance I needed to cement my new resolve around leaving Felix for good.
‘Lucy …’ I said, chewing my lip. Lucy seemed nice enough. Not too loud. Not too annoying. ‘And we, what, teach them how to do CPR on a cliff or something?’ My stomach curdled at the thought.
‘Yeah, something like that.’ Cleo flicked her hand nonchalantly.
‘There’ll be a TAFE leader who deals with the rope work and the expedition side of things.
And the boss who runs the show. I don’t know who’s doing it, but it’ll be one of the retrieval guys.
You just apply your emergency brain and do the medical stuff. ’
‘Of which we can do almost nothing at all because we’re fearing for our own lives and have no equipment?’
‘Exactly. Piece of piss. No study required.’
I laughed wearily, swirling the last of my gin and tonic. ‘Things are really this dismal now, aren’t they?’
‘Unfortunately, yes.’
I exhaled slowly, my cheeks puffing out. ‘And you think we could just swap at this point? Seems unlikely to be so easy to arrange.’
‘Oh, absolutely. Won’t be a problem. Leave it with me.’ She was smiling like she’d won.
I thought about Vivian’s violin. I thought about the smell of weed and my shoe that Walter had chewed the day before. I thought about Felix and how desperately I wanted him out of my life.
And suddenly the idea of leaving Hobart for a week was irresistible.
‘Okay,’ I said, downing the last of my drink, as though for strength. ‘I’ll do it.’