Chapter Seven
‘Welcome, everyone, to our Wilderness Expedition Medicine Course.’
We were in the tutorial room and Abel was up front.
The room was freezing and the bar heater had done very little to make a difference.
I attempted to concentrate on Abel’s introductory speech, but was finding it extremely difficult, what with the inconceivable notion of our sharing a cabin, the realisation I had brought completely inadequate clothing, and the awareness that Felix, who was sitting across the other side of the room, was staring at me.
Glaring at me. I got the feeling Abel’s ‘sugarplum’ thing had indeed ignited a lot of assumptions.
But I was at work, and I needed to put my personal life aside and concentrate on my job.
I tried to let the room disappear and focus solely on Abel, who was talking about our schedule of activities over the next week. Abel, who was leaning casually against the table and addressing the room with confidence and authority.
It was the first time I’d properly looked at him.
Every other time I’d been in his presence, I’d been too overwhelmed by the general discomfort of the situation and tried to keep visual engagement to a minimum.
But now I was forced to watch him – without him watching me – and I noticed a few details that had passed me by.
Like the fact that Abel was an extremely attractive man. I mean, almost offensively so.
I nearly snorted at the discovery. It was so …
so … typical. Retrieval doctor. Outdoorsy type.
Knock-out handsome. Oozing masculinity. Someone who undoubtedly rendered all surrounding females to dithering bimbos.
(Except for me, of course.) Tall to perfection – not lanky, but huge and intimidating.
Broad chested, in a way that you couldn’t help fantasising about testing just how unyielding his pecs were.
Ripped forearms that advertised someone who probably clung to deathly rock faces in his spare time. Narrow waisted. Stubbly jawed.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
There was something unfair about it, like all those well-meaning women who needed to get on with focusing on normal life wouldn’t stand a chance in his presence.
Not that I fitted into that category. I was sensible. An ice queen, largely devoid of human emotions. And after the latest Felix saga, I was never going to get involved with men again.
Except, obviously, for sex. I still believed in science. And I still believed in sex. So, Abel’s gigantic sex appeal was perhaps not entirely lacking purpose …
‘Mary, are you across that?’
‘Absolutely! Entirely. Gigantically.’ Gigantically? What the fuck was wrong with me?
A few sniggers bubbled around the room and I felt a blush threatening.
‘Excellent.’
I felt his teasing tone sear into me like a fire straight to my belly.
Oh, this was not good. My sleep-deprived brain was failing me.
I was seriously deranged. I’d not listened to a word he’d said past ‘Welcome to the Wilds’ or whatever.
Me, who’d never taken a sick day. Me, who’d passed every exam in med school with a high distinction.
My level of discipline when it came to work and medicine was second to nothing.
And here I was at work, not listening to the instructions and evaluating the sexual potential of my boss. Or colleague. Or whatever he was.
The room started emptying as all the people who had been listening appropriately followed whatever instructions had just been delivered.
Reluctantly, I approached Abel.
‘I’m sorry. I was a little distracted,’ I admitted. ‘Can you clarify what you need me to be doing?’
His lips hinted at a smile. ‘Not gigantically sure what your role is?’
‘No.’ I flushed. Again.
‘Shall I make it gigantically clear?’
‘This is not my best day, okay?’ I felt as if my whole face had turned into a tomato.
‘I know.’ He patted my shoulder condescendingly. ‘It’s a gigantically unfortunate situation.’
I shrugged his hand away. ‘Piss off.’
He chuckled to himself and I felt my indignation mount at how pleasing he looked when he did so. Where the hell was my brain?
I could feel eyes on me in my peripheral vision. ‘Felix is staring at us, isn’t he?’ I muttered.
Abel gave a satisfied nod. ‘Shall we hug?’
‘No,’ I said with emphasis. He was really not helping. Or was he?
‘Just laugh and look like you’re having an amazing time.’
‘I’m not.’ I tried to make my face serious, but I broke into a smile. Abel was clearly enjoying himself. I didn’t know what he was getting off on. Someone else’s misery, I supposed.
‘You show the kids how to do a thoracotomy, okay?’
‘Right.’ Thoracotomy. Management of pneumothorax. Medicine. I could do that.
I swivelled and walked towards the door, relieved to be leaving the room.
‘Uh, Mary,’ Abel called. I could hear the amusement in his voice. ‘We’re doing the workshop in here. The models are in the bags.’
I huffed and turned back around. I found my eyes locking briefly with Felix’s, who was walking towards the door. His displeasure was almost palpable.
‘Where have you sent him?’ I asked Abel after Felix had left.
‘You really weren’t listening at all, were you? He’s preparing the pigs’ trotters for tomorrow’s suturing. I’ve asked him to cut them all in half so there’s more to go round. Unfortunately, the knives we have here are rather … blunt. Should keep him occupied for a few hours.’
‘You’re a cruel person, aren’t you?’ It was genuinely concerning how easily this seemed to be coming to Abel. I’d never seen him smile as much as he had in the last half an hour.
‘What can I say?’ He shrugged. ‘Zero tolerance for arseholes. All your equipment should be in the bag. This will be a walk in the park for you, I’m sure. You start with half, I’ll do the intraosseus station with the other half, then we swap.’
The medical focus of the workshop was a godsend.
Medicine was the only space in which I felt in control these days and I relished going through the simplicity of the anatomy and the procedural technique.
It was like grabbing onto a life-ring after floundering in the waves.
I managed to forget about Felix for a few minutes, managed not to think about the horror of the cabin-share arrangement for the duration.
The participants were enthusiastic and engaged, and by the end of it, I felt as though maybe I’d found my rudder again.
When we’d finished, the room emptied and it was just Abel and me.
We packed up the simulation equipment in an almost companionable silence and I hoped our weird interactions were now behind us, but I could feel him watching me.
I looked up. He was holding a plastic baby mannequin and a confused expression.
‘Why did you say “vibrator” to me that day?’
I flushed immediately. ‘Huh?’ I carried on gathering forceps and hoped the conversation might move in a different direction.
‘That day when you walked in the door and slammed into my chest and you said, “Vibrator”.’
‘No, I didn’t.’
‘Yes, you did.’
‘No, I didn’t.’
He just stared at me wearily.
I sighed. ‘I was talking to my sister.’ As though this in any way explained that ridiculous moment.
‘Uh-huh.’ He was still holding the baby. He looked at it briefly, as though struck by the absurdity of the conversation and what was in his hands, and put it down.
We carried on packing in silence, though I no longer felt it was in any way ‘companionable’. It was downright fucking awkward. Again.
‘So, is that what sisters usually talk about?’
‘What?’ I was still pretending this wasn’t happening.
‘Vibrators.’
‘No.’
He nodded and put an intraosseus drill back in its silver container. The lid squeaked as it closed.
‘Why are you so interested anyway? Do you have some weird vibrator quirk?’
‘No.’ He sounded as appalled as I just had. And he was blushing now too. ‘Do you?’
‘No! I haven’t had the need. Though, if I did find myself in a position of requiring one, I also wouldn’t expect any judgement.’
‘And I wouldn’t judge.’
‘Good.’
‘Good.’
We stared at each other and before I knew what had come over me, I picked up a plastic chest drain and threw it at him. He caught it just before it reached his face (reflex speed of a goddamn cat) and we started laughing.
‘Could we never talk about vibrators again, please?’ I asked when we’d finally sobered.
‘I think that sounds like a wise idea.’ He was trying to keep his face serious.
I packed up the last of my equipment and checked the time. ‘What are we doing now?’ I really needed to get my head around this schedule. I had never felt less together.
‘Rock climbing.’
‘Fuck off.’
‘No need for obscenities, Mary.’
‘Sorry. But you’re kidding, right?’
‘Absolutely not.’
‘Is it optional? Can I go for a run instead?’
‘No. It’s in preparation for our high rope access rescues. We need to familiarise ourselves with the gear. You do too.’
I groaned. ‘This was the worst idea. I hate Cleo.’
‘You don’t like climbing?’
‘No. I don’t like climbing. I don’t like the outdoors. I don’t like freezing my arse off and pretending we can do medical shit outside of a hospital.’
‘Wow. Probably don’t go for a future in retrieval, then.’
‘Trust me, I have absolutely zero intention.’
I felt suddenly very weary, and apparently he noticed.
‘Why don’t you go take a moment? The cabin is yours – I’ve got the ropes and things to organise. We meet back here in fifteen.’
The idea of being on my own for a few minutes was incredibly appealing. ‘Are you sure? I’m doing a really awful job here. I’m usually reliable, hardworking—’
‘Mary.’ He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. Comforting. Incredibly odd. ‘I know you are. It’s no big deal.’
He turned my body and encouraged me to the door and I let myself be led.